SaMo

It’s been exactly 7 days since Momo saw and talked to Sana. The younger had met with her ex the morning after telling Momo about Mark’s request. Momo was worrying the whole day, thinking about whether her best friend was okay and thinking about how their conversation would go. She tried her best not to think about Sana leaving her for Mark but even when she was busy, the thoughts of it kept creeping back in her mind and it would make her anxious. Finally, the older girl had the courage to at least text Sana how she was doing, like any best friend would do. That evening, Momo had called her best friend twice and had texted her multiple times asking if she was okay. Sadly, Sana never picked up. Momo hoped that her best friend would surprise her by picking her up from the restaurant after work or seeing Sana at her apartment ready to sleep. But, again, she was only met with disappointment.

2 days turned to 3 days turned to 1 week and still there was no word from Sana. At this point, Momo was past her sad stage. Now, she was more on angry at her best friend for bailing on her. She didn’t understand why Sana suddenly didn’t talk to her. If she needed space, Momo would have understood. She could’ve just called and said so or even just a simple and short text would do. But there was nothing. Momo tried to look at this at another perspective but she still couldn’t understand what was going on.

“Maybe she got back together with him again and decided to leave me like I’m some toy that she used, and now that she’s done playing with me, she decides to throw me away.” Momo says.

“Come on, Mo-chan. You know that Sana wouldn’t use you like that. She wouldn’t just throw you away. You’ve been best friends since high school. I’m sure she has a good reason.” Chaeyoung says.

“Then what could that reason be?!  I tried looking at it from all the angles but I still don’t get her!”

Chaeyoung looks at Momo with wide eyes, surprised that the older girl had shouted at her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I’m just so frustrated. She makes me so angry that I want to break everything in here. I love her so damn much and I hate it. I really really hate it. I wish I could just erase these feelings you know? At least then maybe it wouldn’t hurt this much.”

Chaeyoung sighs and pats the back of her friend.

“Well, let’s go then. You’re unhappy and I know that it wouldn’t help but at least for tonight let’s make you forget about her.”

Momo looked at Chaeyoung and nods knowingly. They had done this too many times that it had become somewhat of a routine.

“Bar?” the older asks.

“Bar.”

Momo didn’t really drink that much even when she and Chaeyoung would go to the bar a lot. It was usually the younger girl drinking her off because of whatever love problems she was having, but tonight, Momo wanted to let herself be free. She knew that Chaeyoung would take care of her. After all, she was the only other friend Momo relied on aside from Sana.  They had met in college and clicked right away. Chaeyoung was the only girl Momo didn’t hit on, and the younger had felt the same about her. It felt cringey for them to even think about being together. They were really just sisters. It was never anything more than that.

The night had just begun, but Momo had already drank 5 bottles of beer. Her mind was hazy and her lips had started to become numb. She was used to drinking that much but never at this fast a pace. Tonight though, she had downed those beers right away not caring that it was Wednesday and she had work tomorrow. Momo’s body felt lighter and her vision was blurry. She felt bold tonight and decided to grab on to the next pair of lips she could find and claimed them with hers. Fortunately, the girl she grabbed was more wasted than she was and more than willing to kiss her back. But as soon as things become a little too heated, Chaeyoung decides to break them apart.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough. Come on. We’re leaving.” Chaeyoung pulls Momo apart from the random girl and drags her outside as the older whines. They walk to the nearby bench by the street and sit down for a while until Momo sobers up.

The amount of alcohol has now decreased from Momo’s body and she was starting to come back to her senses. Her head was pounding but at least for a while, she was able to feel better.

“Thanks for taking me out, Chaengie. And thanks for stopping me with that girl. I didn’t want to face another walk of shame in the morning.”

Chaeyoung chuckles at her friend and ruffles her hair. Momo frowns feeling dizzier than before and removes Chaeyoung's hand from her head. 

“No biggie. It was fun watching you until it got gross. “ Chaeyoung says as she laughs.

Both girls stayed at the bench until 1am before they decided to walk to Momo’s apartment.

“Chaeng, what do I do? I’m so angry at her but I still don’t know what to do. Should I wait or should I just give up?”

Chaeyoung visibly sighs.

“I think that you should move on. You’ve tortured yourself enough. I think it’s time to get serious and accept that maybe you and Sana are just not meant to be. Maybe it’s time to think about yourself for a change?" Chaeyoung sighs and continues. "But that’s just my opinion. I don’t know how it feels to fall in love with your high school best friend.”

Momo’s heart stings. She doesn’t know what to do. Although Chaeyoung might be right, she still loved Sana and a part of her still wants to be with the latter. But, she was hurting too much. She couldn’t sleep, it was hard to eat, and she couldn’t stay at her place since it smelled like her best friend. Sana had left too big of a mark at her and she was having a hard time to just let it go.

“I know this is a weird request but could stay at my place for a few days and sleep on my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch and let you be comfortable in my room. I just can’t stand being there right now and I don’t want to be alone.”

Chaeyoung looks at her friend and sees Momo’s deflated body, like she was carrying the heaviest burden on earth. She felt absolutely sad for her friend and wanted to take care of her for a little while. Until she could at least make sure the girl was eating again. Momo had gotten too thin the past days.

“Of course. I totally get it.”

