Jiyeon X Sehun

They Never Know…

Jiyeon's POV

2012 SBS Gayo Daejun

Our performance was finally over and we rushed backstage. Yet another performance for the year’s end was done. I knew we probably won't be invited again next year. Who would invite idols who are hated by the nation, right? Did they invite us out of obligation… was there hope. maybe they just pitied us.

“Let's watch the other performances. Manager oppa is outside waiting for us.” Soyeon unnie called out to us as we were packing the bags. “Since we performed early we get to enjoy the other performances.”  Always positive Soyeon unnie, however, her words didn’t match the bitter smile on her face.

“I will rest here, I don’t feel too good,” I said simply. I saw no point in sitting next to other idols while they get the screams and support and we only get the judging looks from fans, implying we should just leave. I have no strength left for that.

Hyomin unnie patted my back as she walked out following the other members. Boram unnie also didn’t leave before giving me a hug and pinching my cheeks – her way of telling me to cheer up.

…

“It's good that you didn’t come. There were no seats for us. Even Taemin and Minho didn’t sit down since we were standing, but the staff kept on telling other idols not to give us seats. I can't believe it.”

The members came way too soon than expected. Honestly, I knew it, that our reality was far from our dreams now.

“Jiyeon-ah, by the way, Luna is waiting outside for you. See her for a moment.” Eunjung unnie said and I got up immediately. I felt like crying, but I broke down in front of my members, they would start blaming themselves.

“SunYoung-ah!” I rushed and hugged her. She patted my back as I didn’t let go of her. “Why is it so hard, huh?” I mumbled. I was thankful that she found time for me and was there for me when I needed her.

“It will get better, baby,” SunYoung muttered and we parted while smiling.

I chuckled. She knew I cringed every time someone called me like that. “Thank you.”

“Whatever happens, ignore it. I know what kind of a person you are, so do you. I will be always with you.”  SunYoung patted my back as we walked to their room backstage. The other members weren’t there but some of the Exo members were there as well as JinKi oppa. I bowed and greeted them quietly.

I knew of Exo because they were under SM and I have met a few of the members when they were trainees. Since I was always in touch with SunYoung, I bumped into them a few times.

“How have you been, Jiyeon-ah?” JinKi oppa asked while smiling. He was like that always. I was grateful that people didn’t come to me with pitiful looks.

“I will be fine, oppa.” I replied shortly. I was glad I got to meet him when I was doing fine, because I think no one will ever want to be friends with me.

“Have you met Jiyeon before? Why don’t you greet her, you were jamming to T-ara’s songs a while ago.” He talked to the Exo members. I immediately shook my head, I don’t expect even greeting from now on.

“SunYoung-ah, I will leave now. It was nice meeting you.” I mumbled to the others and walked out. Seo In Young unnie rarely attended such shows and she was fine with it, but it really got into me. I realized, I was really hated.

“T-ara Jiyeon?” I heard someone ask me. I guess they wouldn’t recognize me since I wore a huge jacket and put the hood on. I turned around a saw the Infinite members. They probably finished with their performance.

I bowed and greeted them and turned to walk away. “Everything will get better.” I heard SungJong say. I had no courage to even thank them.  As I walked I realized the room for us was rather far. Would I bump into someone else? I did – another Exo member.

“Jiyeon sunbaenim, hello.” He bowed. Something I haven’t encountered for a while.

I bowed back. “In order to survive and become a popular group member, if an idol is below you don’t greet them with such respect even if you want to. People will see it as weakness. Hate me.” So you survive. Even if you have a kind heart, people won't care. They want the strong to be proud and weak – hiding. I left after saying such things. Maybe he won't understand me, but I'm sure he won't forget it.

--/---

Dream concert 2014

“Were those cheers for us?”

“Did those light sticks glow for us too?”

We couldn’t believe it. We performed and people were cheering for us. It wasn’t our concert. We didn’t get a black ocean or a quiet audience. Yes. We were at the point when people cheered while we performed we got surprised.

“Ah, I won't be able to sleep tonight.” Hyomin unnie stretched while she was smiling from ear to ear. We were all like that. We couldn’t believe it.

Finally we were filling refreshed after performing on such a big stage. It's been a while now, but like everyone said, it was getting better each time. We performed my solo and Number 9, although it was an old song people cheered for us, so seeing those lights even though they weren’t too many – we felt warm inside. All the effort wasn’t pointless.

“I will go outside for a while, I will call my brother,” I said as I grabbed my phone after wrapping my blanked around my waist.

“Send our greetings as well.” The members said and I walked out of the room. However, I couldn’t call him right away since someone grabbed my hand and took my phone. I immediately looked up.

