I watched Kihyun as he went inside his bedroom, & without thinking, I followed. My lack of judgment always gets me into trouble, right? What's one more thing added on to it?
"Wha-?" he started to say when he turned around & saw that I was right behind him. But his voice cut off when I slammed the door shut & locked it all in one movement. Kihyun winced when he heard a banging noise from the other side.
"Your boyfriend seems really angry." I said casually, leaning against the frame of the door. Who knows if it was Shownu or not, but I just assumed it was him, & that left Kihyun looking a bit worried.
"This isn't unusual behavior for you, but your timing is a bit off. Right now isn't the time to be doing something like this. You see how angry Shownu is getting? He never gets angry! That should be enough of a hint for you."
"Ah.." My eyes reached the ceiling. "So it is him."
Kihyun rotated his head quickly in a half circle, almost as if to say 'Why does it matter?'
"Why did you leave?"
"Why did you follow?"
"I wanted to check up on you. To make sure that you were okay."
Kihyun didn't say anything to me now, just staying silent & looking away. He was giving me my favorite thing in the world, where one of his eyes gets stuck in place. God, it took everything in me to hold myself back. The bangs on the door reminded me of my place. But wasn't the whole point of why I was here to ignore that anyway?
"Ki."
He glared at me now, & I already knew why. That was something only Shownu called him.
"Why do you insist on making everyone's lives so miserable?"
"Oh, I don't know about that. I can think of someone who doesn't fit into that 'everyone' category." I went in closer to him, & to my surprise, he didn't move. My hunch was right. He did want this. He was only fighting back because he had to & because he was with Shownu. Not because he wanted to.
I his cheek with the back of my hand, but he still didn't move. I was expecting him to swat my hand away, or throw a fit like he usually does. But nothing.
I heard banging again, & some muffled yelling that I couldn't quite make out.
"Who told you?" he asked, & I looked at him, puzzled.
"Who told me what?"
"That I still loved you."
Well that was news to me. But at least it confirmed my suspicions.
"You did. Just now."
"Shut up."
I took my hand away from him. "How many people do you honestly go around telling that you're still in love with me?"
He thought about it for a minute, then frowned.
"You didn't know?" he wondered, speaking in a small voice.
"I didn't know."
"So if you didn't know, you're doing all of this because you love me too, right? Not because you enjoy teasing me?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but didn't, closing it instead. I couldn't answer that.
The door opened, & I turned my body to see Jooheon crouched down picking the lock, & Shownu standing there breathing heavily. Kihyun's neck stretched to look over them, & I knew he was looking for I.M. A waste of time, if you ask me. I don't think he was in any hurry to re-join this party.
Shownu didn't look as angry as I imagined as he grabbed Kihyun's hand to pull him away from me. But still pissed all the less.
I walked out of their bedroom now, just as I.M shoved past me with a bunch of clothes in his hands, making his way to Jooheon's room.
Jooheon's smile was so big that his dimples looked like endless black holes. He came back once he set his stuff down, & I ran a hand through my hair out of revulsion. I stopped him from going any further.
"Don't do this," I muttered, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. "I didn't do anything to you yet."
"Yet, hyung. Yet. So I'm supposed to wait around until something happens?"
"I wasn't planning on doing anything!"
"Yeah? Well things like that aren't usually planned, Hoseok!"
My breathing hitched. The one I Ioved was really going to be taken away from me, all because of my past mistakes?
"I told him that I would never do it again! You believed me, right?" I went to Kihyun now, cupping his face in my hands. He looked into my eyes, almost as if he were in a trance, not able to say a single word.
"You've scarred him so much that he can't even speak." Jooheon scoffed.
"Not true!" Kihyun seemingly came to his senses & removed my hands from his face. "It's not like I'm afraid of him! I'm not living in fear. I'm perfectly fine! It happened once, & like I said, it was my fault!"
"It shouldn't have happened even once.." I heard Shownu say under his breath, but I blocked him out, turning my focus back to I.M.
"What can I do to show you, to make you believe that you're safe with me? That I would never hurt you?"
"You told him he had the option of leaving or not. So if he wants to leave, then let him be." Jooheon watched as I.M left for the rest of his things.
"Yeah, but I didn't actually think that he would chose to leave!"
"& that's the problem with you. You've had him wrapped around your finger for way too long. It's time to give him to someone else-"
I cut Jooheon's words off with my own. "Don't. Just don't. You're not getting him. I'm not accepting that. You'll get him when hell freezes over. He's too in love with me to even think about being with you." I saw I.M walk past with more things. "Right?"
He ignored my question & went into the room.
"Mother .." I breathed, pushing my hair out of my face again with a trembling hand. How did everything go south so fast? I chased after him & felt a hand try to stop me (most likely Jooheon's) but I shook it off.
"I need to talk to you. Without all of this," I motioned with my hands, swinging them into tiny circles in the air. I.M stopped folding his clothes & took in a breath.
"I didn't want to believe it.. This, on top of you constantly flirting with Kihyun.. That kiss you had was basically cheating. I know it wasn't just an accident. Maybe you convinced Kihyun of that, but not me."
"But it's not like you to just act irrationally without explanation! You storm off, sure, but moving your stuff out is pretty drastic!"
"I've already conveyed to you with words how I felt. That didn't seem to work. So now I'm doing this."
"It's working! It really is!" I got on my knees & hugged his legs, leaning my head against his thigh. The others were pouring in, watching me make a fool out of myself. But I didn't care. Some things were just more important.
I started to sing our song, Stuck, with not so great of a voice. But I still tried.

