Yixing had no idea what he'd expected. Sure, a Youtuber with about 65k subscribers was probably bound to abide to some quality standards but in the end it was not like Baekhyun made blockbusters or even short films. He just did beauty videos and the occasional vlog. Now that Yixing was sitting in his room, watching Baekhyun bustle around to arrange several soft spots and fix his camera's light balance, he felt like a fool for underestimating the whole thing. And even more for feeling slightly nervous all of a sudden. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, after all.
"Did Lulu tell you what we're filming?" Baekhyun asked absently while fiddling with the camera tripod.
"Uhm. Not really. A makeup tutorial, I guess?" Yixing asked cluelessly, his feet lightly swinging back and forth as he let his eyes roam over the scattered utensils on the table. Most of them looked foreign, a few downright terrifying. One thing looked like barbecue tongs. Or something a surgeon would use-
"No kidding, genius. I wasn't planning on starting with prank videos. I'm kinda too old for this. And have too much class, obviously."
Even though Baekhyun didn't bother turning around, he still made a half-assed gesture of flipping his rose-colored hair. The roots were getting pretty noticeable by now, but for some weird reason, it looked acceptable. Made him look a little older. It kinda mismatched the original image he had of his brother's best friend. Byun Baekhyun, the quirky little boy who loved to get Luhan into trouble when they were kids. Now he was going to university already. It made him feel old, even though he himself was still attending university, though he was in his last year and not a freshman like Baekhyun.
He rarely saw him on campus and all he knew about him was that he studied something exceptionally dry, business-related while having a quite successful Youtube account. It wasn't exactly surprising, seeing as Baekhyun had always had a thing for makeup. He clearly remembered his mother's scandalous complains when she'd one day caught the two on their way out to a party with dark kohl liner highlighting Luhan's eyes. Yes, Baekhyun had always known how to use all these mysterious devices and now 65k people officially agreed with him. And of course his sneaky little brother Luhan would never turn down modeling for Baekhyun. He had always been pretty macho and loved the heightened attention of girls. Yixing, however, was not like him. Up to that day he'd lived with the relief that as a man, he had one less problem as society did not expect him to know the difference between a paint brush and a rouge brush. In fact, there had been no brush of any sorts even remotely close to his skin in his entire life - if you didn't count that one school play where he'd played a crow. To be honest, he was pretty sure that a completely dusty black look was the only one he'd be able to accomplish on his own, anyway.
Long story short: Yixing felt awkward. Like, really awkward.
He barely knew Baekhyun anymore, he was camera shy and overall just too nice towards Luhan for agreeing to replace him today.
"Aaanyway..." Baekhyun drawled out as he finished the set up, pulled out a chair and sat down next to Yixing, "you don't have to worry. It's not like you gotta do anything - just sittin' and looking pretty, alright?"
Yixing shot him a skeptical look and Baekhyun generously patted his shoulder with a light smile.
"You can also keep to simply sitting."
Gee. Thanks a lot, Yixing thought unhappily but his expression went swiftly ignored by Baekhyun.
"Just don't look like a scared rabbit, those brushes are not gonna eat you. Try to smile a bit?"
Yixing tried to smile, though it came out small and mainly confused.
"Beau-ti-ful-" Baekhyun hummed and then he was all up in his face already, fixing his bangs on top of his head with a few silver hairpins. Yixing felt stiffer than during his first dance lesson as a child. Still, he tried to maintain a neutral face and while Baekhyun's fingers withdrew, his face remained in a close proximity, looking at him intently. Yixing gulped but dutifully kept still.
Since he wasn't the main role today, Baekhyun's makeup was already done. A subtle look for his standards, but inconspicuous lines of black accentuating his slightly droopy eyes-
that curved, as a mischievous grin won out and Baekhyun snorted.
"You're an incredible model Xingxing, but the camera's not even rolling yet!" he brought out between laughing, highly amused. Yixing felt his cheeks heat up and he teared his gaze from Baekhyun to the camera, the old endearment of a nickname echoing through him.
"You were the one looking..." he tried to defend himself.
"I'll be doing that a lot later, better get used to it." Baekhyun sassed back and was that a wink? Really now? He was probably getting into his stage persona already.
Poor, naive Yixing was in for a surprise when Baekhyun actually switched on the camera, a tiny blue light telling him it was recording now.
"Hello guys! Awesome to see you back on my channel!" he exclaimed with a cutesy wave.
His voice was so loud that Yixing unconsciously flinched. Was he supposed to look into the camera, too? Probably. It was really weird, talking to a camera lens and Yixing's eyes kept flitting to the small, digital display next to the camera that acted as a mirror.
"You have repeatedly asked me to do a tutorial for the burgundy makeup I wore at that party aaages ago and shared on insta. Man, as always you're super persistent and since I love you so much, I'm not gonna hold it off any longer."
He resisted the urge to stare at Baekhyun to gauge his reactions. It would probably look silly on camera.
