CHAPTER 1: WINDS OF CHANGE

It was a rainy Sunday – perfect fit for my wistful mood. Rainy day blues? Something like that. The way the sky was covered in grey and the raindrops rattled against the window of my room, the fresh and cool air that floated into my room through the opened window. It all seemed to fit my mood so well. It had been four days since I moved to Seoul. It was so big and bubbly compared to the narrow and winding roads of the countryside of Jeju Island where I had been living all my life. Quiet, sad and isolated. Those words described the small village I lived in perfectly, but unfortunately they also described how my life had been for the past few years. It had been five years since my father’s death. He had went fishing with his friends, other fishers from the neighbourhood. Sadly, he never returned.

His death entirely messed up two lives – mine and my mother’s. Our income disappeared, mom started spending her small paychecks on alcohol and I lost count of how many times I had to go and help her home in the middle of the night because she was so drunk she could barely walk. The village’s people always stared at me in a pitying manner, everybody just thought of me as the girl whose father died and mother went crazy. My life became like that, and that lasted for five long years. I got over the worst shock after my father’s death – mom didn’t.

Just a few weeks ago the social workers had finally sentenced my mom unfit to take care of me anymore. And that’s when my aunt, Seo Dahee, stepped in. And that’s how I ended up moving to Seoul. Small, stuffy house changed into a spacious, modern apartment, and I didn’t have to be alone anymore – I had my aunt and cousin, Eunwoo, even though he didn’t seem to really enjoy my company that much.

I looked out of the window again. Ironically, the grey clouds were slowly breaking apart and I was able to see small rays of lights. Like the world was trying to cheer me up, saying I had a new life now. Nobody knew who I was and I would be able to start anew. My aunt actually worked as a secretary in a big corporation and was able to make use of her relations – she had gotten me into a nice school, she had actually told me it was one of the most prestigious schools in Seoul. I did feel thankful, but I didn’t deny I had my doubts and fears.

I was so immersed in my thoughts I didn’t notice Eunwoo coming into the room and walking up behind the bed I was sitting on. I only noticed him when he put his hands on my shoulders, startling me to the point I screamed, and almost made me fall down from the bed. I turned to face him and showed him the dirtiest look I could.

“What?” he asked with a straight face.

“You just had to do that, didn’t you?” I sighed and got up from the bed. Eunwoo wasn’t exactly playful – he was more on the serious side, but he seemed to like keeping me on my toes. He was older than me by a year, so as an only child he must’ve felt happy to have someone to order around for once.

Eunwoo shrugged his shoulders. “Mom made some food, I thought you’d like to eat as well”, he stated as he walked out of the room. After letting out another sigh, I followed him.

As I approached the kitchen my nose was filled with various delicious smells mixing together. I loved traditional homemade food – maybe because I hadn’t been able to really eat it very often during the last few years.

I sat down and watched my aunt putting the plates on the table. She really wasn’t the typical single mom you could imagine. She was youthful, beautiful, successful and happy about her life. The society was so roughly against single moms yet she still had managed to get on her feet and get a job from a big, international company. And now she got to live in this beautiful apartment with Eunwoo. And me. The idea of me living such a luxurious life was still very new and strange.

“Are you nervous?” aunt asked me as I got my chopsticks and started stuffing my face.

“About what?”

She had a small smile on her lips. “Well, it’s your first day at school tomorrow. Did you get the school uniform already?”

I nodded. “I got it today. And well, I don’t think I’m nervous at all.” Scared would be a more correct phrase, I though in my head afterwards.

“Good to hear”, she chuckled and turned to look at Eunwoo, who was slowly eating without taking his eyes off the rice bowl. “Eunwoo will go to school with you tomorrow. Right?”

Eunwoo slowly raised his eyes from the table and stared at his mother for a moment, looking like he was about to refuse, but ended up nodding and continued eating. I looked at him as he ate. He had been acting all weird from the moment I moved into the house. We got along very well when we were younger, so what was the problem now?

