Final

“Hmm?” My younger sister looked at me weirdly as she looked at my laptop.

“What?” I asked, annoyed with her gaze.

“You said you didn’t like K-pop or anything about idol groups.” She said. I nodded.

“Yup.”

“So, why do I see you are downloading EXO Showtime?” She asked me. I tucked my hair behind and clicked the link to episode two to download it – EXO Showtime.

I shrugged.

“Hey, answer me.”

“You know that every 24^th our wifi will be updated as 100 percent. So, I checked our internet status earlier and it was 45 mb and I decided to download movie or variety shows to, you know, make it go zero so our internet won’t go to waste. Tomorrow will be the 24^th, right?” I asked her and she replied with a soft yes. “I decided to download EXO Showtime full episode because their show mb will make our internet go zero in a second.”

“Uh huh,” she blinked. “Yet, downloading EXO Showtime? I remembered that only I like K-pop in our family. You are Asian and Western movie or drama hardcore lover, right? So, why suddenly…?”

I sighed.

“That girl, my bestie, you know that she loves K-pop so much. So, she told me that this new debuted group EXO or whatever they are, came from EXO planet and are handsome aliens since last year…err, then…ah, she said this group’s songs are the best and they just won MAMA Awards…?” I dug my memories further. “And…she said I should watch EXO Showtime because I told her I bored watching dramas or movie now, I wanted something new and she just told me about this.”

“So, have you heard their songs?”

I shook my head. My sister widened her eyes.

“You got to be kidding me!” She shrieked.

What was she surprised for? It’s normal. I rolled my eyes.

“Their song! Wolf is the best and History too also Machine and Peter Pan, What Is Love, Don’t Go…” my sister started listing EXO’s song titles and I thought I was going to be dizzy because of her. “…EXO is the best!”

“Yeah. Okay, if you are done let me watch EXO Showtime episode 1.”

“Let me watch with you too…” she pleaded and gave me a smile.

I nodded and looked at my download. Okay, episode 3 and 4 were simultaneously downloaded.

I opened the video and watched 12 boys entered the room.

I heard my sister laughed because of this tall guy, named Kris. Well, he looked cool and the caption did the best when they wrote ‘Cold city guy’. This guy really has that kind of aura.

Then, the boys sat at the table and they started the session with question from fan.

I thought my mouth fell when they held the winking contest, and I questioned myself how the guy with big eyes and have heart shaped mouth could wink his eyes. Normally, people will wink one eye in the left. But, he winked left and right.

Also, the eating chicken contest made me laugh. It should be Kai that got the title ‘the chicken mania’. However, the one that got it was someone else. I forgot his name but this one guy was titled ‘chicken’ and his name was Luhan. He has a cute face and his smile was infectious. I felt like loving him already.

Then, the episode came to an end and I still remembered Kris was the MVP to their winking contest. I admitted he was cool as he sat on the table and winked to the camera while holding the glass. The background song was Machine and it was suitable with the scene. I thought he shot love arrow to my heart earlier.

I laughed unknowingly. He was cool and funny at the same time.

Then, when episode 1 ended, I opened the browser and downloaded episode 5,6 and 7 simultaneously and my finger clicked on the mouse to episode 2.

That night, I watched EXO Showtime full episodes in one go.

I checked we still had about 5 mb internet before twelve o’ clock in the midnight and my sister suggested me to download their songs.

Well, she downloaded it because I didn’t know their song. I yawned.

She clicked on the video and insisted that I should hear and watched EXO. It was the live performance video of EXO in Music Bank.

I bit my upper lips when I heard cheers as the video was played.

The song playing in the background and my eyes couldn’t look away when I watched their performance, they look amazing and breathtaking. They mesmerized me. At that time, I smiled. Saying to myself that I will be their fan and remembering their names also the group name that will make me grin foolishly.

EXO

Yes, I hope I didn’t regret to watch you all step by step.

“What song is this?”

“Wolf.”

She replied meekly.

-

The season came by and went in an instant. This time, after Kris left EXO, my bias Luhan was going to leave EXO. My heart was screaming in sadness, hoping he didn’t choose to leave. Luhan left EXO.

I still faithful to EXO, watching ot12 went to ot10 this instant. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself to stop listening their song.

Especially, Lucky. That song was special to me.

I thought I heard Overdose million times already. Also EXO’s other songs but the weird was, I didn’t get sick of it.

_

One evening, my sister entered my room as I was struggling to finish my home works. “Hey, you should hear this!” she tapped my shoulder.

“What?”

“Tao going to leave EXO.”

Again, ot1o went to ot9. Why did EXO shatter too much? I questioned.

But, I couldn’t say anything, I just a fan.  I am no one special to them. They didn’t know me yet I knew them from time to time.

I love EXO.

But, this thing called love could hurt the fan heart badly too? Was this possible?

_

“Do you want to hear this?” My best friend asked when she opened the video. We sat on the bench near the school.

“What’s that?”

“BTS, I Need You.”

We heard the song about five minutes as we watched the MV.