"Thing is, I can't explain it on myself. You're asking why? Look at my hair-" he stated dramatically, shoving the top of his head into the lense, fumbling with the roots, "I mean, seriously - burgundy makeup and washed out pink hair? Nooo. No way!" he laughed, playfully nudging Yixing's side, who didn't quite get the joke. Pink and pink was a match, no?
"Anyway, it's time for a lovely assistant and since Lu isn't available, I've snatched us his brother instead..." he crooned, embracing Yixing in a weird side hug, his face never leaving the camera.
"Say hello, Xingxing."
"Hello." he quietly said with an insecure and shy wave. While this wasn't live at all, he still felt nervous. Catching up on it, Baekhyun wiggled around, making little cooing noises. Yixing felt slightly belittled.
"Aww, look at him. Let's see how he looks in burgundy, shall we?"
Baekhyun gestured him to scoot forwards a bit, looking through the lens until he showed him a thumbs up.
"Nice angle. I'd frame it."
Yixing definitely wouldn't want to frame a close up on his face and didn't even know what to add to this, so he kept quiet. Baekhyun rearranged the digital screen and Yixing wanted to grimace at the tiny display of his face. It wasn't like he had any horrible skin problems. But that didn't exactly translate to him gladly showing 65k people his pores in close up.
Not sensing any of his thoughts, Baekhyun threw himself into his chair, swiveling it a bit to get comfortable.
"Okay Xing. Just let me do my magic, okay?" he said lowly and the way he was looking at him alone, disregarding the camera, told him that this was meant for his ears only. It probably shouldn't make him feel this tingly.
"Close your eyes."
Okay, now his voice sounded positively husky and Yixing had to severely chide himself for thinking weird stuff about his brother's friend.
A few seconds of heavy silence followed.
"First we apply primer, just like usual!" Baekhyun suddenly chirped, a 180 degree switch from before and again, Yixing almost flinched at the loud voice that was suddenly so close to his face. A cool cream was spread over his eyelids and gently rubbed in by the pads of his fingers. Yes, Baekhyun had always had beautiful hands with delicate, slim fingers and neatly trimmed nails. It was such a Baekhyun-thing to do - know your strength, train it to perfection and shamelessly use it to your advantage, even if said advantage was nothing but making your enemies feel inferior.
"You can also use a brush or sponge, but I personally like using my fingers. Right, Yixing?"
"Uh."
Why did this sound so suggestive? Yixing made a vague sound that could be translated as agreement while Baekhyun went on. People liked to make him out as a gullible, innocent person but he did understand an innuendo when he saw one. He just usually didn't address them. Or rather, they usually weren't addressed at him in the first place.
"We're adding a shade of eyeshadow, just take whichever suits your skin tone. For Xing here, it's basically porcelain white but don't worry, the burgundy will look good against bright skin tones, too."
Gee, thanks, Yixing thought and was pretty sure his eyebrow had twitched for a second. Not everyone had enough time to go out and play. Still, he wasn't allowed to talk or even open his eyes and was left with no other option but to listen silently.
"Now you take your burgundy eyeshadow. I use this brand but y'all know I'm biased, since I get a ton of money from them for using these - at least that's what I dream of at night. Anyway, in this case it's advisable to use a flat brush..."
Okay, that tickled slightly.
"...as we're applying the color close to the lashes, just a line of red. We go aaall the way around towards the inner corners, both above and below the eye. Xing, can you look upwards, tilt your head a bit? Thanks. Towards the outer end we're more generous but don't go overboard. If it's a delicate color like burgundy, less is more. Besides, we're gonna smudge it now."
Yixing watched the wall with a neutral expression and almost sighed in relief when he was allowed to close his eyes again. A lot of insistent brush dabs followed.
"Be careful not to use too much eyeshadow as the last thing we want are sprinkles of red on the face. You'll look totally sick. Or flustered, but I don't think we could tell on Xing's current skin tone anyway."
Baekhyun's voice was light, teasing even, and he felt his skin heat up even more at that.
Don't listen to him, just think about something else, Yixing told himself. But he was constantly aware of Baekhyun's presence, whether his eyes were open or not. There really wasn't much else to draw away his attention.
"Just be patient and create a gradient. Since we're all poor kids without professional makeup pallets and tons of different burgundy shades, you can use a dark brown to intensify the tone close to the eye. Just repeat these steps until you're happy with the result."
His voice sounded so different from usual. Yixing could tell by his unusually clear enunciation that he was taking his viewers seriously. It sparked some happiness in him, the fact that the quirky little weirdo Baekhyun had grown up to find acceptance, a place to belong to. He'd never wished him any less.
"Now we could paint the waterline, especially the upper one, but I prefer not to, in order to open the eye a bit. Besides, I don't think our poor model could handle it."
What even was a waterline?
