Baekhyun had been asleep for what felt like a moment. But it was a really good sleep, which had not happened to him for a long time. Usually his sleep was filled with mostly nightmares. Nightmares of when everyone ganged up on him, throwing rocks and garbage at him, sometimes screaming insults and the word murderer at him.

 

It shocked him when he saw Jongdae’s figure beside his hospital bed. He realized it the second he woke up, he was in a hospital room. This wasn’t the first time he was sent here anyway.

 

“You’re awake, babe?” Jongdae raised from his seat. He still wore his uniform and he looked relieved, before a grin took over his feature. “I probably shouldn’t call you that, right? Chanyeol would tear me apart.”

 

At the mention of Chanyeol’s name, Baekhyun immediately got up from his bed. “Where is he?”

 

“Jesus Christ.” Jongdae chuckled. “Slow down, will you? He’s outside with Kris and Yixing.”

 

“Is he okay? I mean he kinda caught me and I’m not exactly a light weight.”

 

“Kinda? When he saw you fall, he ing ran and flied down the stairs to catch you. Okay, that may seem rather dramatic, but it’s true. He was like a ing prince.” Jongdae looked amused, but a second later, grim clouded his face. “But yeah, he’s okay, I guess.”

 

Jongdae’s hesitancy didn’t convince Baekhyun even a bit. Chanyeol’s face back then was not okay, he was in pain. Baekhyun needed to see him himself to make sure he was okay.

 

“What have you done to him, Baekhyun?”

 

Baekhyun looked at him. “What do you mean?”

 

“It’s...” Jongdae paused, looking somehow confused. “I mean, I love Chanyeol. He’s my best friend. I know pretty much everything about him, and this...” He pointed Baekhyun’s bed, the ceiling, the room. “He hates this, Baekhyun. Never wanted to come here, even when Yixing got hospitalized because of an appendix problem a few months ago.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t know where Jongdae was going with this conversation, and he honestly didn’t know how to respond. But strangely, his heart ached the more he learnt about Chanyeol.

 

“And now, despite the fact that I know it was killing him inside, he still came here,” Jongdae inhaled. “For you.”

 

Baekhyun felt his throat closing up and his stomach tense. “Can I see him, please? Can you get him?”

 

Jongdae’s lips were compressed in uncertainty, until he nodded. “Alright, stay put.” Then he made a bee line toward the door and stepped out of the room.

 

And then Baekhyun was left alone. He touched his forehead. It had already been bandaged, obviously. He wondered what happened to it though. Was it only a scratch or did he really hit his head hard?

 

It wasn’t long until Chanyeol emerged from the door. He had changed his clothes, Baekhyun noticed. , it was probably because his blood was all over him.

 

Baekhyun fixed his eyes on Chanyeol, determined to see through if he was hurt, even a bit. The first thing he noticed was that Chanyeol looked as if he had been chased through hell. But the second his eyes met Baekhyun, it looked like he just saw ocean for the first time.

 

“Hey.” Chanyeol sat at the edge of his bed. His eyes were heavy, there was something off with his expression.

 

“Are you okay?” It was the first thing Baekhyun said to him.

 

Chanyeol gave him a look, like Baekhyun just asked him if the earth was round. “Baekhyun, you’re the one who just fell down the stairs and hit your head and passed out.”

 

“And you happened to be the one who caught my heavy body,” Baekhyun retorted. Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun continued, “Thank you for that, by the way.”

 

“You didn’t really sound grateful.”

 

Baekhyun flushed and looked away. He had tried to hide his bitterness when he said his gratitude, but Chanyeol had read him thoroughly.

 

Silence ensued between them. Baekhyun realized that this was the first time there was tension between them. Not the usual tension when Chanyeol would continuously make his heart beat faster. This one was a thick and dark tension that he was desperate to get rid of.

 

“You scared the out of me, Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun’s breath caught in his throat. He can’t find any words to defend himself. When he turned around again, Chanyeol’s face was only a mere inches away from his. And a pang of guilt immediately consumed him. Because he never wanted anyone to scare for him. Chanyeol didn’t deserve it.

 

 “I was surprised I didn’t find you or Kris beside me when I woke up.” Baekhyun tried to change the direction of the conversation.

 

“Believe me I wanted to be by your side. I really did. That’s all I wanted.” He sounded really exhausted. Even more exhausted than Baekhyun. “But I guess I’m not so fond of the idea of being in a hospital room since...”

 

Chanyeol’s face turned green until Baekhyun can’t bear it. He was very aware what this was. Chanyeol’s mother voice kept ringing at his head as he waited for Chanyeol to continue. He had a lot going on back then.

 

“Since?”

 

This time, it was Chanyeol’s turn to refuse to look at Baekhyun. “Since Sehun died.”

 

Baekhyun gripped his hospital blanket hard. He got a feeling this wasn’t exactly something he wanted to hear. “Who’s Sehun?”

 

“My little brother,” Chanyeol answered. “He died when I was in my last year of middle school. He was only eight when it happened.”

 

There was sudden bitterness in Baekhyun’s mouth. Chanyeol lost his little brother. So, that was where his darkness came from.

 

Suddenly, Chanyeol’s mother smiling face flashed in his mind. It was the face of a woman who had experienced the most tremendous pain in her life, but she still managed to smile so fondly, love so fiercely toward Chanyeol, her husband, and even to Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes began to sting.

 

“Chanyeol, I’m so sorry,” Baekhyun finally uttered, his voice croaking.

 

The air in the room turned so cold right now that it was making Baekhyun shivered. His heart felt empty and he wanted to reach his hand out to Chanyeol so much, so he did. Chanyeol’s hand was as cold as ice.

 

With his gaze fixed on Baekhyun’s eyes, Chanyeol bitterly smiled. “He fell off the stairs.”

 

Oh, god.

 

Now Baekhyun felt like puking. He couldn’t find his voice at all. If he could, he wouldn’t say anything either. He had a feeling if he opened his mouth, he’ll start crying hard. And this wasn’t about him. This was about Chanyeol. He shouldn’t be the one crying.

 

Chanyeol’s hand trembled in Baekhyun’s grip. He took a few shallow breath as Baekhyun noticed his eyes begin to water. He realized that he cared for Chanyeol so much. Seeing him in pain hurt the out of him.

 

“It was an ordinary day. I picked him up from his school because my mom was sick that day. He told me he got an A in reading. So I bought him a balloon. Turned out it was the biggest mistake of my life. We were taking the stairs of the overpass. I swear I held his hand at that time. But the wind blew and his damn balloon slipped away from his hand, and...”

 

Baekhyun squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to tell me this, Chanyeol.”

 

Chanyeol made a face, and it looked painful. “I didn’t know how, honestly until now I still don’t know, why on earth I let him off my grip to go after that balloon.”

 

Baekhyun can’t help imagining it. Chanyeol probably can’t do anything at that time. He can’t stop his brother from falling, from hitting the ground. He probably cried out for help to the people around him while his brother was unconscious in his hand.  Baekhyun immediately shut down his mind, because the image of Chanyeol in a miserable state was making his chest hurt.

 

And to think that Chanyeol got to go through that horrible experience again, because of him, it destroyed him.

 

“He went into comma for four days before in the end he can’t fight anymore.” He looked at Baekhyun. His eyes were vulnerable, not like his usual bright and playful eyes. “I kept blaming myself. That it was my fault. For months, I couldn’t meet my parents’ eyes. They kept saying that it wasn’t my fault, but I refused to believe that, until I went to high school and met those three. They... saved me.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t want Chanyeol to look at him right now as a single drop of tear rolled down his cheek. 

 

“That’s why, I was so, so glad that I could save you, Baekhyun. If I didn’t catch you, I’ll never, ever, forgive myself for the rest of my life” Chanyeol gave him a smile, laying his hand on Baekhyun’s cheek, wiping off the tears.

 

They stayed silent after that. And the tears kept rolling out of Baekhyun’s eyes as Chanyeol continously wiped them away. Baekhyun felt extremely guilty for scaring Chanyeol like that, and made him remember the horrible past.

