A/N: I've marked this as complete, but I just couldn't help myself, and the conversation was in my head, unrelenting. Sorry.

A present, instead, to all those who subscribed, commented, and upvoted, since this is my first fic. 

(I hope you think it's nice.)

(Thank you.)

He said yes!

Okay, well, Jiyong might be just a little too excited because Seungri hadn't actually said yes. 

Yet.

But he will, Jiyong is sure of it. The wobbling of Seungri's lower lip and the watering in his eyes are too much of an indication for Seungri not to say yes.

God, Seungri should just say it already. 

Jiyong had been kneeling on one knee for at least two minutes now and although Seungri is being downright adorable, all he wants is to get to kiss his fiance, which he won't be able to do until the yes has been said.

So Seungri should just really hurry and not wait for something they both know they want.

Finally, Seungri opens his mouth. Finally, finally.

He hesitates. "H-Hyung," he hesitates some more.

"Yes?" Jiyong can't keep the excitement from his voice and he knows he shouldn't be the one saying it, but it's so obvious that Seungri's going to say yes, and if Seungri didn't want Jiyong this excited, then he shouldn't have looked so happy when he'd been asked.

Jiyong even changed the sheets of his bed for this, goddamn. He didn't even care if Seungri would appreciate the sentiment so long as he'd say the word already.

Sure, he wasn't certain Seungri'd say yes; nor was he worried should Seungri say no. But Jiyong had been hoping and anticipating for Seungri's sweet sweet answer and Seungri had never actually said no to Jiyong before, and never has Jiyong asked anything from Seungri on one bended knee. Seriously, Seungri should just say-

"Are you sure?"

-not that.

Jiyong sighs. His heart needs to calm down or else he'll die. That is, if his knees don't kill him first.

He closes the small box in his hand and attempts to stand. Seungri wraps his hands around the elder's elbows. He probably saw the wobble on Jiyong's knees.

Jiyong swears it's because of his age and for no other reason at all.

"Seungri," says Jiyong, seriously incredulous, "I rented out a five-star restaurant for you in Seoul on a Friday night for the whole night, just so that I can get down on my knees and ask you a question."

Seungri flinches at that. He tries to step back but Jiyong keeps him close with a pull on his tie. 

The restaurant was small, found on the 11th floor of a business building in Seoul, extremely expensive and always on demand, considering that its main venue of advertisement was through the word of mouth of their customers. The lights were romantically dimmed, casting even the shadows on Seungri's face in a beautifull light, sihouetting the contours of his face as if they existed for them and them alone. It was redecorated and most of the tables removed, except for the one by the windows where they had taken their dinner. There was also a sofa made from Italian leather by the fireplace where they had been drinking wine before Jiyong put on Frank Sinatra and asked Seungri to dance. It was redecorted just for tonight, just for this purpose, just for Seungri. 

"How can I not be sure?"

"B-because hyung," and here, Seungri's eyes changes - steadier, more searching, "we've never talked about this before."

"Then, let's talk about it now. I want to marry you, give  you my all because that's what you are to me."

"But, we can't get married... here. In Korea."

"I know. I'm biased towards Paris, but we can go wherever you like."

"And I'm not a girl."

"I've seen your body enough times to know, Ri."

"I mean, I can't give you a child."

"We can adopt. It's not something I want to have, if it's not with you."

"But, we've only been together a year."

"We've only been official for a year. You've been mine for the past 10 years of our lives, so please give me the honor of taking care of you for the rest of it."

All of a sudden, Seungri can't look his lover in the eyes, but his lips stops quivering, and is set into a tight frown. Jiyong's hold on his tie tightens unconsciously.

"Exactly, hyung." Seungri's voice is so small that Jiyong barely catches it over Sinatra's crooning. "You know I've loved you ever since. You've known, you've always known. And yet, we've only been official a year out of ten. I didn't... I didn't think you were serious. About us. This much, at least."

"Ri-ah," Jiyong's voice sounds faint, for though he was prepared to have Seungri say no to him because he wasn't ready, Jiyong didn't know what he would do if Seungri said no because they were... them. "Are you... have you been doubting us?"

"Never, hyung."

"Me, then?"

"I trust you most of all."

"Then what, Ri? What are you doubting?"

