Youth. Youth curled his dark hair, circled his fragile fingers and rolled out of his lips. Hurried steps in the hallway drummed, piercing the silence of the building. White tall building that was oh so familiar to them carried their stories in his heart and cherished it like a first child.

Their blank eyes full of life and familiar morning boredom closed as their breaths hitched and their hands, thirsty and playful, searched for skin to grab desperately.

Her hair was long, she was a true beauty. She was a fairy, she was the proof that he was normal. He kissed her harder but she never complained, so he travels his fingers through her chest making sure she was real and that the moment can be remembered forever for whoever dared to question him.

    He thought about his friend a lot, especially after what happened at the library. He thought of him between the lines of his books, in the silent wait for a song to replay and in the basketball playground.

“ my life” he cusses as he engulfs down his depression pills, he knew that if he stops taking them he will witness hallucinations and he under estimated the doctor’s words. Now he had to put his irrational mind and hormones under control.

the random promise he made with his friend, when he dreams about a random man’s body and wakes up to an , he knew it was high time for a radical solution. Medications were so close to his reach that it was his forever plan A for problem solving.

He wasn’t a woman, hell no he wasn’t. but his heart craves for a boy, his friend out of all people on earth. It wasn’t normal that the sleeping face on his bed drove him crazy. he wished to be the sun that kissed his skin or the breeze that gently carressed his neck.

Johnny was the least helping, he was clingy and touchy. He was always around, all the time and everywhere. So Jaehyun had to pay extra attention to the eyes around him whenever he had to swallow a pill or two to calm his madness

“they walk ahead into the darkness, and they do not come back. The place they go towards is a place even less imaginable to most of us than the city of happiness. I cannot describe it at all. It is possible that it does not exist. But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.” (The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas From The Wind's Twelve Quarters: Short Stories by Ursula Le Guin) read Johnny in a loud whisper as he leaned his head in the crook of his friend’s neck.

“what do you think?” he asked carrying the same monotonous and narrative tone.

“I love it, too bad it’s this short” he answered taking the small book in his hands.

“you have been using your pills right?” spoke the tall boy out of the blue “why do you keep on doing that?” he insisted as the boy kept his silence “I worry about you all the time and I feel bad that I don’t know much about what’s happening with you or why you even take those prescribed meds”

“I really don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry you had to see me taking some” Jaehyun quickly stood up dusting off his pants.

Johnny followed him and instinctively held his wrist. But the boy was not welcoming the gesture and tried to break free from his hold to no avail.

“let. Go. Of. Me” grumbled the short guy shaking his arm away furiously

“stop moving and listen to me, I’m really really worried about you” he snapped trying to stop the boy’s agitations.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. Johnny I- can you please let go of my hand?” shouted Jaehyun, furious and frustrated. His friend’s firm hold confirmed how he is not a man. A man who wants to be in physical relationship with another man is nothing but filthy, a low disgusting creature. However, he wasn’t a , he was a real man who had his pride and dignity to protect. But the way the boy held him, so submissive under his strong hold made him want to kill himself, literally.

“I want to help you, if only you can tell me why you are taking those meds” he yelled trying to attract his attention.

Jaehyun was shaking so badly, his lips trembled and he was crying violently until a sob broke out in his sore throat.

“let me go” he cried tiredly with a scratched voice “it hurts when you do this, it gets scary and I-I…” he sobbed and johnny’s eyes widened as he didn’t expect the boy to actually talk to him.

“what is frightening you?” he held both of his wrists securing his balance and the shorter closed his eyes and cried his heart out in the empty forest.

“I’m scared of myself, the hallucinations drives me mad, I’m starting to believe those filthy voices trying to tell me that it’s okay to be… to be… I’m terrified of my thoughts” johnny saw the boy’s struggle to breathe and talk so he pulled him in his arms and secured his head tightly on his chest where the boy cried for a long while.

But as if they had a non-voiced pact between them where they ignored the events of the past day and act as if nothing ever happened. It frustrated Jaehyun but reassured him knowing that whatever happens would be buried in the past, yet never forgotten.

   “are you going to prom?” asked Jaehyun as he typed his work on his computer and Johnny hummed in agreement, too focused on his papers to be fully engaged in a conversation.

“with?” asked the shorter again.

“Adalynn” the name flew out of his lips carelessly and jaehyun smiled automatically as he turned to look at the oblivious boy, the fake grin faded away as he noticed his friend’s lack of attention.

Silence washed the room for long moments until Johnny suddenly rose his head to stare back at the boy.

“who are you going with” he questioned, his head fell back to his papers as quick as it head left them.

“I’m not going” he answered.

“why would you miss your own prom?” johnny was shocked, he never considered that fact that someone will run away from such a one time in life thing.

“I don’t care about that, I’d rather read a book or watch a movie” he answered.

The day came and Johnny was more than ready to be dancing his heart out with the beautiful and bright Adalynn. Jaehyun too was ready, his mother didn’t need to know he wasn’t attending his prom. she didn’t need to worry about his failing social life and so he dressed up like every boy his age would. took memorial pictures and left his house to pick up'his partener'. 

The two boys were wearing gorgeous suits; they took the bus and rode to opposite directions.

One to high school where the music was loud, the lights were busting, drinks were being served and young people tried to make the best out of a day they thought was one not to be missed.

The other missed it with no regret and ran to the woods where the wind blew carelessly between the dark shades of the tall trees and where the floor was humid to the touch. There he walked barefoot, danced his hands in the cold air to the rhythm of the nature’s rough songs.

He smiled in peace and wished for his heart to stop beating. A slow tear rolls down his pale cheek as he bit on his lower lip, eyes lost in the frozen view of the outside world. that day he still loved the place but hated it's people even more. He wished to die.

A/N: thank you to every and each person who keeps reading my fic even though I'm such a bad author who is sooooo slow (like an update after a whole month what the hell). Anyway I would always enjoy your comments and opinions on the new chap or the old ones. 

Hedgie-nim