 

After a while, Chanyeol took a deep breath. His hand still latched on Baekhyun’s cheek, rubbing it gently. “Can you do me a favor, Baekhyun?”

 

Anything. Baekhyun would do anything for Chanyeol.

 

Baekhyun nodded, and Chanyeol’s hand was cold and shaking. He also noticed Chanyeol’s pale face. Was he even breathing the whole time he told the story? Baekhyun wasn’t sure.

 

“Don’t die on me, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol looked so frail when he said that. “Is that too much to ask?”

 

Baekhyun answered immediately, shaking his head. “No. I won’t die. I’ll make sure I won’t die before you.”

 

Chanyeol laughed. God, it was like holy water had been poured over Baekhyun’s whole being, because after all that had happened today, Chanyeol’s laugh was all he needed.

 

Baekhyun was surprised when Chanyeol leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead for a good few seconds before he pulled his face away and smiled the first genuine happy smile since Baekhyun fell. He looked at Baekhyun, scanning his face thoroughly, every inch of it, and exhaled shakily.

 

“Thank God you’re okay,” he breathed it out. “Thank God.”

 

Before Baekhyun could even react, a nurse and a doctor came into the room. But neither of the boys moved from their position. Chanyeol only removed his hand from Baekhyun’s face, but he kept it near the smaller’s.

 

“We need to examine him one last time before we’re able to release him,” the doctor explained.

 

“Release him?” Chanyeol asked, his tone had changed totally, more alert. “Are you sure? He’s only been here for four hours.”

 

The doctor smiled at Chanyeol as he came closer to the bed. “That’s why we’re going to check him, Son. Will you let us?”

 

“Can he stay with me here?” Baekhyun surprised himself for asking that. But he really didn’t want to let Chanyeol out of his sight.

 

“I’ll stay with you,” Chanyeol said without giving the doctor the time to answer. He released Baekhyun’s hand and got down from the bed. Then he sat patiently as the doctor started the examination.

 

The doctor noted that Baekhyun’s wound was just a scratch. When he fell, he probably brushed onto the wall beside the stairs or the hand rail. He also said that there was nothing wrong with his head or limbs, which meant his passing out was probably due to shock.

 

After they declared that Baekhyun was good to go, they left the two alone again, and Chanyeol wasted no time to flee to his side again.

 

“You sure you’re okay?”

 

Baekhyun nodded. If anything, spending the night here in the hospital was the last thing he wanted.

 

“Alright. I’ll get Kris.”

 

Just as Chanyeol was about to leave his side, Baekhyun called out of him. Chanyeol turned around and looked over at him, and Baekhyun’s heart seized that he thought it might explode any second now.

 

“What?”

 

Baekhyun got down from bed, standing close in front of the tall guy whom he once didn’t like at all, but somehow and in some way, a connection had formed between them. He tried to pace his breathing yet he failed, and it came out shallow instead.

 

Chanyeol noticed the change in him and quickly eliminated the remaining space between them. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

Baekhyun didn’t answer. He can’t answer. The words were caught in his throat. I’m not a murderer, Baekhyun wanted to say. Chanyeol had told him a really dark side of his, and Baekhyun really, really wanted to tell him his darkness inside of him too. But somehow, he didn’t want Chanyeol to look at him differently, like the way the other kids at his previous town did.

 

Baekhyun didn’t realize that Chanyeol had rest his hands on his waist for a while, making it easier for him to breathe. He looked up at him, blinking back the tears that have already started to build in his eyes.

 

“I’m not a murderer.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t have the time to look at Chanyeol’s expression as he immediately pressed his face against the taller’s chest. He didn’t dare to look.

 

But he felt a hand gently his hair, and there was a rough, calming voice. “What are you talking about. God, Baekhyun, of course you’re not.”

 

Baekhyun tried to stop his tears, but failed miserably. His emotions were too raw right now, all the heavy dead weight he had been carrying crushing him from the inside. He hated himself for breaking his dam in front of Chanyeol.

 

“Hey, come on, don’t cry,” Chanyeol pleaded. “Don’t listen to Taekgu, or anyone. They’re just s.”

 

Baekhyun gulped for air and slowly calmed down, trying to focus on Chanyeol’s assuring shush. His voice was so comforting it hugged like a live blanket.

 

Chanyeol slowly pulled Baekhyun out of his embrace and gently tipped Baekhyun’s head up. His eyes searched for Baekhyun’s, and his voice was clear and steady as he said, “You’re not a murderer.”

 

Baekhyun had heard this sentences thrown at him many times. By his parents, his family, his close friend, his therapist. But he never believed a word, until now.

 

He believed it when Chanyeol said it.

 

You’re not a murderer.

 

 

*

 

 

“I heard Baekhyun is coming tonight.”

 

The soft voice of Yixing succeeded to reach Chanyeol’s ears despite the crowded sound of the pub. Chanyeol snapped his head up, tearing his eyes from his electric guitar.

 

“Really?”

 

“Oho,” Jongdae snickered. “Someone suddenly got excited.”

 

Chanyeol clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes before he brought his concentration back to tuning his guitar, saying nothing.

 

He had been on edge in the mention of Baekhyun these past few days. That traumatic day where Baekhyun fell of the stairs had been taking a toll on him greatly. He began to remember his late brother more and grew depressed over it. But he tried hard to suppress it. He had done it multiple of times anyway.

 

Meanwhile, Baekhyun had been absent for a few days, resting. Though he was extremely worried for the petit boy’s condition, he was somehow grateful that he didn’t have to see him directly after the incident. One, because when he looked at him, he’ll probably be reminded of his little brother again. Two because he was too afraid to see how Baekhyun would react to him after he told him his dark past. Three because the fact of that ambiguous I’m not a murderer.

 

It all happened in a day. Crazy.

 

But Chanyeol had missed him. He was dying to see him. He needed to see him. A reminder that everything was okay.

 

“But Baekhyun really is coming though,” Yixing said once again. “Kris texted me. Asked me to tell you so you wouldn’t freak out.”

 

Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would I freak out?”

 

“By freaking out, Kris meant you hugging Baekhyun or something.” Jongdae sniffled a laugh, Yixing followed suit.

 

Discomfort squeezed Chanyeol’s chest, not because he was offended by Jongdae’s words, but because he knew that if he did see Baekhyun, he really might just hug him. He might be anxious on the prospect of meeting him, but his need to hug the smaller boy was bigger. After the hug in the hospital, Chanyeol had replayed the scene in his head a thousand times. Despite the situation, Chanyeol still noticed how perfectly Baekhyun seemed to fit against him. And it would be a total lie if he said he didn’t want it to happen again.

 

Trying to regain his focus, Chanyeol shook his head. Just as he finally tuned his guitar, Kris appeared at backstage, and Chanyeol’s eyes immediately looked behind the captain, searching for the younger cousin.

 

“Baekhyun is at the bar, .” Kris chuckled, putting down his bag and getting his drumsticks out from inside. “You need to recharge your energy by hugging him first before you go on stage?”

 

“ you,” Chanyeol hissed. He tried to look piss, instead he could feel himself blushing. Damn it.

 

Kris’ mischievous face was soon long gone and replaced by his serious expression. He twirled one of his sticks with one hand as he smirked. “Ready, guys?”

 

All of them nodded and followed Kris out onto the stage, and their vision immediately filled with glaring ligh and crowd in front of the stage. Chanyeol let the loud cheer sound drown him as he set up his guitar. He wanted to play as soon as possible, to take his mind off the unnecessary complex thoughts.

 

“Happy Friday night, Moonstone!” Jongdae roared, followed by the cheer of the crowd.

 

Chanyeol smiled, easing his body and mind and trying hard to stop himself looking for Baekhyun in the crowd. But the initial beat of Kris’ drum pulled him out his thought and made him stifle a curse when he missed a millisecond of a beat.

 

They played five songs. And Chanyeol was drenched with sweat as he stepped off the stage. The night air was crazy humid, a sign that it will rain soon. Chanyeol immediately put down his electric guitar and took off his jacket.

