he remembers rain.   the day he realized he liked her, he remembers it was raining.     it was october and there was a low pressure area somewhere in the north of the country, and it was just another day in school. only, he wasn't in school when it happened. they were both running through the rain, the clouds low and heavy. it was pouring and they were laughing and she was sticking out her tongue because she was ahead and he was behind and that shouldn't happened. no. he was the soccer player, and she was the girl who preferred to sit all day than to jog for five minutes.   he remembered being a little distraught about that science test, remembered how he spilled his coke all over the front of his uniform during lunch and how his mom would react once she saw the large stain donning his son's white polo shirt. not only that, but it was raining hard and he didn't even bring a sweater or a jacket with him. he started shivering from head to toe the second he stepped out of the main doors, feeling the cold all the way under his skin and to his bones.   it wasn't an overall good day, but then she suddenly came along.   she whined and begged for them to go home together, just run through the rainstorm without a single care. he doesn't remember what she said and what he said, but she must've been pretty forceful and persuasive that day because he surely remembers the running.   he clearly remembers the laughter.   he, without a doubt, remembers the way she shouted his name and how his insides melted like butter at the smile she aimed at him.    which was strange. but then he pondered about it late at night, in his bed, when he should have been doing his math assignment and practicing his speech for their english class tomorrow. but he couldn't. because numbers and letters and words didn't occupy his thoughts that night; she did.    and that was when he realized his heart started beating for a different reason.                at first, hanbin thought it was just a measly crush. nothing to be worried about.    she was a neighbor, then she was a friend, and now she was his crush. simple. easy. it was okay. right?    but, the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years and here they still are, and here she still is, smiling in front of him and telling him how great he was during his match and his stomach is still doing that silly acrobatic routine after all these years whenever he's at the receiving end of her smiles.   he feels the sweat trickle down the side of his head, he feels the grass underneath his shoes, he feels the breeze pass by, he feels the warmth of her smile - he feels everything and anything and it is great.    "thanks," he says. she hands him a towel and he wipes his sweaty head with it. his ears still ringing from the cheers of the crowd. he looks at her, seeing her face and that smile for himself. if it's real, if it's genuine. and he sees that it is. this makes his heart swell with pride and joy, even more so than winning this evening's match. "i'm happy to see you smile."   her smile falters a little, like she's guilty. like she's sorry for being happy at a time like this. but hanbin's said over and over and over again that she has nothing to be sorry about. it's been four months and she's still being so hard on herself. nobody blames her for what happened, he's reminded her this loads of times. it's been four months and nobody's forcing her to do anything, but the least she could do for everyone, including her deceased sister, is to start smiling again.    the world could use some of her positvity again.    "i -" she doesn't finish. instead, she smiles wider. at him, for him, because of him - whichever. he doesn't care as long as she's trying, as long as she's on the road to being okay.    because hanbin remembers that night as clear as crystal.    hayi's mom calling his mom and the agony of waiting for her to finally call him. hayi, hello. hayi, are you okay? oh god. of course you're not. hey. hayi. hey, listen to me. hear me. hayi. hayi. i'm here. hayi, i'm here, okay? i'll always be here.    and he remembers her tears, her arms slinked around his body in the middle of the waiting room and the hospital was buzzing and pulsing but time stopped when she voluntarily reached out to him, hugged him and spilled herself like a dam.    he remebers how fragile she was at that moment. how vulnerable she suddenly became. how prone to damage she could still be despite the tough image she made and the brick walls she built. she was so broken and so lost that his instincts kicked in and suddenly, for those few weeks of being by her side during the mourning, all he wanted to do was to protect her. for life.    hanbin, without much thought, reaches out for her and she gladly sinks against his arms, like that day in the hospital waiting room, as he wraps them around her. never mind that he's sweaty and fresh from a match, that he probably smells like mud and grass combined, he just wanted her to know that he was there.   he's still there, still here, and will always be.              hanbin remembers the last time he wore the blue, button down shirt he was currently wearing right now. he was applying the foamy hair mousse to tame his hair a little, for a slick and fresh look. and as he does so, he's thinking back to last year. to his own graduation.    there were flowers and garlands. lost of them. the back of his neck was showing signs of developing a rash from wearing them too long but he didn't quite care about that. he graduated and that was the most important thing that day, and his mom was gushing the whole day that she even let them nearly finish a case of beer. it was one of the best days of his life, with or without the underage drinking, and he wants today to be really special for her too.   the house phone rings and hanbin hurries down the stairs to answer it. he thinks it's his dad or mom coming to check up if he's left yet or not, and he finds that it's the latter. fussing, as usual.   "did you brush your teeth yet? wore deodorant? are you -"   "mom, i'm not nine. and i know how to groom myself." he says, a little exasperated at his mother's attitude. eighteen years of this and you think he'd be used to it by now. he looks out the window. it's really bright outside, and it looks hot. it must be nearing noon. "i'm going in ten minutes. yes, i saw the flowers. yes, i will give them to her. of course mom, who else would i give it to? yeah, sure. okay, i'll see you later. bye."    he hangs up and grabs the set of keys - house keys, keys to the store and keys to his motorcylce - from the rack and the bouquet of flowers (violets along with some baby's breathe; her favorites.) before he locks the door behind him.    when he takes his helmet off, he bites his bottom lip in worry as he looks at the bouquet resting on his lap. it's still presentable but it doesn't look as good anymore. he knew he should have asked his dad to borrow his car, but what's done is done and so hanbin clambers off the motorcycle and walks towards the auditorium of jinmyeong girl's high school, carrying a nearly sad looking bouquet of violets and baby's breathe.    but hayi loved it anyway.    "congratulations," he says before pulling her into a tight embrace. he squeezes her shoulders and closes her eyes for half a second because he's happy for her. truly happy.    when they pull apart, she's beaming. "thanks, hanbin. i -" she stops when someone covers both of her eyes with one bare hand. hanbin is laughing and hayi is trying to grab onto any part of the guy covering her eyes.   "jaewon, i know it's you!" she says, or more like, whines.     hanbin watches her peel jaewon's hand away from her face. she looks back and the smile is plastered on her features once more. she looks jubilant, like today is a day she is truly living through and not just existing in.    again, he feels happy for her.    "you came!" she exclaims at their long time friend. like hayi, jaewon is his neighbor but it transitioned into something more sooner than it did with hayi. hanbin fistbumps with jaewon, the three of them forming a small circle like the old times. first, there was just hanbin. then jaewon moved and there was the two of them. then hayi moved and then, there were three. and hanbin didn't need anybody else after meeting the pair.    "of course