"Don't worry, Xing. I'm not gonna hold your lashes and draw on the line below your lashes with my sharp pen-" he began, sounding purposefully menacing which was completely unnecessary as the whole concept terrified Yixing greatly already, "it looks pretty unattractive and besides, that's not exactly the pleasant type of crying."
The pleasant type of crying. Yixing felt like a horrible ert, but how many situations were there for someone to cry in a good way? Baekhyun had probably been talking about something else entirely. About... tears of joy. Yeah.
Yixing wanted to sigh. God, why. His mind really was in the gutter today.
"Now on to the deciding magic factor that will outbalance the red: eyeliner!"
Now that was a familiar term. Baekhyun had shown an unhealthy fascination with this eyeliner stuff at a young age and while Yixing himself found it a bit too flashy, he'd grown used to seeing it on Baekhyun. Darkly rimmed eyes did suit him, after all.
"You know my personal rule - you can get away with any color if you only use your eyeliner smartly!" Baekhyun babbled and Yixing flinched when a warm hand cupped his cheek.
"Shh, everything's alright." Baekhyun hummed under his breath, and for some reason he felt the hairs on his neck stand up. Would it be wrong, to lean into the touch? Probably yes.
You're a statue, Yixing. Don't move.
"Again, we smudge it, just like we did with the eyeshadow. I'm not gonna do a wing since I quite like my droopy eyes and the lower transition looks nicer in my opinion; and this part is the trickiest anyway, getting the eyeliner right on the lower part... Xing, would you open your eyes?"
It was really strange, to actually put Baekhyun's face to this professional, albeit flirty, voice.
And to see how close he actually was.
"Tap my thigh if you have to blink, please."
While Baekhyun poked and drew the pen along the lower line of his eye (which was pretty uncomfortable and had him twitching more than once), Yixing had a lot of time to take in his features. He could faintly see the spots where he'd probably covered some minor blemishes with makeup. He saw his slightly parted lips but felt no breath escaping them as Baekhyun was holding his breath in order to further steady his hand. His attention wandered back up to linger on his eyes. Now that he'd listened to Baekhyun explaining all this stuff, he could confirm it in real life. Yixing was no fool and could therefore tell that a lot of those methods had been applied to his current look as well, just in a subtler fashion. The dark line slightly pointing downwards at the outer corner, following the eye's natural shape... so that was the reason why Baekhyun looked even more endearing and innocent when wearing makeup. Though the point was moot seeing as dark eyeliner was anything but innocent.
The focus of the brown orbs shifted the slightest to actually meet Yixing's gaze and it took everything for him not to draw away. For awhile Baekhyun looked at him, tilting his head a bit as if there was something he couldn't quite figure out. For some reason Yixing was getting increasingly nervous. It might be stupid, but for some reason it felt like he was watching him, not the makeup on him. Or maybe he'd just like to think that.
Baekhyun's features softened and he leaned in even closer, until the tips of their noses almost touched.
"Hey." he whispered against Yixing's lips and now he definitely knew that something was very wrong with him because the tiny space between their lips... excited him? An amused grin tugged at Baekhyun's lips as he watched the frozen boy in front of him. In one fluid motion he nudged the side of his head with his nose, an odd gesture reminding Yixing of an actual puppy, before using the position to whisper into his ear.
"You afraid to look at me? It's not like I don't like it, you know?"
Before Yixing even had a chance to make sense of what was happening, Baekhyun drew back, the pen already back in his hand.
"Because on the lower line, we'll travel from the outer end and onto the waterline, but only towards the middle!" he went on as if nothing had happened, his voice even extra bubbly and energetic. Maybe Baekhyun would be the type to do naughty stuff below a table while telling people about his day with an innocent smile.
Really, how did he do it? What was his deal? Yixing may be a little airy at times and tended to overlook a few signals here and there but by now he could genuinely admit to being completely lost with no chance of return. One second, Baekhyun would throw him a compliment, the next he would . He felt like he was being toyed with and it wasn't exactly fair, considering their current positions.
"In the middle I added this little dot. To be honest I just added that one on a whim, but I'm happy y'all liked it so much. Just don't place it too far on the outer end or you'll look like you've been crying or woke up after a bad night of drinking. Or an exceptionally good night in bed, but hey. Your choice."
Ugh, how could he be so... blunt? When had the originally cocky but cute Baekhyun developed such a filthy mouth anyway? Probably around the same time Yixing had developed a filthy mind, he chided himself.
"We'll top it off with some mascara. As always, regarding the mascara it's your choice but I recommend to use as little as possible on the lower lashes. There's enough smudged black already, any more and the burgundy will be lost."
Yixing was pretty sure he'd rarely ever looked as unattractive as when Baekhyun almost tugged at his lashes and fumbled with different utensils to 'shape' and 'brush' them. Brushing eyelashes was a thing? Even though he should probably feel handsome, Yixing was currently feeling battered from head to toe as he rapidly blinked with down-cast eyes.
