Kaleidoscope

Written by thesecretgarden

A/N: Best read while listening to Taeyeon’s new song, Pray.

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Chapter 3 - Epilogue: I sing my feelings to you, like a prayer

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Winter: memories

(stay in me)

Taeyeon is snuggled comfortably in Jiyong’s lap, head resting on his chest while she munches on the apple chips that Seohyun has packed for her, and she is flipping through random channels to look for any re-run of the dramas that she missed last week when she feels Jiyong snatching the remote from her hand. She gives him a glower, and the Big Bang leader responds by giving her a pinch on her waist.

She yelps, bolting out of his hold. “Oppa!”

“My turn,” he decides childishly.

Taeyeon scowls.

She doesn’t remember who initiates it first, but they are suddenly rolling down on the floor, limbs tangled together in a heated wrestle to determine who gets to pick what they are watching next, when one of them presses a random button on the remote and the television screen flickers to life, the familiar background of SBS’s 6:30 pm World News coming into view.

“—Neither agencies have yet to confirm or refute the statement, but after being caught in a series of dating rumors starting from October last year, netizens are now completely sure that G-Dragon and Taeyeon are indeed in a relationship—“

The two of them pause.

Jiyong lets Taeyeon escape out of his grasp (a cold, foreboding feeling creeping up the back of his neck because she looks terrified for a moment) and the woman immediately scrambles to her feet, crouching in front of the television and manually increasing the volume.

“A fan managed to snatch a video of G-Dragon catching a hold of Taeyeon’s hand when the SNSD leader slipped on the stage of MBC Gayo Daejun during the closing ceremony. The two were seen exchanging fond looks afterwards, with the Bang, Bang, Bang singer even letting out a laugh at something that Taeyeon said despite his usually calm and cool image—“

Jiyong swiftly turns the television off when he sees her face gradually becoming paler each second, almost as pale as a sheet of paper, and he struts towards her, pulling her up into his embrace.

“Taeyeon-ah…”

“Oppa…” She curls her fingers and sighs into his shirt – sandalwood, mint, and Jiyong-oppa. The unease tangling in the pit of her stomach slowly unravels. “…What are we going to do now?”

Jiyong purses his lips. “Mian. I was careless.”

Taeyeon shakes her head. “No. I am at fault too, for not minding my own steps and almost tripping. I should have been more careful.”

“No, somebody was bound to slip with how wet the floor was that day and it just happened to be you. Not to mention, you were wearing a four-inch high-heels…and actually, Minho-ssi was about to catch you too, but I…” the tips of his ears redden, and Taeyeon tilts her head at his unusual display of embarrassment.

“What is it?”

“I don’t want any other guy touching you…” He mumbles darkly against her hair. Then he groans. “…Mian, it is my fault after all.”

Taeyeon lets out a laugh despite the situation. How strange. Even as she skims over the call log on her phone and notices that there are over twenty missed calls from her manager-unnie, thirty from her members, and one (chilling, mind-numbing, displayed ostentatiously in bold, black letters) from Kim Youngmin-sajangnim, Taeyeon places her palm on her chest and finds her heart beating its usual rhythm – one-and-a-half-beat faster because Jiyong-oppa is currently hugging her, but she isn’t scared.

“Oppa.”

“Hm?”

“…Are we going to fight or,” she pulls away slightly, “are we going to hide?”

Jiyong traces soft circles on her waist and leans his forehead against hers. “What do you want, Taeyeon-ah?”

Taeyeon blinks, and she looks down.

She smiles.

“Fight.” She utters softly. “Let’s fight. The two of us. Together.”

He smiles back at her – that smile she loves so much, the one that sends butterflies fluttering in her stomach, and she thinks maybe, everything is going to be alright.

“Together.”

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Spring: beginnings

(baby, now stay in me)

They are the industry’s beloved – no, the nation’s golden couple – as of this moment.

Forbes Korea named them the most influential couple in the past decade.

