Endings and Beginnings
Of Gold and Obsidian“Sehun. We need to talk.”
Sehun’s face remained impassive as he stared straight ahead at the road. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to pretend as if he had not heard Baekhyun. Baekhyun looked at him pleadingly with bloodshot eyes, a product of his intense bout of crying earlier on. It had taken a lot of coaxing and pacifying on Sehun’s end before Baekhyun’s tears would stop, and even then, Baekhyun still couldn’t stop sniffling here and there.
“Sehun,” Baekhyun tried again to elicit a response from Sehun.
Sehun let out a huge sigh, a torn look on his face. “Not now, Baekhyun. Not now.”
Baekhyun bit his lip nervously. “I’m sorry I lied. I went out to meet Chanyeol. I should have told you.”
“I should have stopped you,” Sehun said lowly, a hard edge in his voice. His voice was strained, and Baekhyun knew that Sehun was doing everything in his power to keep himself from exploding. “I ing knew that you were lying to my face, and I knew who exactly you were running off to, and yet I didn’t stop you. Look what happened. That bastard made you cry again. He does it again and again, and I don’t understand why you always go hurtling towards him like a moth to a flame!"
Baekhyun stared at his lap numbly, feeling a fresh wave of tears start to fall. Sehun took a glance at Baekhyun and his heart softened.
“I went to meet him because I wanted to end things between us properly.”
“Good. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Now you are free from him,” Sehun commented, offering Baekhyun a piece of tissue to wipe his tears. “So why are you crying? Are you that reluctant to let him go? Don’t forget this, Byun Baekhyun, that guy made you go through hell. Have a little bit of self-respect and stop pining after him!” Sehun exploded finally, his expression contorted in a mixture of pain and anger.
At Sehun’s harsh words, Baekhyun sobbed harder. “I’m sorry, Sehun. I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing to me? Apologize to yourself for making you go through this self-induced hell!” Sehun gritted his teeth. “I just… I can’t understand you, Baekhyun. This toxic and sorry- relationship between you and Chanyeol has changed you. Have you ing thrown away all sense of rationality? Wake the hell up! Stop hurting yourself, I’m begging you,” his voice broke on the last syllable, and Sehun felt his own eyes moisten with tears as well.
“I don’t understand myself as well!” Baekhyun shouted back. “Just like you said, it is as if I have thrown away all sense of rationality. It has always, always been like that when it comes to Park Chanyeol. I told myself to stay away from him the first time we met. I knew he was bad news. But look what happened,” he chuckled darkly. “Don’t ing remind me of how stupid I am because I know. I know and yet I can’t seem to reconcile my conflicting feelings. This is what kills me inside. Every single day,” Baekhyun mumbled the last part, burying his face in his hands.
“I’m so tired, Sehun. I was holding on to something that brought me so much pain. Now that I have let go, it still hurts. Am I supposed to rip the heart out of my chest before I can stop hurting?” Baekhyun shook his head bitterly.
“Look, it’s like holding on to red-hot coal for months. The moment you let go, of course you will still continue to feel pain. It’s not like your hands are going to magically heal itself within seconds, just because you finally decided to let go. In fact, your wounds will certainly fester and worsen, but that is a necessary phase. Once you get past that stage, you will be okay again,” Sehun replied evenly. “This pain you feel right now? It’s transient. You will feel this all the way up till you begin to truly heal. Now that you have already dropped the coal, don’t go picking it up again. Allow yourself to grieve the loss. Give yourself time and space to work through your emotions. And never ever mistake this pain that you are feeling right now as love. You have decided to give up the feelings that you have for him, so don’t you dare disrespect yourself by even thinking of returning to his side.”
Baekhyun shut his eyes tightly. “I know, Sehun. I know,” he whispered. “And this is why I have decided. It isn’t fair for us to be together while I go through this phase of healing. I know this hurts you, Sehun, and I don’t want to make you go through this with me. Let’s break up, because I don’t deserve you at all.”
Break up.
These two words made Sehun feel like he had been punched in the guts. He pulled the car over to the side of the road abruptly, struggling to keep his breathing even.
“Don’t,” he whispered, sounding broken. “Just… let me stay by your side while you grieve and heal. I don’t mind that. I promised that I would always support you. I don’t want to break up,” he shook his head adamantly.
“You say that I am a fool, but aren’t you being a fool yourself?” Baekhyun chuckled bitterly. “I know how much this hurts you. This relationship between us is unhealthy for you. I don’t want to see you in pain. I don’t want you to be all noble and torture yourself just so you can make me happy. Perhaps it is also time for you to let go. Just like how I have decided to finally let go of Chanyeol.”
“I cannot accept that,” Sehun replied stubbornly. “I am never letting you go. I love you too ing much, Baekhyun. I have loved you for so many years! I made a promise to myself that I will be the one to make you happy. So can’t you try? Can’t you try to love me?” Sehun finally broke down, choking on his own heartbroken sobs. “You said that you have already let go of Chanyeol. This means that you will have room in your heart for me after you get over him, right? So why can’t you let me stay by your side? Please, Baekhyun,” Sehun begged, his voice sounding small and defeated.
