Song: Hammock - Mono No Aware

Cute boy with a decent face and large clothes. Jaehyun was a shy boy when he was in middle school, that was in the outsider's point of view. Jaehyun was everything but shy, he avoided people by choice.

Though Johnny was unavoidable. He was everything the other hated: imposing, too proud, somehow your typical spoiled bastard.

Jaehyun hated nosy people; he hated the ones who pushed themselves into his personal bubble, the ones that tried hard to please everyone around them. Johnny did just that.

Sharing the same school, same bus and the same neighborhood, was nearly impossible for them to not come around each other.

However, Johnny would sit next to him in the bus every morning and try to make a decent conversation with the silent boy.

He would help jaehyun with his books, sit with him in the library for an hour or more. And sometimes he would wait for one more hour until he finished his last class so they can go home together.

At first, Jaehyun ignored him totally, as if he didn't exist. But he let him do whatever he wants, because he knew quickly that the boy was dog headed. and what the tall boy wanted was to meddle into the other's messed up life.

All of it fell apart after the Christmas vacation of Jaehyun's 1st year of high school.

The said boy changed so much in such a quick period, less than a month. it was so sudden it got scary.

The once lonely boy started making conversations, sitting with his classmates, engaging in long talks and even in some rare occasions, he would be looking for his friend Johnny.

He got so talkative it got annoying, sometimes saying plain bull. And Johnny, always by his side,would smile gently to the boy not wanting to hurt his ego.

Johnny liked the changes in his attitude, the feeling of the boy reciprocating his friendship warmed his heart. But little did he know it all came from his internal sorrow, self-hate and destruction. he somehow had a bad feeling about but he pushed the thought back into the depth of his mind

Johnny smiled to the boy every day. But Jaehyun, even after getting closer to him, didn't show much emotions.

Lunch times, long walks and bus rides, the older filled them all. He hunted the silence away much to the younger's content.

Johnny was a tall teenager with long hair falling on his eyes, full of excited gestures and never ending speech.

Jaehyun was calm, a little shorter than the boy with fair skin and a lot of anxiety.

Johnny was considering their friendship as an experiment, testing his social skills whereas Jaehyun was shutting his thought off.

They got closer and started meeting after school, playing basketball or some video games. They met at libraries in late afternoons and talked, Johnny would read for both of them, often whispering and Jaehyun would have to lean against him to listen.

They were always respectful towards the silence, they loved quite places the most. But the silence never respected them, it chased them in the showers, in classes and even in their sleep and so they would ran into each other's calm fuss.

They tried to distract each other with their respective presence.

Once alone, jaehyun would put his earphones on, shutting down the world for once more.

He hoped, his small heart prayed for it could no longer sustain the pain, and he spent his time muting the silence. He wanted to mute his existence but he had to go to the library or for a movie that day. various activities busied him perfectly.

But the noise sometimes let his thoughts escape and run free, pressing against his ribcages and weighing his heart down. He would lean against the firm chest behind him, quickly whipping the tear that ran down his pale cheek.

Music boosting full volume in his earphones, probably hard rock, until he reaches his bus stop and will walk down to his house not sparing a glance back at his friend.

Johnny saw it all; his excessive talking, the fading light in his eyes, his inhumanly loud music, his twitches and his sometimes unusual gestures, skinships or tears. He still acted oblivious; he liked how Jaehyun was comfortable around him. he didn't want to push him, he thought the boy will eventually come to him for recomfort. 

Johnny loved adventure; he loved nature and the woods surrounding their town. He would often drag the smaller boy on a walk. Hearts racing and blood filled with adrenalin, he would walk deeper in the woods, passing the same trees over and over again, sweaty hands clasped together in a mixture of hesitation, courage and the palpitating teenhood's folly.

It was where the silence was so loud and clear, jaehyun could not oppose to it. The first time he went it was an enlightenment, a discovery of a momentary peace of mind, one he wishes to keep forever.

"I love you" paused Johnny as he looked at the small boy with bare feet, then he continued reading the new book he got from his mother "I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life...» (Ian McEwan, atonement)

Jaehyun loved to run barefoot in the wood, the leaves under his skin cold and humid felt refreshing.

Johnny will stare at him with a stupid smile, his eyes furrowed because of the wood's bad lightning and he will quickly join the game carrying both their shoes.

The boy's echoing footsteps that followed behind him felt reassuring to the shorter and so he would run faster and faster without looking back.

«How about this one" asked Johnny as he waved his phone near his face.

"She is cute, but she is too short for you" he answered, pushing the hand away.

"Oh there must be someone suitable to go with me to this party, don't you think?" He asked again.

"Do you really need to go? It is just some stupid weekend party" he talked mindlessly as he kept jumping from a rock to another trying his hardest as the space between the rocks was getting wider until the boy gave up and went down to walk on the wet grass.

"I don't know, maybe not but whatever" he answered shoving the phone back in his pocket.

Living in the same neighborhood and with mothers being friends they could not avoid seeing each other at home.

Getting used to each other in their comfort zone felt weird at first but the mothers tried their hardest to make them friends. It was what the thought was the best for ther children, having a someone like a twin; they will keep each other company and help one another both at home and in school. And so the mothers took the initiative and pushed the boys to get closer.

