I washed my face and looked in the mirror with a sigh. I looked into my own hazel eyes, watched the water trickle from my forehead, down the curves of my nose, prance over the shape of my lips, and watched them drop off at my chin before hopping in the shower. I never worried about skin when I was in the states. There was always that whole team light skin, team dark skin thing and I was neither of the two. When I was little, I was asked to draw a self-portrait. I remember being so innocent minded and grabbing a brown crayon. A straight up brown crayon with no extra special pigment for my skin. And then jet black for my hair. After being so corrupted by the world, as a teenager, I was asked again to draw a self-portrait. I drew it in pen. Then coloring it in became so specific. I needed a brown that was not too dark, not too light, but not exactly a pure brown. And I used a dark brown for my hair. I realized around that time, we paid attention to detail and we cared about what others thought. I still thought I was brown. Then I matured a little. I learned how to hold my own a bit….or so I thought. Actually, the more I aged, the stupider I got. My ADHD was awful. My brain was so far ahead of me and my body couldn’t catch up. I found comfort in a cold bottle of alcohol and a plastic bag of herbs. I turned into that person who you could call at 2:30 in the morning to go to a party. I would go to my friend’s house and wouldn’t return for three days. I had begun to build a wardrobe there. Eventually, I moved out completely. With a boyfriend. On my own, I went nuts. I drank when I wanted, smoked when and what I wanted, ate ramen every day, watched Netflix, cuddled with kittens. My skin became a joke. My friends’ skin became a joke. Everybody’s skin color became a joke. All we did was laugh at each other light heartedly. But truthfully, we could be black, white, yellow, purple, blue, green and we still wouldn’t care. I was in that state of “s not given”. Then I got cheated on…..twice…..so I had a mental breakdown, I drank and smoked heavily day after day, night after night. I yelled and cried at inanimate objects, crawled down hallways, took my frustration out on the skies, stumbled around on broken dreams and ended up back at my mom’s house. Tried to find a job; couldn’t. I had messed up so much in my hometown that I couldn’t stay there anymore. So I moved to another state. Found Aveda Institute, graduated with honors. Now I’m in Korea doing what I wanted to. But I never thought I’d have to worry so much about the color of skin again. This time it’s not even my skin….. It’s Jongin’s….. After all that struggle, it all came full circle to this one trivial subject: the color of the skin. These pigments inherited from our genes that gain so much attention and control the automatic opinions of others. The title that stands out so much that people ignore the pages behind the book cover; black and white, dark and light. I wondered why he got so much attention for how dark his skin was. It’s not that shocking. I’ve seen darker. But I also wondered why I felt the need to protect him. I know I said I’d make it my mission to make him except himself but why couldn’t it be someone else….. I sighed as I took my shower.

“ALLYSHA! WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!!” I heard Yoko pound on the door.

“I’m getting out!” I yelled as I turned the shower off. I dried and changed quickly before going into my room. The dogs were running around the house wildly and I was trying to get my makeup done. Unfortunately, all I could get done was foundation and my top lid with eyeliner. I sighed. With a few of mascara, I could make it work. I grabbed my kit and rushed outside. We all had to go to work today so we carpooled. I had a photoshoot with WINNER today. I was on the excited side of life now. Seunghoon…. I liked him a lot. Seungyoon was very handsome as well. Minwoo was adorable, Taehyun was fabulous and Mino……..lawd…….don’t get me started on Mino. He was my ideal type to the T. Tall, deep voice, childish, talented, he dressed well….. I thought these things as they entered the studio. We bowed and greeted each other. Today we were going for the simple concept. Each boy had a clique. I would be working on Mino (bad boy) and Seungyoon (indie kid) first. Both were easier than needed. Mino needed a simple comb over and style. Hook up the infamous brows, simple foundational look. Seungyoon just needed some shag to his hair. Smooth foundation, makeup…. I worked hard on both looks, no matter how easy they were. I was touching up Mino’s makeup when I got a text from Kai. It was some picture of him and Baekhyun together. Surprisingly, both were bare faced and smiling.

This is the last time you’ll see me like this.

The text was so open ended, I didn’t know what to think… The first reaction was worried. I didn’t know what was going on at all. I would’ve called but there was more work to be done. I huffed and turned off my phone to continue working.

Hours had passed on and we moved from the simple concept to the classy concept. Everybody in a designer suit of some sort. I sighed as I pulled my hair back and turned the fan on. It was all of a sudden getting in the way. I worked diligently and smoothly in a timely manner and I had just finished Seungyoon’s makeup and sent him off when I heard my name being called. I turned around to lock eyes with the tall bronze character sipping on a cup of iced coffee. His hair was a pastel ash pink and his smile was wide and beautiful. He pulled his shades down and my jaw dropped.

“Holy , Jong!” I exclaimed with a chuckle. My feet seemed to naturally move towards him and I ran my fingers through his hair. He laughed at me hard, blushing faintly as I played with his hair. “Holy ! You’re……..pink!”

“Yeah, I know right? It’s weird isn’t it?” he shyly rubbed the back of his neck and winced as I stepped back to take it all in.

“No not at all. This is great! I love it! A lot actually!” I placed my hands on my hips and chuckled.

“You really like it?”

“I do.” I smiled.

“Good. That’s all that matters then, huh?” he said smoothly. He held out a cup in front of my face and grinned. “I brought the life potion.”

