In the year or so that I had known Kihyun, or at least what I thought I knew of him, having him poking his nose into personal things seemed strange to me. Kihyun wasn’t the type of person to want to get to know someone on a personal level, or at least not in that sort of “personal” level anyway. So, when he had hit me with the question about me moving away, it had come as a shock. I admit that it had startled me a little because I couldn't fight off the feeling of sadness that had reminded me that the next couple of days would be the last of him I would see.

“Mina” He whispered my name, catching my attention once again.

My eyes met his dancing brown ones. He studied my face as if he was looking for some sort of expression or perhaps the very answer to the question he had asked.

I don’t know why I struggled to find the strength or courage to tell him the truth. I had been so happy when I found out that this contract would be taking me far away from him but lately things had changed, I had changed. These uninvited feelings had come out of nowhere and hit me like a hurricane without warning and now, I was paying for it all. One look at his sullen face and I felt my heart breaking, he looked upset.

I thought about lying, but I knew it was a silly thought when the obvious answer was staring at us right in the face. Boxes, and several dozens of them stared at us as they temporarily took residence in my apartment.  Finally, managing the courage to speak up, I torture myself by looking into his eyes.

“Kihyun...” I began, not knowing how I would break the news to him gently.

His eyebrow rose in curiosity. I paused as I let my thoughts go down the right tracks, I needed to gather my thoughts and word it properly. Even though I wanted to delay my response as much as possible, I knew that I had waited long enough and it was better to get it out in the open. I shouldn’t let a guy make me feel bad about my decision. Afterall, it was my life.

“Yes” I answered.

He let his arms drop to his sides as a small chuckle escaped his lips.

“Wow, I guess there was no point in asking if I already knew the answer, huh?”  He joked.

I let a nervous smile play out on my lips. The atmosphere had changed, there was now tension between us and most of all, I felt an uncomfortable feeling in my chest. It felt like I had said the wrong words and it made no sense to me.

“I’m sorry” I managed.

“It’s no bother” He replied, looking down at his phone. “I should get going. I forgot I had somewhere to be”

He shuffled his way towards the door but every movement from his body seemed sluggish and forced. He was upset, it was obvious but Kihyun wasn’t the type of guy to admit it.

“Kihyun, wait!” I called out after him but it was too late. The front door closed behind him, leaving me to a guilty conscience.

_____________________________

I hated him. It was evident and I felt it in every fibre of my being. I hated the way he made me feel, I hated the way he affected my decisions. I hated the fact that he left me feeling guilty over something that had been my dream for as long as I could remember. This wasn’t healthy, he wasn’t healthy for me. I kept reminding myself of that, but it was silly because as far as I knew, Kihyun and I were not an item, not even friends. Starting from today we were just strangers.

I sigh as I set the duct tape on the side table. After spending all my morning packing up my things, like I should have been doing  last week. I was finally done. I stare back at the now lonely, and unwelcoming apartment that had been my home for the last year.

Feeling nostalgic, I think back to the day I had first moved in. How I had struggled to get up the stairs with a ton of boxes with no help. The day I had met Kihyun, the boy from next door and the way he had rushed me into my apartment, instead of helping me with the heavy boxes and closing the door behind us. The way he was begging me to be quiet and the confused look that had been on my face as  i tried to figure out what was going on. Little did I know that he would become the biggest pain in the neck, and also the main reason as to why I had been beating myself up mentally and emotionally over the way he had made me feel towards him.

If I could turn back time, as cliche as it sounded, I would have moved somewhere else, to stop myself from being in this situation. I would have avoided Yoo Kihyun at all costs, because nothing was worse than having feelings for someone who could never take me seriously.

After the way our last conversation had ended, he had gone back to ignoring me. Which was expected, it was the only thing Kihyun was good at. Avoiding women was his forte. I took it as a sign that he didn’t care about me in the way I had thought he did, which was a ridiculous thing to even think.

Focusing my mind back onto my cold and lonely apartment, I smile to myself. Convincing myself that this was what I wanted, what I had worked so hard for. I’d be gone tomorrow morning and I wouldn’t have to deal with the mind games Kihyun had me unwillingly participating in. It was all for the best, right? It had to be. Being near him was dangerous because my feelings for him just kept on growing. I figured that if I was far from him then, they would diminish. They had to.

