Christmas Dream


I waited outside as you were inside the office with manager oppa and the PD of this special Christmas broadcast program.  We just had our rehearsal.  But immediately afterwards, you were called into the office.  You’ve been in there for at least half an hour now.

The door opened and you and manager oppa came out.  You didn’t look too happy.  In fact, you looked annoyed.

I hurriedly rushed over to you to ask you what’s wrong.  “Tae-tae… are you alright?  What happened?”

You didn’t respond.  But manager oppa did.  “She’s pissed off.  The PD said the time for the broadcast is limited so two or three of the performances might have to be cut out.”

I looked back at you.  “Is this true Tae-tae?”

You nodded, but still didn’t speak.

“Well.  It’s settled now.  We have to tell the rest of the girls.  Where are they?”  Manager oppa asked.

I carelessly gestured to another room as I was more worried about you.  You still stood there, and I stared at you with worried eyes.  You finally looked up at me.  “Fany-ah, don’t be sad.  It’s just a little thing… don’t worry about it,” you comforted me.

“I’m just worried about you.  You look bothered.  I can’t put a smile on my face if you’re not happy.”

You sighed.  “Sorry Fany.  But it’s just so unfair.  They wanted us on the show… we agreed, and then they tell us that the broadcasting time is limited and we have to cut performances?!”

I patted your shoulder, and looked directly into your eyes.  “It’s okay Tae-tae.  Not like you can do anything about it.  So, you don’t worry about it.”

A smile formed on your face, and although it wasn’t completely sincere, I could tell you meant it.  “Okay Fany, let’s go to the rest of the girls.”  You took my hand and held it tightly in your own.

--

“I’m sorry girls… but that’s what the PD said.  There’s nothing we can do about it.” The manager broke the news to the rest of the girls, just as we walked in.

“Is this what you guys were discussing earlier when Taeyeon was inside the office along with oppa and the PD?” Jessica asked.

You nodded, and that smile you had on your face earlier disappeared.

“So… who’s performance are we going to cut?”  This time it was Sooyoung who spoke.

We all looked at each other silently.  None of us wanted to cut anybody’s performance, but it had to be done.

“Girls I’m sorry you have to do this… but I’ll let you guys decide.  I’ll come back later.. and you guys tell me your decision then.  Okay?”  He looked at us and then left the room.

There was silence for another few minutes, until you decided to speak up.  “Anybody have any suggestions?”

“First of all.  Let’s make sure of this.  Whatever the decision is, it’s not because of skill or because one person doesn’t like the other… okay?  We all love each other…”  Seohyun reminded us.

“Magnae’s right.  So everyone can express themselves freely now right?” You asked again.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

“I think that whoever has the most performances should get one cut…”  Sunny said.

“I agree with Sunny… I mean, it’s only fair right?”

“Me too.  I think so too.”

“Alright then…” Your facial expression changed again.

“Unnie, why don’t you decide… after all, you’re our leader,” the youngest spoke again.

All eyes shifted onto you.  I could sense that you were uncomfortable.  “I’m sorry… give me a few minutes alone please.” You scrunched your eyebrows and looked towards the ground.

Nobody made a sound for the next few minutes, until you finally looked up and looked at each of us.   “I think…” You looked at me with your worried eyes.  I was sure you were going to pick me but what I heard next surprised me.  “…that Sunny and Hyoyeon’s solo performances should be cut.”

My eyes grew wide and my mouth dropped open.  I wasn’t the only one with this reaction.  Just when I was about to say something, Sunny beat me to it.  “But that’s unfair, Taeyeon.  You know that.  You, Tiffany, and Jessica all have more than one performance… Tiffany even has three!”

I could tell Sunny was quite furious at Taeyeon’s decision.  I was just as confused as she was, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit offended at what she said.

“I agree with Sunny, Taeyeon.”  Hyoyeon softly replied.

I was about to say that I wouldn’t mind cancelling one of my own performances, when you suddenly spoke up again.  “As the leader, I think that’s what’s best for us.”

“Yah.  Kim Taeyeon.  That’s really unfair!” Sunny wasn’t giving up.

“Don’t yell at her!” I finally managed to say something in this whole debate.

I felt a pat on my shoulder.  It was you.  You looked at me and smiled gently.  “Say whatever about me… but it’s what I’ve decided.  I’ll tell manager oppa later.”

“Just because you two are together doesn’t mean that Fany should get special treatment or anything…”

“We’re not together.  She’s not my girlfriend.  We’ve been through this, guys!”  Your voice got louder.  I knew this was true… but for some reason, it hurt.  “Whatever… I’m going outside.”  And you stormed out of the room.  I stared at the other girls but decided to follow you instead.

“Sorry guys.” I also left the room to follow you.  “Tae-tae!  Wait up!”

“What?”

“I think you should reconsider.”

“Why?”

“…I mean.  I kinda think it’s unfair too.  I do have like three performances.  I guess the ones with Sung Si Kyung we can’t cancel… and ‘Magic Castle’ with you, me, Sica, and magnae, we can’ either.  So, I guess cancel my cover of Teenage Dream.”

“No.”

“Taeyeon-ah, why?  I feel it’s unfair for them too… can we just cancel it?”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Don’t be like that Tae… Hyo and Sunny don’t even have a single solo performance… can you let me cancel one of my performances instead?”

“Sigh.  The truth is, manager oppa and the PD-nim already decided… Manager oppa just told me to act it out like that… They wouldn’t really let us decide.  But the rest of the girls don’t know that.”

“Tell them then!  Or else they’ll misunderstand…”

“Whatever.  It’s not like we never have these arguments and stuff…”

“Fine.  I’ll tell them instead.”