"Alright, most of the work's done!"
He threw a helpless look at Baekhyun, trying not to tear up and ruin his artwork.
"Now we'll go through the usual routine of moisturizer, concealer, makeup and powder..."
He wanted to groan but obviously didn't as Baekhyun spread what felt like ten layers of stuff on his face.
"It's probably a good thing we're doing this seeing as red skin clashes with burgundy eyeshadow. Not that a professional like me has gotten any eyeshadow smudged where it doesn't belong, so I really can't explain his current complexion."
Maybe Yixing could calm down or at least forget about his burning cheeks if only Baekhyun would stop reminding him for two minutes.
"Now on to some highlights. I'm not gonna explain as I've had enough tutorials on all this. But since Xing's face has a slightly oblong shape-"
A what?
"-we'll have to make it a little less long and define it where we can."
Alright, now he felt like a construction site. Define it where we can. Wherever hope isn't lost already. So yeah, maybe Yixing did have a rather longish face, now that he thought about it. He'd always felt like he wasn't exactly fitting into the beauty standards, but of course Baekhyun would be able to pinpoint why. And voice it out.
"We'll darken the chin and give his face some shape by also going over the cheekbones, drawing attention to the middle of his face by highlighting the part below the eyes... oh, I know we usually highlight the forehead, too, but seeing as his forehead is so prominent already, I won't go overboard there."
Maybe Yixing would look like a completely different person if he opened his eyes. It was entirely possible that Baekhyun had drawn him a new face by now.
"Done! So, Now for the lips..."
Lips? Why? Wasn't this all about the eyeshadow stuff?
"First comes the moisturizer, so the color will blend naturally without chapping. I chose a tone for this look though I could imagine a bright rose color working, too."
Yixing stared at Baekhyun's down-cast eyes as he dabbed some cream on his lips.
"Open up a little wider, please." Baekhyun hummed with the slightest teasing lilt to his voice as one free hand subtly grazed the back of his neck. Yixing's brain had short-circuited completely by now and he refused to think anymore, just opening his mouth a little further. Trying not to feel exposed and embarrassed. Failing.
"Good... you have such plump lips for a boy, you know that?" Baekhyun mumbled quietly before brightly speaking up again.
"Of course a bit of a gradient has never done any harm, so we'll take a darker shade and spread it on the inner seams. Now smack your lips a little to blend it."
Yixing followed the instructions with a lowered gaze, rubbing his lips together as discreetly as possible.
"Come on, you can do better than that, Xing!" Baekhyun sing-songed and he could hear the grin tugging at his lips, "Smack those lips as if you've just had an amazingly wet kiss!" he ordered, making a cutesy show of pursing his lips.
Yixing really didn't want to say that he'd probably use his tongue if that were the case. He really didn't.
"Alright, look into the camera, show off the result a little."
The tiny figure on the screen certainly wasn't him, Yixing thought. No way.
"Now why does this style look kinda silly on him?" Baekhyun asked the camera as if he was a teacher asking some really obvious question during the daily recap. He felt a little wary, not knowing what to expect. Baekhyun threw him a side glance before looking back at the camera with a playful smile.
"Exactly, it's the eyebrows."
What?
"Because Yixing here has this really soft, barely-there eyebrows, this whole thing looks kinda ridiculous."
Maybe he was joking. He probably was. Still, that didn't change the sting he felt at that. He looked ridiculous, huh?
"But just as every imperfection can be dealt with, we'll also be able to handle this. We just gotta accentuate the brows, make them a little more dramatic in order to keep up with the makeup."
So his eyebrows were an imperfection now. Yixing knew he was being silly but the thought that really everything about him had to be changed in order to look 'good' wasn't exactly flattering. Why was Baekhyun so confusing? Why was he giving him compliments in one second and insults the next? Why was he jumping between being professional, flirty and downright confusing?
He barely heard Baekhyun's rambling as he did god knew what with his eyebrows and ultimately removed the silver pins to ruffle his hair. Yixing just let it happen.
"And now smile into the camera, please!"
He felt pretty humiliated overall. Flustered, confused, but mostly humiliated. In front of 65.000 people.
"Aaand cut! That went pretty well, don't you think?" Baekhyun lightly said from behind the camera but Yixing only hummed vaguely, seizing the opportunity to get up and flee this place with a flimsy excuse about having stuff to do.
Barely thirty seconds after Baekhyun had stopped the camera, Yixing had already left the house.

"Come ooon, at least watch the result." Luhan whined, taking a deep slurp from the chilled smoothie he'd bought before deciding to unattractively sprawl himself out on Yixing's couch. They were courteous enough to give him his own room since he was in his last semester. At least it would have felt like a courtesy if Luhan wasn't lounging around that often, stating that his own roommate, some hyperactive guy called Chanyeol, was bugging the hell out of him. Having your little brother around you all the time definitely took away from the 'university' vibes and gave him 'family life' vibes; both the good and bad ones.
