I had been beating myself up mentally the last seventy two hours. It had been three whole days since I had last seen or heard from kihyun. The following morning I had sat on my couch eagerly waiting for the moment there would be a knock on the door, but it never came. I had even peeked out the peeping hole several times in case I would find him standing there, but still nothing.

I had found it very weird and unusual since he was always in my apartment come  morning. As much as I hated admitting it, I couldn’t wash away the pang of sadness that washed over me when I would wait for him to come to me but didn’t. What was even worse was the fact that I hadn’t even heard the sound of his door slamming shut or the sounds of girls leaving his place.

Annoyed at the way my mind kept running like a wheel without brakes, I try to focus my attention towards something more important, like the fact that I had accepted the contract and I would be moving in a matter of days, so I didn’t see the reason for me to get upset over something that had no meaning at all. Yet, I couldn’t shake my mind from wondering if he was okay, and if he really meant what he had said to me two nights ago, that he wouldn’t bother me anymore.

I had told myself several times that I would stay away from him, but I couldn’t help myself from missing him. I knew that no good could come of this. He had obviously backed away the moment he realized that I wasn’t easy like other girls, and that he didn’t have me in the palm of his hand, although he kind of did. It would be even more ridiculous to even think that he would be interested in me in that way since I knew he didn’t take relationships seriously.

Glaring back towards the boxes in front of me, a sudden feeling of frustration peeks its way over my shoulders, causing me to send an empty box flying towards the wall. In the three days I had to myself, I should have been rejoicing that my wish had come true about having kihyun leaving me alone, but the truth was I was bothered by it. The last three days had been spent the same way since the morning, I’d come sit on the couch and stare at the door and wait, when I knew that I should really be packing.

It was complete craziness to think of him this way and to let him bother me so much that I would get so worked up over it. I hated admitting it but I had started harbouring feelings for him. I guess a part of me was hoping that perhaps he felt the same, even though it was a ridiculous idea. I mean what would I do if he did feel the same way? It’s not like he would gladly accept me into his arms and we would live happily ever after, since I know he wouldn’t be willing to give up his current life style. Guys like him never changed, once a boy, always a boy. I knew his type all too well. So I knew that I was being stupid.

I’m startled away from my perturbing thoughts the moment my phone starts ringing. I look down at the screen, half expecting it to see Mr.Oh’s name but I’m taken aback when it turns out to be my mother's name instead. I hadn’t spoken to her since I had moved here a year ago. We didn’t have the best relationship, since we both had very strong personalities we often clashed. I also didn’t agree with most of her life choices. She had never been supportive of my dreams of becoming a webtoon artist. She would have preferred me to become a doctor by a long shot or become a surgeon to feed her hunger for plastic surgery. I close my eyes as I prepare myself to answer the call. Dragging the icon to answer I slowly bring the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked.

I hear the sound of people laughing in the background and then I hear her voice. The same voice that had told me several times that my dreams were just that, dreams.

“Honey? It’s me, your mother. Long time since I’ve heard your voice. How are you doing?” She spoke through the phone. Making her voice seem somewhat classier than her original voice. It didn’t take me long to realize that she was probably around her very stuck up and judgemental rich friends. This was one of the things I hated the most about her. She always hung around the wrong people. She lived to please others and that would consist of her trying to one up everyone even if she had to lie.

There had been countless times when she had lied to her friends about what I did for work, because she couldn’t dare face the shame of it. She had told people that I was a doctor, a lawyer, and had even gone as far as telling them that I had married a billionaire. That had turned out to be the final straw for me, since I couldn’t continue acting the part because I was a terrible liar. I couldn’t deal with all the lies and drama in her life. It was too tiring for me.

“I’m doing fine” I replied coldly.

I also knew she didn’t call me unless she needed something in return. So I let my already worried mind run through the possibilities of things she could be needing, but the only thing that came to mind was money.

“Oh that’s wonderful! You must be really busy with work, am I right?”

Rolling my eyes again I decided to cut to chase because I had no time to deal with small talk.

“Mom, what do you want?” I asked, bringing my fingers to the bridge of my nose. I was already feeling a migraine forming on my temples.

“What do you mean, what do I want? I just want to talk to my daughter!” She answered trying to sound offended. I knew she wasn’t, it was all an act in front of her friends.