 

“It’s ing scorching out there,” Chanyeol huffed into the chair. “I’ve never wanted to get off stage so badly before in the history of us playing here.”

 

“Speaking of history,” Jongdae joined beside him after taking a large gulp of mineral water. “That was our twentieth show here.”

 

“Really? That’s quite a number,” Yixing smiled, then he turned to Kris. “Should we celebrate it?”

 

Kris shrugged. “It’s only twenty. Nothing special.”

 

“Really? Hyojin certainly thought it’s special since she asked her dad for free drinks all night, any drinks.” Jongdae grinned.

 

Chanyeol almost choked. “Seriously? And that old man agreed?”

 

“Surprisingly, yes.” A well-known feminine voice replied. Hyojin was standing at the door with her arms crossed, a glint of excitement in her eyes. “Now I suggest you guys, as tonight’s guest of honor, to come out right now.”

 

Chanyeol wasn’t ready to come out, to see everyone—alright, let’s be honest, he wasn’t ready to see Baekhyun, to be specific. But on top of it all, he was also aching to see him. He felt exhausted, as if he had not slept a single blink for three days straight. That was how he felt after not seeing Baekhyun’s face for days.

 

He didn’t notice when Jongdae pulled him by the shoulder until a blast of hot air hit his face. The pub was so packed he was having a hard time breathing.

 

“Congrats, bro. You guys are awesome.”

 

One of the boy from school, Chanyeol recognized, bumped into him. Chanyeol didn’t know him, but he still smiled. Jongdae was the one who returned his bro hug.

 

It was kind of awkward, actually. It wasn’t their anniversary or anything. Twenty shows didn’t seem worthy enough to celebrate, but he assumed that people just loved celebrating, no matter what for.

 

Jongdae pulled him again. They bumped into a few group of their friends before Chanyeol finally zoomed his focus in toward Baekhyun, on Kris and Yixing’s side by the bar.

 

He unsurprisingly could breathe easily now.

 

Chanyeol studied him as he got closer. Baekhyun was having the same get up he did back when they first met. Black leather jacket, white t-shirt, and that beautiful make-up enunciating his beautiful features. He was so gorgeous as usual, but Chanyeol couldn’t help but wonder why the boy only dressed up and put on make-up at times like this, when he was at the pub.

 

“Baekhyun!” Jongdae let go of Chanyeol’s shoulder and launched himself at the smaller boy. “How are you, buddy? I’ve missed you.”

 

Baekhyun laughed, loud enough for Chanyeol to hear it clearly between the loud music. God, why can’t this pub be filled with Baekhyun’s pretty laughter instead of ty music.

 

“You’re hot today, Baekhyun. I like this version of you.”

 

Jongdae was putting his arm around Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol was suddenly waved over by a pang of jealousy. Baekhyun was insanely good looking tonight and everyone’s eyes, not only Jongdae, are on him, and it made Chanyeol want to rip their eyes so they could stop ogling him.

 

Chanyeol marched up to Baekhyun and forcefully broke him and Jongdae apart. By the look of his friends and Baekhyun, they were obviously surprised by his sudden aggressiveness. But Jongdae’s smirk told him that he was intentionally making him jealous. That little .

 

He laid a firm hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and forced him to face him. “Hey.”

 

Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun’s breath hitched for a second, but then he relaxed and beamed so bright that Chanyeol also found his own breath stop. “Congratulation for the twentieth show,” Baekhyun said.

 

“It’s nothing. More importantly, how’s your head?”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“Oho, what is this?” Jongdae had joined Yixing and Kris, watching them in amusement. “Why are you guys so lovey dovey. I’m jealous.”

 

Chanyeol wanted to kill Jongdae. He and Baekhyun were having a moment there, but the jackass ruined it. It was funny how a moment ago he had thought about not wanting to see Baekhyun because he had been nervous. But now, after Chanyeol had finally seen him, he can’t find any will inside of him to leave Baekhyun alone.

 

“Can you shut up?” he hissed, earning a mocking smile from his friends.

 

“Alright, we need to go around to greet our friends.” Yixing took his drink and got down from stool. “You coming, Chanyeol?”

 

Before Chanyeol could answer, Kris had beat him. “No, he stayed with Baekhyun.” He looked at Chanyeol. “Look out for him.”

 

“Of course.” Chanyeol nodded, and Kris left with Yixing pulling on Jongdae’s collar to follow them.

 

The two of them were left alone in no time. Chanyeol had expected the awkward tension, but he was surprised that Baekhyun was the one who broke the ice.

 

“We haven’t seen each other for a while,” Baekhyun stated, taking a seat on a stool which was previously occupied by Yixing. But his eyes had yet to meet Chanyeol’s.

 

I missed you, Chanyeol wanted to say, but it came out, “Yeah.” Chanyeol also took a seat beside him. The place was so crowded it was sweltering. Chanyeol was glad he had taken off his jacket earlier. “My, it was so hot here. Aren’t you hot?”

 

“No, not really. I guess I’m just glad I didn’t have to stay at home after being caved in for like four days.” Baekhyun sighed. “But I’m 100% fine now.”

 

Baekhyun really looked like someone who was excited and worried at the same time. But his state right now was more bearable to look at than the first time Chanyeol saw him here at the pub. Back then Baekhyun was really on the edge. Chanyeol liked to think it was because Baekhyun had become more comfortable around him, or had opened up in general.

 

When Chanyeol took a close look at him, he saw Baekhyun’s brown eyes lined by eyeliner. If those eyes were not the most beautiful thing in the world, he didn’t know what were. The second thing he noticed about Baekhyun’s face was the tiny plaster on his forehead beneath his thick black fringe. Chanyeol could only hope his wound had completely healed.

 

“What are you looking at?” Baekhyun smiled, and Chanyeol was glad he was sitting down because he wasn’t sure if his legs would have supported him as Baekhyun threw him that beautiful smile.

 

Chanyeol cleared his throat. He needed to pull himself together. “Uhm... you want a drink?”

 

Baekhyun looked taken aback by the question and quickly averted his gaze. Chanyeol immediately remembered the first night, when Baekhyun couldn’t handle his drink as much as he can’t contain himself once he was drunk. But Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun to loosen up, after all the horrible things that had happened to him recently. He wanted Baekhyun to trust him.

 

“I’ll be your DD tonight,” Chanyeol said, his voice steady, making Baekhyun look at him again. “Or even your bodyguard.”

 

With Baekhyun’s appearance like this, Chanyeol was sure that every single person in this room at least wanted to be around him. Baekhyun always had that magnificent magnetic force that drew people into him, at least to Chanyeol it seemed like that. But because he was Kris’ cousin, everyone backed out. Let’s just say that Chanyeol was lucky that he was Kris’ best friend. But it didn’t mean he would take advantage out of it. All he wanted was for Baekhyun to let loose, enjoying himself. And Chanyeol would be there for him, to protect him, to be his friend.

 

“I... I’m not a good drinker.” Baekhyun bit his lip.

 

Chanyeol chuckled. “I know. But, what, you haven’t gone out for four days, right? At least you could treat yourself with a drink.”

 

Uncertainity flashed through Baekhyun’s eyes, but they were fixed on Chanyeol’s, trying to search the sincerity in it. It seemed as if he found it, because a moment later, Baekhyun exhaled and said, “Alright, I trust you.”

 

Chanyeol didn’t expect Baekhyun to agree so quickly. But now he felt like flying, like his heart had grown ten times larger. He felt so full and happy and relieved at the same time. He pushed down his sheepish smile to compose himself. “So, what do you want?”

 

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun pursed his lips. “Whatever you think suits me. But not too strong, please.”

 

“Right, the weakest drink. As you wish, sugar cube.” Chanyeol was over excited that he started to jump in his seat and sputtering nonsense.

 

Baekhyun looked at him with shock, but ended up laughing. “Did you just call me...”