“That’s sad.” I commented.

She nodded . “I kind of like V and Jungkook in this group.”

I smiled.

Even when people showed me more groups, I still thought that one didn’t leave my heart or mind.

EXO, the 12 boys.

I sighed.

It hurts to think about the new EXO.

But, I wanted to support them just a little more.

_

Six years passed and things changed. Tonight, EXO held a fan meeting near our place and I felt anxious about it. My sister bought a ticket for the fan meeting, not for her but for me.

“Go and meet them, it’s your last year after all.”

I nodded and thanked her.

_

Holding the ticket made my hands trembled and I felt butterflies flying in my stomach. I never felt this nervous before. Yet, my feet won’t move to go away from the line.

I vowed to myself once that I will meet them.

I’m here.

At their fan meeting, about a few people more then it will be my turn. I felt sweaty. I hoped I didn’t screw out. Oh, I scared.

Should I turn back?

Then, how many years it would be later?

I was too occupied in my thought till I felt someone in the back nudging me. As I came to my senses, I was in front Suho. The leader of EXO smiled at me.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

This surprised me, I thought I will stutter.

I went closer to him and he opened his pen lid and wanted to sign the group photos on the table as he looked at the album I was holding.

“Wait,” I said.

“Yes?” Suho looked up and smiled, I knew he was tired. Look at his eyes and I thought his eyelids dropped and he blinked a few times looking at me. Suho was kind.

“I love EXO.”

“Thank you,” he beamed. “I hope you are happy with our songs and continue to support EXO.”

“I am supporting you, buying your albums…”

Suho nodded. “Thank you again, we love EXO-Ls.”

“…but I think this will be the last time I will watch your group.”

“Why?” Suho asked loudly. The other members looked at him, confused and the nearby EXO-Ls watched me.

“I love EXO so much. I supported you and watch all of you year by year. But, I’m done now. I want to say goodbye to all of you.” I said as I looked at the members.

“Why?” Kai asked. He sat beside Suho and apparently heard our conversation, maybe.

“It not meant I won’t like EXO or will not support you again, I still love EXO. However, my time has come to an end. My youth will be going away if I continue to hold on to you. I am going to marry next week. I don’t want to let go of EXO. So, goodbye EXO. You are once a very special piece to my memories in youth and forever will be. Even so, if I keep looking back, I won’t be happy. I still hope for ot12 to reunite again. It won’t happen.”

“I wish that EXO will be doing well and be a legend in the industry. Also, EXO as one and I will always love you. Goodbye.”

I bowed to them and straighten my back.

I grinned.

“Thank you for loving us and goodbye.” Suho stood up and looked at me with a loving gaze. All the members stood up when Suho stands.

I eyed them for one last time. In front of me, Suho. The left beside him was Kai and the right beside Suho was Sehun. Chanyeol was grinning, Baekhyun smiled followed by D.O and I heard Lay asking someone what’s happening. Xiumin and Chen nodded their heads to me.

“Also, congratulations on your marriage, miss.” Suho added. “Even if you are married,” Suho put his hand on his neck. “You also an EXO-L, that won’t change to us.”

“Thank you for appearing in my youth.” I gratefully said to them.

Free.

I felt free.

I was happy.

This was my last words. My youth to love something will never be gone, it will forever be embedded in my mind.

I love EXO.

Now and forever.

-

14 years later.

I sat in the store room and rummaged one box beside the other box near the corner of the room.

I looked at the contain in the box and grinned.

EXO’s albums.

My daughter came in the room.

“Mama, what are you doing?”

“I am sorting out things, dear. Want to help?” I offered, taking her to sit on my lap. My daughter tied her hair in ponytail.

“Yup, mama.”

“Then, I want to rearrange this albums position and the pictures.” I told her.

My daughter looked at them.

“What’s that, mama?”

“EXO, dear. An idol group mama once loved.” I muttered.

“Papa know?”

“Of course he know!” I pinched her cheeks sweetly. “We met because of EXO.” I reminisced the meeting with my husband. I met him when my best friend and I entered a street dance competition and we did an EXO cover. He was the contest winner with his friends. He said I was cool doing Growl and that made me shy. That’s how we started to know each other.

“Mama still loves them? How are they now?” My small little cupcake asked.

“They are well and dear, mama loves them.”

“How much mama?”

“Mama loves them much dear, but mama loves papa a lot than them because your papa is my eternal love.”

A smile graced on my daughter face.

“Can I watch your EXO albums?”

“Of course, dear. Once , EXO was part of my youth. In school, chatting with friends about it…”

It still felt sweet talking about EXO now.

“I’m sure I will love EXO, mama!” She chirped in.

You might do, dear. No, you will, dear.

EXO was a legend now.

I love EXO, still do.

But, my last words limited the love. It was to make me get back to my own self too, hugging my daughter as I kissed her on her cheek, a smile plastered on my face.

EXO-L and EXO, we are one.

We still one with love.

-the end-

My feel when writing this...ah, if I could predict the future. But, I love EXO and always will.