Jiyong is confused. Thousands of thoughts run through his head to the point that he can no longer decipher where one ended and another began. There's just so much that his mind could've been blank and it would have made no difference.

What was Seungri trying to say? All he should be trying to say is yes.

"It's not that; I'm not doubting anything," spoke Seungri slowly. "I just thought you still have to think this through."

"What do you mean think this through?" Oh, okay. Apparently, Jiyong's mind picked frustration out of the mess of emotions he's burying himself in. "I've known I wanted to get married since I was 18. I have thought this through."

"I know, hyung. I know."

"Then why are you still not saying-"

Then it dawns on Jiyong what Seungri is trying to say, and why he isn't saying yes.

It dawns on him why the love of his life can't say yes.

"You thought I didn't want to get married to you." 

Jiyong is hoping he is wrong, that he jumped to the wrong conclusion and they can just laugh about this later on because how could Seungri think that he wouldn't want this with him? But Seungri doesn't deny it and all of Jiyong's emotions dissipates but one, and it crawls its way all over his chest and constrains his lungs. Sadness grips his heart and Seungri please.

"Ri?" 

The quiver in Seungri's lips was back, and Jiyong must have misinterpreted it from the start, because now it seems like Seungri was never planning on saying yes at all.

"I'm sorry, hyung."

And, , that hurts.

Jiyong had long let go of Seungri's tie, but his hand finds purchase on the other's soft ones, looking for something to hold on to because they aren't breaking up just because Jiyong wanted to put a ring on it. 

He leads them back to the sofa and makes Seungri straddle his lap. The maknae is pliant and fits his head on the crook of Jiyong's neck. The leader instantly feels at ease because this isn't a rejection. Never will Seungri outrightly reject him. What Seungri feels - and is making known to Jiyong right now - is hesitation, uncertainty, fear.

Seungri has always made it easy for him like this, no matter how many times he's messed up, Seungri will always ease his heart and mind. But that doesn't mean there isn't a turmoil in his love's heart. 

Seungri sighs. "Don't play with me like this, Ji." The way Seugri clutches at Jiyong's shirt is a testament to the heaviness Seungri feels. Jiyong tries to soothe his boy, carressing the thighs around his waist. "You're making me want things I shouldn't."

"All you have to do is tell me what you want, baby. I'll give you everything."

Seungri nips at his neck, behind his ear, and on his bottom lip. It feels so loving, it has Jiyong's head spinning. "This, Ji," says Seungri, "this is all I want. Us, whatever we are right now. I love us like this. It makes makes me happy."

Jiyong's heart thumps wildly in his chest. He feels so elated because Seungri is wrapped around him, telling him he loves him and showing it, but at the same time he can't help feel down and wonder, "But you don't want more?"

Seungri doesn't reply to that, he just puts his head back on Jiyong's shoulder and plays with the button of the leader's shirt. Jiyong holds his heart as close as possible and brethes him in. He likes how they smell almost alike now, except Seungri's scent is always laced with vanilla and it never fails to make Jiyong want to taste.

"That's all right, Ri. We don't have to get married now; we can do it when you want to."

Seungri freezes in his arms and both of them hear him hold his breath. Jiyong wants to massage all of Seungri's worries away. Jiyong wants him to calm down because he's all shook up. Jiyong wants to stop the little tremors going through his boy's body because he doesn't want to feel like this is breaking him, breaking them.

Because he feels like there's something he can't quite understand.

Jiyong remembers Seungri telling him he wanted to get married. He even knows Seungri wants to settle down back in Gwangju and help in its development so the residents don't have to go to places like Seoul just to get opportunities, like he did way back when. Seungri's heart of gold wanted to give back to his roots. He wanted at least two kids and a house with a picket fence and a sand box in the backyard where the kids could play with their friends and a dog and a treehouse he would help build himself and-

.

It wasn't that Seungri didn't want to marry. It's that-

"Seungri, do you not want to marry me?"

On cue, Jiyong feels tears slide down his neck. He panics inside because, this time, he's sure that Seungri's saying yes. 

He lifts the younger's head to look him in the eyes, Seungri's sad, sad eyes but still, still, full of love. 