As I turned to walk away, you pulled me back, holding onto my hand tightly.  You hugged me from behind.  “Fany-ah, it’s okay.  Just leave it.”

“But…Tae-tae.”

“Just leave it.” Your voice became stern, and I didn’t want to argue with you anymore.

We kept that position for a few minutes.  You hugged me tightly, with your chin placed on my shoulder.

“Tae-tae?”

“Yeah Fany?”

“The PD-nim cutting Hyoyeon’s and Sunny’s performances… I feel really bad, because I can’t even nail my cover of Teenage Dream perfectly…”

“Don’t worry, Fany… you’ll do great!  Trust me.”

“What if… I go off key or something?  You know me… I can’t control my voice to perfection…”

You were still hugging me.

“Nobody’s perfect Fany… it’s okay if you mess up.  Just remember what the song is about.  When you sing the song, who do you think of?  Picture that person… and you’re bound to have all the right emotions.” You smiled.

“Let’s hope… I don’t want to feel like I owe Sunny or Hyoyeon anything after my performance… If I screw up, they’ll definitely be pissed that I got the extra performance while they didn’t even get one.”

--

“Get ready Tiffany.  It’s your stage soon,” a man working backstage told me.

I felt nervous.  I usually never get nervous… but knowing that this time I had to show the perfect performance, it was hard not to.

You suddenly approach me with your wide grin.  “You’ll do great Fany.  Just remember what I said.”
Picture that person… and you’re bound to have all the right emotions.

“Thanks Tae-tae.  I won’t disappoint!”

“Tiffany.  On in one minute,” the man said again.

I took a few deep breaths.  I was ready.  I knew the one person that I needed to think about, was you.

As I walked to my position, the piano music began.

“You’re the one, I want tonight, on this special winter night.  Hold me close right by your side.  Feels so right, make it last forever.”  That’s right.  The words were all true, and I meant all of it.  Only you…

“Boy you’ve got my heart racing, you’re the one I need in this Christmas dream tonight.  I’ll be waiting underneath, at the Christmas tree, be your Christmas dream tonight.” How much I wanted to sing ‘Tae’ instead of ‘Boy’.  As I closed my eyes, I pictured your adorable face when you smiled.  I couldn’t help but smile.

“You think I’m pretty without any make up on, you think I’m funny when I tell the punch line wrong, I know you get me so I let my walls come down.  Before you met me, I was alright but things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life, now every February, you be my valentine.”  As I sang ‘valentine’ I made a heart with my two hands.  It was meant to be for you.  I wish you would love me.

“Let’s go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love.  We can dance until we die, you and I, we’ll be young forever.  You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream, the way you , I can’t sleep, let’s run away and don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back.  My heart stops when you look at me, just one touch now baby I believe.  This is real, so take a chance and don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back.  I’mma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans, be your teenage dream tonight.  Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans, be your teenage dream tonight.”  As I smiled and blew the kiss, I was still thinking about you.

--

“Fany-ah!  You were great!”  Sunny came up to me and complimented me.  I was so surprised.

“Yeah.  Awesome performance Fany!”  Hyoyeon joined her as well.

“…Thanks guys.” I smiled and hugged them.  “I’m sorry that you guys couldn’t perform your solos…”

“That’s okay Fany.  Your performance was amazing!  I don’t mind.”  They both smiled.

“You guys are the best!”  I smiled again.

--

That night, I was in my room at the dorm, when I heard a knock on my door.  “Can I come in?”  It was your voice.

“Yup.  What’s up Tae-tae?”

“Oh.  Nothing really.  Just wanted to say great job on the performance.”  You smiled at me.

I gestured to you to come sit on my bed, and you did.  We often did this; sit on the bed together and just talk.

“All thanks to you, Tae-tae.”

“Hmm?  How?”

“You told me to picture the one who I want to sing the song to.  It worked.”  I smiled my eye smile.

“Ahh. That.  I use that trick quite a lot, actually.  May I ask who it was?”

I was a bit surprised at your question.  But I figured, now or never.  “You.”

Your eyes went wide.  I was afraid you would leave and not talk to me, but you stayed.  I took your hand and held it, intertwining our fingers.

“I don’t know when it started… but I think I may be in love with you Tae-tae.”  I was looking at our intertwined fingers the whole time, knowing that my face was probably as red as a tomato.  “You make me really happy, and when I don’t see you, I miss you…”

“Fany-ah, honestly, I’m unsure of my feelings towards you.  I know what I feel for you isn’t just a friend thing.  I care more about you, compared to the rest of the girls.  I have the urge to hug you all the time, and to hold your hand whenever there’s a chance.  I’ve been asking myself if this is what it feels like to be in love.”  Your other hand cupped my face and turned me towards you.  Your eyes were filled with sincerity.  “Earlier today, when I told them that you weren’t my girlfriend, it was kinda hard for me.  I knew it was true, but it was still hard for me to say it.  I guess I was trying to convince myself that I don’t think of you that way.  But I think I really do…”

We both smiled looking into each other’s eyes.

“So… what now?”  I asked.

“We can… give it a try.  I mean, we do a lot of what normal couples do already.  Hold hands, hug, even back hugs…” Your dorky grin appeared.

“But not this.”  I leaned in to close the gap between us.  My eyes were closed, but I could feel that my cheeks and your cheeks were bright red.  And your lips were very soft… As I pulled away, you smiled at me again.

I looked over to the clock beside my bed.  12:00 AM, it read.

“Merry Christmas Tae-tae.  I love you.”


End~