every public touch feels electrifying, wakes me up reanimates my numb heart; late night walks, basketball rounds, long car rides.

Feeling eyes staring at me, I looked up to meet Jaehyun's deep eyes, eyes I'm so used to already. His stares were always there, no matter what I did I would still feel it against my skin, harsh and proud.

Touches were casual, comfortable and quick, nothing to mention. but the way my heart would tremble, my eyes closing automatically in pure appreciation and the way my mouth would go dry.

 I smiled back and he looked away focusing on the road as he drove, almost as normal. but he wasn't I knew by the way his knuckles whitened around the wheel and the way he keeps his lips. he was never normal, he will never be anyway.

Both of us never will.