"You make me so happy, Jiyong-ah," is what, ironically, falls from his lips, strangled and strange, like it was being forced out by a certain need to be understood. "So very much, and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm doubting you but I'm not. I trust you and I trust that what we feel toward each other is real. But I can't," his voice breaks, "but I can't help think that what we are, is temporary. That you're just a gift given to me, to at least let me have a taste of what it feels like to have you exclusively mine, because I've always been exclusively yours, and I think to myself that it's okay. I'd rather have you love me once than never at all, because I love you. I love you, Jiyong-ah."

Jiyong wants to kiss him, if only to shut him up, because it hurts too much that this is what Seungri thinks about them. What's worse is that Jiyong can't blame him. How can he when he's always been the one out of reach, he's the one that comes and goes, he's the one that takes and takes and takes so long as Seungri lets him.

Because Seungri is easy. 

So easy that even when they're together, Seungri's offering him a way out if he ever wanted it. There's just no way that Seungri's doing this for himself. It was for him. That's why there's no doubt, that's why Seungri is loving and letting himself be loved in full.

There's no doubt. There's no hope, either.

, .

"But if you ask me to marry you, Ji, if you tempt me with the promise of forever, I don't know what to think. It feels like wanting what I shouldn't want, like needing what I shouldn't need. It feels like a deprivation because I want to -  I want to - but I feel like I can't."

Jiyong wipes the tears from Seungri's eyes because this isn't right. His love shouldn't be crying about this, something so self-depracating, when he deserves nothing less than everything Jiyong's got to give. It's all his fault, Jiyong knows, and he accepts it. He'll more than gladly accept it if it means Seungri would let him spend the rest of their lives together, atoning for his mistakes.

"Seungri," begins Jiyong gently because he wants to do for Seungri what he has always done for him: reassure the other that he is and will always be loved. "You're the best thing that could have ever happened to me, and I was stupid enough to take that for granted, but not anymore. I was wrong not to choose you from the start, I was wrong to always leave you hanging, neglect you when it mattered, and keep you second guessing. I've known all along and I kept at it still. I don't deserve you, but you're the one for me and I can't even imagine life if I let you go. I'll prove it to you; I'll prove my love for you every single day even without a ring on your finger for as long as you let me, even if you don't let me, because not loving you is no longer a possibility. I'll never leave you, Ri. How can I? You're my home, my everything. Lee Seunghyun, I love you. I love you-"

Seungri crashes their lips together, passionate, hungry, desperate for the love deprived from him while Sinatra sings to them about inviting eyes and exciting smiles and hearts saying I must have you's. Jiyong gives and gives and gives, because Seungri means too much for him not to. Seungri's hands press him everywhere, trailing warmth and fire wherever he's touched until they clasp behind his head, deepening the kiss and swirl of tongues and nips and clash of teeth. 

Still, it feels like it isn't enough. Jiyong feels like it isn't enough.

So he wraps Seungri's legs tighter around his waist and holds him impossibly close. He twists them both and suddenly he has Seungri beneath him, on the sofa, with the light from the fireplace making him look like salvation. Jiyong connects their lips again and presses into Seungri, wanting nothing between them, not even air. His heart hammers in that special way it never fails to do everytime Seungri's underneath him, or above him, around him, feeding him like an addict desperate for a fix.

Maybe he is.

Seungri's no better.

"Take me home, Ji," Seungri pleads, breathless, in love. "Take me home."

And he does.

In the morning, Jiyong wakes up alone, in his bed, clothes on the floor, sunshine sneaking through the curtains, and his sheets smelling like and vanilla. There's something, opened and empty, on the bedside table on the other side that he fails to see, but will nonetheless grin fondly at later on when he does notice it.

He hears Sinatra playing ever so faintly through the door. He puts on his shorts and nothing else and goes to find where his Seungri is. 

The scent of breakfast wafts through the air and, as Jiyong heads to the kitchen, he realizes that there's a gentle humming that duets with Sinatra. It's Seungri, only in Jiyong's shirt, oversized that it opened to just beneath his collar bones and dropped mid-thigh, and so thin it clung to all the right curves of Seungri's body. 

Jiyong stands frozen by the entrance as Seungri invites him in for breakfast, his voice warm like pancakes and smooth as syrup. A glint had caught Jiyong's eyes, watery now.

In the morning, Jiyong finds Seungri with his ring on his finger.