18 January 2017 (Wednesday), 1.30 p.m.

Cassie : You should accept the offer. You can be a celebrity!

Sejin : Keep it down!

Me and Cassie were discussing about the offer that the LightUp agent had given me yesterday.

We were sitting by our desks as we discussed it. It was currently free period, so we had the freedom to talk to each other without disturbing the class. However, there were still other students in the classroom. I did not want them to know about what we were talking about.

I did not want to tell her about the offer at first, but I then realized that Cassie was the best person to tell me more about what I might be getting myself into.

Sejin : I don't care if I become a celebrity or not. The problem is that I don't know if I want to make such a big commitment.

Cassie : The only commitment you'll have to focus on for now will be attending acting classes. It's honestly not that hard!

What she is saying is true, but I know that it won't be that simple.

Cassie : Besides, if you don't take the offer now, some other company will offer you a contract again.

Sejin : Why? Because I'm that good-looking?

I tried to be playful with her, but she simply sighed. Afterwards, she responded in a more serious tone, ending my playful behavior.

Cassie : You really are, you know? When I first saw you, I thought you were an angel. One that was sitting alone, staring at the window and deep in his own thoughts.

I smiled, but at the same time, had a headache. I could not tell if she was being sarcastic or not. In my opinion, being called "an angel" may have been an exaggeration.

Sejin : This is only your third day in school, and your compliments are becoming more and more descriptive everyday.

Cassie laughed as she too realized her ability to exaggerate has been improving. It is clear to me that she must have a strong sense of imagination as well.

While we were talking, I could not help but notice the other students, both inside and outside of the classroom, were staring at our direction.

Sejin : People are looking at us.

Cassie : Is it because you're talking to me?

Sejin : It's not because of you. It's...

Before I could complete my sentence, two female students came over to us. The two of them were excited, but at the same time, seemed shy as they looked at me.

Female Student #1 : Sejin-ssi, are you interested in joining our Interact club? You'll get the opportunity to meet new people and make a lot of friends.

Female Student #2 : No, Sejin-ssi! You should join our Photography club! We'll happily welcome you.

The two girls began shoving each other with their bodies, trying to gain my attention and recruit me into their club.

Cassie finally realized that they were all actually staring at me, as this was the first time they have seen me socializing and talking to someone. I was popular before with my good-looks, so this was to be expected.

Cassie : Ah... I see. They've finally heard your voice.

Sejin : I'm sorry, girls, but I can't decide now. If it's okay with you two, I'll think about it first.

I gave them a smile, which caused both the girls to squeal with excitement. This was the first time that they've received a smile from me, as I had rarely made a smile in public.

Afterwards, the girls quickly took out their pen and a piece of paper.

Female Student #1 : If that's the case, I'll give you my cellphone number. Please call me if you want to join the club.

Female Student #2 : Me too! I'll give you my number, so please don't hesitate to call me if you want to join.

After they have written their cellphone numbers on the papers, they showed them to me, waiting for me to take the papers from their hands directly. I smiled at the sight of these two girls voluntarily giving me their numbers.

I was a little flustered as this was the first time I have ever been in this type of situation. Before this, I was known as the student with a mental issue, so everyone ignored me, as I ignored them.

I humbly took the papers from the girls. Before they left, the two girls gave a mean look to Cassie as they turned around. This was most likely because Cassie was the only person I was freely and happily talking to. She was a little surprised by the look she was given.

Cassie : I think I have competition now. Are you happy that girls are just giving you their numbers?

Sejin : This is certainly a first, but I'm not that kind of guy. I'm not interested in dating either.

Hearing my reply, Cassie gave me a suspicious look and smile.

Cassie : Oh? Really? You won't call them?

Sejin : Could we go back to our earlier discussion?

I immediately shut her down. I did not know what was in her mind, but Cassie looked at me like she had something weird in mind.

Although a little disappointed, Cassie redirected her focus back towards the offer I was given and what should I do now.

In the end, she gave me a useful advice.

Cassie : I did my best to convince you to join. I think it's your turn to convince yourself.

Sejin : Convince myself?

Cassie : Yeah. Ask yourself why you should or shouldn't be an actor. I'll give you some space to think about it.

