hye guys~!! this is my second one shot story and it's complete..

enjoy reading ^_^

If there any grammatically error or spelling typo, I hope you guys can bear it. English definitely is not my first language ^^!!

play this song while you read my story 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASWSVUsJFLQ&feature=related

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It’s raining today. My back suit soaked with rain. I sniffle a bit. I tried very hard to stop crying, but it seems impossible. I look at the cemetery and read the gravestone.

LOVING BROTHER AND HUSBAND

KIM JAEJOONG

1987-2010

REST IN PEACE

 I wipe my tears. I’m the only one who left here. I really don’t want to budge even a bit. I don’t want to leave my brother here alone. He is the only one that I have in the world and now.. He’s gone. I love my brother soo much that I cannot accept his death till I saw his lifeless body in the morgue. When I saw his dead body, I tried to hold my tears but it just went out without I even notice.

Flashback

I followed the morgue assistance to one of the room. My brain still blank to digest the news I heard 30 minutes ago. I was lying on the bed giggling while watching my brother and I Christmas video. My phone ringing nonstop till I feel annoying and I pick up the phone. I never know by picking up the phone it will change my life dramatically. If I knew the news will turn like this, I will never pick up. Once I heard the news I really didn’t want to believe it. I end the call and start dialling my brother phone. It’s ringing but he didn’t pick up. I grab my car key and start the engine and drive to the hospital. I keep on calling my brother. Deep in my heart I pray that they got the wrong person. Once I reach there, I run to the counter and ask for my brother. And now here I am. In the room that they claimed my brother dead body is. The morgue assistant went to case no 3 and open it. He then pulls the body out. I saw a dead body being covered by white cloth. i put my hands to hold the sob but I really want to cry right now. Slowly I pull the cloth and there, I saw my brother face smiling but his face so pale. I bring my hands to his heart praying to that I can feel his heartbeat, but feel nothing. I feel my knee going weaker each second and I fall to the floor. This time, I burst out in tears. I was crying, crying and crying till my eyes cannot see clearly anymore because of the tears.

End Flashback

“Hyung…hyung…” I call him though I know he wouldn’t answer it.

“Why do you leave me? Do you really hate me that much until you give up and end up your life? I really..Really love you hyung..”

I remember us being a loving sibling and he being a supportive brother. We always share everything from food, cloths even about our love life. I never lied to him and so do he. We always laugh and play whenever we want. But things change after he meet my sister in law. Yes, he married with her. And things change so much that it’s broke my heart.

Once she came into my brother life, he never plays with me nor shares his problem with me. He always came back late at the night or didn’t come home for a day. Life is isn’t it? We use to laugh and crying together but now, I’m the only one who cry..

Alone…

He might be happy with his lover but I’m not. I have no one to talk to and I have no one to laugh with.

There’s one time when my brother bring back her lover and introduced her to me. I thought she is nice but I totally wrong. She is a ! She pretend to be so angelic in front of my brother but when she with me alone, she is devil. I really hope my brother wouldn’t marry her but I was wrong again. After a few days later he told me that he want to get married with her. That time, my heart shattered and I put a fake smile and congrats him. He said, he is the happiest man on earth when she receives his proposal but he never knows how sad I was when knowing about his proposal. I walk to my room and lock the door. I took my album and open it. There are pictures of us when we were still young and together. I open it page by page. I cry. I don’t know how many times I cried when he started dating. I know our life will never be the same anymore. And I was right….

Once he gets married, he never calls me nor sees me. I was the one who calling him days and night asking about him. How was he and did he eat already. But he always ignore me and sometimes I phone him and he only said, “hmm.. Okay.. Bye..”. That’s it. Never has he asked how I was doing.He is not my brother anymore. At that time, I really hope god didn’t create human to have a heart that can change easily but I know it’s not god fault, it’s our fault as human.