After finishing my meal, I got up and locked up in my room again. With a yawn I fell on my back on the bed and stretched my limbs. I eyed the school uniform that was hanging from a hanger on my stand. It was all new and clean – a dark blue blazer, a red-and-blue tie, a plaid skirt. Even the uniform seemed to be a lot prettier than my old one. I rolled on my side and looked out of the window. The rain had stopped. Tomorrow was supposed to be sunny and warm. The apartment building was located in a symmetrical range of ten identical apartment houses, and in the middle there was a beautiful, small park with a pool that had water lilies in it. That reminded me of Jeju and I found myself almost missing my mom. Even though she hadn’t shown any interest or capability in taking care of me in a while, she was still my mother. I was the only one who she had by her side.  The one who took care of her. Now she was all alone.

I heard a knock on the door. I was expecting it to be my aunt and called the knocker in, but for my surprise it was Eunwoo. He had clearly just showered, his black hair was moist and fluffy and he was wearing his pyjamas.

“Since mom is pressuring me to be your personal for school, I think you should give me your phone number”, he said.

I let out an awkward chuckle and felt a heat in my cheeks – it was embarrassing for me to admit it, but I didn’t have my own phone. I had one when I lived with my mom, but she had stolen it from me after she had broken her own.

“Well?” Eunwoo raised a brow at me.

“Actually… I don’t have a phone”, I said quietly.

Eunwoo's expression didn't change at all. “Okay then, we’ll go and get you one after school tomorrow.”

I looked at my cousin and nodded at him as a thankful gesture. He turned around to leave my room, but then suddenly stopped, seeming a bit hesitant for a moment, and then turned back at me. He closed the door and then walked towards me, sitting next to me on the bed.

“Listen”, he started. “Our school can be a bit harsh to new students who… come from different backgrounds.”

I let out a half amused, half bittersweet chuckle. Of course I knew that, it was a given. A school full of well-off teenagers with the newest technology - rumors and information would spread like fire. When someone would get to know about my unfortunate background, they would immediately start sharing the information and soon the whole school would know that I was poor, basically an orphan, and that I got into the school with relations, not my grades. People would probably stare and whisper behind my back. It wasn't ideal, and I didn't enjoy it - but I had learnt to live with it.

“It’s alright”, I said to Eunwoo. “I’m not that weak. I’ve been dealing with this for years.”

Eunwoo nodded slowly. “I just thought it would be better for you to know.”

“So you worried about me?” I asked with a small smirk on my face and playfully poked him on the side.

He looked at me with a straight face again. “Why wouldn't I? You’re my cousin anyway. And now we’re technically siblings since mom is your caretaker.”

I chuckled. “Really? What’s with the cold shoulder you’ve been showing for the last days then?”

Eunwoo pouted at me and the expression almost made me jump on my feet and scream because it was the liveliest expression I had seen him show since I had moved in. “I don’t want you to get too fond of me and follow me around at school."

I laughed. It was the first real, sincere laugh I had let out in a long time, probably months. I patted his shoulder playfully. “Don’t worry, I won’t go around sharing your number to girls who want it. Unless you annoy me.”

Eunwoo expression remained serious but I could see an embarrassed flash in his eyes. Of course he knew he was handsome. I was sure he had flocks of girls following him around the school, even if he didn't care about the attention.

"Very funny."

After Eunwoo left the room, I realised I was feeling a little bit better. Now that I had this little talk with him, I felt more welcomed – like I finally got a place where I was accepted.

After showering I quickly put on my pyjamas and went to bed. I rolled around for a while. I did know, at least to some point, what waited me at school. But still I felt the nervousness swelling in my stomach. I started counting sheep – that’s what I used to do when I was younger and I went to sleep alone without knowing the whereabouts of mom.

After reaching 80-something I finally fell asleep.