 

“Sugar cube, yeah. And baby doll, and buttercup, and cupcake—”

 

“Alright, stop.” Baekhyun tried not to laugh. His cheeks tinted with pink blush. “I thought you’re going to order me a drink.”

 

“I am. I am.”

 

 

*

 

 

After one bottle of beer, Chanyeol could see that the pink blush on Baekhyun’s cheeks was no longer that one of being flustered. He wasn’t drunk, tipsy yes, but he was still aware of his surroundings. And his miserable state which Chanyeol had witnessed during the first time they met had not made its appearance this time. Chanyeol hoped it would not.

 

“How come you never play guitar for me, Chanyeol?”

 

Chanyeol almost choked on his soda. Baekhyun’s tone was shaky and teasing when he said it that Chanyeol would’ve thought he was talking nonsense, but his glazy eyes were serious.

 

The thought to play for Baekhyun had occasionally reached his mind. Of course Chanyeol wanted to play for this special person of his. But the opportunity never came. It still surprised him when Baekhyun himself asked that question though.

 

“Do you want me to play it now?”

 

Baekhyun snickered. He had been giggling continuously since the first drop of beer touched his tongue. The boy really can’t drink. “Nooo, I want you to play it in private, for me.” His hand touched his own chest, pointing himself. “Now, how about we dance?”

 

Okay, that was even more surprising, because the thought of him and Baekhyun dancing together never ever crossed his mind. But before Chanyeol could respond, Baekhyun had grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the dance floor, threading in between a sea of people with his small husky voice saying “excuse me” and “coming through”.

 

When they had arrived at what Chanyeol assumed to be the center of the dance floor, Baekhyun stopped and turned around facing him. It didn’t occur to Chanyeol when Baekhyun locked his arms around his neck that the music blasting all around the room was EDM. Yet Baekhyun was dancing slowly, with his head resting on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

 

Chanyeol thought it was probably better for him to be drunk too so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed over this as he did right now, but the warmth of Baekhyun’s skin seeping through the layers of their clothes had him forgetting anything else around them. The soft breathing replaced the EDM in Chanyeol’s ears. When Chanyeol took a breath of his own, a mixed scent of cocoa and sweat of Baekhyun’s hair filled his lungs.

 

Chanyeol exhaled a calming breath as he put his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and leaned closer, pressing his cheek to Baekhyun’s head. Despite not drinking even a single drop of alcohol, Chanyeol felt light-headed for some reason.

 

They kept dancing for God knows how long, before Baekhyun finally shuddered and spoke in a harsh voice. “Chanyeol, what’s your favorite song?”

 

Swaying slowly to the left and right, not matching with the music beat, Chanyeol now put his chin on Baekhyun’s crown to make it easier for him to speak. “Uhm, I don’t know. But I like Queen.”

 

Baekhyun groaned. “I don’t want you to play me their songs.”

 

Oh.

 

“What song do you want me to play, Baekhyun? What’s your favorite song?”

 

There was silence, then an abrupt giggle, a really cute giggle coming from the tiny man in Chanyeol’s arms. “I like mainstream music.”

 

“What, One Direction?” Chanyeol chuckled.

 

Baekhyun looked up to him through the strands of his dark hair. His pretty pink lips formed a frown. “Are you teasing me?”

 

“I’m not.” The corner of Chanyeol’s mouth shifted up. “Their music is good, too. I’ll play you Perfect.”

 

The smile adorned Baekhyun’s face after that could light up the room. It was brightest smile Chanyeol had ever seen coming from him. It made him happy and in pain at the same time because did it mean Chanyeol can only see that happy smile when Baekhyun was drunk? He wanted to see that smile every time.

 

“Perfect is perfect.” Baekhyun put his head back on Chanyeol’s chest, sighing contently.

 

They continued their dance as Chanyeol began humming the rhythm of the song. It was messy, because he didn’t know the song enough to hum it, let alone sing along. He wasn’t sure Baekhyun can hear him in between the loud music. But Chanyeol just wanted Baekhyun to know that he’ll do anything for him.

 

Chanyeol took the time to see his surroundings. He can’t recall Moonstone ever being this packed. Everyone was having fun, that was the most important. Even Kris, Jongdae, and Yixing were all smiley. He hoped that they could always like this, without any burdens, just enjoying the moment.

 

Chanyeol smiled just before he felt Baekhyun slowly slip from his arms. It seemed the wariness and alcohol was finally taking over him right now that the shorter’s hands around his neck had loosened.

 

He tightened his grip on Baekhyun’s waist as he leaned closer to the other male’s ear. “You okay?”

 

Baekhyun opted to squirm into the taller’s chest, sending a weird shiver through Chanyeol’s body. “Can we go?”

 

“Where do you want to go?”

 

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun looked up. His eyes were hazy and hooded. And sad. That was Chanyeol’s cue to get him out of here.

 

“Let’s go home. Is that okay with you?” He felt bad that he was so caught up in the moment, enjoying his surrounding while Baekhyun grew uncomfortable.

 

Chanyeol can see that Baekhyun was about to answer him when someone bumped his body into Baekhyun’s back, causing him to crash onto Chanyeol.

 

“Hey,” Chanyeol yelled as he put his arm onto the smaller’s back. “Careful.”

 

The guy mumbled an apology to him, not to Baekhyun. Chanyeol was going to yell at him again before he felt a tug on his t-shirt.

 

“It’s so stuffy,” Baekhyun whined. If Chanyeol wasn’t in the pressing state to keep Baekhyun safe, he would be squealing over the cuteness.

 

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol said in concern.

 

“Yeah. Can we go?” Baekhyun looked up at him, eyes glistening with something akin to tears.

 

The sight was enough to make Chanyeol’s throat closed up. He hoped for dear life it was because of alcohol, not the other thing he was afraid of. Sadness.

 

Chanyeol took a step back and moved his hand to grab Baekhyun’s wrist. “Alright. We’ll go now. But we have to see Kris first.”

 

Baekhyun let himself being led by Chanyeol through the crowd. The taller male tightened his grip on the smaller male’s delicate wrist, making sure he wouldn’t lost him in between the sea of sweaty people in the club.

 

It didn’t take long for him to spot Kris and the other as he already saw them earlier. They were chatting with some people, basketball team, Chanyeol noted, probably talking about the upcoming game this weekend. He almost forgot about that.

 

As soon as Kris saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun joining them, he stopped laughing and straightened his back. “What’s up?” His voice was alerted, making everyone else gone quiet, and all attention went to Chanyeol. Sensing Chanyeol’s urgency and Baekhyun’s stillness behind him, Kris approached them so his band mate could talk to him comfortably. “What’s the matter?” he asked again.

 

“I’m going to take Baekhyun home.”

 

“What? Why? Is he okay?”

 

“He’s...” Chanyeol paused, looking over the drunk boy. “I don’t know. He wants to get out of here.”

 

Kris stepped closer to his cousin, tilting his head to see his face. “He’s drunk.”

 

“He drank a little bit. I let him,” Chanyeol said, taking full responsibility of his probably silly act to let Baekhyun drink.

 

His sorry-not-sorry expression probably showed for the frown on Kris’ face gone a second later, replaced by an amused chuckle. “Do I even have a say in whether you should take him home or I, as his cousin, should take him home?”

 

“No,” Chanyeol shook his head almost immediately. “You drank. I saw you. And I’m not allowing Baekhyun to be under your care.”

 

“And you didn’t drink?”

 

“Not even a single drop.”

 

Chanyeol locked his eyes, unwavered, onto his leader’s eyes. Kris needed to see that Chanyeol was serious, that Baekhyun was not a laughing matter to him. He needed Kris to trust him. And this was one of the ways to get it.

 

“You don’t have to give me that deathglare. I got it. You take him home. I’ll text my mom to let her know both of you are coming home.” Kris patted Chanyeol’s shoulder before he stood in front of his cousin. “Chanyeol’s going to take you home, alright?” he said to Baekhyun and looked at Chanyeol once more. “Take care of him.”

 

Chanyeol smiled at him, letting go of Baekhyun’s wrist and traveled his arm to put it on the small of Baekhyun’s back. “Always.”