“Exo Sehun?” I raised my eyebrow at him and looked at my phone in his hand. “What are you doing?” I reached out to get my phone back but he held it high. Two years had passed since I saw him so close, he had grown up a lot and had nice built. However, I didn’t understand this situation at all.

“The last time we spoke, you asked me to hate you. I think I've become too good at hating you.” He told me calmly. “But you don’t know that since you never saw me properly. I reached the top, but you didn’t even look at me. Why did you tell me such a thing back then? I was ready to support you no matter what.”

I wished I was wrong then. But I sensed you liked me back then. To protect you and your dreams, it was better for you to erase me. 

“But from now on I will make you see me. I will make sure you think only of me.” He said and returned my phone back. “This time you may end up falling even deeper though.”

I bit my lip. Two years had passed yet he still thought of me? It was more serious than I thought.

…

Sehun’s  POV

“Sehun, where were you?” Suho hyung asked as soon as I returned to the room backstage.

“I just went out for a bit of fresh air.” I answered simply. Of course there was no way I would tell him I went to see T-ara Jiyeon and bother her. I knew I was bothering her. I hated her for turning me down every time I talked to her.

“What's with all of you going for fresh air. Jongin and Chanyeol used the same excuse too. Are you meeting female idols?” he asked further.

I laughed. As if we were in the place where we could do that. But after hearing Suho hyung express his opinion on Chanyeol hyung and Kai, I realized I didn’t like it. Because there was no guarantee that that person won't be Jiyeon.

“I heard there is a party happening backstage.” Jongdae hyung said after taking his eyes off his phone. He glanced at Baekhyun hyung as if they had something in mind.

“It's T-ara Jiyeon’s birthday party. SNSD sunbaenims are already in their room, since they are friends apparently. Maybe Chanyeol went to congratulate her since they know each other.” Baekhyun hyung said. I couldn’t believe I've forgotten it's her birthday.

“Sunny sunbaenim asked for Jongin since she had mentioned him in a show. I guess they want to embarrass her.” Tao said suddenly.

“No way.” Minseok hyung laughed. That’s what I wanted to believe as well. “But I saw some Infinite members going there as well, I mean, they promoted together for a long time, and even now Infinite and Jiyeon’s solo were overlapping.”

I narrowed my eyes. He was right. I have seen them glancing at each other and L-ssi, approaching Jiyeon on music shows. There were a lot of edited pictures of the two of them. It was annoying to match them.

“We are back.” Chanyeol hyung and Kai walked in, they looked rather pleased, judging from the smiles on their faces. “We had some cake and returned. It was energizing.” He chuckled.

“So you really went to T-ara sunbaenims’ room.” Kyungsoo hyung spoke.

Chanyeol hyung nodded. “We went and wished Jiyeon a happy birthday and Jongin shook hands with her. It's been a while since they met too.”

“You have known each other too Kai?” I asked.

Kai laughed. “Of course. You know how often f(x) sunbaenims and Jiyeon met for the past years. She really has many celebrity friends.” He said as if it was nothing. I also met Jiyeon when I was a trainee and she had come to see her friend. But I didn’t know she and Kai were comfortable with each other to this extent.

“She is really nice to be around. Her vibe is no joke. After all that has happened to their group, I'm glad she is still able to smile like that.” Kai added.

As if she her smile is genuine. She has been pretending for so long that I'm sure she doesn’t know if it's real or fake.

“We were talking but when Infinite SungJong and L came, we bowed and walked out. But we were able to see her blow out the candles and it was enough.” Chanyeol hyung said.

“I guess Kai was the present.”  Kyungsoo hyung said once again.

“Ah, that. I suppose she said it since I'm being promoted for that.” Of course it's something you would say. Although there is me and Lay hyung, only you are recognized for the best dancer. “Honestly, she apologized to me after the show aired, since she didn’t want to be promoted with my name next to hers. She really doesn’t like mentioning idols like me. Actually, she likes Lay hyung’s dance the most.” He chuckled.

“Ooh, Lay hyung. You should greet her on her birthday next year.” Tao patted his shoulders while laughing – typical of him.

Lay hyung scratched his neck and nodded. At least he didn’t get swayed so easily.

“Let's go. It's time to say goodbye to Dream Concert.” Suho hyung gathered us and we walked out. Most of the idols were already getting ready to walk on the stage.

What luck was it that T-ara were walking ahead of us. Jiyeon definitely stood out with that outfit, but she looked really beautiful. Even with such high heels she walked and danced as if it was nothing. Smiling, looking with those captivating eyes at the cameras – no wonder people fall for her.

“Happy birthday Jiyeon sunbaenim. Please look after me.” When I heard those words I recognized the voice – Lay hyung. He bowed at Jiyeon who smil