“Yass!” I exclaimed grabbing the cup and sipping from it happily. “You have no idea how much I needed this! My HP was going down right along with stamina.”

“I figured as much. That’s why I put a double shot of expresso in it. You’ll be bouncing off the walls in no time.” He smiled. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Not yet. I don’t get a break until another two hours.” I huffed slumping my shoulders and pouting my lips.

“I’ll wait.” He said simply.

“You’ll wait…” I repeated in a mocking tone. “You’ll wait a whole two hours……. just to have lunch with me for one?”

“You’re worth it.” He said all too easily. The words fell from his lips like a morning brew in a mug. It gave me that warm feeling in my chest that I hadn’t felt in years. I smiled and grabbed his shoulder to turn him around and push him to the bench outside the studio.

“Wait here.” I said with a chuckle.

“I’ll be here.” He said leaning against the wall and snuggling up in his coat. I smirked and continued working until lunch hour. When it finally arrived, I touched up my own makeup and put on my big thick sweater. We went for a small walk around the city area and had settled down for a bite at a café outside. Of course he had his shades on, hood up, mask on. I scratched my head and chuckled.

“Not exactly the best lunch date.” I said sarcastically. “Can’t even see my date’s face…”

“Ha ha ha, funny. Do you wanna spend your lunch break running around, being crowded by females?”

“Sounds exciting-”

“Shall I take everything off then?”

“Not feeling adventurous today.” I said narrowing my eyes at him and he smirked at me.

“That’s what I thought. So!! Early heads up, the SM Halloween bash is coming up and you’re my plus one, end of story.”

“Jongin, I have no business with SM anymore.”

“You still talk to me. You have an affiliation with an SM artist therefore you have business with SM.”

“Don’t get logical on me.”

“Look all you had to do was accept the fact that you’re my plus one and there’s nothing you can do about it.” He argued calmly with a snicker. I scoffed. “Plus Lay misses his Lyly Pad-”

“Hey hey hey don’t bring Xingie in this-”

“Okay, I’ll just call him and tell him you don’t miss him at all.” He said pulling out his phone.

“Kai, stop playin!” I said swatting for his phone almost knocking over the third cup of coffee I’ve had in the past 25 minutes. I could hear the phone dialing.

“Say you’ll go-”

“No!” I grunted.

“Say it-”

“Kim Jongin, don’t do this to me!” I whined and I could hear Lay answer on the other end.

“Ah, hyung! So I’m with Allysha right now. And she said-”

“ING FINE I’LL GO!” I snapped. He grinned evilly and winked. I continued scowling at him from across the table.

“She says that she can’t wait to see you at the party. She misses her healing unicorn.” He said pouting at me. I scrunched up my face and mocked him silently. “Yeah….uh huh…..I will relay the message. See you at home, hyung!” He said staring directly into my eyes as he hung up.

“.” I said bluntly and he only smiled.

“You love me.”

“I d-…..” I had to pause myself. If I said I loved him now….he’d take it as sisterly love….but do I want this relationship between us to be strictly platonic? “I tolerate you.” I replied, crossing my arms. I’ve never thought of him that way before except for once and very briefly. But now the thought is etched into my brain deeply.

“Boo. That’s not what I wanna hear.” He pouted stalely.

“And what did you want me to say?” I asked knowing very well what he wanted me to say.

“I wanted to hear ‘Oh oppa, saranghae!’ ‘Oh oppa, you’re so handsome!’ ‘Oppa! Oppa! Oppa!’” he said acting cutely.

“There’s no way in the history of dom that I will ever call you oppa that many times in one sentence.” I said with a straight face. He snarled lightly and sat back.

“You know, you should be nicer to me than this! I’m your only friend remember.” He chuckled as he helped me clean up.

‘Yeah… I remember…..’ I thought with a sigh.

“My fault, Jongin. I won’t curse at you so much.”

“That’s a start! And another thing! Every time you greet me it’s ‘holy , Kai!’ or ‘holy , Kai!’ Can you ever just say ‘Hey, Kai’?”

“Uh………………no.” I chuckled running down the street. He chased me without hesitation. I jogged from him laughing and looking back to find him gaining on me every 2 seconds. It was when I reached the alley that he caught me and push my back against the wall, trapping me between his arms.

“Yah…..be nice…..” he said staring me down. That was it. That right there hit the nail on the head. Feelings caught. Game over. Done. I wouldn’t let him know that though. I pinched his stomach, dipped around him and continued to run to the YG building. I felt like he had enough torment from me so I waited for him. When he arrived, he was totally outta breath. Wheezing and coughing. “Yah…..why are you so mean?”

“Because we’re friends that’s why.” I chuckled hugging him. I pulled away and poked his chest. “Catch you later, square.” I said running up the steps.

“Yah! Don’t forget about the party! Saturday night, 9 PM. Be in costume! And don’t be late, pabo-ya!”

“Stop nagging! I got you!” I yelled back. “Nigga damn…” I mumbled as I walked up the stairs to return to work. I knew it was going to happen eventually. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. I shook off any thoughts that would keep me from focusing on my job but no matter how hard I tried (here comes the cliché), I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“UGH! I hate clichés so ing much! I hate it! Hate it! Hate it!” I yelled throwing my stuff on the couch in the makeup room and throwing a mini temper tantrum.