The International Business Times predict there’s going to be a surge of economic growth – an increase by thirteen percent from last year – in South Korea due to the brand names that are G-Dragon and Kim Taeyeon.

Hundreds of CF offers are thrown at them every single day, ranging from cosmetics to food to toys and to even washing machines, because those companies want them as their new face.

They are recruited as the MCs for the 2017 Golden Disk Awards.

Which is a bit ironic, because they stood together last year too, just as two individuals, with no connection whatsoever: G-Dragon of Big Bang and Kim Taeyeon of SNSD.

But this year, they stand together as a pair.

Gtae, they call them.

Jiyong is a little afraid.

He didn’t think the public would accept their relationship so readily.

Of course, there are people who oppose their relationship.

Those people come up with various speculations as to why they are dating: some call them fake and think their relationship is a media-play to cover up another big scandal. Others think it’s SM and YG’s way of shamelessly promoting their artists – Taeyeon is, after all, going to make a comeback with Tiffany and Seohyun in the summer, and Jiyong is going to release another album before his enlistment on July.

But the majority of VIPs and SONEs and even the notorious k-netizens – the public in general – approve of their relationship.

And while he is happy, he is also afraid.

Because they are receiving so much attention that they barely have any quality time together – just the two of them, without the watching eyes of other people, without worrying about having every little things they did analyzed by a bunch strangers – and Jiyong is afraid their relationship is going to end up spiraling down into something that isn’t real…something that isn’t them anymore.

To the public, they are still G-Dragon and Kim Taeyeon.

Leaders of the two most successful idol groups in South Korea.

But Jiyong has to disagree. Because the ‘they’ that the public sees, is in itself, just that: Jiyong and Taeyeon.

And he doesn’t want to change that.

“Taeyeon-ah…” He says in the middle of the night, when they are spooned together on his couch. “I don’t want to lose myself.”

Taeyeon pauses.

She leans on one arm and pokes at his forehead.

He blinks at her.

“You don’t have to. Oppa, to me…you – you’ve always been Kwon Jiyong first and G-Dragon second.” She smiles brilliantly at him through the darkness, grasping at his hands. Since when is she this strong, he wonders, so strong and resilient and unwavering like the rocks, undeterred against the crashing waves. “Let them think what they want. Just, when you’re with me…be yourself. Be my Jiyong-oppa. Don’t put on a mask when I’m here, holding you and kissing you…like this,” she flutters her lips across his lids, to his nose, to his cheek, on the corner of his mouth, and he brings her close, curving a smile against her lips as she continues to kiss him.

She’s so lovely, and beautiful, and so very precious and he tells this to her parents, when they go visit them the next morning.

Her mother pats him on the arm and gives him a welcoming smile.

Her brother is away for work in Singapore but apparently he approves of Jiyong.

Her sister, Haeyeon, squeals at the sight of them and asks for his signature.

Her father, on the other hand—

He almost closes the door on Jiyong’s face.

But Jiyong perseveres, because while he hasn’t told Taeyeon yet, he is sure that she is the woman that he will spend the rest of his life with – if she accepts him that is – and when her father asks him, “What do you like about my daughter?”

He answers with ho hesitation:

“Her feet.”

Not her voice.

Not her face.

Not even her personality.

All of her family members – her included – blink owlishly at him, taken aback by his peculiar answer, before he continues; calmly, surely, with unmistaken sincerity in his voice.

“Because with her two feet she has stood tall, against all hurdles and obstacles and comes on stage to share her talents with the world. Because with her two feet she has picked herself up, carried herself and trained restlessly, so that she can arrive at where she is right now, becoming the Kim Taeyeon that she is today. But most importantly, because her two feet have brought her to me, one rainy night.”

The room is silent for another few minutes before her father clears his throat and looks away, muttering something Jiyong can’t quite catch.

Her mother and sister giggle quietly to themselves, and Taeyeon—

Taeyeon looks at him as if she has just looked at him for the first time.

And Jiyong thinks saying what he likes most about her only confirms his feelings for her, and he unwittingly has just made himself fall for her all over again.