Unfortunately, Yixing couldn't complain about Luhan doing the exact same thing he kept whining about seeing as they were brothers and that was basically how they worked. Being a constant nuisance was both a right and a privilege.
"I don't have to. I was there."
Luhan groaned.
"At least tell me what happened!"
"Nothing. I thought you saw the video? That was all that 'happened', as you're putting it." Yixing calmly replied, tapping away on his keyboard as he listed all the sources of his latest essay. A meaningless task to keep himself occupied but Yixing wasn't the older brother for nothing - his poker face was impeccable.
"You're so frustrating!"
"And you should really go to your calculus class."
"Can you stop pulling the older brother card?" Luhan complained with a grimace.
"As soon as you won't need it anymore." Yixing retorted, not missing a beat.

Only when the door had audibly closed did Yixing give up on his pretense, not even saving the draft as he'd already finished this task days ago. With a sigh, he buried his face in his arms. Of course he'd seen the result. The first time he saw the video he wanted to hide behind his own palms. It was that embarrassing. The second time around he knew the parts where the most awkward stuff had happened and skipped those. It wasn't even necessarily Baekhyun's fault. Baekhyun had just been playful and fun. A little cruel maybe, a little reckless towards his feelings but that was nothing new, really. Baekhyun had always been a little rowdy and clumsy when it came to dealing with other people's emotions. Now that he saw the published video, he felt stupid for making a big deal out of everything he'd said. He was even pretty sure that Baekhyun had cut out a few moments. Like the one where he'd whispered in his ear.
Now Yixing felt awkward and humiliated over his own reaction and didn't quite know how he'd react the next time he met him. He could fool his friends but not himself - he had been looking for Baekhyun unconsciously, hoped he wouldn't have to meet him. He really wasn't angry anymore. Rather than that he'd come to terms with the fact that Baekhyun had grown up and wasn't a kid anymore. Yixing wasn't that much older, not significantly more mature anymore. They were on eye level now and that was just Baekhyun joking around. Things had changed and Yixing had to accept that.

Yixing absently opened Baekhyun's Youtube profile where the now familiar sight of a heavily dolled up Baekhyun greeted the camera with his fingers shaping a heart. The top read 'Welcome to BaekPercent - where you get 100 percent of me, since there's nothing else I'm ready to vouch for!' and the burgundy makeup video came up first as it was the latest. It had about 70.000 views already and the newest comments (that Yixing definitely didn't keep tabs on) all complimented him for his choice of style or linked pictures of them trying the method. There was also an alarming number of comments stating that Yixing was 'a cutie' or cooing at how shy and silent he was. They only further added to his embarrassment. He'd watched one or two of his other videos and realized that Luhan had been talking quite a bit, whenever he could get away with it without being scolded by Baekhyun. Not that Baekhyun had been half as flirty with Luhan as he'd been with him. It probably had something to do with how close they were. Still, somehow Yixing had assumed that as a model he was something like a puppet to draw on, like he occasionally saw it on TV. Obviously Baekhyun handled things different, more casual and fun. Except that Yixing hadn't been fun at all. It was surprising that the viewers didn't hate on him.
With an exasperated groan he closed his laptop and went back to hiding his face in his arms. Maybe, if he never left the house ever again, he wouldn't have to confront Baekhyun. If he locked his door he could keep Luhan out and safely enjoy some 'moping around', as his brother so lovingly called it.

It had been about two weeks since filming and Yixing was still intent on forgetting all about it. Very intent. Alright, maybe not intent enough to stop checking Baekhyun's channel from time to time. He may or may not have read that he usually posted weekly videos but now twelve days had gone by without a new tutorial and he was ridiculously worried. Ridiculous, because he could just give him a call. Or call Luhan at least. But the phrase 'I'm kinda worried since I've been stalking your social media account and you haven't posted in awhile' sounded really stupid, even to his own ears.
It was pretty late when Yixing almost absently refreshed the page to see a new video popping up.
The title spelled 'Draw my life?' and he brushed aside his latest essay without hesitation, propped the laptop up on his lap and snuggled into his blanket before pressing the play button.

"Hello guys, nice to see you again!"
Oh. Baekhyun had dyed his hair brown. He hadn't even known that.
"You know how centuries ago, there was this 'Draw my life' trend going on? I have actually received some requests to do that but as you may or may not know... I draw like ."
He grinned into the camera apologetically and by the faint motions going on, Yixing could tell that he was dangling his legs; something he did when he was excited or nervous. He may be grown up but some habits never died.
"I'm not the type to do something so mainstream, anyway! So I thought about something more appropriate... kind of like 'Draw my face'? That sounds more stupid than it did in my head but oh well. I hope you'll enjoy it!"
'Are you worried?', Yixing wanted to ask him. It was odd how close Baekhyun seemed to be while at the same time this really was just a recorded video. And maybe it all came down to the fact that Yixing just knew him really well.