His heart changed but not mine. I still love him. There is one time when I call him after long time he never calls me, his wife answer it.  She yelled at me asking me to stop calling my brother and ruined their happiness. She hangs up after that. My heart really hurt. It’s hurt so much when I have no one to tell my problem. I call him because I want to ask him to go to our parent’s cemetery. I miss them and it’s been a while since we visit them.  But... but he never went there anymore. He never visits mom and dad. Did he really want to forget me...his family?  I don’t know.. Only brother can answer it.

He became rich and maybe that’s why his wife love him. I’m not trying to accuse her but she never care when my brother died. She didn’t attend this funeral. If she really loves my brother, she should come here wait for him like me and her eyes should be like me, swollen. She must be at home waiting for my brother’s will to be read. Don’t worry, I won’t fight you for brother’s wealth. I don’t want anything right now, I just need my brother back...

The rain already stop and the sky start to shine again. it still didn’t give any effect on me. I still want to stay here with my brother but I can’t. I need to go back and pack my things. I will go to Japan to further my study. I want to go far away, far from my pain. Far to the place that can make me forget everything and start anew.

“Good bye hyung. I will be going and I might not visit you anymore. I’m going to Japan. I hope you feel happy wherever you are right now. I will always remember you my brother.. the loving and caring brother.. I love you hyung…”

I stand up and start walking out from the cemetery. I went to my car and I can see one man waiting for me at my car. When I reach him, he give me a letter saying that letter is from my late brother. How I hate to say the ‘late’ word. I take the letter and say thanks. I enter my car and start the engine. I don’t want to read it yet cause I don’t want to wait at the cemetery anymore. I’ll wait till I reach home.

Once I reach home, I went to my room and sits at the bed. I hold the letter and open it. I close my eyes, afraid of seeing something that I don’t want to but I have to, I have to read it. it’s my brother last wish. Slowly  I open my eyes and read the letter. It’s my brother’s handwriting.

Junsu, my baby brother,

I’m sorry for leaving you..

I’m sorry for betraying you..

I’m sorry for being a jerk towards you..

I’m sorry for not taking care of you..

And, I’m sorry for you to have a brother like me..

I know since I meet my wife, I always neglect you. I always don’t have time to be beside you, to hear your problems, your love life story and your happiness.

I don’t know what happen to me. We lost our mom since we were born. Maybe that’s why I love her so much that I forget about you. I never feels to be love from a woman and I’m dying to get it from her and I ignore you. She love me.. at first I think like that but now, I know she only love my money. I never knew how stupid I was. She cheated on me and that day I know how idiot I am for leaving you. I should be with you forever. I should never betray my promise to take care of you.

Ahh~ now I miss my lil brother. I miss our time together. Laughing and crying out loud.. can I have that time again? can we became like that again? I don’t know brother…I don’t think we can. I should appreciate you more than anything. You’re my little brother.

I’m going to end my life but it doesn’t mean I’m gone. I always be with you. Maybe my soul will be with you. I’ll be your guardian angel Junsu. Do you like it? I still remember when we were together you always be my little angel, but now it’s my time to be yours. I never regret having you as my brother, but I regret for not being a good brother for you. Once I leave this world, I want you to promise me to take care of yourself and stay alive! I don’t want you to follow my mistake. I know I’m such a coward man, killing myself  for running away from small problem. It’s not just a small problem, it’s a big problems  Junsu and I know I can’t handle it and live as usual again. I want to rest in the place that no one can ever disturb me. I want to meet our parents and stay with them.

Good bye Junsu…always remember that I always cherish you in my life.

I LOVE YOU LITTLE BROTHER…

Your pabo hyung,

KIM JAE JOONG

I wipe the tears that are running through my eyes. I fold the letter back. I went to the desk and take out my album. I open it and I can see my brother smile. I put the letter in the album and close it. I hug the album tightly.

“Hyung, I will never cry again. I will always remember you. I love you to hyung and don’t worry; I never blame you nor hate you. You are my brother eternally and I will meet you one fine day…for the last time, good bye hyung~..”

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