Kaleidoscope

Written by thesecretgarden

 

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Chapter 2: flutter your way into my heart like a butterfly

 

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March 2016

(saying I like you—)

 

Taeyeon isn’t avoiding Jiyong, per se.

 

She just ignores his text messages and calls (yes, she’s forgotten to ask for his number but it turns out he has always had hers anyways – though how he managed to get her number in the first place is still a mystery to her) and she even abruptly turns off the TV in the middle of watching a drama with Sunny and Sooyoung because she sees his commercial playing.

 

But she’s fine with hearing him – since Seohyun sings to BAE BAE and Monster in the shower anyways, Taeyeon always unwittingly becomes audience to his voice.

 

So technically, she isn’t avoiding him completely.

 

But she’s definitely acting all suspicious and jumpy whenever someone brushes up something about Big Bang or whenever the syllable ‘Ji’ or ‘Yong’ escapes their lips.

 

And it seems that her members have noticed that there’s something weird going on with her lately, too. Tiffany has been sending her looks since this morning – one that she thinks is a mixture of apology and excitement – and Taeyeon knows that whenever her best friend gives her that particular look, the woman is definitely up to no good.

 

“What are you scheming, Hwang Miyoung?”

 

“Nothing,” the pink monster chirps a tad too enthusiastically.

 

Taeyeon raises an eyebrow at her odd behaviour. “Really.”

 

Tiffany clasps her hands nervously behind her back and scowls. “Jinjja. Ya, do you not believe in your own best friend? And I told you,” she hisses. “Don’t call me that! Tiffany, Stephanie, or Steph, remember?”

 

Taeyeon lets out an amused breath and rolls her eyes. “Just spit it out, Fany. You have something that you are hiding from me, am I right?”

 

The other woman pauses, before she sighs and gives Taeyeon a sheepish smile. “Err…was I being too obvious?”

 

Taeyeon snorts good-naturedly. “How long do you think I have known you?”

 

Tiffany laughs and waves her hand offhandedly. “True, true. I should just get straight to the point, then.” She struts over to the leader and places her hands on Taeyeon’s shoulder, any trace of mirth completely gone from her face, replaced with a look of utter seriousness. “I need you to come with me, somewhere.”

 

Taeyeon blinks. “Okay…?” She stretches out, a little bit unsure. Her best friend’s request is somewhat anticlimactic, considering the unusually solemn look plastered on her face.

 

Once Taeyeon says her assent, the seriousness on Tiffany’s features melts away and Taeyeon sees her friend beaming happily. “So you’ll come with me, right?”

 

Taeyeon nods once more, but then Tiffany’s lips suddenly curl into a smirk and those eyes of her twinkle with mischief. Somehow, Taeyeon feels like she has just fallen into a trap.

 

…I have a bad feeling about this.

 

“Aha! I know that look on your face, Kim Taeyeon. You said ‘okay’ just now,” Tiffany asserts while narrowing her eyes, “no taking back your words!”

 

Taeyeon frowns. “Where are we going, anyways?”

 

Tiffany grins. “Well, you’ll see.” She then winks, and Taeyeon feels a chill running down her spine. “Somewhere nice.”

 

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Taeyeon grumbles under her breath and glares at her best friend from the corner of her eyes. “This is your idea of ‘somewhere nice’?”

 

“Why not? I’ve been to YG a couple of times, but this is your first time, right?” Tiffany whispers something to their manager oppa – how does she even manage to convince Kookie oppa to let her come here? Does Kim Youngmin-sajangnim know? Taeyeon doubts it. The old schemer would sooner pop a vein than to let Taeyeon be anywhere near any YG artists after the rumor of her dating Jiyong-oppa surfaced. She sighs inwardly and eyes the grandeur building with excitement bubbling in the pit of her stomach. While YG is their company’s biggest rival, Taeyeon has always admired their artists – she’s a big fan of Akdong Musician and she knows Tiffany is crazy about Teddy-ssi – and she envies the way their CEO lets their artists to portray their own colours through music.  

 

Her pondering is cut short and she blinks in confusion when they stop at what she assumes to be the back door and sees a familiar figure waiting in front of the double door with his arms folded. She can feel Tiffany shoving her out of their car, and Taeyeon instantly feels so exposed, so she tightens the mask around her face and flickers her eyes around to look for any strangers that might have taken a picture of her.

 

The man notices their presence and waves over excitedly, already running towards where they are.

 

“It’s okay, our security is as tight as SM’s. You shouldn’t worry of anyone seeing you.” The man smiles brightly and inclines his head. “Hello, Taeyeon-ssi. Tiffany-ssi.”