The video faded to black and then back to show Baekhyun's upper body. His face and clothes looked entirely different. His face was completely bare, his clothes old and worn, far too wide for his small frame. He was sitting in his chair in an unusually tense posture with his shoulders slightly drawn up and a tense grin adorning his face.
"This is me at the age of 12." he stated neutrally.
"I was a scrawny, loud kid that annoyed the hell out of everyone. And maybe I annoyed them a little too much, because they started making fun of me. Because I was short, because I wasn't manly, because I hated sports and loved the arts. Because of my father's old, over-sized sweaters," he continued, waving the long sleeves as a demonstration, "because I wasn't like them. Because it's okay to laugh at people if they laugh with you. That's what I told myself: I should be able to take a joke. It's all a joke. And as you can probably guess - people who have to remind themselves of this are in trouble already."
The video faded to black and back to show Baekhyun with different makeup and clothes once more. A close up in the top right corner told him that he was now wearing makeup as well as a subtle black line framing one eye, while the other had been generously rimmed with liquid liner, looking clumsy and cheap.
"This is me at the age of 15." Baekhyun proclaimed, hiding the subtle makeup with the palm of his hand.
"As you can see, my first attempt at using eyeliner was less of a cute mess and more of a tragic accident. I was just curious and took my mother's forgotten makeup utensils to try it. Obviously, a woman's shape of eyeliner wouldn't even suit me if I hadn't had fingers shaking worse than when I played the operation game. To give myself some credit, I gotta add that I didn't go into public like that. The first time I wore makeup at school, it looked like this."
He switched the eye he was hiding and Yixing looked at the familiar sight. It was far from being bold and by now he was used to seeing much more extravagant stuff. Right now, it was difficult to recall the surprise he'd felt upon seeing this look for the first time.
"I still wore my father's or brother's old sweaters but I at least put in an effort to find a 'cool' one. Cool usually meaning that it was dark and had some tacky writing all over it."
Oh yes, he remembered that phase.
"You know, on the way back home I cried my eyes out. Straight out wailed until I looked like Sadako." Baekhyun earnestly said and the bluntness caught Yixing off guard.
"I'm sure you know that feeling; you think you're prepared for what's to come, but you really aren't. You think you can laugh it off if people start calling you names, calling you a or confront you openly. You think you can handle it if even the teacher calls you a princess, if your friend looks at you strangely. But believe me, it's at least five times as tough as you think."
Yixing felt miserable and guilty at his words. He hadn't been around Baekhyun during that time. And surely he, too, had looked at him strangely the first time he saw it.
"So I got home, looking like the ugly mess I was and right on the stairs I met my older brother. He was, like, the last person I wanted to see back then. Naturally I did what all mature little brothers do and yelled at him to off before he could even open his mouth." Baekhyun said with a lopsided grin. And yes, it would definitely also be a Luhan-thing to do, Yixing thought.
"My brother tended to be a fulltime and at that time I just wasn't in the mood for any more snarky remarks. You know, brotherly love during the teens. What I didn't expect was for him to be so persistent. He blocked the way to my room and with his stupid strength kept me in place until I told him what had happened. And because he really is kind of an , he looked at me with one raised eyebrow and was like 'That's it? Why do you cry over that? Why do you even care?' and wow, that's even insensitive in retrospect, right?"
Baekhyun made a few hand gestures, smudging the makeup on both eyes until it suited this point in the story.
"My head was a mess and I kept insulting him, telling him how he wouldn't understand until he placed a palm on my mouth to make me stop - that's a thing we do, don't ask - and asked: didn't you want to be like Kaito Jeanne?"
He looked a tiny bit embarrassed, scratching behind his ear. Yixing remembered this, too. Kaito Jeanne, that shojo magical girl manga Baekhyun had obsessed over. Up to this day it was still proudly displayed on one of his shelves. He'd seen it during their recording session.
"You know her story? Or at least her catchphrase? It goes like 'Strong and serious, matchless and marvelous, energetic and courageous!'; you may think it's embarrassing but she was my role model and to be honest, when I was 15, she still was. My brother didn't tell me that I was being too girly, that it was wrong to like this stuff. He didn't ask me whether I was gay, either. He frankly just told me to BE like Kaito Jeanne if that's what I wanted. To push through and persist, acting as if nothing could touch me."
Yixing felt the goosebumps running down his arms, mixed feelings about the whole story consuming him. He hadn't known any of this.
"So while my brother's still a pain in general, he kinda opened my eyes back then. And sparked my fighting spirit, too. So the next day, I wore the exact same makeup again."
Fade out, fade in. Dramatically rimmed eyes and tousled silver hair, earrings and a leather jacket.
"This is me at the age of 18."
He looked different, almost like a pop star. Again, it was a little too flamboyant for Yixing but he liked the pride and courage it painted on Baekhyun.
