It’s true. It always a saying that you realize you loves someone once you lost them. Leo hate to admit it that he feels exactly the same. He regrets. No! He regrets for the rest of his life. God is unfair. That’s what he thought. Why did He take his best friend for good when Leo never asked for that. He just wishes that N would disappear for 1 or 2 days because that was what he always did. But no. He’s gone. Gone and disappear from this world.

No more his cute and shy laugh. No more his nagging and loud voice echoing in the practice room and the dorm. No more his obsession of hugging. No more his stank face. No more him stomping and pouting when the members teasing his dark skin. No more birthday wishes from him. No more his neck chopping. No more his scent fills up the entire dorm. No more. No more N. No more Cha Hakyeon.

“Hakyeon, I miss you.. Its hurt to say that I really miss you”

It’s late at night where everybody is already sleeping and Leo sneak into N’s room. He just missed him damn much. He wanted to spend some time with N. Just anything. His belongings are still there. Clean and organized. Even his perfume scent is still strong filling up the dark room. Leo sits down on the floor beside the bed. He opens up the drawer from the small table. Found out a diary of N. Slowly he flips the pages till the last page. The date written on it was 2 days ago. Exactly the day they went to the radio schedule. With tremble hands and teary eyes, he read the words one by one.

“Today’s record [160618], Starting the good day with nice breakfast made by Taekwoon..kkk..Woonie yell at Hyukie because he finishing the cereal without sharing with him. That’s so cute”

Leo remember that morning he really yelling at Hyuk because that brat maknae eating the cereals without sharing with him. That was the last cereals after all. That time, N was still eating with them even though he doesn’t talk much. Yet, he still calls Leo ‘cute’ when they are literally not in good term. He continued reading the diary.

“Finishing the practice with my beloved members at 5pm. Tiring but fun. Of course because the members always cheer me up. They are acting cute again and again. These kids..^_^  Oh yes, I have radio schedule with Woonie tonight. Looking forward to it. Its been long time since I have schedule with only him. Only both of us. I’m going to make sure tonight being the most memorable night. Can I hug and cuddle him though? He didn’t mad at me right? Hahaha..Till then..Nyeong @.@”

Leo close the diary and put it closer to his chest. He hugs the dairy with his wholehearted. ‘Yes, Hakyeon. That night, I ruined it. That night was the ‘most memorable night’ I gave to you. I’m sorry, Yeon-ah. I’m sorry for making you leaving this world with regrets’.

“Leo hyung?”

Ken, he passed by the room to go the toilet but he saw the door was slightly open. He saw Leo sitting down beside the bed sobbing and hugging something. He approaches the older hyung.

“What’s wrong, hyung? Why are you crying? What did you do in N hyung room at this late?”

He is panic. Never had he seen Leo crying this badly except when VIXX won for the 1st time on the music show with Voodoo Doll. Yes, that was the last time. Why did this hyung crying in N hyung room? Did he somehow miss him? Ken patting Leo shoulder. He didn’t know how to persuade that hyung because usually it’s always N who can calm him down. But unfortunately N hyung was not here.

“How I wish..this is just..a dream..”

“I….I miss…him.”

Leo stutters. He feels the words are now stuck in his throat. He can’t even swallow his tears. Everything happens too fast. Leo doesn’t care that the fact Ken saw him crying like this because he can’t hide it anymore. It’s just too hurt. Ken caresses Leo’s back softly to calm him. He really didn’t know how to sooth him. Leo hyung miss N hyung. This is so rare. Like really rare for him and for any members if they know this. The fact that it’s always Leo who push N away every time he insist any kind of skinship. Its N who always got this infamous Leo’s dead glares every time they playing around, but he just brushes it off with t