 

Tiffany snorts. “Tiffany-ssi? Ya, Lee Seunghyun, since when do you call me so politely?”

 

Seungri has a mock-hurt look on his face. “Aish, noona. You wound me.”

 

The American singer rolls her eyes and pushes Taeyeon forward. “Che, whatever. Anyways, I will leave my husband to you now.” Her hand ghosts over Seungri’s arm before she pulls at it and whispers in a threatening tone beside his ear. “If anything happens to her…”

 

Seungri shivers at the dangerous glint in the usually cheerful woman’s eyes and gulps, nodding fervently. “Of course! Jiyong-hyung will make sure Taeyeon-noona reaches her home safely!”

 

“And what about you?”

 

The man stutters. “U-Uh, of course I will make sure of it too! Promise!”

 

Tiffany’s face suddenly breaks into a smile so bright and saccharinely sweet that Seungri flinches back at the abrupt change in her mood. So scary.

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Taeyeon gets between the two and scowls. “What about me? You—“ She turns towards Tiffany and taps her foot impatiently, as if demanding for an explanation. “What do you mean you’re leaving me here? Where are you going? And you – Seungri-ssi,” she frowns. “What do you mean by Jiyong-oppa taking me home?”

 

“Now, now, Taeyeon-ah.” Tiffany winks and pats her shoulder. “If Seungri tells you then it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it?”

 

Taeyeon scowls harder. “That doesn’t answer my question. So you’re really leaving me here alone?”

 

Her best friend only gives her an excited giggle in reply and dashes off to the car, closing the door on her before Taeyeon can even shout a single word at her, and she is essentially left behind now, all alone with the Big Bang maknae.

 

“Jiyong-oppa better has a good explanation for this.” She mutters grumpily and sneaks a glance at Seungri. He seems nervous and Taeyeon feels bad for making him feel uncomfortable. “Ah, not that I blame you, or anything, Seungri-ssi.”

 

Seungri scratches the back of his neck and gestures at her to go through the doors. “You’re too kind, noona. But anyhow,” he opens his arms and grins widely. “Welcome to YG!”

 

Taeyeon chuckles. “So. Are you supposed to take me to Jiyong-oppa or something?”

 

Seungri nods at her as they are walking through the hallway, passing by a couple of rooms with transparent glass and Taeyeon notes absentmindedly that those must have been their practice rooms.

 

He suddenly stops in his tracks and fumbles into his pocket, pulling out a black headband.

 

“This…um…” Seungri coughs. “Hyung told me to give this to you.”

 

Taeyeon knits her brows in confusion. “For…?”

 

The man clears his throat awkwardly. “I think he wants you to wear it over your eyes. Since it is a surprise.”

 

Taeyeon cringes as she accepts the headband from Seungri’s hands. While it isn’t widely known to other people but Taeyeon is actually extremely clumsy and she only hopes that her lack of control in motor coordination won’t make her fall flat on her face as they walk.

 

The man seems to notice her dilemma – it’s practically written all over her face, he notices amusedly – and says. “Don’t worry, noona. You can place your hand on my arm. I will guide you so you can get to Jiyong-hyung safely.” He pauses and mutters under his breath. “And that’s only to be expected, since he will kill me should anything happens to you, anyways.”

 

Taeyeon cranes her neck as she has just finished tying the headband around her eyes. “Eh? What did you just say?”

 

“Nothing,” he lilts and proceeds to put her hand above his arm. “Well, hold on tight. Jiyong-hyung’s private studio is quite far, you see.”

 

Taeyeon sighs. “I don’t even know why he bothers with all of this. What’s so special about today anyways?”

 

Seungri blinks. “You mean, you don’t know?” He lets out a snort and tries to reign in the rest of his laughter. Poor Jiyong-hyung. Taeyeon-noona is so clueless. “Today is White Day.”

 

Taeyeon blinks. “Huh? It is? Jinjja?”

 

Seungri laughs. “Yup. Those Hershey’s Kisses that you gave Daesung-hyung. He accidentally let it slip to Jiyong-hyung that it was from you. We ended up eating none of them. He wouldn’t let us. I think he finished them all by himself, that stingy man.” He pats Taeyeon’s hand. “Don’t worry, noona. We all know you originally intended to only pass on those chocolates to Daesung-hyung. We know who the true recipient is. And the recipient clearly knows it too.”

 

The woman bites her lips in embarrassment. “It’s not like that…”

 

Seungri smiles knowingly. “No?”

