Woohyun wakes up, feeling a strange sense of disappointment. He was having a dream, a nice, a sweet dream that he can’t now remember. What was he dreaming about?

Maybe it was about him being on stage again, with Inspirits cheering? Or was it an INFINITE comeback? A music show win? Or a fansign where he can hold hands and look into the eyes of his fans again?

Or maybe it was actually being cuddled by someone, a soft warmth engulfing him.

Turning in his bed, he pushes his hand around the surface beside him – it’s empty, but to his surprise, it’s warm. That’s strange – he’s been waking up to be greeted by the cold bedsheet every day for a while now, so why today…

Oh yeah, he was dreaming about Sunggyu coming over and sleeping with him, big-spooning him, his arms wrapped tightly around him. But dreams don’t have the power to turn cold bedsheets warm, can they? Has he summoned Sunggyu’s body heat by sheer will?

Pulling off the blanket, he gets to his feet. He is used to the quiet. His cats usually wake up a bit later, meowing hungrily, looking for breakfast. But today, he hears a different noise that startles him.

With his heart hammering, he tiptoes into the kitchen to investigate. There’s a pot on the stove, bubbling away happily. The rice cooker is humming too, the red light on.

What the…

“You’re awake?”

He almost jumps at the sound of Sunggyu’s voice.

H breathes out in relief. “Oh, you weren’t a dream?”

Sunggyu frowns questioningly.

Shrugging, he replies, “I forgot you slept over.”

A soft smile descends on Sunggyu’s visage, his eyes crinkle pleasantly, his lips turn a beautiful shape. He loves it when Sunggyu laughs. It’s so genuine and carefree and innocent, it always gives him butterflies.

“Aren’t you glad I did though? I’ve made breakfast.” He waves his hand around the kitchen, signs of his cookery are scattered everywhere.

“Is it edible?” he asks, yawning.

“Yah, Nam Woohyun, I’m good at cooking now.” The older looks offended, pouting, his eyes narrowed.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower.” He turns away before the older can catch the dopey smile on his face. Sunggyu sometimes goes through these phases where he realizes he is not a good enough boyfriend and tries to do as much as he can to make it up to him. It always amuses him. But above all, it’s a sign that Sunggyu loves him, just as much as the first day.

To be fair, he doesn’t know when their ‘first day’ was. Falling in love with Sunggyu didn’t happen one day; he can’t pinpoint a moment in time when he realized he was in love. It happened over time, slowly, like how the leaves turn orange in autumn, taking its time. The change is so subtle that at first you don’t notice the season is changing until one day you go for a walk and it’s all orange and brown. It was similar for him -Sunggyu just gradually seeped into the space between them, then into him, until it dawned on him that he can’t live without this man by his side for the rest of his life.

Sunggyu is another story altogether – he wouldn’t admit that he is in love with Woohyun. In fact, he has always maintained that he has just given into Woohyun because it’s easier to agree with him than put up with his nagging. Woohyun understands that it’s harder for the older to admit to have fallen in love with him, but that’s okay, because he knows he loves him.

It may not be a typical relationship, but it’s what they have, and what he treasures.

After shower, Woohyun quickly dresses in his work clothes. By the time he sits down at the dining table, Sunggyu has served all the dishes. He has kept it simple with rice and kimchi jjigae. He is about take a mouthful of the soup when Sunggyu warns him, “Careful, it’s hot.”

He blows on it a few times before taking a mouthful. The salt hits the back of his throat heavily but he manages to check his expression.

“How is it?” Sunggyu asks eagerly, watching him intently.

“Great,” he croaks.

The older’s face falls.

“You don’t like it.”

“I love it, it’s just hot. I want to taste it with the rice. He heaps rice onto his spoon before dipping it slightly in the soup and takes another mouthful. That’s better. “Delicious!”

Satisfied, Sunggyu takes his seat and tries it himself, gagging immediately.

“It’s salty!”

Woohyun can’t help the smile creeping onto his lips. The look on Sunggyu’s face is priceless. His eyes are thin lines, his lips pursed together in distaste, deep frowns between his brows. He almost wants to kiss the deep lines on his face away.

“Woohyun-ah!” Sunggyu shouts, as if it’s his fault. “It’s salty!”

“Just eat it with the rice, hyung.”

After he’s drunk copious amounts of water, Sunggyu calms down. He then proceeds to lean against his chair, tapping his chopstick against his bowl, glowering at him.

“What?”

He opens his mouth but hesitates. Woohyun understands that something is wrong but he can’t tell what it is.

“Hyung, what is it?” he insists.

Putting down the chopsticks, the older sighs deeply. “This is another example, isn’t it, how you’re a better boyfriend than I am. You’re eating the super salty breakfast I made without complaining. I would have not let you live if you did it.”

He knows this Sunggyu – the one that doubts himself. The one that always worries, reads into small things, and evaluates himself constantly. It’s difficult, being a leader, being the oldest, being responsible. It has programmed Sunggyu to worry constantly and appraise his performance.

“Look, I’m not in this for the perfect boyfriend. If I was, then I’d just have gone and found someone perfect. I’m in this for Kim Sunggyu, my Sunggyu, with all his faults and flaws, because the rest of him make it up for his falws.”

Extending a hand, he takes Sunggyu’s hand in his, rubbing it reassuringly.

Sunggyu’s cheeks burn red as he tries to look at the wall and his glass, anywhere but at Woohyun.

“If you’re sure…” he quietly begins.

“I’m one hundred percent sure. I know I can’t take away all your worries, but will you stop worrying about us, please? This is what I want.”

Squeezing his hand, he leans forward and pecks him on the lips. The older’s face turns completely red immediately.

“Look who’s a blushing bride,” he teases.

Expecting him to turn away or pretend to get mad, he lets his hand go, but to his surprise, Sunggyu gets halfway out of the chair, grabs his cheeks and kisses him on the mouth. As he reciprocates, he feels the older deepening the kiss.

He’s missed this.

Sometimes Sunggyu really surprises him. It’s not rare for them to do skinship on stage but it’s mostly at a superficial level; enough to make people who’re paying attention wonder but never crossing the line. But they haven’t been on stage together for more than 2 years now. They’ve met up now and then, until this virus descended upon them of course and took their lives away. The occasions when they’ve been really deep with each other, really open and intimate, have reduced.

As he kisses Sunggyu now, their tongues melding together, he comforts himself by saying that it will all be over soon. He will be back, they will be on the stage together, and they can be each other’s again.