"People stopped caring after awhile. And if they didn't, I did. At the age of 18, where I went to parties and had fun dancing and drinking... it happened for the first time."
He in a deep breath and for the first time throughout the entire video, Baekhyun hesitated.
"Before I knew it... I was snogging some random guy."
A shaky grin made it onto his face, but he soon gave up on the pretense.
"Maybe... maybe you're gonna say 'oh, of course, it's so obvious', maybe you're not surprised. But I was. I was confused. The next day? Shocked. The following week? Terrified. You know, the thing is..."
Baekhyun paused once more, looking around and his lips to search for the right words to say. Yixing stared. Baekhyun liked guys. And while he had always called people off for calling Baekhyun gay, merely judging him by his appearance, he really was just that. Had it been wrong of him to 'defend' him like that? Had he been horribly ignorant without realizing it?
"The thing is. People keep telling you that something's 'wrong' with you, that you are gay because you like things that are considered feminine. It's taking away your individuality, you know what I mean? Because you like bright colors, you have to like men, too. Because you like makeup, you want to be like a woman. It's not the same as admiring women, that's alright. But if you like them too much, you have to like men. It's... confusing, because it doesn't make sense. Mark my words, the things people want from you hardly ever make sense. And I genuinely believe that me liking eyeshadow and being attracted to men have no connection at all. Maybe they do, maybe there's some genetic quirk telling me: hey, you wanna land with a man? Better doll yourself up so the guy will fall for your charade!" Baekhyun joked and now that the truth was out, there was obviously no holding back anymore.
"It was a pretty rough time. Like, coming to this conclusion I just told you. Figuring out who I am and what I like and why I do certain things. Luckily enough, my aforementioned best friend had matured enough to jump to my aid without hesitation this time. And yeah, I'm talking about Luhan. He's a cool guy. He'll play along and let me do his makeup. Sometimes I think he's trying to prove something in my place. That it's possible to like girls while wearing makeup. Yeah. He's awesome. Even though I sometimes suspect he's using me to get the girls." he ended with a teasing grin and Yixing felt a warm surge of pride for his younger brother. Yes, that was his brother. Because despite all the sibling rivalries going on, Luhan had always been a good guy.
"Time for the last one, are you ready?"
Fade out, fade in. Baekhyun was back to having brown hair that looked slightly greasy. While he'd felt like the first scene had shown him without makeup, he was now corrected. This was Baekhyun's completely bare face. There were a few blemishes here and there, a few traces of makeup catching in the tiny, tiny wrinkles below his eyes. He looked tired, if the faint, dark circles under his eyes were anything to go by.
He was back to wearing an old, oversized woolen pullover and weakly grinned into the camera.
"This is me, right now. 21 years old."
He also sounded tired, his voice a little less energetic. More... vulnerable and real.
Yixing wanted to hug him so badly.
"It's a Sunday night and after university and stuff, I've spent a long time on filming and even more on cutting. I'm tired as and definitely won't leave the house anymore. As you can tell," he began in a bad imitation of a BBC narrator, "I look like . Why do I look like ? Is it because of work, the channel, my university? Could be right, but nope, it isn't."
He left his hands to run through the already pretty messy hair and sighed.
"It's because I ed something up. I'm giving you this selective, chronological insight on my life while I'm currently moving backwards, if anything. At the age of 15 I swore to be true to myself. I strengthened the resolve at 18. Knowing and accepting myself and drawing confidence from this knowledge, that was kind of my motto in life. But now, at the age of 21, I'm experiencing a setback. Strong and serious, matchless and marvelous, energetic and courageous - that's how the catchphrase goes, in case you forgot. I certainly forgot about the courage part. And when I was in front of someone I treasured a lot, someone whom I've had my eyes on for longer than appropriate... I suddenly remembered all my insecurities."
Oh. So Baekhyun had a certain someone? Or at least someone he liked? Yixing wasn't sure how he felt about that but then again, his brain was still trying to process all the other information.
"I've known him forever. He's slightly older than me and someone I've never had anything but deep respect for. I was intimidated. This was my chance to make a move, right? But I'm pretty sure he's not interested in guys."
Wait.
"I felt like maybe I could at least find out whether I have a chance but at the same time, I was far too insecure and didn't know how to go about it. I just didn't want to come off as someone who's... cliché gay. I didn't want to fulfill that cliché people have been trying to shove down my throat since I was young. But yeah. What I did instead was behaving in the worst way possible. I kept hitting on him, complimenting and flirting with him but never went through with it. All of a sudden I would change directions, or make fun of him."
Hold on. No. That couldn't be.
"I just... didn't know what to do and as a self-defense mechanism, I turned into one of those greasy jerks that hit on everything with back at school. Or into one of those boys who try to provoke people by saying mean stuff. And it may not be true for everybody, but a lot of critique is nothing but poorly concealed jealousy. Ah... he probably thinks I'm a schizophrenic now." Baekhyun ended with a sad smile, both hands orderly folded in his lap. Yixing wanted to smile, nudge his side and accuse him of being a drama queen again, but something told him that Baekhyun's mood couldn't be lifted that easily this time. He looked genuinely ashamed.