She voluntarily stood up and began walking away, giving me some personal time to think it over.

However, just before she left me alone, she spoke out and shared her personal opinion.

Cassie : It would also be nice for us to work under the same agency. It makes me feel like we're really friends.

Her words immediate got me thinking, imagining what it would be like for the two of us to work at the same workplace. The idea was actually very pleasing to me. In fact, jst the thought of it got me a little excited, as it will be a great addition to the little excitement that currently occupies me in my life. 

Before she left, I waved her 'goodbye', and she followed along. It was sudden, but it seemed appropriate at the time. She laughed at the awkwardness, as she would still have to return to her desk before free period ends.

Once I was finally alone, I began thinking of reasons why I should accept the offer.

Sejin : Why I should...

Firstly, I would be earning for a living, so I wouldn't have to depend on "Sejin's dad" anymore. It will also keep me occupied and entertain me, as I have little-to-no friends and do almost nothing everyday. Moreover, modeling work does not sound too difficult, and acting does sound fun.

However...

Sejin : Why I shouldn't...

Why should I? I have not forgotten that I was never born into this world in the first place. To cope, I had to distance myself from everyone and learn the language from scratch. I had planned to just survive and die of old age, as this was not my life to begin with, and certainly not the life I wanted.

However, for the very first time, I began to get second thoughts. Is it really all right for me to waste this life I got? Yesterday was the most fun I've had for years, and it was all thanks to Cassie.

I do consider her as a friend, eventhough I hardly show it. Maybe I should accept the offer? Have more in common with her and make her happy?

Sejin : No, not for her. If I accept this offer, it has to be for me.

The real problem is that I cannot take pride in living as "Sejin".

Deep down, I still consider myself as "Philip", so to willingly call myself "Sejin" everyday and living his life, I just couldn't do it. It felt wrong, like I took away this life from "Sejin", the life that he should be living in and not me. The moment I enjoy myself in this life, I would immediately feel guilty. I would feel like I had committed a serious crime.

In the end, I have not reached to a conclusion. In fact, I am considering rejecting the offer now.

18 January 2017 (Wednesday), 6.30 p.m.

I arrived home almost an hour after school had ended. Today has proven to be a difficult day for me. The thought of the offer kept distracting me from the lessons in class. Thankfully, it is over now. I have decided not to accept the offer, because it is an offer that would not have been given to "Philip", only "Sejin". If I were to accept the offer, I would feel terrible, as it would be as if I am taking advantage of "Sejin's" misfortune.

However, I have yet to call the agent to inform him of my decision to reject the offer. Some part of me still hoped that I could accept the offer, and the walk back home could help change my mind, but it did not. In the end, how I feel about being "Sejin" and discarding "Philip" is still the same.

As I entered the house, I heard a noise from the living room. I went towards the sound to find "Sejin's" dad, sweeping the floor with a broomstick. Once I entered the living room, both our eyes met. I cannot remember the last time we looked at each other directly, as we normally avoid each other's gaze to avoid awkwardness in the house.

Sejin's Father : Welcome home.

Normally, I would simply walk away and head towards my room.

However, today was different.

Sejin : Why are you still taking care of me?

"Sejin's" dad was greatly surprised by my reply, as he seldom hears my voice. He expected me to silently walk away, as usual.

Ever since I became "Sejin", I have never heard his dad complained before. I have never seen him sad, angry, complain or even try to turn me into the son he once had. Why is it that he continues to support me, but never asked anything in return? I know he is not delusional. He knows I am nothing like "Sejin".

I decided to ask him questions now, as I felt like this is the one time I needed to hear answers. 

Sejin : You know I'm not "Sejin", yet you still take care of me. Why? Is it because you're still hoping "Sejin" would return?

"Sejin's" dad was still taken aback by my sudden decision to talk to him, but he realizes the seriousness of my questions.

He decided to be honest, as this could be a meaningful moment for the both of us.

Sejin's Father : I won't lie and pretend that that's not true. Everyday, I wished for it to come true, as his father.

Sejin : I see...

I turned around. feeling disappointed. What was it I was expecting to hear from him? He was never my dad to begin with.

Sejin's Father : But I know that'll never happen!