With night time now nearing and my mind on a never ending whirl of conflict, I find myself stepping out onto my balcony. Although the night was chilly, the cool breeze felt nice against my skin. It felt refreshing and with each breath of fresh air I took, I was reminded as to why I needed to move. No one could hold me back from such an amazing opportunity. It didn’t matter what people said because at the end of the day no one else was going to live my life for me.

“You’re doing the right thing, Mina” I whispered to myself .

Startled and almost falling over the railing of my balcony when the sound of a second reply comes out of nowhere.

“Mina?” Kihyun asked as he leaned over his balcony.

Shooting up in a hurry, I grab a hold of the railing to stop myself from toppling over. He stood shirtless on his balcony, not that it was a rare sight. I was used to seeing him shirtless, but considering the fact that it was freezing cold outside, I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t wearing a tshirt, at least.

“Fancy seeing you here” He said casually with a smile.

I wished I could say the same but i’m too surprised that after avoiding me for a whole day, he’s acting like he never avoided me in the first place.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he cocked his head to the side.

“I’m fine” I replied coldly. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with another mind game, I wasn’t in the mood to battle with my own thoughts later on at night. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him.

“Woah, you seem a little annoyed”

I was. I was annoyed with the way he had been treating me. They way he had me reacting towards him.

“I’m not” I answered.

He took a deep breath as he focused his view towards the skyline ahead of us. The sky now painted beautiful shades of purples and oranges as the sun was beginning to set. The way the light from the sun bounced off the large puddles of water from the rain the previous night before, made a pang of sadness find its way into my chest. This was going to be the last time I watched the sunset from this balcony.

“You know” He began. “I only ever really come out here when my mind is troubled”

He eyed me from his side view to make sure I was listening.

“I mean, my mind has been troubled before but not to this extent. This time it’s different because it’s not only my mind that’s troubled but also my heart”

I turn to face him, not understanding where he was going with this. Crossing my arms in an annoyed manner, I wait impatiently for him to continue but he doesn’t.

“What’s your point?” I interjected.

He chuckled softly.

“My point?” He asked as he turned to face me once again. “My point is that since I’m too much of a coward, I may be letting something good walk away from me. And what I’m afraid of is that I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it”

I stare at him confused. I didn’t understand what he was trying to get at. Was this supposed to be some sort of riddle that was going to keep me up at night? Because as far as trying to understand Kihyun, I was done.

“I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about. But if this is your attempt at playing with my mind, then i’m not in much of a mood for that”

A cocky smile now resting on his lips, he raises an eyebrow.

“You’ve been thinking about me?” He asked teasingly.

Flustered, I feel my face shoot to hot and I get embarrassed. Had I just accidently admitted that I thought about him?

“What?!”I spat out, a nervous laugh escaping me. “No!”

He laughed, sending a teasingly cheeky stare my way that caused my heart to stop for just a split second. I hated the way my body reacted to him. I hated every single bit about it.

“Hold on, I’m coming over” He said as he backed up a few inches.

I stared at him confused.

“Coming over?”

“Yes, now move aside a little” He said as he bit his lower lip and concentrated on me.

Then it hit me. No, absolutely no way. He was out of his mind. There was absolutely no way I was letting him do this.

“Kihyun! Are you crazy?!” I shouted as I watched him make a sprint towards my balcony. Too late.

His body flexed as his arms grabbed a hold of the thin railing and he pushed himself over the several feet that separated his balcony from mine. I screamed, not being able to see the end of this. He was going to fall to his death. He was completely insane for thinking of this.

A strong swish of air surrounds me and then the sound of something’s weight hits the concrete.

I go shuffling a few inches before something firm comes crashing towards my face and I feel the sensation of arms wrapping around my small frame. Scared to look, I slowly peek out through my fingers to find Kihyun standing in front of me, laughing his head off.

“I told you I was coming over” He boasted.

“You!” I shouted as I pointed a finger into his chest. “Why can’t you just be like normal people and use the door!?”

He chuckled as he pulled me into his chest for a tight hug. A gesture I wasn’t familiar with when it came to Kihyun.

“Were you worried?” He asked as he let go.