 

 

*

 

 

Getting Baekhyun out of the pub while carrying his guitar and his bag was quite a workout. His already drying hair had dampened once again by the time he crawled into the driver seat of his car. Panting heavily, Chanyeol turned around to see Baekhyun sat beside him on the passenger seat, body curling like a little ball with his head tucked in between his knees.

 

He made sure that Baekhyun’s belt was fixed before he started his car. Chanyeol exhaled and inhaled slowly, filling his lung with a breath of fresh air as well as trying to calm his heartbeat.

 

“We’re going,” he said, not sure if Baekhyun even heard him. But then the drunk boy replied with a soft yet hoarse hum.

 

Worried, Chanyeol constantly looked back and forth between the road and Baekhyun beside him, checking to see if he was okay. He knew it was dangerous, but it was almost midnight so the road was not that crowded.

 

He started to think that Baekhyun was asleep as he didn’t hear another sound coming from him, but then the small male stirred on his seat, leaning to his side, facing Chanyeol on his left. His eyes were calm now, shining as the streetlight reflected on them.

 

“How did you do that, Chanyeol?” he asked.

 

Chanyeol’s eyebrows met at the middle. “Did what?”

 

“Survive after Sehun died.”

 

Chanyeol let the sound of honks and cars outside filled the silence. He didn’t expect the question at all. He knew Baekhyun wasn’t in his right mind now, or else he wouldn’t dare to ask something like this. He expected sadness would wash over him, but nothing came. If anything, he was even more concerned now.

 

Chanyeol was about to respond, but Baekhyun beat him to it.

 

“Ah, right. Because you had Kris, Chen, and Yixing.” Baekhyun laughed, and Chanyeol shivered because it sounded so fake. “You had your best friends.”

 

“Baekhyun, are you okay?”

 

Chanyeol heard nothing in response, and there was this strong urge to reach his hand out to Baekhyun, to pull him close.

 

“I have no one, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s voice cracked, like it was being strangled. “I don’t have anyone on my side.”

 

Chanyeol’s pulse sped up and his chest impossibly tightened. “That’s totally wrong. You have— Baekhyun, what are you doing?”

 

Baekhyun was rubbing his face harshly, his eyes, his lips, all over his face.

 

“You’re ruining your make up. Stop it!”

 

Baekhyun did exactly as he was told to. He stopped but his make up, especially his eye liner and possibly other black substances that Chanyeol didn’t know what the name of, was smeared around his eyes and cheeks. Baekhyun looked like a nightmare. But it wasn’t because of the ruined make up. It was the sadness overtaking his face that made him look a mess.

 

“Baekhyun—“

 

“It’s alright.” Baekhyun repositioned his seat so he now could sit facing the road upfront. “I’m not in the pub anymore so I’m saved even without it.”

 

Confusion clouded Chanyeol’s mind. He no longer focused on the road as he grew more alert about the male beside him. He seriously contemplated to pull off the road. “What do you mean you’re saved without it?”

 

Amidst the intense situation between them, thank goodness Chanyeol still managed to get ahold of his stirring wheel and drove in the right direction. As soon as they left the main street, darkness fell over them, only a dim light of neighborhood lamp shone upon them once in a while.

 

“Because...” Baekhyun faltered and bit his lips, and Chanyeol suddenly regretted for asking a question. “I don’t want people to see me as weak.”

 

Chanyeol didn’t understand, but he kept quiet.

 

“If I wore make-up, people will not...” Baekhyun blinked rapidly, it was obvious he tried not to cry. “...people would think I’m strong and they won’t bother or hurt me.”

 

Chanyeol gulped and his palms started to grow damp. He had not expected that answer from Baekhyun, not ever. Because if anything, Baekhyun was not weak. But what caught him off guard was the idea of Baekhyun hurting. What the hell did it mean? Did someone bother Baekhyun back then and made... this isolated person he was now.

 

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol swallowed his fear. “You’re not... weak.”

 

The petit male beside him didn’t respond. Through his peripheral vision, Chanyeol saw his small posture trembling. When Baekhyun’s house came into view, Chanyeol let out a desperate sigh of relief. He pulled off into the Wu’s residence driveway and quickly cut off his car engine, but his hands still gripped onto the steering wheel hard, afraid that if he released it, he’ll immediately find his hands wrapping themselves around Baekhyun’s shattering frame.

 

He really shouldn’t have let Baekhyun drink in the first place. This was all his fault.

 

“Chanyeol...” his voice cracked, and Chanyeol’s heart cracked along with it. But when Baekhyun finally lifted his head and looked up to him, that was when Chanyeol can feel his heart completely shattered, and nothing could stop him as he quickly took the crying boy into his arms.

 

“Ssshh... don’t cry. Please...” The wound in his heart after the last time Baekhyun cried in the hospital had not healed yet, now it had been cut open again.

 

They stayed like that for a good ten minutes. Chanyeol’s waist started to hurt because his awkward position, but Baekhyun had been crying nonstop onto his t-shirt, and Chanyeol wouldn’t let himself to move except his hand that ran over the crying boy’s silky hair.

 

When Baekhyun’s sobs had thinned out, Chanyeol leaned in to the other’s ear. “Let’s get inside, okay? It’s passed midnight and you’re exhausted.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t argue with it. He let Chanyeol pulled him out of his embrace and waited for the taller boy to open his door.

 

“Can you walk?” Chanyeol asked as he held Baekhyun to get down from his car.

 

The drunk boy nodded, though his feet staggered when he touched the ground, his head clearly still clouded with alcohol. But once again he let himself being dragged to the front door.

 

Just as Chanyeol wanted to push the bell, Baekhyun tugged on his shirt. “Wait.”

 

The other boy stopped his movement and turned around facing the drunk boy, and once again felt like his heart ripped out of his socket. Baekhyun’s face was so puffy and red. Chanyeol would have squealed over how baby-like Baekhyun was, but knowing how much pain Baekhyun was in, Chanyeol also cried along with him inside.

 

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked, tilting his head so he could fully see Baekhyun’s face.

 

“How are you going to go home?” Baekhyun blinked. It was amazing how his broken expression had wiped off and replaced by his adorable usual self, but still with his tear-stricken cheeks, puffy and black eyes.

 

The urge to touch his face was unbearable this time, so Chanyeol just went along with his instinct. Baekhyun’s skin felt even smoother than marshmallow. “What do you mean? I have my car.”

 

“But you’re going to go home alone.” Baekhyun leaned in to the touch. “I’ll accompany you.”

 

Chanyeol smiled, shaking his head. “That’s stupid. It just means I’ll have to drive you here again.”

 

“But you can’t go home alone. It’s dangerous.” Now Baekhyun sounded more like a whining child, and Chanyeol was just glad that the drunk boy seemed had forgotten his misery for now.

 

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol pulled him close once more, now setting both of his arms around the smaller’s back. “I just need you to be safe and sound, and I’ll be okay.”

 

Baekhyun lifted his face to meet Chanyeol’s gaze. Chanyeol can’t help to succumb into Baekhyun’s glazy and shining eyes.

 

“Why are you so kind to me, Chanyeol?”

 

Heat began to creep up onto his face and Chanyeol was not sure if he was supposed to answer it or if it was just a hypothetical question.

 

“Baekhyun, I—“

 

“You always make me happy,” Baekhyun continued, still staring right into the taller’s orbs. “I don’t deserve to be happy, Chanyeol. It’s not fair.”

 

Torn between feeling happy and confused, Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. And once again, he had a feeling he was going to hear something he wouldn’t like.

 

Gulping, Chanyeol asked, “Not fair for who?”

 

Somehow, Chanyeol hated himself for already expecting the previous spark in Baekhyun’s eyes to disappear. But it didn’t mean it didn’t kill him any less. It hurt the out of his heart to see tears starting to pool again in Baekhyun’s pretty eyes.

 

“For Kyungsoo. My best friend.”

 

And right there and then, under the moonlight, Chanyeol finally saw the broken part of Baekhyun.

