Leo had trouble sleeping; according to his psychiatrist, it was just a result of the medicine. 

"It happens," Dr. Akina said, shrugging. "Sometimes meds just do that."

So give me one that doesn't. Not that Leo would actually say that.

Meanwhile, N fell asleep like a boulder rolling off a cliff: immediately, effectively, and loudly. Leo would regularly throw pillows at his roommate for snoring too loud, to wake him up and give him a four word long complaint. 

One night, though, after a long argument in choir (minus Leo) over the worth of modern pop music, N woke up screaming.

Leo's book--The Shining, a horrible choice for the late time--went flying across the room, and his hand went straight to the baseball bat N had convinced him to keep between their beds. His roommate was sitting straight up in bed, blankets tangled around his legs, sweat on his forehead, and a hand clutching at his heart. N's chest was heaving, his breaths sounding more like stone than air.

To Leo's horrified surprise, there were tears in N's eyes.

"...N...?"

N's hand crept around to his lower back, where he felt around through his shirt before falling onto his back.

"Sorry, man. I'm okay. Just go back to sleep."

"I...wasn't sleeping...just reading."

"Go to sleep anyways." N's characteristic smile was missing, and he threw his arm over his eyes. 

Leo sat there for a moment, then got up and sat cross-legged on the floor by N's head, staring up at the redhead until N finally looked over.

"Yah. What'd I say?"

Leo tilted his head, trying to ask the question he wanted to say out loud through his eyes. 

"No, I'm not going to tell you what the dream was," N said, shaking his head but smiling slightly. "You'd laugh."

"...do I ever laugh?"

"Four words! Nice." N sighed heavily. "Yeah, you wouldn't."

Leo nodded.

"I...still. I don't know. I don't really want to talk about it." N held out a hand, and Leo, for once obliging, took it, letting N's arm swing his from side to side. "Maybe. Because you're nice."

"...I can...keep a secret."

N rolled over to face Leo fully. "I will. Soon. But first I'm going to ask you to do a favor. Tomorrow, can you throw my shoes away for me?"

"Shoes?"

"The black ones over there." N pointed into his open closet at a pair of brand-new, cheap-looking slip-ons.

"Why?"

"I'll tell you later."

Leo pouted, feeling a little relieved when N giggled. 

"I love it when you do that," N said, squeezing Leo's hand. "You look funny."

And even though all of this was explicitly platonic, Leo couldn't help smiling a little.

N nestled back into his pillows and closed his eyes.

"Go to sleep, you idiot." 

For the first time in a long, long time, Leo was at peace.

The next morning, Leo followed N to all his classes, dogging him for answers.

"If you don't go away I might not talk to you anymore," N threatened, pausing in front of the door to his math class.

Leo didn't move, just stood there and blinked.

Finally, after last period choir, N gave in.

"You're really annoying, but I love you," N said under his breath, putting down his sheet music and giving a staring Leo a bop on the nose. "Let's find somewhere private."

Ken snickered. "Somehwere private?"

"I need to talk to Leo. It's important."

"Hey, we want to talk to Leo too," Hyuk said, leaning over from his riser spot.

Leo gave the sophomore a death glare.

"He only feels comfortable talking to me right now," N said, in a voice that cut off any deliberation.

"Comfortable, eh?" Ken wiggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, shut it, dumba ," Ravi said. "You're just jealous because no one wants your--"

N gave Ravi a swift kick to the knee. "Have you forgotten about Hongbinnie?" He nodded over at the person in question, shivering in fearful anticipation of the verbal attack sure to follow.

Ravi shrunk away. "Sorry."

N grabbed Leo's arm and pulled him up. "Anyways, you all had better have the music learned by next class. Director's gonna whup us if we mess up any more. Leo, let's go."

Ken burst into roaring laughter the moment Leo and N left the room, and Leo leaned in closer to talk into N's ear.

"Do they...do we really...look like a pair?"

N released his grip on Leo's arm suddenly, a disappointed look in his eyes. "Is that a bad thing?"

Leo stopped walking, caught off guard.

The two of them were still for a moment. Then N sighed. "Sorry. I'm a little prickly today."

Leo turned his eyes away, heart beating just a little faster than usual in his chest. 

"Let's grab a coffee or something. I'll tell you there."

The coffee shop on campus, Bookstore Beverages, was college style, with shelves of books for sale and hidden work nooks around a central seating area and café. It was almost always empty; there were bigger, better places to eat and shop within a mile of campus, which was where the "safe" students' free reign ended. The quiet was a good thing for discussion.

"I...haven't thrown out your shoes yet," Leo said quietly.

N beamed. "Almost a full sentence! We're getting there. But that's okay. I was overreacting. I...I'll try to explain it." His smile faltered for a second, returning full force as they stepped inside the warm bookstore. 

A coffee and green tea later, they were in one of the study corners, settled in together on a couch.

N was silent, hands cupped around his tea, breathing in the aroma. Leo watched and waited.

"Well, I don't...like to talk about me," N said, not meeting Leo's eyes. 

"Me neither."

"My...home situation isn't good. I, uh, I have a foster family, and they're good, but I still remember stuff from my real parents." N's hands started shaking, gripping his tea tightly. "You've never seen me without my shirt off, right? I don't take off my shirt. There's scars and stuff on my back. I don't...want people to see that." He took a deep breath and downed a mouthful of burning tea, swallowing and blowing out hot air. 

Leo reached out and held N's wrist gently. The other boy looked up, giving Leo a weak smile.

"I'm okay," N said, voice strangled.

"...want to go back?"

"No, it's fine." N sighed deeply. "Yeah, I had a nightmare last night about it. Sometimes I do at night, but...you take a long time to fall asleep, but you sure don't wake up easily."

Guilt welled up in Leo's chest.

They returned to the dorm in silence, each holding their own drinks. Winter was descending fast upon them, the air biting at their cheeks and sunlight already starting to fade, hitting the windows of the classrooms in just the right way to make them shine like spotlights.

At the entrance to the boy's dorms, N stopped, hands balled in fists.

"F ," he muttered.

N never swore.

Leo stopped, too, and turned to face his roommate.

"I can't go inside," N said, in a deep breath of the crisp air. "I...don't want to."

Leo looked around, then stepped closer.

"...why?"

N shook his head. "I just can't."

"Do you need...to find...the counselor?"

"F , no." N's jaw worked under his skin. 

Leo swallowed hard and wrapped an arm around N's shoulders. "Let's go inside," he said quietly. "...it might help."

It was Leo who punched in the combination for the front door, held the doors, and unlocked the dorm. N sat down hard on the floor.

"Sorry, Leo." He leaned back against the door and tipped his head back to rest against the wood.

Leo stood in front of his roommate for a moment, unsure of what to do. "...do you need anything?"

N closed his eyes. "Just put the shoes in the safe box. And don't tell me the code."