"Oh you can put the plate in the kitchen, Jaehyun is in his room upstairs" said the chubby lady with a wide smile.

"I'm fine, I just came here to give you the pepper paste my mother made" he declined politely, bowing down.

"I insist, he wouldn't mind some company" she reassured the tall boy, abruptly pulling him inside the house.

He bowed politely again and jumped the stares by two.

He knocked twice on the door before walking in the room.

Jaehyun was laying on his bed at the corner of the room. Eyes closed and earphones on, the late afternoon sun hit his pale skin making it glow.

Jaehyun slowly opened his eyes to see the taller standing by his door. Surprised and confused, he pulled the device off.

"Hi" greeted Johnny waving his hand

"Hey" Jaehyun kept staring at him with his sun washed brown irises, intensely and almost rudely, shockingly mesmerizing.

"Can I sit with you?" Asked the taller trying to ease the awkwardness of the moment.

"Sure" he answered following the boy with his eyes until he sit down on the table chair.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Asked the boy again but he was met with a firm negative headshake.

"What is the meaning of life to you?" He asked sitting on his bed and crossing his legs.

Johnny looked at him weirdly and at a loss of words, he just got into his room no need for some deep conversation right away.

"Life is the perfect combination of everything imperfect and unplanned"

continued Jaehyun "there is no specific meaning, the absurdity makes it so beautiful and attractive, makes us hold into it more. It is an endless combination of possibilities» his eyes were excited, eyes full of life and searched for any type of agreement in the other's ones.

«I agree. The treasure of it comes from how meaningless it is. You just get lucky to live and you try to give it a meaning, but there are limited possibilities don't be so dreamy" he smiled as the shorter rolled his eyes.

"There are infinite of possibilities, you just don't see them all" he stood up trying to prove his point by unconsciously imposing his height.

"There are a lot, but there are always boundaries" he said looking up at him for the first time, he looked somewhat imposing.

Jaehyun leaned down and snatched his lips between his own trembling ones, holding his head with both hands. His heart was beating fast against his ribcages driving him mad as he pulled away.

"What was the probability of me kissing you right now?" He asked, smiling lightly with shaky lips as if he was about to cry. The shorter kept on looking down at the sitting boy, his one eye covered by the sunlight making him look like a fairy. He either looked like a black angel or a white devil, Johnny couldn't decide.

"The is wrong with you?" Johnny pushed him on the bed once he was knocked back to his senses as all the prejudices and thoughts of their society weighted down on his shoulder. He ran away with his mind over thinking more than ever.

Jaehyun's hand shook voilently, body tensing with the stress. he immediately run to his night table, swallowed down two sleeping pills and slipped into his bed as his body shivered more than ever, images of his brother yelling at him just before collapsing played in his head like a broken record. He was cursed and bewitched since he made every person run away from him. 

The next time he saw his tall friend was Monday after that weekend as he sit behind him in class. He made sure to be late for class to create some kind of an excuse not to avoid the boy but to make sure the boy won't avoid him.

After ten minutes, taking notes was long forgotten as he stared at the exposed long neck just before his eyes. Johnny pushed his hair back once, long figures running in the long brown hair and he wanted to cry so he lowered his eyes back to the papers until the hour was over.

Once the bell rang, jaehyun walked out of the place as quickly as possible.

He walked in the library and then to the library's bathroom, an almost completely deserted place in their high school.

He took out some of his antidepressants and engulfed it down, trying to calm his rushing blood. He fell down on the floor, a sobbing mess as he hugged his legs and rocking his body back and forth in a failed attempt to calm himself down.

"Jaehyun" called the familiar voice from the door and the said boy, who thought was alone, froze in his place.

Johnny walked closer, saw the bottle of pills on the sink and grabbed it in hand reading it attentively, barely controlling his heart from drowning into panic .

The boy on the floor bit on his lower lip and wiped his the tears on his face. He stood up next to the tall boy who was absorbed in the medication.

Few seconds passed by and Johnny tightened his hold on the white bottle as he looked at the boy through the mirror.

"I don't mind you kissing me if you stop taking this type of "

they locked eyes and jaehyun nodded lightly and took the bottle out of his hands.

"Are you okay?" Asked the taller, hand instinctively playing with the other's dark hair.

"Yeah" assured the shorter letting the cold fingers brush on his scalp.

"Are you sure?" He asked again, an eyebrow rising in a questionning face. Jaehyun nodded his head in a forced smile and johnny wondered if he should believe him or start to seriously worry.

A/N: really really sorry for such a late update, as some of you know hedgie-nim suffer from multiple schleroris which makes me unable to move a lot or sit on my desk for a long while, also turtle-nim's Havanese dog gave birth to 5 cute puppies and we have been busy taking care of them lately. next chap is almost finished hope i will be able to post it soon. Thank you and I always appreciate your comments. llmoreno Love you ^-^ (tell me if you like this chap, it's for you)

PS: sorry if there is any mistake. English is my fourth language, as I mainly speak my local dialect along with arabic and french. you can correct me in a comment or something.