What makes you regret


To say that Jongin was angry was an understatement. To say that he was just disappointed and unable to see that the others had a point, not right at all. Jongin knew exactly what was going on, where the problem originated from and that there WAS a possibility to change it. The real issue was that the others didn’t want to change it. Making the two rappers of the group the ones to produce and write the songs was a big mistake. Especially since those two were in a constant fight to outshine each other. Of course the songs ended up with heavy rap parts but that was not what a group was about. Their concept was not „We’re a hip-hop idol group“, at least nobody had ever voted for that. But at the moment Toby and Bangwon were driving the group into the direction they wanted it to be with Kangjoon using the opportunity to go all BBoy with it, leaving the rest of the group with the tiny bits of attention that remained. This was unfair. But nobody had the guts to say something about it.



Jongin couldn’t help but regret not dropping out like Yoosung had done. Yoosung would have been a better song writer, a better producer and obviously a better leader, too. But he was gone and Jongin was left with a group that couldn’t get together while his friend was off to another company where he finally could do what he was good at. Yoosung had been offered a contract by Seven Seasons to work for them as a producer. It was the best choice for him, if someone asked Jongin. And far better than being left with the bunch of heads he had to get along with.


A closer look at his group was all you needed to see what was going on. Kangjoon was an idiot. He had a bulky body to intimidate others, no brains at all and was drawn into Toby’s claws to be his very own personal tool. Oh yeah, Toby. Jongin didn’t know if the others were really that blind to not see it but he already noticed what Toby was doing. He never was one to trust others easily and after Shigure had warned him about Toby, he had been extra cautious. This cautiousness was proving him right all the more now that he had lived for a bit with the others and was able to see what the Arora member had been talking about. Black Dragon’s golden member indeed was clever. Right from the start he had charmed their leader and now he was using him for whatever. When Toby had approached Kangjoon, Jongin had already gotten suspicious. When Kangjoon was suddenly siding with Toby and going against Bangwon, his theories about them were confirmed. He had to give him that, the young guy was able to avoid getting his own hands dirty and making the leader your pet boy was giving him a lot of advantages. His foul play must have been invisible for the rest of the group but not to Jongin. He saw it all. Even that Toby somehow had managed to get their manager to bend to his will and once the time would come, Jongin would unveil everything.


The other members were pretty simple, whereas some did disappoint Jongin. Bangwon was one of those. He could have been the one standing up to Toby and getting things right but Bangwon was so much into his own , that he didn’t care about the others. Another one was Geunji. Geunji as well would have been able to put Toby in his place but instead of doing so, he was enchanted by Toby’s dancing skills and even when Geunji didn’t approve with what Toby came up with for choreographies, the younger one managed to get his moves into Geunji’s choreographies the sneaky way. The one to suffer under that the most was Sian. May it be because he was the youngest or because Kangjoon wasn’t taking care of the maknae as he should have, but if Jongin was the one who was losing in terms of vocal parts, then Sian was the one who lost in the dancing department. That’s why Jongin felt a little connected to the youngster. Jaekwang was someone Jongin didn’t want to talk about. He just didn’t deserve to be in the group. But since Geunji was already taking the job to remind the visual of it every single day, Jongin didn’t see the need of actively participating in it himself.

All in all it was frustrating. What he wanted to do was to see the good in everything, to be the kind person he used to be but it wasn’t possible. Black Dragon had turned Jongin into someone who was all salty and angry. It was even more frustrating to him to see that nobody else seemed to suffer that much because of what was going on amongst the members. The daily grind had established itself way too quick after the HERA fashion week was over and the boys had started to practice the choreographies for Hero and Don’t tease me. Nobody was working as hard as before anymore. Not after the success had proven enough to the members that they could make it big. And it was showing in their daily routines.




One of Jongin’s morning rituals had become watching Geunji and Jaekwang daily camping in front of the bathroom when Toby was in. It was easy to predict. Toby was occupying it every day the exact same time and Jaekwang and Geunji had made it their lives’ task to wait outside until he was done, leaving with nothing else on than his towel. Toby didn’t even dried himself properly, always leaving behind wet footprints and some water drops that had made their way either down Toby’s hair or his abs. He admitted that it was a nice sight and one to enjoy a lot as well. Nevertheless, Jongin had thought he was the most erted of the boys. And he was wrong as it seemed.



“Don’t you think he will notice what you two are doing every day?“, Jongin asked the two of them when he got out of the kitchen with his breakfast.