 

Taeyeon sighs before she chuckles. “Never mind.”

 

Seungri’s eyes soften slightly at the sound of her laughter and he grins inside.

 

Taeyeon-noona has a beautiful laugh.

 

Now he knows why his hyung is so enamored with the SNSD leader.

 

“Ah.” Seungri blinks as he sees the familiar wooden door to Jiyong’s private studio and stops. “Wait here, noona. I’ll be right back.”

 

Taeyeon nods and she can hear the man’s footsteps getting further and further away from her. She sighs at the darkness and leans her back against the wall. She doesn’t know what she has just got herself into. In a few minutes she will probably come face to face with the person that she has been deliberately ignoring the past two weeks, and in all honesty, Taeyeon doesn’t know what to do or what to say to Jiyong.

 

His confession is still fresh in her mind but sometimes the idea is so absurd that she even blows it off as being a mere dream. But then she receives another text message from him and realizes that indeed, it is real.

 

It is real, as tangible as the air she breathes and as palpable as the ground that she walks on, that Kwon Jiyong said that he likes her, Kim Taeyeon, on the day of her birthday party.

 

She wasn’t hallucinating.

 

And while she is a little bit (fine, a lot) flustered and she did end up squeaking uncouthly after his confession and head-butting his chin and running away without saying anything else (and then went on to avoiding him too), a part of her – a part of her that has always been a hopeless romantic and an optimist at heart – is happy, ecstatic even, to have received a confession from a person that she admires.

 

But then she remembers the flashing of the camera, the malicious comments on the Internet, and she remembers the late-night calls from unknown people that she doesn’t know, telling her to ‘break up with their oppa or they will kill you!’, and swallows her dream.

 

She is an idol, first and foremost.

 

And she is happy…right now.

 

Happy enough after picking herself up from crumbles two years ago.

 

And she doesn’t want to ruin whatever it is that she has with Jiyong-oppa.

 

If she does date him…and comes to fall in love with him…then what would happen afterwards if they break up?

 

Taeyeon sighs again for the umpteenth time that day.

 

Happiness is a vague notion.

 

When will she ever be happy enough? Why is she so greedy as to always wanting to pursue more of it?

 

Get a grip of yourself, Kim Taeyeon.

 

Her train of thoughts is interrupted when her ears suddenly perk up at the sound of footsteps walking slowly towards her and her heart starts beating loudly.

 

Ah.

 

Speak – or well, think of the devil.

 

Taeyeon knows whom this pair of footsteps belongs to.

 

Somehow, she just knows that it is him.

 

How she knows it by sound alone baffles her.

 

“…Jiyong-oppa?”

 

She can feel him tensing in front of her, and then the feeling of his fingers circling around her wrist, tugging her into a room, makes her confirm her speculations.

 

She recognizes his touch – the half-callouses on his fingertips, the warmth emanating from his hands, the length of his fingers – she knows that all of them belong to him.

 

She can feel him untying the headband around her and she squints slightly, her eyes still not used to the light after a few minutes of darkness, and once she regains her focus, she shifts her gaze at him.

 

Jiyong-oppa.

 

See – she is right. It is him.

 

“…How come you know that it’s me?”

 

Taeyeon looks down at her feet. “…I don’t know.”

 

It’s the truth though.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you.”

 

She bites her lips. “…Ne.”

 

“Why?”

 

Why?

 

“…I don’t know.”

 

That’s the truth as well.

 

She can hear him sigh, and her heart plummets down along with her hope of thinking that he won’t be angry with her. She closes her eyes and hears his footsteps again, decisive and wide and he stops in front of her. His fingers brush the side of her face, and she flinches slightly – both in surprise and fear, but she blinks her eyes open when she feels a finger poking at her forehead.

 

“…What?”

 

She sees him looking at her pointedly and bends down so that his face is an inch apart from hers. “That’s your punishment.”

 

She blinks. “Huh?”

 

He scowls and pinches her cheek. “For avoiding me.”

 

Taeyeon rubs her sore cheek and glares at him. “I’m not a kid, though! Do you really have to punish me this way?”

 

Jiyong arches an eyebrow. “Oh, so you want me to punish you the adult way?” He smirks and tilts her chin with his thumb. “Even if that means I would do anything to make you cry and scream with that beautiful voice of yours—“

 

“Omo, omo, omo! You—“ She cries as she hits him repeatedly on his arm. Jiyong laughs and tries to intercept her hits as he runs away from her. “Oppa! You, byuntae!”

 

Jiyong smiles at her. “You finally laughed.”