The two of them leave her parents’ house with piles of lunch boxes in their hands – her mother’s homemade kimchi, a Tupperware of sundaeguk, her second most favourite food; a thermos filled with sweet, barley tea – and Jiyong feels though as if he has just gained another family.

“I think…” She begins from beside him as they walk together on the beach, cringing slightly when a drop of water falls onto her cheek. “Ah…it’s raining.”

Soon after, drop after drop begins to follow suit and the warm sand changes to a sea of dark brown.

It is raining heavily.

But the two of them look at each other and laugh, letting the rain washes over them; uncaring and indifferent to the cold, because pivotal moments between them always happen when it’s raining.

Rain, to them, holds a particular meaning – the start of their relationship, the first time Jiyong held Taeyeon in his arms, and now, after they went to visit her parents – it is raining too.

“My appa likes you!” She laughs while waving both of her arms in the air; so giddy and carefree like a child that Jiyong snorts before chuckling with her.

“Like me? He looked like he was about to axe me to death with your mother’s knife!” He shouts jokingly from behind her, playing along with her ‘catch me if you can’ game – it’s on the must-to-do list for couples when they go to the beach! She claims cheerily – and he suddenly stops, rooted in his spot, because she is running away from him, and he imagines there is a pair of wings on those small back of hers, taking her somewhere he can’t reach her, away from his grasp.

“Kim Taeyeon!”

Taeyeon forces her feet to a halt and turns around, inclining her head as she looks at him with an eyebrow raised. “What, oppa?”

He grins and stretches out both of his arms at her. “Come here.”

Come back to me.

Taeyeon flushes and feels her heart pounding that one-and-a-half-beat rhythm again – how can she not, when he is staring at her with nothing but love and utmost adoration, hair wet and messy and so unlike G-Dragon and just her Jiyong-oppa that she feels a surge of satisfaction. Because nobody else has ever seen him this way, no one but her, and so she runs towards him; almost leaping and desperate, and Jiyong is thrown back a little with a sweet-smelling, beaming Taeyeon in his arms, exquisite and beautiful and all his.

She nuzzles into his chest, cheeks dusted crimson and hair a tangled mess amidst the wind, and she peers at him, whispering. “Don’t let me go, Jiyong-oppa.”

He pauses, and softens his eyes, pulling her closer and surrenders himself to the surrounding as he breathes in the earthy rain, cold and yet warm at the same time, the smell of the sea, and her.

“I won’t.”

Taeyeon closes her eyes.

Spring is lovely.

And she etches this moment thoroughly and ardently into her heart, mind, and soul: a memory of his laugh, of his heartbeat, of the fresh sea, of a warm hold under the spring rain – sight, hearing, scent, and touch – because spring is lovely but it’s almost over, and soon—

Soon, she notes, with the corner of her lips faltering slightly, summer is coming.

Jiyong is leaving.

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Summer: separation

(so you can feel all of this heart)

It is moments like this that he cherishes the most.

He watches the slow but steady rhythm of her chest rising and falling, her now long hair – silky black, it suits her the most he thinks – covering the side of her face that he needs to tuck them behind her ears so he can see her adorable cheeks. Her lashes rest on her pale cheeks, and he sees them fluttering open when he brushes the underside of her jaw lightly, his eyes meeting her own brown ones and her pink lips twitching into a small smile.

A smile reserved for him.

A smile so beautiful but bittersweet.

Bittersweet, because he’s leaving today.

In two hours and thirty-five minutes, to be exact.

And he can feel her sadness seeping through his skin, painted through her every gestures – the way she trails patterns on his bare chest, slow and tentative; the sensation of her warm tears when she moves her face closer; the way the corner of her eyes crinkle slightly and that twinge of longing and fear of the future in her eyes; and when she kisses his cheek as she helps him change into his green uniform – you look handsome, oppa, she mutters quietly, somberly – Jiyong can taste goodbye on his skin.