“What are you talking about, backstabber?! I’m waiting because I want to take a shower…!“, Geunji got all snarky, making it too obvious that Jongin had found a weak spot. But Geunji scowling at him didn’t impress him at all.



Backstabber had become a name Jongin already got used to. He didn’t feel guilty for trying to help his friends when nobody else had the guts to do the same. He did nothing wrong. And if the others wanted to blame him for god’s sake, then they should go on with it. He’d have to live with it. As much as they had to do with their incapability.



Anyhow, should those two sit in front of the bathroom next to each other forever. Jongin felt angry looking at them but not as enraged as when he was looking at Toby, Bangwon or even Kangjoon. And they all had habits that were not okay for idols. Habits that Jongin was willing to inform Taehee about so the group members would finally start getting their together and those who were acting like tyrannical dictators realize that they couldn’t act as they wanted. That was how Jongin had started to follow some of the others around in secrecy. Fun fact, the three Jongin had so desperately wanted to blow the whistle at had one in common. Their weak spot. Girls.

After everything was recorded and the group had to prepare for their debut performance and video, the pressure was still there but the motivation slowly started lacking. There was no 24/7 preparing anymore. Whenever the boys had a minute to spare, they were taking one break after another. For the most stupid reasons ever. Kangjoon was the most obvious. Toilet breaks and the need for fresh air had become his favorite excuses but he never went outside or to the lavatories.



No matter how bad he was in approaching girls, he still did. There was no day on which he wasn’t lingering around the Arora practice room, even more now that they were actively making use of it as their comeback was already set as well. Kangjoon never dared entering, though. Instead he was practicing awful lines to throw at the girls in front in the hallway that he never used in the end. Pathetic. So pathetic. Even Sian had started to look after Kangjoon, being curious enough to check what the leader was doing all the time leaving their practice room during breaks. That was when Jongin stopped following Kangjoon. 



Bangwon was a little more difficult to tail. He was up so early in the morning that it was almost impossible to follow him without being caught. But once Jongin had managed, he had soon figured that there was a pattern in what Bangwon was up to every single day. Each morning he was going to the exact same coffee shop… where he was spending time with one of the barista girls. His girlfriend? Maybe a crush? Whatever it was, he was breaking the rules since none of the boys was allowed to date. As trainees it wasn’t good to be seen with a girl but now that they had signed their new contracts, girlfriends had become a No-Go. But still Bangwon was sitting in that coffee shop, making eyes at the barista. Taehee would be so happy to hear about it.

The most surprising one but also the one who gave Jongin the biggest present with the way he was taking rules was Toby. Why? Because he was the perfect example of an entitled playboy. A few days after they had recorded the songs again and finally started working actively on their choreography together, Toby had brought some visitor to the dormitory. Bangwon and Geunji were still at the company, even Jaekwang was somewhere out. So Jongin, Toby, Sian and Kangjoon were the only ones being left behind at the dorm after practice was done for the day. 



Jongin, Sian and Kangjoon had been out for some grocery shopping as it was Jongin’s turn to buy the stuff Jaekwang had artistically written down on a piece of paper, all old-fashioned. Kangjoon had agreed to help him and Sian soon had forced his presence onto the others because he felt the urge to spend some more time with the leader. When they got back to the dorm there were strange noises coming from Toby’s and Bangwon’s room.

“Do you hear that?“, Sian asked, all ears. Didn’t seem as if the maknae had ever heard something like that. Granted, Jongin wouldn’t have known what it was either if adult movies hadn’t been a thing among the older trainees (okay, let’s be honest, Jongin wasn’t all that innocent and maybe, just maybe he had been one of those to spread some of the videos as well). But the youngest trainees had never been integrated into the exchange of movies, it was just too logical that Sian was still a little, innocent flower. “Is Toby crying?“, the small boy even asked. Jongin and Kangjoon almost cracked up.

“Noooo. Just ignore it, Sian.“, Kangjoon told him and went into the kitchen.

“But shouldn’t we go check on him? He sounds as if he’s in pain!“, the maknae still tried.

And again Kangjoon proved what kind of great leader he was. Instead of getting angry at Toby for breaking all the rules about not meeting up with girls - especially not bringing them into their dorm to knock them up! - he just turned a blind eye to it and ignored it. Oh yeah, there was so much Jongin had to inform Taehee about.

Thirty minutes later Kangjoon, Sian and Jongin were sitting together in the living room, still listening to the activity sounds. None of them was speaking, the awkwardness so real and present, Jongin could have sworn he felt the heat of Kangjoon’s glowing face reaching him.

