Kaleidoscope

Written by thesecretgarden

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Chapter 1: like a breath of sunshine

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prologue: you make me happy when skies are grey

(October, 2014)

The rain is pouring hard.

But the pitter patter against his umbrella as well as the splashing of water under his shoes on the wet pavement create a unique rhythm and the corner of his mouth tilts into a smirk. The smell of the earth mixed with the crisp autumn air is refreshing and he suddenly feels the urge to compose something. He thinks it’s a little bit weird that inspiration always strikes him at the strangest of times – that’s the way it is with Bang, Bang, Bang and Loser; he was in the middle of eating cup ramen, eyes darting lazily around his messy kitchen when they landed on the pile of trash near the sink and he suddenly became inspired to write a song. 

Speaking of cup ramen, Jiyong eyes the bag of grocery in his right hand and sighs at his own predicament. Nobody in their right mind would be awake and walking outside at four in the morning in the middle of a downpour in Yeouido. But here he is, and he only has one annoying maknae to thank to.

Seungri had barged into his room when he was peacefully sleeping, jumping on top of him and pestered him (practically screamed into his ears, the brat) to get choco pie from the nearest mart. The younger man had sprained his ankle the day before and had been ordered by their manager to stay with Jiyong until his ankle no longer looks like it is about to burst the minute he puts his foot on the ground.

Jiyong had shot the maknae his best death glare and even spat out all the profanities and colourful curse words that he could think of through his half-awake state, but Seungri had threatened to tell Youngbae about how Jiyong had accidentally deleted the text message from Hyorin causing the couple to get into a huge fight a few months back.

So Jiyong had no choice but to comply to Seungri’s ridiculous request and swallowed his irritation even if he wanted nothing more than to kick the annoying maknae when he gave Jiyong those smug looks.

The sly brat.

But it has been a while since he steps outside of his apartment and he feels like taking a stroll – albeit a very late one, without having to worry of anybody recognizing him.

There isn’t any soul around at this time to witness him (the mighty G-Dragon) dressed in a sloppy parka and black sweats looking every bit lazy and unfashionable – which is the exact opposite of the image that the media labels him with, so he supposes this sudden errand to the convenience store isn’t all too bad.

But he speaks too soon.

Because as Jiyong is about to take a shortcut through the park around the corner, he hears a voice and stops in his tracks.

He blinks and looks around, finding nothing but empty benches and the rustling of the leaves from the trees, so he continues walking, although a bit hesitantly.

And then he hears it again – someone’s voice.

Singing.

Jiyong is rarely, if ever, scared of anything, but at that moment, he feels a chill running down his spine and increases the pace of his steps, his mind already formulating various possible explanations about the source of the voice.

Perhaps the voice belongs to a drunkard who forgets his way back and is taking a refuge in the park.

Or maybe a homeless person.

But then again…why would anybody sing in the middle of the night (morning) outside when it’s raining cats and dogs?

Unless…

…A ghost?

Jiyong scowls at his own train of thought that is getting more and more ridiculous and purses his lips. He’s a man, for God’s sake, and if Seungri ever found out that he is scared because of a mere voice – the brat would forever shove it in his face and never let it go.

But the more he walks, the closer he is towards the singing, and while Jiyong is a little bit spooked, he is also curious.

Because the closer he gets, the more familiar the voice is to him.

He feels like he has heard it somewhere before.

A female voice.

Smooth like a silk, warm and clear.

He knows this voice.

But the very idea of the owner doing what he thinks she is doing at the moment baffles him because it just seems very unlikely.

And when Jiyong walks past the trees and over the bushes out into the clearing, all his doubts are thrown out of the window because there she is, confirming his speculations, all bare without any disguise, her tiny figure draped in an oversize t-shirt, black hair wet and clinging onto her face. And his breath is stuck in his throat because under the flickering of the orange street light she is closing her eyes, singing her heart out, and her lips are trembling and blue and those drops trailing down her pale cheeks aren’t from the rain and she looks so broken yet not and Jiyong—

Jiyong has never seen anybody so beautiful before.

He also doesn’t think that she is the type to do dramatics – singing under the rain – so this side of her surprises him.

She hits a high note that gets his heart palpitating and he takes a step forward – why do you sound so pained? He wants to ask her – but the branch under his feet snaps and she suddenly stops singing and turns her body around and he sees her opening her eyes so he speaks.