“You never call unless you want something, so what is it? You need money?” I accused. When there’s silence on the other end.

“Yes”

I groan in frustration, wondering when she would click the pieces together in her mind that I wasn’t a billionaire. That as a webtoon artist I was struggling to make a living, I was struggling as it was just to make it day by day. Maybe things would have been different if I had married a rich man like she had begged me so many times to do.

I had always aimed to live an independent life, even if I struggled I always had told myself that I would work for it myself. I always took pride in the way things turned out when I didn’t ask others for help. My dad had been the exact same way before my parents had separated and he decided to relocate overseas.

I didn’t pin any blame on my dad for leaving my mom. She was hard to handle and I knew he had done the best he could to put up with her. I could only handle her in small amounts at a time, so I admired him even more for lasting so many years.

“How much?”

I watch the way the wind slaps against my kitchen window. It had been really stormy since earlier. The wind had picked up quite a lot, and the way it howled as it trapped itself against the wall of the kitchen window, scared me. It sounded inhuman, like some sort of hell hound howling or something ridiculous like that. My eyes focus back towards the way the lights start flickering off and on in my apartment. Causing me to freeze, I find myself  praying to whatever higher power is out there listening to please not let there be a blackout. If there was anything I hated more than having my mom ask for things, it was being left in the dark in the middle of a storm.

“A thousand should cover it for this week”

I push myself off the couch the moment I hear the words come out of . Was she in her right mind?! Where the hell was I going to get a thousand dollars from? That was almost the amount I paid for rent on a monthly basis.

The lights flicker violently one last time before they completely go out. Leaving me in complete darkness. I feel my heart jack hammering its way through my chest. This was just my luck, on one end I had my mother begging me for things I couldn’t give her, and on the other I had a bigger problem, I couldn’t see anything in front of me.

Feeling my way around I try to guide myself towards the kitchen and trying to find the drawer where I kept things for emergencies.

“What?! Are you crazy? Where am I going to get a thousand dollars from, mom?” I asked as I reached the drawer, rummaging through the dark my hands are prickled by several sharp items, like scissors and an exacto knife before I finally find what I’m looking for. A Flashlight.

“But I’m kind of needing it. It’s an emergency” she begged, causing me to groan even louder.

Then I hear it. The knock I thought would never come again, sounds its way into my quiet apartment.. I freeze in place, mostly because at this point I think I’m imagining it. I swallow nervously trying to convince myself that it’s not him, playing possible what if scenarios in my head, like what if it’s a serial killer? I’d seen countless of movies where this scenario happened way too many times.

“Mina, it’s me kihyun” the voice comes from behind the door. I feel my heart begin to accelerate the moment I hear his voice. I’m trying to ignore the way my stomach flutters at the way my name comes rolling off his tongue.

“Mina?” My mom called  my name, causing me to realize that I was still on the phone with her.

“Can’t talk right now, I’ll call you back” I shoot at her before hanging her call.

I stare at the door as a second knock finds its way against the mere piece of wood that is separating us. He had finally come after three whole freaking days.

“Are you home?” He asked.

I force myself to move since my legs won’t give way, slowly reaching for the door handle I make sure to quickly comb my fingers through my hair but realizing i’m being too much when I remember there is a blackout.

I find him standing in the hallway, although I can’t really make out much of his features, I can only guess he looks good, like always.

“Hey” I replied, swallowing the nerves that are making my voice come out shaky.

We stand in silence for a minute before he finally speaks up.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he cocked his head to the side.

“Yes. I’m fine” I lied, I was feeling a little angry towards him since he had been bothering my thoughts for the last seventy two hours. He had no business being in my head and I wanted to let him know that but I restrain myself.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a spare flashlight, would you?”he asked.

Then it hit me, he wasn’t here to see me. He was here because he needed something from me, like always. I try to hide away the disappointed feeling brewing in my stomach. I shouldn’t be allowing myself to get my hopes high when it came to him.

“Sure, come on in” I said as he found his way into my apartment through the darkness.

The sound of his footsteps echoed behind me as he trailed not far behind. I felt the way the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, the way electricity swam through my blood as I try to calm myself down. I wanted to hug him, I was feeling all sorts of urges to just jump on him and hug him but I stop myself because it would be unappropriate.