“Taeyeon-ah—“

“Oppa,” she cuts him. She is gripping at his arm, fingers wrinkling his previously smoothed uniform, and he places a hand on her head, patting at it gently, assuring, reminding her that he is still here, that he isn’t leaving her…yet.

“Jiyong-oppa.” She repeats.

“What is it?” He replies softly, leaning down closer.

“…Jiyong-ah.”

Small, timid, and hesitant but he hears it loud and clear.

This is the first time she’s called his name with that affectionate suffix at the end, her head bent down in embarrassment, fingers clasped in front of her, fiddling with the hem of her shirt – a habit that Jiyong knows she does whenever she is nervous – and she suddenly looks up, eyes burning with determination. There’s that treacherous voice whispering at the back of his mind, because maybe she’s sick of him, maybe she can no longer wait for him to return, because two years is a long time, after all—

“Marry me.”

He pauses.

…What?

She reddens even further, the blush spreading over her face, down to her neck and up to the tips of her ears, but she doesn’t move, doesn’t laugh or say ‘it’s a joke!’ and tugs at his sleeve, eyes boring through his own.

“If…after two years, your feelings for me remain unchanged...” She swallows at her own brazen declaration and shakes her head inwardly, reminding herself to stay focused and firm in her stance. “Then please marry me, Jiyong-oppa.”

Jiyong can only blink.

And then he snorts.

Ah, Kwon Jiyong.

She beats you to it.

Again.

How many times has it been, now?

He laughs.

He laughs like he has never done so before, until his shoulders shake and his stomach hurts and he is pounding his fist against the wall and Taeyeon is looking at him like he has just grown another head. He takes a step forward and engulfs her into an embrace – Kim Taeyeon, his beloved Taeyeon, the only person in this world who’s capable of toying with his emotions and rattle his nerves as though it’s the easiest thing to do – and chuckles again, marveling at how one can love another person this much, as if his chest is about to burst, at how love renders him to a person so different than the one he used to be, so weak and yet strong.

He is more afraid of leaving her alone, and less for his own impending service in the army. He knows she will cry to herself, missing him. Though a part of him also feels slightly guilty for feeling a bit happy by the fact; maybe the sadist in him, because he’s never seen her cry because of him before, and how lovely she must have looked with those crystal tears running down her cheeks, all because of him.

“Why must you keep on beating me to it, hm?” He bites the tip of her nose playfully, and she sulkily glowers at him, because he knows it annoys her when he does that.

But this will be the last time (not the last, but two years without her, Jiyong thinks, will let him taste what eternity feels like) he will see her annoyed face – like the way those eyebrows of her will scrunch adorably in displeasure, her nostrils flaring as she hits his arm, and then the way her lower lip juts out into a pout.

“Oppa…” She stresses impatiently, scowling. “So is it a yes, or a no?”

Jiyong raises a brow, smirking. “For someone proposing, you sure don’t look too happy.”

She blushes a brilliant shade of red and glares at him harder. “Oppa!”

He chuckles and raises his hands up in surrender, smiling down at her. “Ahrasseo, ahrasseo. I will stop teasing you, now.” He walks towards his dresser and pulls out a small velvet box from one of the drawers, lifting the lid, and Taeyeon holds her breath for a second. He grins at her and motions her to turn around so he can clasp the silver chain around her neck.

“A butterfly necklace.” She breathes slowly with a happy smile playing on her lips. Then she blinks. “But what is this for?”

“To ward off annoying insects while I’m gone,” he quips cheekily, caressing her collarbones with his knuckles gently, “I can’t rely on Seungri and Daesung alone to guard you. One can never be too careful.”

Taeyeon snorts and pinches his arm. “Che. This oppa.”

He smiles again and tugs at her arm, pulling her into a tight hug. He lets his fingers trail on her back before running them through her tresses, committing its silkiness under his fingertips, burying her scent of something sweet and just Kim Taeyeon into his memory.

“I’m sorry that I am so selfish. Any other man would have given you the opportunity to spread your wings and get to know other people while they’re gone for two years, but…”

H