Chaeyoung smiles at Momo and the latter responds with a weak smile. The younger then puts her arm around Momo’s shoulder.

“Alright, alright. Stop sulking. It’s getting too cold outside. Let’s talk about this tomorrow okay?”

Momo laughs and nods as they walk back to her apartment in a faster pace. 

____________________

It’s been 5 days since Chaeyoung started staying with Momo, and there had been progress. It wasn’t much yet and sadness was still very visible in the older girl's eyes, but she had her appetite back and that was worth something. Fortunately, Chaeyoung’s words the other night had gone through to Momo and she was now determined to move on from Sana. Or at least she’s trying her best to. She had decided to drown herself with work at the restaurant and focus all her energy on that. Both girls would meet up after work every night and go straight to the bar before going back to Momo’s apartment.

Tonight wasn’t any different. Momo was now at the dance floor, with one hand nursing a bottle of beer and the other just swaying around. She let herself get lost in the music. Her head was spinning a little and her body was feeling a hot. And although her eyes were a little droopy, she could still see clearly. Momo was reaching the “perfect buzz”. She made sure every night that she drank just enough to feel this without getting totally wasted. She had convinced herself that this is what she needed. At least for now, this is how she wanted to feel at night instead of wallowing in self-pity and getting into her state of depression and longing for Sana.

Chaeyoung merely watched from the sidelines as her friend let herself be carefree. She knew that Momo needed this, and that this is her first stage in coping. And just before it turned 11pm, Momo had gone back to her place at their table beside her friend to take a little break. She was breathing heavy and her heart was pounding fast.

“Mo-chan, you okay?”

Momo pants a little and wipes the sweat off her forehead.

“Yeah, just a little tired from dancing.”

“Okay, want to take a breather outside?”

Momo nods yes and Chaeyoung stands up and walks towards the exit of the bar with Momo trailing behind her. They walk towards their usual bench by the street where the older girl sobers up every night before they walk to the apartment. Momo takes a deep breath and plops herself down on the bench, while Chaeyoung just stands in front of her, pacing a bit.

“Just give me a minute then we can go home.” Momo says as she fans herself

Chaeyoung takes this time to observe her friend. Since the first night that they had gone out drinking, Momo has never talked about Sana again. She anticipated that they would talk about it nonstop like what happened multiple times before, but recently the older girl had been quiet. Plus, she was doing all of this by herself. She was picking herself up and she was doing well. It’s like Chaeyoung wasn’t even needed around. It was good that Momo had been doing better, but her reaction was kind of unusual.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

Momo looks up at Chaeyoung with an eyebrow raised and curious eyes.

“Mm.” Momo answers with a nod.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, okay? I think so far you’ve been doing great and I’m really happy for you. But, honestly, are you okay? You haven’t been talking about Sana recently and you haven’t been sulking like your usual. That’s really great and all, but I’m getting a little concerned about how you’re reacting. This is kind of a new to me. I haven’t seen you act so calm before whenever you’re depressed.”

Momo sighs and Chaeyoung takes the seat beside her.

“Oh.....Well, no. I’m not okay. But I am tired though. I’m tired of pining over her, I’m tired of always thinking about her, I’m tired of getting depressed because of her. I guess I’m just fed up. I don’t want to feel sad anymore, Chaengie. I don’t want to get into that black hole anymore. I can honestly say that I am most definitely not okay. Sana was my best friend and I loved her. But, I’ve just had it. I don’t want to feel so ing sad and pathetic all the time anymore. I don’t want someone who can’t love me back, and leaves me all the damn time. I’m just so tired of it. So yeah, I guess I’ve just finally decided to focus all my attention in something else instead like the restaurant. No more random women or getting wasted to get over her. I want to move on and do it right. I need to do this for me.”

“Right…..Uh. That’s good then. At least you’re doing better.” Chaeyoung says as she smiles and gives Momo an encouraging nudge by the elbows. The younger girl couldn’t think of the right words or actions to respond to her friend. She was proud that Momo had gone this far, and for now, this is all she could do to support her, and they both knew that it was enough.

_______

They stay at the bench for a while in comfortable silence, listening to the sound of Seoul at night. It was now almost midnight and Momo was already sobered up and ready to leave.

“Chaengie.” Momo says as she turns her head to look at her friend who’s busy star gazing, lying down on the bench with her head on her folded jacket and her feet resting on the older girl’s lap.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for staying with me. I don’t think I would’ve gone through the days without you. I know it may have seemed that I didn’t need you, but you staying beside me really helped me a lot.”

Chaeyoung smiles a little, her eyes still enjoying the night sky.

“You’re so cheesy.” Chaeyoung chuckles before continuing. “It’s really no problem. What are sisters for right?”

“Right.” Momo nods and returns her gaze to the stars too.

“So, you don’t love her anymore? I mean that’s what you said earlier.”

“More like, I don’t want to love her anymore. She’s just –I don’t know. Where do I even begin? She was everything, you know? How can someone do something so little and yet make me feel so much? I really hate that I love her………” Momo takes a deep breath and shouts at the wind “I don’t want to love you anymore, Minatozaki Sana!”

Chaeyoung suddenly gets up from her position and puts her hand on Momo’s mouth to stop her from shouting.