I found myself missing the warmth of his body the moment he let go of me, wishing that he would have held me for a second longer.

“No, I wasn’t worried” I lied. “I could careless if you fell to your death”

A sweet smile appeared on his thin lips, revealing the sweet eye dimples that gave his smile character.

“Liar” He whispered as he brought a hand towards my hair. “You would so care”

He gently let strands of hair run through his fingers like if they were water. The closeness of his touch sent my heart racing. He was right, I would so care if something happened to him. I would so care if he was hurt. I would so care if I never saw him again.

I let my stare melt into his. He was strangely handsome, his chiseled features drew me to him. It was crazy to think that it was just now that I was noticing these things about him. In a deep trance I reply to him without even thinking or acknowledging the words leaving my mouth.

“I would”

Kihyun brought his hand towards my face, gently caressing the side of it with his thumb. His eyes never leaving mine, a small twitch broke into a smile. I would be lying if I said that my heart wasn’t orchestrating a marathon inside my chest. My body welcoming his every caress with waves of electricity. We stood in silence as we studied one another, and then I noticed the way his eyes looked down at my lips. His jaw tensing as he smiled yet again.

“You might hate me for this” He whispered at the same moment my body came crashing into his with a single swift move.  

My hand now resting on his bare chest, I find myself blushing. This was the first time I was this close to a barely dressed Kihyun. The warmth from his bare chest felt welcoming.

“Why would I ha-” I tried to speak but my speech was cut short when a pair of lips came crashing onto mine.

Surprised at what is happening, I stand still. Eyes wide open, I take in Kihyun little by little. Noticing how his kiss deepens I slowly feel myself melt into his kiss. Sure Kihyun had kissed me many times before but they weren’t like this. This was the first actual kiss he gave me that held any meaning to me. I wanted him and apparently, he wanted me too.

Slowly closing my eyes, I allow my lips to follow the rhythm of his. Wondering what it was that made this boy come to this point. Was there a woman in his apartment? No, there couldn’t be. I hadn’t heard anyone come or leave. What was I doing? Why was I thinking about ridiculous things? What mattered was that Kihyun was here with me now and that he was kissing me. He was actually kissing me because he wanted to.

“Please don’t go” He whispered through the small breaks he allowed us to get through our kissing. “Please don’t leave me”

Pulling away from him, I grab his hand. The realization I didn’t want to think about hit me like a brick wall. There was no turning back from this, I had already made my mind up.

“Kihyun” I began, finding it hard to swallow the lump in my throat. “I have to go, I can’t back out now”

His eyes begged me otherwise.

“If you go that will be the end of me. I don’t know what to do with these feelings” He confessed.

I stood with my mouth wide open. I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Kihyun the boy from next door had just confessed his feelings for me. No, I couldn’t deal with this now. Not when I had everything planned out. I wasn’t supposed to see him tonight, none of this was supposed to happen. I couldn’t handle another wave of doubt to come my way when I had convinced myself that it was everything I wanted.

Seconds turned to minutes as I stood there battling my own thoughts in front of him. His face hardened as he waited for me to say something but I couldn’t find the words. Mostly because it didn't feel real. It had to be some sort of a dream because Kihyun would never confess his feeling to someone. I was sure of it.

“Mina?” He asked as he ran his hand along the back of neck. “Isn’t this the part where you say something?”

“Yes, sorry” I answered, my eyes looking back at his. “It’s just too late to change anything. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and I don’t think I cou-”

He smiles as he brings a finger to my lips to shut me up from my rambling.

“Don’t worry, I understand” He sighs “Can I ask one thing of you instead?”

With my heart now finding its way into overdrive once again, I feel panicked at what his sudden request could be.

“What is it?” I asked nervously.

“Spend tonight with me” He begged.

____________________________________

It was one thing to have the guy you like confess his feelings to you, but it was another thing to have him beg you to not leave. As much as I wanted to stay, I knew that I couldn’t. I needed to get ahead with my career, it had been a dream of mine since I was little to become a webtoon artist and after trial and error I finally had things going my way. I couldn’t walk away from it all, it would be too risky.

If you had asked me the first day I moved in, if Kihyun and I would ever be like this, I would have to say that I would have to be out of my damn mind because it would never happen. But being like this with him now, it all made sense. The reason as to why things happened for a reason. The reason why I couldn’t afford any other apartment in the area except this one at that time. It was all because it had served me as an experience.