I'm obsessed with you
But I’m not dangerous, so baby don’t worry
I’m only obsessed with you
If I can have you, I’ll do anything
I don’t think I can do anything without you
I can’t live a day without you
I’m gonna try to handle you
I’m not dangerous so baby don’t worry

"What is happening?" I heard Minhyuk say, after my singing was over.
"Something that we probably shouldn't be witnessing," Shownu's voice was heard now, & I listened as they all piled out, one by one.
"But this is my room!" Jooheon complained, but I could tell that he left anyway. I was grateful to finally be alone with I.M.
I stood on my feet to embrace him in a tight hug.
But I never felt his arms return the favor.

"What did you think was gonna happen?" I overheard a voice say, through the thick fog of my sleep. I patted both hands on my bare chest, expecting to find a head full of hair there, but nothing. He must have gotten up. With much persuasion last night, I had asked I.M to talk to me once more, but we didn't do much talking & just ended up falling asleep on the living room couch.
I looked down on the floor, & all the clothes we had taken off were gone. Probably Kihyun moved it. I wondered what he thought about it, now that I knew that he still loved me. I thought back to the words he said to me last night, about making everyone's lives miserable. He acted like I was torturing him, but he's doing this to himself. It's not like I made him fall in love with me.
Besides, everyone was in love with me, right?
"I don't know.. I just didn't want to believe it.." I recognized the voice as I.M's, but what were they talking about? & who was he talking to? I wanted to turn around to see, but I didn't wanna miss out on the chance to eavesdrop. So I lay perfectly still, my eyes just resting on the ceiling.
"What about him do you love?" Jooheon. Yeah, go ahead & ask that question.
"Everything." Just like I thought I.M would say. Just like he should have said.
"I mean specifically."
"Look, you may only see the bad in Wonho, but I don't. I see so much more."
"But you almost left him last night, which leads me to believe that you're seeing the light. & then I find you two laying together out here instead of you being in my room. He's going to you back into all these delusions, but someone has to snap you back into reality."
God, I feel like this same conversation has been had a million times. Regardless of all the warnings he's been given, he's still with me. Yes, we almost broke up last night. But he's still with me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I remained still. I wasn't gonna give myself away now.
"Is he sleeping with his eyes open?"
. I forgot about that.
"I'm awake," I murmured, turning my head to whoever it was, & they jumped back, startled.
"Kihyun?" I propped my elbow onto the cushion of the couch to support my upper body, looking at him in confusion.
"Shh," he put an index finger up to his mouth, & I raised an eyebrow. With not much time to figure out what was going on, he grabbed my hand & led me to my room, locking the door.
"This.. seems familiar.." my eyebrow remained raised, recognizing the same actions I had did just last night.
Kihyun looked tired, but very timid. It was odd seeing him like this. He was usually very headstrong, despite his appearance. But right now he just looked helpless.
"Look, I just got things sorted out with I.M, & I'm really not trying to get into anymore trouble," I went to go unlock the door, but he moved in front of it, staring me down.
"What?" I asked, trying to reach around him, but he blocked it again. I scratched my head. What was he doing?
"Ki," I said, just to get on his nerves, but I didn't get annoyance. Instead I was met with what appeared to be him blushing ever so slightly. His eyes seemed to only be focused on my bare chest, & my eyes only looking into his. I knew what this was now. "Go ahead."
Now he was the one who was confused. "Go ahead what?"
"Go ahead & touch me. Do whatever. I don't mind."
His blush became deeper. "Are you a mind reader?"
"No, I'm just guessing by your actions. & your face is red, so there's that.." I rolled my eyes & smiled, while he covered his cheeks with his hands. "It's not doing any good. I've already seen it."