My ears caught his words. I turned around and faced him again.

Sejin's Father : I lost him years ago and I know he's not coming back... just like his mother.

As he mentioned "Sejin's" mother, I recalled how she passed away. It was long before my accident. She passed away due to leukemia.

Sejin : So why then? Did you pity me?

I began letting my feelings out. All these questions I never asked and has been slowly eating up my insides, have been come to light.

"Sejin's" dad immediately dropped his broomstick after hearing my question, realizing how I've felt all these years.

Sejin's Father : I did not take care of you because of pity. You might not believe me... but I took care of you because I was grateful to you.

Sejin : Eventhough it's "Philip", not "Sejin"?

"Sejin's" dad began walking closer towards me.

Sejin's Father : Many years ago, I lost my wife. It was just me and Sejin. I was heartbroken, but I made a promise to my wife before she passed away. I promised her that I would raise our son properly, and help him become an amazing person when he grows up. I did my best! Before his accident, Sejin was only 16 years old when he was qualifying to compete for the Olympics, in gymnastics!

His eyes began tearing up. I could only give him my full attention as I was desperate to hear everything he has to say.

Sejin's Father : I don't know if it was the dreams he's been having, or if I was too strict with him before, but it became too much for Sejin. He committed suicide. He jumped off the very roof on top of us right now.

He took a pause, calming himself down to try and finish the story.

Sejin's Father : He was sent to a hospital on a Saturday night. He was in critical condition. I even heard from other doctors that Sejin's death was almost predictable from the beginning. At that night, I became alone. I didn't have my family. I was so sad... so much in despair... I had planned on taking my life away too... after the funeral.

At that moment, "Sejin's" dad grabbed me and hugged me really tightly. He allowed his tears to flow out naturally.

Sejin's Father : But on Sunday... that morning... I got a call from the hospital. They said my son was still alive... that he was miraculously revived. Never before in my life did a call from a hospital brought me so much happiness.

Slowly, tears began to flow out of my eyes. He cried and hugged me, but this is the answer I got?

Sejin : I told you! I'm not "Sejin"!

Sejin's Father : I know that! I was just happy that I still have a family!

Just like that, I became silent.

Sejin's Father : I know you're not Sejin. You don't have to tell me that anymore. Both he and my wife passed away. But on that Sunday morning, I received you. I received another son. You, "Philip", saved me from the bottomless despair I was stuck in. I took care of you, not because for Sejin, and not out of pity, but because you're my son... because I love you.

Suddenly, my tears began to flow down fast. I began crying openly, no holding back. At this moment, I felt both happy and relieved.

I returned the favor and hugged him back. I am unable to return to my own world, and I have felt like I never belonged in this world for three years. To hear "Sejin's"... "my" dad call me his son and love me, words cannot describe all the emotions I am feeling right now.

Sejin's Father : I also wanted to be a better father to you. That's why I'm not pushing you to be an Olympic athlete. You were unfairly brought to this world. I wanted you to find your own happiness.

Sejin : Even when I'm living as "Sejin"?

He heard the sadness in my voice. He quickly breaks the hug and held me by my shoulders while he was down on one knee.

Sejin's Father : Just say when, and we can get your name changed. Do you want it to be "Philip"? Whatever makes you happy.

I continued to cry, but I was smiling brightly. It was a smile that even Cassie has never seen.

I leaned towards my dad and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him.

Sejin : I don't know about changing names, but I am just very happy to know that you don't think of me as the other one... that you see me as me.

I broke the hug and took a step back.

Sejin : I've made up my mind.

Sejin's Father : Hmm? Did you say something?

I smiled as I shook my head.

Sejin : It's nothing. I'll tell you later. I need to make a phone call right now.

I turned around and quickly ran upstairs to my room. My dad had more to say, but that can wait. I needed to call the LightUp Entertainment agent now and tell him my decision.

I entered my room and closed the door behind me. I jumped onto my bed and laid on my back. Noticing that I still had teary eyes, I quickly wiped away the tears with the bed sheet.

I wasted no time and called the number on the business card given to me.

Sejin : Hello, is this the LightUp agent? This is Sejin, and I would like to accept the offer to work under the agency.