Seeing Sehun so upset made Baekhyun feel awful. Everything was his fault. It was selfish of him from the very start, when he agreed to date Sehun. He entered into this relationship thoughtlessly, thinking that Sehun might help him get over Chanyeol. However, as time passed, he began to realize that their relationship was hurting Sehun on a subconscious level. It was unfair and unhealthy for Sehun.
Which was precisely why Baekhyun needed to end this. For Sehun’s sake.
“Let’s break up,” Baekhyun repeated, this time more confidently. “It’s the right thing to do.”
Sehun stared at Baekhyun with glassy eyes. “Please, Baekhyun. Let me remain by your side.”
“I promise you, Sehun, that when I finally and eventually find peace within myself, I will open my heart completely. You can court me after I have truly moved on from this entire fiasco. I promise to give you a chance. But right now, it isn’t fair for us to continue being in a relationship. You understand, don’t you?” Baekhyun said gently, wrapping Sehun in a tight hug.
It seemed like an eternity before Sehun responded, sniffling into Baekhyun’s shirt. “I will hold you to your promise. When you are done healing, I will put in a hundred percent to win your heart,” he said with conviction, wiping the tears off his face.
Baekhyun smiled, feeling a sense of renewed lightness take over his entire being. “Of course,” he said kindly. “But maybe by the time I’m done healing, you would have found someone else to love already,” he chuckled.
“Nonsense,” Sehun mumbled. “My heart will always remain with you,” he managed a small smile, pressing a tender kiss against Baekhyun’s cheek.
--
Sehun was right. The first three months after letting go was the most painful. It was the hardest and most arduous part of moving on, and Baekhyun struggled every day to make sense of the conflicting thoughts in his head. It would be a blatant lie to say that he didn’t think about Chanyeol at all, but at least he was too busy with work to really preoccupy himself with depressing thoughts. He had begun working at Byun Enterprises, and his father seemed to take a sadistic glee in piling him with tons of work.
“It’s for your own good. You need to learn the ropes quickly,” he had told Baekhyun.
And thus Baekhyun buried himself in piles of paperwork, meetings after meetings, and presentations after presentations. Every single day was so packed that time seemed to fly by at an amazing speed. His father would never admit it upfront, but that was his way of helping Baekhyun cope. If Baekhyun kept himself busy, he wouldn’t have time to dwell on unhappy memories.
And his strategy proved successful.
Nine months down the road, Byun Baekhyun declared himself a free man—a man free from the shadows that used to haunt him. It certainly took time, but he managed to transform that debilitating pain into an immense strength. Baekhyun had been changed irreversibly by the pain, but not necessarily in a bad way. He chose to perceive that dark period of his life as a positive catalyst—one that catapulted him into deeper self-growth and understanding. After all, Byun Baekhyun had always been an optimistic person who believed that everything in life happens for a reason, be it good or bad.
Sehun remained a devoted constant in Baekhyun’s life. However, he was cautious about pushing Baekhyun’s boundaries, especially in the period when Baekhyun went through his grieving and healing phases. Now that Baekhyun was finally liberated from his emotional shackles, Sehun was more than ready to put his A-game on.
“Flowers for the fairest and most beautiful person in the whole wide world,” he said, surprising Baekhyun at his office with a huge bouquet of red roses. “To start off my formal quest to win your heart,” he announced proudly with a wink.
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Sehun,” Baekhyun smiled, bringing the bouquet to his nose.
“But flowers will earn me brownie points with you,” Sehun retorted cheekily, knowing full well that Baekhyun was a er for botany and plants in general.
Sehun plopped himself down in the chair opposite Baekhyun and toyed with the decorative ornament on the desk. “How’s work?”
“Busy, as always,” Baekhyun sighed, loosening the tie around his neck.
“But you’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you?” Sehun looked at him knowingly.
“Well, I guess? I do feel a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment when I complete my tasks,” Baekhyun mused. “Work really gives me a sense of direction in life,” he laughed.
“So you are all poised to take over the reins of Byun Enterprises together with Baekbeom, huh?”
Baekhyun blinked at Sehun, his expression thoughtful. “I don’t know about that… But we’ll see.”
Baekhyun enjoyed helping out at the company, but was he really ready to take on a responsibility as huge as running the company? Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel that he wanted to do something different with his life.
Once upon a time, that dream was to become a professional violinist, but it has now become a dream too far beyond his reach. Baekhyun glanced at his hand with a mournful look. After his injury, and after completing the entire course of his physiotherapy sessions, Baekhyun had tried to play the violin again, but it just wasn’t the same anymore. The violin was an instrument that required precision, dexterity and speed—something that his right hand was now unable to deliver.
He was bitterly reminded of Irene, who had swiftly escaped to the States after the party to hide from the shame and negative scrutiny being placed on her. The Bae family name was permanently marred, and the public saw them as sly and untrustworthy. As a result, their business took a terrible hit, and there were recent rumors that the Bae Group was preparing to file for bankruptcy. Of course, Baekhyun was sure that part of the reason for their business troubles were due to certain actions on Byun Enterprises’ end. Byun Jihoon had his connections, and he knew how to use them to get what he wanted. Baekhyun decided that he didn’t really want to know what his father did.
“You know that I’m going with you, right?” Sehun asked, breaking Baekhyun out of his reverie.
“Huh?” Baekhyun tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Going where?”
“You’re g
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