When the sound backdrop finally faded into complete muteness, Kangjoon heavily exhaled. “Should we… go back to our room?“, he asked. Leave to save Toby and his little adventure from the embarrassment of running into his co-members?



“Nope.“, Jongin answered very determined and with a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

Just ten more minutes and the door opened. The poor girl was kicked out right after bad, bad Tobes was done having fun with her. Jongin couldn’t feel any pity for a girl falling for someone like Toby. But when the girl with her tousled hair, swollen lips and glowing cheeks was suddenly standing in front of the boys, the shock on each of the boys’ faces was big enough to keep each of them shut.

Toby just took one more second to follow the girl, his hair looking almost messier than hers. He wasn’t even fully dressed, the only thing he was wearing being a pair of jeans, he was still about to put on properly. “Oh, what are you doing here?“, was the first thing he was saying when he noticed the other members sitting in front of them.

“Apparently we’re living here.“, Jongin answered and raised his eyebrows, trying his best not to let shine through that he couldn’t believe that OMG’s Yooa was standing in front of them. Just yesterday Sian had pulled out his phone, showing the other members a video of Toby’s latest commercial video that was starring Yooa as well. They had made fun of how cringeworthy the commercial was, how different Toby was in front of cameras than in reality and that there was not even a bit of chemistry between the two. Now she was here.

The embarrassment in YooA’s face was showing more than obviously and the girl rushed outside, halfway bowing and mumbling a mix of “I’m so sorry.“ and “Oh my god, no!“

Sian and Kangjoon were both following her with not only their eyes but their whole bodies as they were fully turning around to watch her take her leave. And again nobody was saying something. Great… Jongin’s turn to turn into the group’s personal mommy.

“You’re aware of the rules we have?“, Jongin asked Toby.



“Maxime peccantes, quia nihil peccare conantur.“, Toby answered with a smirk on his lips. This was definitely not the right moment to be all smug. 



Not to mention that nobody understood what he was saying. “What?!“

The tall guy suddenly started laughing and shaking his head. “He who doesn't sin is the greatest sinner of all.“, he spoke and was about to turn around again to get back into his room. But not like that. Jongin wouldn’t let him go that easily.

Like an angry mom he jumped up from the couch rushing after him. “Hey! Don’t you think that your behavior is reckless?! If you get caught we’ll all be in deep !“

“She’s an idol as well, don’t worry. Since we both have to be careful, we’re double cautious. And it’s not as if that was the first time.“

“WHAT?!“

What on earth was happening here? Was this a joke? Was Jongin just imagining things? He was so taken aback from the way Toby was answering, that he could only watch Toby close the door of his room again with a dropped jar. The impertinent rudeness was from another star. Toby, who wasn't giving about rules. Toby who put himself on the same level as Yooa even though Black Dragon hadn't even debuted yet. Toby who wasn't even giving the others a chance to talk things out. Toby was... he was just really...

“Woah, Toby really is cool!“, Kangjoon commented from behind and even clapped his hands in a round of applause.

Oh yeah. This all was just a giant joke. 




It was the actual evening before their debut video shoot when Jongin finally managed to get hold of Taehee. The manager got all the more busy with his own schedules so packed that the boys barely met him anymore and so Jongin felt lucky when Taehee entered the dormitory, straight heading towards his room. From the kitchen the scent of dinner was seducing the boys to camp in the living room, everyone waiting to finally get something to eat but Taehee wasn’t paying attention to it.

“Can I talk to you?“ Jongin had sneaked into Taehee’s room right after him, not even wasting a second to knock at the door. He had followed him straight, closing the door behind him immediately as if he was Taehee’s shadow and almost creeped the heck out of him.

Taehee looked back at Jongin with a mixture of annoyance and extreme weariness on his face. His warm, youthful looks had long ago turned into the image of a strict and cold manager. “What do you want, Jongin?“



“Can we talk about how things are going for Black Dragon right now? I think the others don’t really take things seriously enough.“, Jongin started, “And they’re breaking ru-“ -“STOP!“



Being interrupted in the middle of his sentence left Jongin more than unsatisfied. In all the misery the group was caught in, he had hoped that at least the manager would take his side. Was he too blind to see it? Just like the others? Couldn’t he see that the group was getting too self-assured after their Fashion Week success that they had gotten all slipshod with their behavior?