“Quite the storm we are having, wasn’t expecting it to knock off all the lights” He joked, his voice slowly giving a hint of nervousness. “Guess I should be more prepared for these situations”

I bit my tongue as I feel the words wanting to come out, I wanted to tell him that I was happy he wasn’t prepared, that I was happy that I could somehow be something of importance to him, even though it wasn’t in the way I wanted to be to him.

“Wait here” I instructed him as I leave him in the living room.  I make my way to the kitchen once again, hoping that I do have a spare one.  “I know I’ve got the old one somewhere around here”

Kihyun shifts causing the floorboards to creak underneath his weight.

“No worries, take your time” He answered.

I focus my attention back to in front of me. The truth was that I was sure I no longer had the old flashlight, I just wanted kihyun to stay. I wanted him near me, and I hated myself even more for admitting it. But I was technically buying time. I had missed him the last few days and having him come over, even though it was out of him needing something from me yet again, the thought alone made me feel giddy.

I had wondered why he had decided to leave me alone, why he hadn’t bothered to come by the last couple of days. Even though I had said that I wanted him to leave me alone, it felt weird. I was really worried because I hadn’t heard anything from him. He hadn’t come barging into my apartment early in the morning half dressed, or found ways to get under my skin. I was sure he hadn’t even left his apartment the last couple of days which meant that if he hadn’t come knocking on my door early in the morning, then it meant that he hadn’t had night guests over.

I bit my cheek to stop the smile that wants to form. Could he possibly feel the same way about me as I did about him? No, I was crazy. This kid didn’t have those types of feelings but I couldn’t help but feel annoyed that he hadn’t come to me. I was so used to him needing me that I felt like a complete useless mess when he hadn’t come to me. I push myself away from the drawer only to bump into his chest.

The musky and earthy scent radiating from him causes me to cling to him. He feels welcoming, homey and like the only thing in the world that can take my worries away. I feel the way my stomach starts to flip around uncontrollably as I realize that his hands are gripping onto my shoulders, almost afraid to look up to find him staring at me, I close my eyes. I hated him for doing this to me, I hated him and the way he made me feel towards him.

“Kihyun” I whispered his name.

He let out a soft ‘hmm?’ sound escape his lips. Causing me to freeze the moment he runs his hand through my long locks, I almost hate myself for the words that are escaping me.

“Where the hell were you the last three days?” I asked.

“Why? Did it bother you that I didn’t come around?” He teased bringing his body closer to mine.

I feel my breath catch its way in my chest. My heart now beating super fast I feel the way it beats like a drum inside my ears.  Did it bother me? Of course it did. I didn’t want to admit it but it did. It bothered me so much because it made me realize how dependent I had become on him.  

“No” I replied. I instantly regretted asking the question because now I came off like all the other girls he was used to. I was now sounding needy. He was under no obligation to tell me what he had done or where he was. Why should I even care? It wasn’t like we were together.

I hear him chuckle before he pushes himself away. Nodding his head in disappointment, I swallow nervously as I realized what I had done.

“You’re acting like a jealous girlfriend”

“I’m not jealous” I answered bitterly, mostly because I felt attacked. It was true, I had been jealous. I had spent the last couple of nights up until ridiculous hours of the morning, imagining him being with some girl. I thought that maybe he had found someone worth keeping around and even though i didn’t want to say it out loud to myself I had felt my heart break at the thought of it .

Wanting to hide from the situation, I bring my hands to my face. I knew he couldn’t see me but I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed for thinking these things about him. I feel the way he walks towards me, his scent becoming more prominent once again and then his hand reaches for mine. Sending little shock waves through my arms at the way his skin feels warm against mine.

I fight to get a good look at him through the hand that is busy covering my face but my heart stops the moment the room suddenly becomes illuminated once again. Now exposing myself to him, he notices me covering my face. He laughs as he notices how flustered he’s got me.  He lets go of my hand, my skin becoming cold once again as my once occupied hand now sits vacant from his touch.

His face wanders around the apartment. His eyes adjusting to the sudden brightens, I watch as his shoulders tense before he turns his eyes back towards me.

“Mina, are you going somewhere?” He asked, a sudden distressed look possessing his handsome features.

I look around the apartment to quickly catch on what he meant. The empty boxes were lying scattered around the apartment. I swallow nervously at the lump that formed in my throat, realizing that I hadn’t told him that I was moving.