 

Taeyeon pauses and wilts at his remark. She berates herself inwardly for being so selfish – she’s been thinking about herself all this time – and feels remorse for not even considering his feelings.

 

This man in front of her – he has done nothing but to take care of her feelings.

 

And what she’s done in response?

 

Probably hurt him.

 

“…I’m sorry, Jiyong-oppa.” She says quietly. “For avoiding you. For never saying anything after your con—“

 

Jiyong puts his hand over and inclines his head. “I will accept your apology for avoiding me, but I’m fine with you not saying anything regarding my confession.” His mouth curves into a gentle smile. “It’s my own selfish feeling, after all. I don’t expect you to give me an answer immediately.”

 

Besides, the way you ran away from me like a frightened cat was kind of cute. He adds silently in his mind.

 

“Anyways, now that’s done and over with. Here,” he shoves something into her hand and Taeyeon blinks as she looks down at the pink bundle – why does it feel a bit squishy?

 

“And this is?”

 

He grins. “Your White Day gift.”

 

Taeyeon carefully unwraps the paper and unties the ribbon holding it. She blinks again when she sees her favourite cartoon character – though looking a bit mushed and distorted – in the form of…chocolates.

 

She gapes. “You…you made me chocolates? Kaonashi chocolates?”

 

Jiyong beams proudly. “Aren’t I the best?”

 

Taeyeon laughs at his statement. “If you’re planning on just giving me chocolates, why bother covering my eyes?”

 

Jiyong shrugs. “Just because…” Then he pauses and wiggles his brows. “What? Were you expecting something grandeur like a serenade in a candlelight room—“

 

Taeyeon scowls. “I wasn’t expecting anything.” She then plops one chocolate into – without suspicion whatsoever – but ends up choking, her eyes watering the moment the chocolate melts in and flails her hands in panic. “O-Oppa…ack—! W-Water…water, please!”

 

Jiyong looks at her red face and starts to panic himself, pacing wildly around his studio to look for any liquid, and immediately rushes to give her a bottle of mineral water once he remembers that he’s had it in his backpack.

 

Taeyeon coughs again for a few more times and pounds at her chest, gasping in between.

 

“So spicy!” She winces and points at the chocolates. “And bitter. Did you put something like red pepper inside?”

 

Jiyong nervously takes one chocolate into his mouth and all colours are drained from his face. He can’t even stand swallowing them. He was so confident that his chocolates would taste good because of how decent they looked but he supposes he should have never judge anything by its cover. He can’t understand how something can taste this horrible.

 

They’re burnt. He winces.

 

Taeyeon passes on the water to him and Jiyong accepts it eagerly, taking big gulps like a man deprived of water for years.

 

“How can you…” He croaks and massages his burning throat. “How can you even swallow that thing?” He grabs the chocolates from Taeyeon’s hands. “Forget it. This is unsuitable for a gift. I’ll just throw it away—“

 

“Andwae!” Taeyeon snatches the chocolates back from Jiyong’s hands and glares at him, puffing her cheeks. “You’ve given these chocolates to me, right? So they are mine. Even if they taste horrible, you’ve put a lot of time and effort into making them. I’ll cherish them with all my life!”

 

So adorable.

 

Looking at that expression on her face, Jiyong has a sudden urge to pull her into an embrace and never let her go. Maybe he should just kidnap her and lock her in his home. Tie her on his bed. That way he can see her face whenever he wants to and she would be the last thing he sees before he goes to bed and the first thing he sees when he wakes up.

 

Yes, that sounds like a completely good idea.

 

It’s so, very tempting.

 

He almost does it, but then he remembers her fans and her overprotective members and her company and stops himself.

 

Maybe next time.

 

So he decides to half-placate his desire by circling his arms around her, enveloping her into a tight hug.

 

“Oppa!”

 

“This is part of your punishment.” He whispers against the top of her head. “Stop moving around, Taeyeon-ah, or I will do other things – bad things that are beyond your imagination.”

 

Taeyeon stops shifting in his hold and squeaks.

 

He chuckles.

 

The feeling of having his arm around her is foreign and yet not unwelcoming. She even likes it. She can get used to this – the rumbling of his chest as he laughs at her, his scent of sandalwood and something that she can’t put her finger on but so like Jiyong-oppa, the warmth coming from his body pressing close to hers, or the way he talks quietly beside her ear as if he is afraid to break the fragile air around them.

 

But she’s afraid.

 

Because the more you treasure something, the more scared you are of losing them.

 

She is scared of losing Jiyong-oppa.

 

“I’m scared.”