“You already caused enough trouble for the group with that little deal you made with the CEO. Do you think reporting others to me now is any better?“, Taehee was unexpectedly telling him off. “All of us are stressed and we all have our own ways of dealing with it. Don’t judge others because of that.“ As if Jongin’s matter wasn’t all that important anymore, Taehee started getting off his jacket and tie. “I am glad that you came to me to talk about it and didn’t go to the CEO directly like last time. And I can only tell you to stop trying to screw the others up, that is not how things are working in a group. Especially not in this one. If the CEO finds out about any of this, Black Dragon will disband even before debuting. So just keep your quiet and try not to cause more trouble to the group, okay? And now excuse me but I’d like to sleep early today, tomorrow will be an important day for all of us.“

This was not how Jongin thought things would go and when he left, he wasn’t happy at all. Even Taehee was turning a blind eye to all the the members were doing and instead Jongin was the one who was called out for being the bad guy when all he was doing was the right things. Disappointed he headed into the kitchen where Jaekwang was already done cooking and preparing the members’ plates. Sian helped him but what he was doing didn’t look all that right. In the very moment Jongin entered, Sian was pouring some white powder onto one of the plates and mixed it into the food.

“What are you doing, Sian?“, Jongin asked. Whatever Sian was up to, it didn’t look as if there were good intentions behind it. Jaekwang also was looking at Sian and his doings now that Jongin had addressed him.

“Uhm…“, Sian was looking for an answer, “…I thought I could mix in some proteins for Toby. So he can be all great and things tomorrow, hehehe.“

“Proteins? Then why don’t you mix it into everyone’s food? Could help all of us.“, Jongin wondered and when he drew closer, Sian panicked.

“No! No,no,no,no,no! This is only for Toby!“, he protected the little bag in his hands in which the white powder was stored as if his life was depending on it.

Jongin frowned. First, the way Sian was acting was super suspicious. Second, the white powder didn’t look like proteins at all. But third … after Jongin’s attempt to do something right was brutally destroyed by the manager, he felt as whatever Sian was doing to Toby, it was a little glimpse of justice in this universe. So what he decided to do was what everyone else was already doing. Turning a blind eye.

“Okay, go ahead.“, Jongin allowed the maknae and moved over to Jaekwang so he could help him.

“Are you sure we should let him do it?“, Jaekwang whispered towards Jongin. He looked concerned and got all nervous.

“Who cares. What can proteins do to you anyway?“, Jongin answered.



They should have cared… because when Jongin got up the next morning and he saw Sian sneaking into Toby’s and Bangwon’s room when Bangwon was in the bathroom, he knew that he was right about the assumption that those proteins hadn’t been proteins. But when they found Toby in a super bad shape and with sparking red hair later, Jongin felt as if his choice to let Sian manipulate Toby’s dinner had been wrong. And yupp, had become real.

Coffee wasn’t enough. Energy drink wasn’t enough. Toby was a walking corpse. 



“What did you do to him?!“, Taehee was yelling at all of them when they had conveyed Toby to the backseats of the Black Dragon van where he had turned from a walking corpse to a sleeping corpse.

“I didn’t do anything!“, Geunji was the first to protect himself. “He was all alive yesterday when we had dinner!“


 “This is bullcrap.“, Kangjoon spoke up. “Whoever did that, speak up now. This is serious , we can’t postpone the video shoot and Toby is not functioning at all at the moment!“

Nobody was confessing their crimes. Instead the one responsible for Toby’s downtime was trying to find another explanation. “Maybe he just fell sick…?“

In response to Sian’s words, Geunji was the first to blame Jaekwang for Toby’s condition. “What did you feed him yesterday, Suza?! It’s your fault, huh?!“

“What?! No!“, Jaekwang panicked. “I didn’t do anything.“

“It was Sian.“

Silence followed Jongin’s words and the maknae looked up at his senior with shocked eyes.

“Hyung?!“, he blamed him with just that word. The disappointment lay heavy in his voice. But in a situation like this there was no place for feeling sorry.

“I saw him mixing something into Toby’s food yesterday evening.“



“And you didn’t stop him?!“, Kangjoon raised his voice. “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM?“

Jongin only shrugged. “He said it’s proteins.“

“Well, it was not and now we’re stuck with Toby being a complete mess with RED HAIR!“, Taehee yelled further at the boys, “Get him back to life until we’re at the shooting location! And you, Mister, we’re not done yet!“ Taehee was glaring at Sian as if he wanted to strangle him before he entered the car with a desperate sounding. “Oh my god, the CEO will kill me!“



“What did you mix into Toby’s food?“, Jongin asked Sian. Maybe they could find a way to detox him somehow.

“I ground some sleeping pills so he wouldn’t wake up when I dyed his hair….“, Sian confessed with the others looking at him in shock. So much to detoxing. That was through.