“…Taeyeon-ssi?”

The girl – woman, Jiyong reminds himself – pauses and he watches as her breath hitches and brown eyes gleam with recognition.

“Jiyong…sunbaenim?”

And he feels his heart thumping loudly against his ribcage, because this is the first time somebody ever called him using his real name without him telling them to do so. It’s always been G-Dragon, GD, G-Dragon-ssi – never Jiyong, Kwon Jiyong, Jiyong-ah. But she has done what others fail to do, and Jiyong knows a part of him has unwittingly fallen for her a little.

He walks closer towards her shivering figure, tightening the grip on his umbrella, but then he halts in his tracks.

She is looking down and shuffling her feet awkwardly, her arms protectively circled around her upper body, and suddenly the air is thick with awkwardness so tangible that he can practically taste it in his tongue.

“Why…” He pauses. “What’s…?”

What’s wrong?

He snorts inwardly at his own words.

What with the recent scandal of her group – Jessica leaving, and her dating that boy from EXO, asking her what’s wrong seems pretty redundant and he finds himself stopping before he finishes his sentence. He knows that hardened look in her eyes – jaded, scared, and wary. He’s gone through a similar experience before in the past; his involvement with , Daesung’s accident, Seungri’s scandal – the image of their group hasn’t always been completely clean and the media is ruthless about these things.

They would keep on digging for even the slightest of dirt and make them feel like they are the worst human being to ever live in this planet.

They are idols, yes, but they are human beings first and foremost.

And humans are weak.

Jiyong too feels like running away from reality – from his friends, family, fans – sometimes.

But running away can only take you so far and it never actually solves the problem.

Looking at her right now, as if she is carrying the weight of the world on those tiny shoulders of hers, reminds him so much of his past self and he is compelled to rush towards her and pull her into his arms.

He almost does it, but then he remembers his own position, of who he is, of she is, of who they are – G-Dragon and Kim Taeyeon – and tones down his impulse before he can act upon it.

Instead, Jiyong puts the plastic bag onto the ground and offers her his umbrella with a slight tilt of his head. But he pauses again and retracts the umbrella when he remembers that it is Seungri’s favourite one. He would definitely throw a fit if he realizes it missing the next morning. So Jiyong takes off his black parka – his favourite one – and shuffles into the plastic bag for one of the cough drops that he bought in the convenience store.

He stops a few feet away from her and clears his throat.

“Taeyeon-ssi.” He walks slowly to where she is standing and drapes the black cloth over her body, causing her to look up and he sees her chocolate-coloured eyes widening in surprise.

“Sunbaenim?”

Her voice is quiet, a little unsure, but unwavering. She flinches slightly when he takes her hand and places the cough drops onto her palm.

She squints suspiciously at the item and Jiyong resists the urge to chuckle at the way she scrunches her brows in confusion.

Cute.

“Why?”

The corner of his mouth quirks upwards when he observes that she is no longer crying. He mulls over his words before he takes another step closer to her and ruffles her hair.

Taeyeon yelps and peers at him nervously.

“S-sunbaenim?”

“Taeyeon-ssi.” Jiyong intones quietly. “You are a singer.”

Taeyeon blinks, frowning at his words, but then she realizes the true meaning behind his statement.

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As a singer, she can’t afford to catch a cold.

“Ah…ne.” She fiddles with the hem of her shirt. “I’m sor—“ She bites on her lower lip and shakes her head inside. “I mean…thank you.”

Jiyong smiles. “Taeyeon-ssi…”

Taeyeon shifts her gaze at him.

He pokes at her forehead, and Taeyeon’s mouth opens into a small ‘o’ at the way he is acting so familiarly towards her.

“You’re not just SNSD’s Taeyeon.”

Jiyong really chuckles this time at her flabbergasted expression and continues. “You’re also Kim Taeyeon. Your own person. Beauty of highness, right?”

Taeyeon clenches her fists and forces her tears back.

She can’t cry.

She can’t – she won’t allow herself no matter how much she wants to.

“Believe,” she hears him say in that voice of his (so treacherously comforting and warm and she knows she can’t allow herself to be weak, she can’t fall apart now when her members are suffering too, but Jiyong-sunbaenim’s words are like a safety blanket and Taeyeon finds herself believing in them too), “and then forgive yourself.”