 

 

*

 

 

Baekhyun stood in front of the gymnasium. He could hear the cheer of the audience, the beat of drum from the supporters, the whistle sound of the coaches, and the screeching sound of shoes across the court. All those sounds seemed to be drowning him in his own misery.

 

He came to the gym to watch his cousin’s team—the one Chanyeol also played for—go up against a team from another high school team, one that Baekhyun didn’t even know existed. But when he arrived, he found himself standing outside, with his body leaning against the wall and only capturing moments of the game by listening in on what was happening.

 

His school was leading by 10 scores.

 

They’ll definitely win if they could maintain their score for the remaining five minutes of the game, he thought. But who knows. Five minutes were a lot for a game, especially for basketball.

 

Baekhyun sighed and looked down, his eyes locking onto his shoes.

 

These past few weeks, since Baekhyun arrived here at Seoul, crazy things had been happening to him. His decision to come here differed to his parents’. They wanted him to live happily, not being judged like he was in his own town. Whereas Baekhyun just wanted to run away from all his sorrow because that was the only thing he could do.

 

His intention was guaranteed. He succeed in running away. But he never expected his parents’ intention to come true, too.

 

Being with Kris’ family, meeting his friends. Baekhyun would never have thought that his life would go back to almost normal, to how it was before. Although he was perfectly aware that the hole in his heart had not—or would never—completely healed.

 

And then he had Chanyeol.

 

That was a point that never crossed his mind before.

 

Chanyeol... Park Chanyeol... He would be lying to himself if he said Chanyeol was just a friend. Chanyeol was always more than that, ever since the beginning. He somehow became the center of Baekhyun’s life, his whole sense of stability. He was the one who kept him standing and breathing every day. And the scary part was, Baekhyun didn’t know how or when it had happened.

 

Every time he was with Chanyeol, he forgot his past. Completely.

 

And Baekhyun wasn’t supposed to forget. After what he had done to Kyungsoo... to Kyungsoo’s family, he didn’t deserve to forget the sin he had committed, even if it was just for a second, let alone live happily. Instead, he deserved to take Kyungsoo’s father place in heaven.

 

The loud thundering cheer brought Baekhyun out of his reverie. The game was over, it seemed. Baekhyun peeked through the door, and just as he expected, his school won. The students were cheering so loudly and he could see Kris’ sweaty team hugging each other in the middle of the court.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes immediately zeroed in Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol was ruffling his team member’s hair with his full beautiful grin. Chanyeol looked so, so happy that watching him smile like that easily made him smile too.

 

Baekhyun didn’t understand his heart at all.

 

 

*

 

 

The party was too crowded for his liking. Baekhyun had chosen to sit in a packed living room for almost half an hour before he finally decided to make his way toward the backyard where the main party was taking place.

 

Baekhyun tried to ignore the questioning glances thrown at him since he arrived here—a big house belonged to one of a rich members of his high school’s basketball team. He didn’t have the heart to reject his cousin’s request—or more like a demand—for him to come to the party after they win the final this morning.

 

That was how Baekhyun found himself in between and drunk teenagers of his school. Trying to be invisible was the only way for him to get pass this party.

 

Now he needed to find Kris. He began to feel extremely uncomfortable so he thought to go home first. His cousin always invited him to many occasions but was rarely there for him, just like now. Moreover, this time, he can’t find Chanyeol anywhere. With so many people from other clubs of their school, it was only understandable that the popular basketball players would be stolen away.

 

At the back of the house, the situation seemed to be even messier. So this was how the Seoul people partied, he thought. Some of the guys were in the pool, while some girls sat at the edge, their feet dangling into the water.

 

This wasn’t his place at all. And Baekhyun started to feel nauseous. The worst part was that he still couldn’t find his cousin, or Chanyeol, or anyone he knew.

 

Scanning the place, Baekhyun pondered on what would happen if he went home without telling anyone. After some not-really-needed consideration, that plan was scratched, because Baekhyun didn’t want Kris worrying. So it was out of question, and it meant Baekhyun need to expand his search.

 

Just as Baekhyun stepped forward to walk around the yard, someone behind him stopped his steps by holding onto his shoulder.

 

Baekhyun almost fell on his knees when he heard a deep voice. “My eyes must be playing trick on me. The almighty Baekhyun is alone in this party.”

 

Baekhyun soon regretted his decision to turn around. He should’ve just continued walking. “Taekgu?”

 

The huge football player had a smirk on his face. It was clear that he was up to no good. “Where’s your cousin?”

 

Baekhyun’s mind spin, trying to search for a way out. “He’s...umm, in the restroom.”

 

“Really?” Taekgu took a step forward, which only made Baekhyun take a step back, unknowingly nearing the swimming pool. “You’re like a lost rabbit though? Oh, or were you looking for your boyfriend, then?”

 

Baekhyun opened his mouth, about to ask what he meant but it was immediately cut off by the huge boy again. “I mean, Chanyeol.”

 

Baekhyun’s embarrassment must be obvious because Taekgu’s smirk only grew bigger. The smaller male lowered his head, trying to hide his blushing cheeks. “Chanyeol’s not my boyfriend.”

 

Baekhyun can hear Taekgu guffaw. For a second, he thought to just leave the football player alone there, but Taekgu’s laughter died down and was replaced by a cold scoff. And soon enough, he said something that had Baekhyun freeze in his spot. “Right, of course he’s not. Who would want a murderer as a boyfriend, right?”

 

His body might have frozen up, but Baekhyun’s mind was racing frantically, with Taekgu’s words going over and over again as if on repeat. Nausea began to creep in and his mouth felt like it was filled with sand. His head started to spin as he was aware that the only sound he could hear right now was his own ragged breathing.

 

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

 

Baekhyun took a deep breath, smoothing his shock. He wouldn’t let Taekgu see him lost for the second time. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Taekgu.”

 

You’re not a murderer.

 

“Oh, come on, Baekhyun. I know.”

 

You’re not a murderer.

 

“I’m not—“ Baekhyun’s voice cracked. He swallowed, trying to voice out one thing that he should’ve voiced out back then. “Whatever they told you about me... that’s not true.”

 

You’re not a murderer.

 

Taekgu’s smirk faltered. Rather than being taken aback by Baekhyun’s words, it seemed as if the football player was shocked by the seriousness of the smaller male’s expression.

 

You’re not a murderer.

 

“I’m not a murderer.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t have the time to see the change of Taekgu’s expression as his field of vision was blocked by a familiar broad back.

 

“What the are you doing here, Taekgu?” Chanyeol grasped Baekhyun’s arm and placed him behind his back protectively.

 

Baekhyun gasped. “Chanyeol?”

 

Chanyeol turned his head around. His stern expression turned soft with a hint of concern when his eyes landed on him. “You okay? What has he done to you?”

 

“We just talked,” Baekhyun answered, hoping Chanyeol would calm down.

 

“Right. Chill, Chanyeol. We were just talking.”

 

Baekhyun hoped Taekgu would just shut his mouth off, because now Chanyeol’s attention was back on the football player once again, and just like before in the school’s cafeteria, people drew their attention toward them. But this was much worse because Baekhyun can see Kris walking toward them with a look that he had never seen before.

 

Kris was obviously enraged, and Baekhyun had no idea what was going to happen.

 

Baekhyun actually frightened. His heart was beating fast as Chanyeol moved him away from the edge of the pool, making sure the smaller was safe, while Kris already found himself in front of the bigger guy.

 

Kris wouldn’t forgive that bastard for hurting his cousin for the second time. He pushed the football player with two hands. “Get the out of here, Taekgu.”

 

Both Chanyeol and Kris was on the edge, but Chanyeol obviously had a better control of his anger. He stayed at Baekhyun’s side the whole time, though based on his hold around Baekhyun’s wrist, the smaller could tell that he was holding his anger down the best he could.

 

“What,” Taekgu countered. “This is not even your house, Kris.”

 

“But this is my party. My team’s party. So I could definitely kick your out of here.”