“DUDE, YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM WITH THAT!“, Kangjoon barked.

“Could have? He’s almost dead.“ And unfortunately Geunji was right.

“I feel sick…“

The color of Toby’s face was more than a simple unhealthy pale green. The mixture of that greenish face and the burning red surrounding it… it looked so messed up. Jaekwang was trying his best to work his magic on Toby but the boy was still looking so exhausted that one could have thought he was seriously sick even after the full make-up was on.



“You can do this. You’re capable of a lot, man!“, Kangjoon cheered him on but Toby wasn’t able to react at all. He just moved into the middle of the helicopter landing site just to sit down again and stare at his bottle of Pocari Sweat.

At least they managed to get him back to life somehow, Jongin wasn’t sure how long this would go well, though. Especially since the location they were recording at was provided by Samsung or in other words Toby’s dad. If he found his son half-dead sitting at the rooftop of his working place, he’d set BigHit on fire. Metaphorically spoken, of course.

Taehee was busy talking to a single camera guy they had managed to afford after their sponsor hunt but that single camera guy was in charge of everything. The drone they had rented, the camera itself and the final cut before the MV would be released. And yes, even though he was alone he was expensive. Jongin didn’t want it all to be in vain. He was happy that Toby got the red hair because it clearly was what he deserved but almost getting killed was a little much. And ruining the whole MV shoot with it a lot.

“Okay, can we start?“, the camera guy shouted and everyone got ready to shoot.

But nobody was.

Bangwon constantly made mistakes which probably was the result of every day being late for rehearsals because of his barista girlfriend thingy. Jaekwang half of the time forgot to lipsync and messed up the timing (which Jongin did, too, but not as bad as Jaekwang), Kangjoon didn’t understand the meaning of keeping a serious face on and was the definition of weird expression monster, there were parts where one half of the group was doing different movements than the other and that was just the beginning. But nothing compared to the difficulties that Toby caused the boys.



He was lacking in power during the whole video shoot, he even messed up some parts and there were those parts in which Toby was supposed to do all the cool extra standout stuff but wasn’t able to pull just one. The first part of the choreography they had to alter last minute was where Toby had wanted to got up in the beginning with a kick up. But since he couldn’t do it because he felt too sick, Jaekwang and Bangwon had to run into the middle to support him jumping up, so it wouldn’t look absolutely uncool. And even when they helped him, Toby didn’t manage to groove as much with his legs as the others. Nobody told him to change it… because what happened afterwards was the worst ever and they all knew that there was no chance for Toby to do any better than that.

Close to the end there was one construction move in which the boys had set up human stairs which Toby was supposed to run up and then finish the with performing a butterfly kick over Jaekwang’s head. He tried once. And ended up doing not even half of the kick, stumbling on the ground and then vomiting all the energy drinks and coffee out in front of Taehee and the camera man. That was when everyone in the group knew that they were officially ed.

It took Toby three hours to recover from that incident and thirty more minutes for Jaekwang to fix his make-up that was looking absolutely horrible with his teary eyes causing the eye-liner and mascara to run over his whole face. Meanwhile the others had to think about another way to solve the staircase move. The result was that Geunji was the one to jump over everyone. They needed Kangjoon as a upper part of the human stairs and nobody wanted to consider Sian as they were more than pissed at the maknae. Jongin regretted entirely that he hadn’t stopped Sian… because Geunji was close to breaking Jongin’s back with his inability to run over others. Jongin knew it wasn’t Geunji’s fault, he just did what the others told him… it was his own fault. And yeah.

He regretted until they were done around midnight.

author notes

Oh man I don't think I'll ever manage to update on Black Dragon Friday ever again... anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
The boys' debut is so close... and guess who's going to show up in the next POV - the best manager ever...TAEHEE!!
This chapter was dedicated to Jongin so that nobody would judge him for everything he did and still does - he judges himself (or not) for everything as you can see x'D Poor Jongin just wants to have a group that is fair and a merry life that doesn't torture him with all those bad things happening. But here you are, my dear, with Black Dragon and a vomiting Tobes. #RIPTobes
I feel a little sorry about Jongin being like he is in this chapter but I thought he is the perfect example of someone nice and hopeful (see chapter one) who turns into an absolute head (like all the other members) because of unfair treatment. Forgive me for this - Jongin is a sweetheart, he'll someday get that goodness back (I guess).
btw the fails during their shooting did actually happen, I got mostly inspired by this video here and poor Minhyuk almost died because Kihyun was stomping on him like an elephant x'D

“ fear is temporary, regret is forever. ”