 

Jiyong glances at her.

 

“Why should you be scared?” He her hair. “Why should we be scared? We’re G-Dragon and Kim Taeyeon. Why do we need to be afraid of anything?”

 

Taeyeon sighs. “It’s precisely because you’re G-Dragon and I’m Kim Taeyeon that I’m scared.” She looks down. “I’m not proud of my own fear. But it’s tough, oppa. Our fans will definitely wage war against each other. I – I don’t mind if other people talk bad about me. I’m already used to receiving hate, anyways,” she swallows and shakes her head. “I mean…I’m already immune to them all. But…But it’s unfair, if my fans, or other people talk bad about you too just because you l-l-like…me.” She reddens at the word ‘like’. To her, it still seems surreal that this amazing man actually likes her. Her. Boring, old Kim Taeyeon.

 

“Anyways. They don’t know the real you. They don’t know anything about your kindness, of how much you love your parents, or how devoted you are to your job and music, and even though you can be annoying sometimes and like to tease me a lot—“ He scowls at her words, “—but…but…you’re a good person, Jiyong-oppa. And it’s unfair if you receive hate too because of me. And what if…what if you come to hate me because of that in the future?”

 

Jiyong feels his heart clenching at her admission and wonders how one person can be this stupidly humble and selfless. But perhaps this is one of the reasons why Jiyong fell for her in the first place. She can be so dense to the point of exasperating sometimes, but that’s one of her many charms.

 

“…Don’t be so arrogant, Kim Taeyeon.” He straightens the furrows between her brows with his finger. “Who do you think I am? I’m G-Dragon. I’ve received a lot of hate from people too.” His mouth quirks gently upwards and he hits her forehead with his knuckles lightly. “You babo. Your worrying about me is unnecessary. It’s true that I’m G-Dragon and you’re Kim Taeyeon. But so what? We’re leaders of the top idol groups in South Korea. Together, we’re pretty much invincible.”

 

Taeyeon snorts in amusement at the way he candidly declares them as being the ‘top’ – che, so arrogant, this oppa – and yet his words somehow make their way through her heart and Taeyeon finds herself wanting to believe him.

 

That it’s okay for them to actually…start something.

 

It’s funny, how he can dissipate her worry just like that.

 

As if it’s as easy as blowing a candle out.

 

“I’ll say this many times until you believe me.” He tightens his hold on her and speaks quietly – calm like the water, yet sure with no hint of hesitation that she can’t possibly mistake or ignore the sincerity behind his words. “I like you. I like you so much, Kim Taeyeon. Nothing in this world can make me hate you, and I will do anything to protect you.”

 

She feels blood rushing towards her cheeks and she is sure he can see the steam coming out of her ears.

 

“But…I’ll be troubled if you’re acting this way.” She replies in a small voice. She cringes and then she bites down on her lips, hard. What are you acting like a shy teenage girl for, Kim Taeyeon? You’re twenty-seven years old for God’s sake!

 

He smiles and traces soft patterns underneath her eyes, finding her nervousness so, very adorable – but Taeyeon on the other hand, she thinks she can’t handle another second being looked at that way; because he’s looking at her like she’s the most precious thing in his world that her heart feels it’s about to leap out of her chest.

 

This man isn’t good for her heart.

 

“Then be troubled.” He takes a lock of her hair and brings them across his lips, eyes peering at her, boring their way through her own. “Be troubled with all your heart. Be worried. Agitate over me. Think of only me. It will be okay if your mind is filled with only thoughts of me. I’m actually happy that way.”

 

Taeyeon pushes him away and stammers at his bold confession. “Y-You! Oppa! Do you even understand what you just said?”

 

Jiyong takes her hands again and intertwines their fingers, holding them captive and kissing her knuckles softly. “Of course, I do. And I know, right now, it’s still an unrequited love on my part, so.” He bends down and brushes his lips across the shell of her ear, biting it lightly. “I will wait until you say you like me.” He smirks when he sees her turning a brilliant shade of red – so red that he wonders if her circulation has forgone all destination except for her head and muses if he kisses her lips at that moment, will she get any redder than that? “I will wait for you. For as long as it takes.”

 

Taeyeon tries to pull away from his hold but finds it impossible to do so, instead she glares at him in the heat of embarrassment – ohgodohgodohgod did he just bite my ear! – and points her finger at him. “Y-You…! You stupid…frivolous dragon!”

 

Jiyong chuckles and ruffles her hair. “That’s right. I’m a dragon. It’s written in my name, after all.” He hums and grins brightly at her.