And so she cries again, the feeling of him her hair gently causes her to sob even harder, yet he stands there motionless without saying anything.

Without judging.

Or remorse.

No accusations.

They are strangers, and yet his presence alone manages to alleviate that painful clenching of her heart.

And at that moment, they are not G-Dragon and Taeyeon.

They are just Kwon Jiyong and Kim Taeyeon.

Just two human beings helping each other.

When Jiyong gets back to his apartment that morning and lies on his bed, he stares at the ceiling and reminisces on the way she trembles and her icy fingers gripping on his arm. He brings his fingers close to his lips and catches a familiar scent of rain and tears on them.

When Taeyeon gets back to SNSD’s dorm that morning and looks down into the mug of steaming hot chocolate that Tiffany makes for her, she reminisces on his gentle touch and sniffs into the black parka she is wearing. She smells rain, tears, and maybe a dash of hope.

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one: I dreamed I held you in my arms

(October, 2015)

He sees her a lot on TV these days.

She’s making her solo debut, and Jiyong thinks she looks extra pretty with blonde hair.

Youngbae and Seunghyun stare at him weirdly when they see him downloading her album from iTunes. He only gives them a shrug in response. True, her music isn’t really his style – but Jiyong knows a good music when he hears one. Even if he is not into slow music, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate them.

It’s quite a shame that they are not promoting at the same time.

He would like to see her again, catch a glimpse of her in person.

So he settles for watching her through TV – he watches her on Music Bank, Mnet Countdown, and Inkigayo.

He even voted for her, and so did s.

Daesung and Seungri are after all, big fans of hers.

When he knows they are going to attend MAMA in Hong Kong and she is going there too, Jiyong is looking forward to said event and has to hamper down his disappointment when they arrive late and he ends up missing her performance.

Then it is time for the announcement of the best female artist, and Youngbae mouths her name to him. She wins, of course; the cheer that the crowd gives when her name is announced is loud and booming and he watches her smiling – so beautiful, and yet there’s the painful pricking at his heart because everybody and not just him can see it – as she walks to the stage and receives her trophy.

When she gets back to her seat, he catches her gaping at something like she did when he poked her forehead last year and he unconsciously copied her action, chuckling inwardly.

How adorable.

He can hear Daesung and Seungri snickering beside him, and he can feel Seunghyun smirking without having to look at him. Youngbae on the other hand, he isn’t doing anything in particular but Jiyong knows deep inside that his friend is…amused.

They all think he is falling in love.

Him.

Falling in love with Kim Taeyeon.

It’s all because of that blasted article.

Of course, Jiyong likes her.

She is a good person.

But Jiyong doesn’t believe in love.

The idea itself is so romanticized these days that he feels a bit insulted when somebody tells him that he is in love.

He loved – loves – Kiko.

She is dear to him.

But she is more a friend to him than a lover, and the two of them often cheat on each other without feeling any sort of guilt. Love isn’t supposed to be fickle. If he were in love with Kiko, then why did he feel no repulsion whatsoever when he kissed a random stranger in the bar? Why is it that he never felt jealous when he saw her holding hands or acting comfortable with other men?

Jiyong doesn’t believe in love.

Or maybe, Jiyong doesn’t know love.

But he believes in fate.

And he knows friendship.

So when he sees Kim Taeyeon standing on the balcony outside of the venue where they hold the after party for MAMA, he doesn’t think twice and falls into step beside her.

“Hello.”

She turns around at the sound of his voice and then her face breaks into a dazzling smile (he pays no heed to the loud thump, thump, thump of his heart or the way his palms feel a bit sweatier than before, because Jiyong doesn’t believe in love) and she laughs (this is his first time hearing her laugh – so beautiful and unrestrained and he wishes he can hear more of it in the future).

“Hello, sunbaenim.”

The moonlight falls upon her in such a way that her blonde hair looks almost grey and her pale cheeks and pink lips stand out even more to him, casting a sort of angelic look around her. Jiyong is rendered speechless once again. He thinks Kim Taeyeon under the curtain of twinkling stars make one, beautiful scenery.

“I enjoyed your performance today.” She grins. “Very interactive.”