Kihyun said nothing, still eyeing my half- body. I still had the white stage pants on from yesterday, & he had on some baby blue cotton pajamas, reminding me of a small child.
"So are you going to do something, or can I leave?"
He shook his head, his auburn hair going every which way in the process.
"What question are you answering?"
More shakes of his head. I grew impatient & sat on the floor.
"So I'm being held hostage now, is that it?"
He kneeled in front of me, pressing his hands into my thighs. My heart jumped. I forgot he did things like this. Things I just so happened to find irresistible.
"I'm not gonna keep playing this guessing game with you, Kihyun. Either tell me what this is, or-" My words cut off as his lips became tangled into mine. We lasted like that for what seemed like forever, & then he finally broke away.
"Uhhh... Okay, so... did you get that out of your system?"
He looked at me, appalled, not really sure what to make of my statement. I knew what he was thinking, so I decided to fill him in.
"Look, I'm flattered you still like me, but I've got a good thing going with I.M now. Last night made me realize that I don't want to ruin it anymore or jeopardize what I have with him. Fate tore you & I apart because it knew we were meant for who we're with now. & if you still can't see that, then I'm sorry."
Kihyun looked livid.
"Oh, so now you understand? Before, you didn't care about any of that! We were trying to tell you all of this stuff for days!"
"Maybe I already knew what the right thing to do was. Maybe I just like to flirt. But not anymore. Not if I'm just going to hurt him."
"So you're just gonna be super nice to him, but not to me?"
"Um, he's my boyfriend? He kind of has priority..?"
"Im not talking about that! I'm talking about how you're treating him differently than you treated me in our relationship! Why does he get to have it good & not me?"
"I was a different person back then! Last year I didn't know what I wanted! I wanted to party & sleep around & be crazy! But those things just aren't as important to me now. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did, & I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm also sorry for leading you on these past couple of weeks. Maybe you're right. Maybe I do make everyone's life miserable." I hung my head, sulking ever so slightly. He came around me & hugged me from behind.
"I was just saying that. I didn't mean it."
"Yeah sure."
"I'm serious." He looked at me with deep brown eyes, & in that moment, I truly believed him. "You're a pain in the , but you're a good person. Obviously I.M sees that too, so don't worry about anything negative being said about you, even coming from me. Just treat him better. Okay? That's all we want from you." He forced a smile, but I knew he was only trying to act strong for me. I frowned in response, & he tilted his head.
"What's wrong now?"
"Nothing," I murmured.
"So, no more doing things you shouldn't be doing, right?"
I gave out a loud ha! "This coming from the guy that just kissed me!"

Kihyun cracked his neck. "Just promise me," he said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah yeah," I waved my wrist up & down, letting my hand follow. "Just let me out."

After a couple seconds passed, I wondered why he didn't move to go unlock the door.
"Kihyun? Kihyun!" I went in closer to him now, placing my hands on his shoulders to shake him a bit. He kept staring off into space, & the room around me became much darker.

"Ki..hyun.." I mumbled his name aloud as I felt my eyebrows coming in closer together. I opened my eyes & was met with the sun shining in my face. Once they adjusted to the light, I sat up & took in my surroundings. There, I found Kihyun sitting in the chair across from the couch I was laying on.
"Should I even ask what you were dreaming about?" He said calmly, looking out of the window with his chin resting in the palm of his hand.
"Uh.. I'd rather you not.." I said in a scratchy voice, still waking up. I took the hood from the hoodie I was wearing & put it over my head. "What are you doing out here anyway?"
"I had the intention of cleaning up a bit since I didn't get a chance to last night, & then stopped when I saw the sun rising outside. It looked pretty."
I nodded, looking out of the window with him. It did look pretty. But somehow, I didn't believe that as the real reason for him being out here.