 

By this time, the music had died down, replaced by everyone’s whispers. They were probably amused by this, because what is a party without a fight, right?

 

Taekgu gave the basketball’s captain a mocking smile, but the football player had not spare Baekhyun a single glance since Chanyeol came. As if he felt bad for verbally attacking him before. Taekgu was merely keeping his dignity now. He didn’t want to seem lost from these bunch of basketball players.

 

“Or what? You’ll beat me down?” Taekgu lifted his chin high. Although he was bigger than Kris, Kris was taller than him.

 

“Kris, stop,” Baekhyun begged, but his small self was still shielded by Chanyeol. “Taekgu did noth—“

 

Baekhyun just wanted this to be over and go home, but Taekgu had cut him off. “Alright, alright. I’ll go. It’s not like I want to associate myself with a murderer anyway.”

 

That was the last straw for Kris. His fist already found Taekgu’s jaw before Baekhyun could register what was happening. After that, everything was a blur.

 

Kris launched himself at Taekgu while Chanyeol and other basketball team members immediately dashed toward their captain, trying to separate them before any more damage was inflicted.

 

Baekhyun stayed motionless in his place, unable to move as this scene, people fighting for him, was too familiar. He didn’t understand the overlapping flashes before his eyes, Kris and Taekgu, but then, there was Kyungsoo’s father and that drunk man too.

 

“S—stop...” his voice was barely a whisper. “Stop, please.”

 

But they were too busy trying to kill each other. And the others were trying to stop them. And the rest were just watching. And Baekhyun, in the midst of it all, was finding it so hard to breathe.

 

Kris and Taekgu were still fighting like there was no tomorrow as Baekhyun tried to suppress his painful memory, and with that he was able to breathe and move normally again. But just as Baekhyun went to approach them, he noticed them nearing the pool. He gasped when Kris pushed the big guy into the pool, resulting a huge splash.

 

There were some cheering as Baekhyun cursed under his breath and ran toward the pool, nearing the spot where Taekgu fell. His heart dropped to the ground when he heard the sound of cheering change into an accumulation of gasps, and he saw Taekgu struggling under the water.

 

There was a beat of silence as people watched Taekgu under the water, and that was the first time Baekhyun felt rage toward his cousin, to anyone, and everyone in here. They did nothing. Just like those people who only watched him get cornered by a drunk man in the dark alley, even when he screamed for help. Except Kyungsoo’s father. He took no time to help him, despite his small and weak body, he still helped Baekhyun.

 

Before anyone could stop himself, Baekhyun had jumped into the water.

 

Baekhyun had learned swimming since he was six, doing it for fun. He only started to take it seriously in high school. But never did he thought he’ll use his skill to actually save someone from drowning.

 

As Baekhyun felt the water slowly closing up on him, he felt that familiar sensation to be in the water, for just a millisecond, before his mind took over his movement, as he swam frantically toward where Taekgu was, at the bottom of the ten feet swimming pool. It wasn’t an easy job. First, there was the pressure. Then there was his thick hoodie and jeans holding him back.

 

Baekhyun saw Taekgu panicking helplessly down there. The football player couldn’t get back up because he moved too much while his clothes were holding him down. His heavy build wasn’t an advantage either.

 

Baekhyun soon succeeded in reaching Taekgu’s side. The man became more frantic when he felt someone touched him. He held onto Baekhyun for dear life while his legs and arms were still flailing at every way possible, hitting Baekhyun here and there and making it harder for the much smaller male to get him to the surface.

 

Despite being ten feet under the surface, Baekhyun could still hear the chaos up there. He could sense some people also jumped into the water, maybe trying to help them. Baekhyun also could hear his heart pounding through his pressured ears. But the most painful thing to hear was Taekgu’s gasping for air.

 

His lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. But it only had Baekhyun panicking even more because it meant that Taekgu must be in a worse condition than he was.

 

Time was ticking, but they didn’t have much progress. No one had succeeded going down to Baekhyun’s level in the deep pool. Baekhyun tried kicking his feet but his energy had drained by the time Taekgu had stopped moving frantically. The big guy was covering his mouth and nose now, trying to survive for a few last second.

 

Baekhyun began to feel hopeless. It wasn’t easy to be a hero, wasn’t it? It took courage and ability. Something Baekhyun did not have.

 

But then Kyungsoo’s father face flashed before him, and with the last ounce of breath in his lungs, Baekhyun gripped Taekgu tighter under his arms as he pushed himself up, his feet kicking in as if this was the last time he swim.

 

Please.

 

He finally moved closer.

 

Please.

 

The surface was near.

 

Please.

 

“Puaahhh.” The first thing Baekhyun did when he reached the surface was gasping for air desperately. When they were near, Baekhyun faintly felt some people helping them out of the water, making it easier and faster to reach the air.

 

Sounds had not returned to his ears yet by the time people started pulling them to the edge of the pool. Baekhyun still held Taekgu close to him as he began to regain his senses and realized that Taekgu was unconscious in his hold.

 

“Taek—“His voice was barely a whisper. It felt like it was his throat was burning. “Taekgu first, please!” he screamed, forcing his voice to come out.

 

It seemed like the people surrounding them just noticed that Taekgu was floating unconscious, only relying on Baekhyun’s hold on him. After that, they immediately swarmed over Taekgu and took the football player with them.

 

Baekhyun was breathing hard, unfocused, his chest hurt so much, and his legs felt too tired to hold him afloat any longer, but soon enough, he felt himself being enveloped and lifted onto a broad chest.

 

"I got you, I got you,” Chanyeol held onto his waist and his other hand cupped Baekhyun’s face. “Baekhyun, stay with me, okay? Please, stay awake.”

 

Baekhyun was growing limp, but he was confident enough to not let himself pass out. He was better than this. He was trained for swimming for years not for nothing, not to just give up in the end. So he nodded, and he held Chanyeol’s shoulder like his life depended on it.

 

“Taekgu...” the swimmer trailed.

 

“He’s gonna be okay.” Chanyeol swam toward the edge and spotted Kris already waiting for them with a very worried expression on his face.

 

Baekhyun rested his body on Chanyeol’s chest, feeling relieved that he was in his hand now. “You can swim now, Chanyeol,” he said as he smiled at the boy.

 

“You’re so ing stupid.” Chanyeol didn’t like the humor in Baekhyun’s words. “He’s twice your size.”

 

“I can’t let him die, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said as Chanyeol lifted him to the edge of the pool. His drenched hoodie planted to his skin and he felt so weak even now he already sat on the hard surface of the outer pool. “I can’t let anyone hurt again because of me.”

 

Chanyeol pulled himself out immediately and scooted beside him, water dripping of his shirt. “You saved him, Baekhyun. You saved him.” The taller gently pushed smaller’s hair away from his wet face. “You’re a freaking angel, you know that?”

 

Baekhyun shook his head and buried his face on the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. He sensed Kris arriving beside him as he whispered, “Take me home, Chanyeol.”

 

 

*

 

 

Chanyeol took a shower at Kris’ house and changed into the captain’s clothes. When he came out of shower, he still felt his hands trembling. As he look at himself on the mirror, he could see traces of exhaustion here and there. It had been like that for some days. But today seemed to be the accumulation of it all and Chanyeol honestly can’t remember when he had ever reached this level of exhaustion.

 

He sighed, and fixed his expression, preparing himself to face Kris outside. Kris was with his parents at the family room when Chanyeol got out. The three of them huddled close as they looked at him with confused and concerned expressions, especially Uncle and Aunty Wu. Chanyeol didn’t blame them. They arrived home with two of them wet and one of them crying.

 

Chanyeol had excused himself to go home earlier, but Aunty Wu insisted for him to shower first and Kris had begged him to stay because Baekhyun might need him.

 

“Where is he?” Chanyeol immediately asked. Right now his concern was only Baekhyun.

 

“In his room. He’s asleep I think,” Kris answered.

 

No one said anything after that as Chanyeol began to walk toward Baekhyun’s room, forgetting his supposed-to-be polite manner. He would apologize later to the Wus.