She is referring to Seungri’s playful interaction with the audience during their performance and he smiles (he does this a lot around her, he notices).

“It’s too bad I couldn’t see yours, though.” He replies as he rests his back against the railing. “And congratulations, Best Female Artist of the year.”

“And best female group,” she adds playfully. “Don’t forget my members.”

Jiyong chuckles. “Of course. SNSD is the nation’s girl group, after all.”

The two of them then fall into a comfortable silence before Taeyeon unexpectedly breaks it.

“Sunbaenim.”

Jiyong turns to look at her. “Hm?”

“Are you…” She breathes and tangles her fingers together nervously. “Are you happy?”

Jiyong raises an eyebrow at her question. “Why does it matter?”

Taeyeon chews on her lips. “I don’t know.” She laughs sheepishly when she sees Jiyong raises his brows even higher and scratches the back of her neck. “Maybe it’s because…I’m grateful to you.”

For that time.

Those words remain unspoken between them.

It’s like neither of them dare to bring up what happened last year.

But Taeyeon is forever thankful to Jiyong, because his words and presence were the two things that had helped her to get back on her feet and his advice of forgiving herself and reminding her that she is her own person had enabled her to find herself again. Because of that, Taeyeon somehow feels inclined towards helping Jiyong. She has heard a lot about him before – from her members and her manager unnies and fellow idol friends. They’ve been in the industry for a long time after all and rumor has a way of traveling that it will even end up reaching the ears of people who are not interested in hearing them at all.

She used to be one of those uninterested people.

But ever since last year, Taeyeon has always held a soft spot for the Big Bang leader and she thinks she may have developed a heightened sense for catching even the slightest of whispers about him.

They say that G-Dragon is the bad boy, the impenetrable wall, the enigma that every girl yearns to explore, but Taeyeon has to disagree, because yes he is amazing and a fashionista and a genius composer and all that, but he is so much more than just those labels. He is also Jiyong, and she can see the kindness in his eyes, the gentleness of his touch and how good he looks in a simple black parka.

But there’s always that tinge of sadness in those eyes too, and that’s why she asked him whether he is happy or not.

His happiness matters to her, because he is one of the people that have helped her to find hers.

“I think…” She begins quietly, looking at him from the corner of her eyes. “Right now, I think I am happy.”

Jiyong gives her a smile (a small smile, but one that unconsciously sends butterflies fluttering in her stomach) and replies in a soft voice. “Good for you.”

“And I…” Taeyeon looks at him straight in the eyes and declares firmly. “I want you to be happy too.”

Jiyong is taken aback by the determination in her voice. He sees fire burning in those brown orbs. “…Why?”

“Just because.” She cracks a smile at him before walking towards the plate of cakes that she has put on the round table beside her. “Because you deserve it? I don’t have a particular reason. But if there’s more happy people in this world, I’m sure the world will become a better place as well.”

Jiyong appreciates how she doesn’t sugarcoat her words and feels another impulse to hug her. But he steels his will (since when is he this weak-minded, he sighs) and watches as she plops a slice of red velvet into and moans in delight. For someone so small, she sure can eat a lot, he chuckles. His gaze then lands on the can of unopened beer next to the pile of cakes.

“Do you drink?” He finds himself asking.

Taeyeon pauses, pointing at herself. “Me?”

Jiyong nods.

She shakes her head. “No. Why?”

“Isn’t that yours?” Jiyong takes the beer from the table and waves it in front of her. “If it’s not, then don’t mind if I drink it.”

Taeyeon hastily grabs the can from his hands and squawks, “Andwae!”

Jiyong arches an eyebrow, smirking at her. “I thought you don’t drink?”

“I don’t!” Taeyeon insists, cradling the beer in her hands and gives him the stink eye. “But this beer is still mine.”

The Big Bang leader drawls dryly. “What’s the purpose of getting the beer if you’re not going to drink it?”

“Because…” Taeyeon purses her lips and puts one hand on her hips. “Because it’s all about the power!”

“Power?”

“You can choose whether to drink it or not.” She holds the beer between their faces and points at it. “If you let it remain unopened and leave it at that, this beer holds no power over you. You have no chance of being intoxicated.” She then opens the can and hears the familiar fizz of the gas. “But if you open