It had only been four days and ______ was already going crazy.

Being alone was great and all, especially after talking to her friends for a while, but she was admittedly starting to feel a little lonely. There was no one to talk to, no one to eat with, no one to confide in, and no one to gossip or discuss with, as petty and trivial as it might all be.

To be honest, she didn't feel like she was doing something great. She felt actually a little...down.

Not enough for her to risk having to see Irene with that Park Bogum, though.

But it wasn't just the loneliness, it was also the boredom.

Sitting in the tree during lunch every day, rarely talking to anyone, she had gotten a lot of homework done early in the day and left nothing for herself to do in the afternoon. With an hour or two for studying(that's what she claimed to do. In all honesty, it was probably only half an hour), she had nearly 5 hours of free time every day, and texting Irene was not an option. She didn't want to bother Taeyeon and she didn't know if Irene was home anyways, so she stayed at home and played video games or read more books, anything to pass the time.

She became quite the Tetris Battle champion.

But perhaps the largest drawback was all the excuses she had to make. ______ was pretty adept at lying(don't ask), but she always felt guilty when her friends asked why she never hung out with them anymore and she pretended to be studying hard for the ACTs or SATs or some test or other.

She was pretty sure that Wendy and Joy didn't believe her though. They were pretty smart, and they had given her suspicious looks when when she made up whatever excuse she had told them. Joy even gave her a knowing, sympathetic look that further confused ______.

She felt even more guilty when Irene asked her quietly if she had done something wrong or there was an issue she was going through and wanted to talk to her about. ______ decided not to say anything, simply shaking her head and saying "I'm fine."

That guilt had quickly gone when Bogum came to their classroom again right after class and ______ escaped safely to the rooftop, another hideout she had discovered.

And when Taeyeon and Tiffany marched over since ______ clearly wasn't going to come to them, giving her a lecture about how cutting off all ties with society was't healthy no matter her intentions or reasons, she didn't even know how to answer them.

Especially not when Taeyeon told her, "Look, ______. You want to stay as Irene's friend and that's why you're avoiding her, but have you ever thought that if you keep avoiding her you'll drift apart and no longer be friends?"

______ had looked down sadly and Tiffany had sighed, pulling her in, and the couple ended up hugging her to sleep for comfort just like the last time ______ stayed over.

She was sure what she was doing was the right thing though, for a while at least. Being bored, lonely, and guilty about her lies was better than having to fake a smile at seeing the couple every day. She stubbornly held on, telling herself that she didn't want to see Irene, no, that she didn't want to see Irene with her boyfriend, that it was for the best, and this way she would protect both of them from an awkward friendship forever, at least until she got rid of all these feelings.

After a few days though, she started realizing that what Taeyeon had said was right.

She wasn't feeling close with Irene anymore. They rarely talked unless it was in class about some sort of assignment. Irene had quit asking after she realized ______ wasn't going to give her an answer other than,"I'm fine," or,"Don't worry". She felt far away from Irene, which was weird since they sat next to each other every day in class.

She didn't see Irene with Bogum for those few days, but she felt her heart breaking anyways.

______ had to be completely honest with herself, she was jealous.

She admitted it. There was no denying it now, not since she's feeling like this.

And if she was jealous, she also admitted that she...liked Irene.

Possibly even loved her.

______ spent a few days confused. How could she like Irene? She was a girl....Irene was a girl...she had never even thought about people liking their own gender until recently, and it was only because of the issues occurring throughout the world relating to ual orientation. She was never against it, she was in fact, all for gay marriage, but she had never considered being...gay...herself.

She wasn't sure she was really gay though. She hadn't liked girls, or a girl, singular, her entire life. She had liked one boy at some point as her young, elementary school self sought to fit in, though she wasn't sure that counted.

For a while she had even thought she might be ace, or aro.

But she must be at least biual, to like Irene this way, right?

______ could feel her head pounding and she groaned as her confusion made her dizzy. She wasn't sure of anything at this point.

She was no longer ace or aro, she was pretty sure.

She was no longer straight, that's for sure.

She might be gay. She could be bi. She could be something else entirely.

Is there an Irene-ual?

It was the first time she had ever thought about this and to be completely honest, it was overwhelming. She had so many questions about herself. How could she be sure what uality she was when she was sure she was straight for practically her whole life and now she suddenly realizes that she's really, really not?

How could a thought suddenly blow in like a sea breeze and completely knock down all the things she had always believed about herself?

On the other hand, could she be thinking that she's gay when actually it was just a girl crush and she's really, really, straight?

She didn't act like a stereotypical lesbian, though she wasn't sure exactly what that was supposed to be.

Well, I guess there's not exactly one type of straight person, and you can be gay or lesbian without fitting the stereotype.

All the thoughts and frustration and confusion swam around in her head and add a headache and it felt like there was a hurricane destroying everything in her head and suddenly she was crying, and she didn't know why, just like she didn't know what she was anymore, and there were tears streaming down her face and she wanted them to stop, but she just couldn't.

She wasn't sure of who she was now.

She wasn't sure what she was going to do next.

She wasn't even really sure what she was doing right then.

All she was sure about, was that she missed Irene.

She missed her smile.

She missed her laugh.

She missed her pretty eyes and her pretty nose and her pretty face.

She missed making her laugh, making her smile, making those pretty eyes arch into crescents and her pretty nose crinkle playfully and her pretty face beaming like the sun.

She missed the playfulness and dorkiness that Irene only showed to her and their closest of friends.

She missed confiding in her best friend and being the one her best friend confided in.

She missed her.

Irene.