"I let out all my insecurities on him and that just wasn't fair. He hasn't talked to me ever since which is no surprise at all."
His dejected look turned into one of utter seriousness. Maybe the most serious look he'd ever seen on him and Yixing couldn't press the pause button, couldn't tear his eyes from the screen.
"What I'm trying to tell you guys is that you need to have confidence. No matter whether people tell you you're weird or perfectly normal - being in tune with yourself is the most important thing. Call it inner peace or harmony if you're into this type of stuff. Gimme hate comments about how gay this sounds. Unsubscribe, if you don't wanna see a gay person on screen. I realized my mistake and as soon as I've sorted out my feelings, I won't even care a tiny bit. I'm not gonna hate or fight you either. Feel free. So... I hope you enjoyed this video and it satiated all of the questions I've been getting since-"
Yixing barely listened to the endcard, one hand already reaching for the phone next to him. His finger hovered over Baekhyun's contact info before he knew it and all of a sudden, he hesitated. What did he want to tell him? What was he even feeling at this sudden revelation? Yixing thought about it, his thumb tracing the outline of his phone. Had he ever even considered being attracted to the same gender? Actually not. At least that was the first answer coming to mind. But Yixing waited patiently for the second and third answers, listened carefully to himself before coming to a decision and pressing the call button after all.
Baekhyun sounded startled, claiming that he'd just uploaded the video and truly looked like right now. As if Yixing would care.

 

"And that was it with my third installment of the ' portraits' series, where I give you pointers on how to bring out your natural pretty features! Let me know what you like most about yourself in the comments down below!"
"Comment, like, subscribe." Yixing quietly added with a gentle smile tugging at his lips. Nothing but a transparent, matte moisturizer was coating them and it really wasn't uncomfortable.
"Aaaand I'll see you in the next video! Bye!"
With this, Baekhyun switched off the camera and while Yixing sank into the couch, Baekhyun pulled out a mirror, all but shoving it into his model's face.
"And? You like it?" he asked with poorly concealed worry. Yixing took a close look at the result. No matter how good Baekhyun's camera's quality was, nothing could match an actual mirror.
"Did you even apply a whole lot? And since when are you self-conscious over your creations?" Yixing replied with his a hint of a smile. Baekhyun shrugged.
"Well, enhancing natural beauty means that you have to feel comfortable. Of course I'm nervous."
Yixing hummed, turning the mirror bit to see every angle.
"I just thought I should put the emphasis on the caring aspect. Care over beauty, seeing as you usually wear nothing. And since you look more manly than me, all this glittery stuff would have clashed badly and ruined your features and-"
Yixing placed the mirror on the table and leaned back into the headrest, pulling a stop to Baekhyun's nervous rambling.
"It's good. It's barely there but feels fresh. I like it."
A wide grin spread over Baekhyun's face as he gleefully plopped down next to him. Like this, he seemed so much younger and Yixing remembered something.
"Didn't know Kaito Jeanne would get nervous."
Baekhyun nudged him in the side hard enough to almost sent him tumbling off the couch.
"Low, Yixing, low! Besides, of course Kaito Jeanne can be nervous! None of those adjectives included 'fearless', you know?!"
Yixing only chuckled and ignored the other's pout.
None of them had openly addressed the fact that Yixing had seen his video, though there were enough insinuations flying back and forth between them. Yixing didn't feel the need to talk about it, anyway.
"Yeah, yeah, keep talking little Jeanne."
"That's pretty homophobic, you know?" Baekhyun sassed right back and Yixing acted like he was deeply offended before shaking his head in exasperation.
"I really don't think you can accuse me of being homophobic."
After all, it was him willing to try things with Baekhyun. The younger one hummed and placed his head on Yixing's shoulder in an uncharacteristically shy way. Yixing didn't have to look to know that his cheeks would be dusted pink.
Yes, he was going to try.
Maybe it would lead nowhere but he had to make sure. Had to know the meaning behind the spark he'd felt when the tips of their noses touched.
And judging by the way his heart was beating as Baekhyun carefully snuggled into his neck, Yixing felt like he was already pretty close to the answer.

 

This turned into a surprisingly serious story, but yeah. It's not easy being different, and it may not look like Baekhyun was causing a lot of harm, but to him, it was a big deal (maybe bigger than for Yixing, even) - anyway, what I was trying to express is that you gotta be in tune with yourself! 'Fighting' for all of us?

Love,
Sugar-and-Salt ♪

P.S.:
...in case you're wondering - yes, this is an actual tutorial for Baek's infamous burgundy look I came up with myself.
And yes, Kaitou Jeanne was is still my goal in life.