The sunlight meets my eyes as I struggle to keep them close, but the blinding light is too much to handle, I find myself slowly opening them up. My semi empty room stares back at me, and I realize that i’m lying further towards the edge than I normally do. Slowly turning around my heart stops the moment I see a half dressed man lying next to me.

It takes me a few minutes to register what happened, and why Kihyun the boy from next door was laying in my bed. We had come inside my apartment after meeting out in the balcony and talked until god knows what time before passing out. Still, I can’t help but feel a little surprised that he actually stayed here.

He lays there with his pale skin glowing under the sunlight, his long lashes shielding his eyes from the light. Laying still without moving, I admire him for being able to sleep through all that light. He was beautiful even when he was sleeping. In complete awe, I find it hard to look away from him. Prompting my head under my hand, I lay there admiring him for the last time.

There wasn’t a single doubt in mind that I liked him, and after battling for so long to get rid of these feelings for him, I knew that they wouldn’t just go away like I wanted them to. We had talked about things and the options we had. We had settled on the fact that we would take turns on visiting each other because that was the only possible way around it all, after all the begging he had done last night for me to not leave him.

“Staring at me are you?” He asked with his eyes still closed.

Catching me off guard, I jump in fear. I hadn’t expected him to notice me looking at him since he was supposedly sleeping.

“No!”

His thin lips break out into a cute smile as he exhales.

“Liar” He whispered.

He pulls his hand from under the covers and slowly searches for something on the bed. My eyes curiously watching as his hand pats down every surface of the bedsheet before him before his hand meets mine. Wrapping his fingers through mine he rests his hand over mine. The touch of his skin feels electrifying and causes my stomach to stumble around.

“Come here” He whispered again, but I don’t budge.

I’m too stunned at what is happening. Even though we had talked about this last night, I still couldn’t wrap my head around this actually happening. But it was. Taking a minute too long to reply he groans frustratedly as he pulls me towards him, sending me flying between the small space that separates us and onto his chest.

Crashing into him, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me as close as to him as possible. The warmth radiating from him sends tickles through my body as he begins to draw circles on my back with his thumb.

“You’re too slow” He teased.

He slowly opens his eyes as a smile accompanies his action. His brown eyes look lighter than normal as the light from the sun reflects off them, making them look almost honey-like. Feeling my cheeks getting hot, I find myself blushing in front of him. The way he stared at me made me feel special. Like I actually meant something to him.

“I am not!” I defended.

Kihyun stops drawing circles on my back, as he slowly moves his hands upwards and towards my hair, causing my body to freeze as he does this. He brushes my hair behind my ears, taking away the only curtain I have to shield my embarrassed face from him. Exposing me, I find it hard to stare at this beautiful man before me.

“You’re so beautiful” He said, bringing his lips towards mine.

Our lips lock, and the warmth of his hands now dance along my jawline as his kiss becomes more passionate and more hungry. I melt into him, allowing my body for once to relax in his embrace. His kiss reassures me that he wants me, that I don’t need to be nervous around him and that he’s actually here with me.

He’s here with me. The thought hits me  like a rock.

It’s morning and he’s still here with me, he hasn’t left and avoided me like he does with the other girls. Pulling away from him, I look at down at him. His face becoming worried.

“What's wrong?” He asked concerned.

“Kihyun, you’re still here” I whispered, afraid that if i said it out loud it might not be true.

He an eyebrow, not following with what I’m trying to say.

“What do you mean?”  

I sit up, trying to fight the butterflies i’m feeling in my stomach.  He hesitates before he mimics action and his face becomes tensed with worry.

“It’s morning and you’re still in my apartment. We spent the night together and you’re still here” I say it out, not understanding what this whole scenario means.

He laughs as he reaches for me, taking me in his arms, he hugs me tighter than ever. Kissing my cheek, I feel the way his arms hold me and claim me as his.

“Why would I need to avoid you?” He asked, letting the question fill the room.

I don’t answer though, because i’m afraid to list the reasons as to why he might avoid me. Instead, he searches for my face, locking his gaze with me one more time before he answers me.

“You’re not a mistake, Mina”