 

But he didn’t forget to knock first, just in case Baekhyun was doing something else other than sleeping like Kris had said. He didn’t know what he would do, really. He never knew what he did and would do if it came to Baekhyun. But he needed to see with his own eyes if his Baekhyun was already tucked into bed, safe and sound.

 

Baekhyun was indeed on the bed, but he wasn’t asleep like Kris said. Chanyeol found him curl up on the bed, with the sound of whimper coming from him, and Chanyeol knew he was crying.

 

At the sound of Chanyeol closing the door, Baekhyun stopped whimpering and lifted his head. Their eyes met, and his sorrowful look caught Chanyeol’s eyes.

 

“Hey,” Chanyeol didn’t even blink before he positioned himself on Baekhyun’s bed, immediately drawing the smaller male into his embrace, enveloping him thoroughly as he laid beside him.

 

Baekhyun buried his face into Chanyeol’s chest, and the latter could easily tell that the smaller was crying again. It didn’t hurt any less every time Chanyeol heard it. The agony cut right through his heart.

 

“Ssshhh... It’s okay, Baekhyun. It’s okay.”

 

Baekhyun shook his head. “It’s not okay. What the hell is wrong with me, Chanyeol?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“There has to be something wrong with me. People around me keep getting hurt. You, Taekgu... Kyungsoo’s father.”

 

Kyungsoo. That name again. Chanyeol still can’t get rid of that name since the first time Baekhyun mentioned it.

 

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol sighed. He drew circles on the smaller male back, wanting to out all the pain inside him.

 

“Maybe Taekgu was right. Maybe those people were right. I’m a murderer. I hurt people around me. I hurt people I love. I’m cursed. I should—“

 

Chanyeol cupped Baekhyun’s cheek so he could look at him. “Baekhyun, slow down. Breathe.”

 

“You should get away from me, Chanyeol. Or else I’ll destroy you too.” His tears were wrecking his face. Tears kept coming out as he hiccupped in between.

 

“No, never.” Chanyeol rubbed his cheek, wiping his tears away. “You could destroy me all you want and I’ll never leave.”

 

Baekhyun slowly raised his eyes to meet Chanyeol’s. His brown eyes were somehow hollow, but there was a tiny spark in there that Chanyeol would hold onto until someday they would be totally covered by the spark.

 

“You’re strong, Baekhyun. I know you don’t need me. But I’ll be here, right beside you, until this is over. Until you believe in yourself again.” Chanyeol could hear his voice breaking. “Because I love you. I love you, Baekhyun.”

 

Chanyeol captured Baekhyun’s lips in a blistering kiss. Chanyeol didn’t realize that he was crying too until he felt his tears met Baekhyun’s. Heat slowly crept in as Chanyeol moved his large hand to cup Baekhyun’s jaw, kissing him with the utmost tenderness and belonging.

 

Chanyeol lost it when he felt Baekhyun finally kiss him back. He tried to regulate his breathing but it was a rather hard task when Chanyeol can’t even remember which planet he lived on. Baekhyun tasted like sun, and Chanyeol can’t get enough of it.

 

Ten seconds. They kissed for ten seconds. That was how long Chanyeol could take it before he would burst. Chanyeol gave one last sweep over the smaller’s mouth before he eased away.

 

Chanyeol was so in love with the boy in his hold and unfortunately he had no ing idea.

 

He reached Baekhyun’s hand that gripping onto his shirt and held it dearly. He leaned down and kissed the top of the smaller’s crown, as the latter was back to planting his face on Chanyeol’s chest once more. Chanyeol was sure that Baekhyun could hear his thundering heart.

 

“You can’t love me,” he whispered.

 

Chanyeol took times before he responded. “Why not?”

 

“Chanyeol, if you really knew me, what had happened to me, you wouldn’t want to spend another second with me.”

 

Chanyeol swallowed and drew a ragged breath. “Then try me. Tell me, Baekhyun. And I’ll prove you wrong. I’ll still want you.”

 

Chanyeol was afraid of what Baekhyun was going to say. But he knew that Baekhyun was more afraid. The smaller guy was shaking in his hold. So Chanyeol held him tighter, cocooning him, and hoped that Baekhyun would stop feeling so scared and just let it out. He had held it in for too long.

 

“I had a best friend back then in Yanggu. Kyungsoo.” He began, his voice wavered.

 

Chanyeol held his breath. But his hand still moved Baekhyun’s head, encouraging him to continue.

 

“I went to club... When I went home, a drunk man... bothered me. And he...” he choked, and didn’t continue for a while, trying to calm himself down though Chanyeol could feel his body growing cold as the seconds go by. “That man brought a knife... I cried for help, but no one... helped me. Then Kyungsoo’s father... passed by, and he... helped me.”

 

Baekhyun couldn’t continue again as he sobbed painfully. Chanyeol was crying too, not being able to help himself to stay strong for Baekhyun. The idea of Baekhyun could possibly hurt and not in his hold right now tortured him. It’s okay, it’s okay, Chanyeol wanted to say. But he knew Baekhyun wouldn’t listen to him. So he let his heart ripped open as he listened to Baekhyun fall apart in his arms.

 

Chanyeol can hear Aunty Wu crying outside. Kris and Uncle Wu probably just stared emptily at the door.

 

All of them wanted to help Baekhyun. His parents back at Yanggu wanted to help him too, that they were willing to send their son away if it meant he could live a better life.

 

Baekhyun was larger than life. He deserved to be loved more than anyone. But all of them can’t love him if Baekhyun can’t even love himself.

 

“I killed my best friend’s father,” Baekhyun said in between his sobs, dripping with agony. “I never dared... to talk to him anymore. I can’t even... I can’t apologize to his family.”

 

“No.” Chanyeol cursed mentally when his voice broke. He wanted to make Baekhyun feel better, but he was so helpless that he began to get angry at himself. “You didn’t kill him, Baekhyun. You hear me? You didn’t kill him. It’s not your fault.”

 

“I want to say I’m sorry.” Baekhyun lifted his head. His lips started quivering terribly as tears after tears kept rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

 

As Chanyeol listened to Baekhyun cry to sleep, he realized that the only thing could destroy him was seeing Baekhyun in pain.

 

 

*

 

 

Baekhyun was absent for two days. He didn’t have any energy left after he cried like a mad man that night. That was the umpteenth time he cried in front of Chanyeol, and he was sure that he must had make the guitarist sick of him. If what Chanyeol said, that he loved him, was true, then that feeling must have been washed away after that night. After all, Baekhyun had shown him the dirty side of him. There was no way Chanyeol would love him after all this.

 

It was confirmed when Baekhyun woke up the morning after, and Chanyeol wasn’t beside him anymore. Chanyeol probably came home early because they had class in the morning, but the bigger side of Baekhyun’s brain said Chanyeol was gone because he hated him.

 

It was also confirmed when Baekhyun took two days off of school, Chanyeol didn’t come to see him at home. Chanyeol probably wanted to give him space, but Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol was disgusted by him.

 

Baekhyun had half expected Chanyeol would come to meet him when he was finally back to school today. But he should have known better. One thing he knew about hope, it usually led to disappointment.

 

He didn’t move from his seat when the bell rang, signaling break time. He brought a couple of bread so he didn’t have to go to the cafeteria. He had enough stares for the day from other students since this morning. His kind-of heroic move at the party three days ago apparently reached everyone’s ears, although Baekhyun really didn’t want to know if the news roaming around the school was good or bad. He had enough share of being public talk.

 

The exhaustion and stress in his being had reduced, but it didn’t mean he was ready to face everyone talking about him. So he stayed in the classroom while other students went outside, probably feeling stuffy from the math test earlier.

 

Baekhyun opened his bag as he searched for his bread, his favorite egg bread. Just as he wanted to open the wrapper, somebody was sitting in front of him.

 

“Baekhyun.”

 

Taekgu’s voice felt like blaring through his ears. Baekhyun jumped back and almost fell from his chair but Taekgu was quick to hold him, wrapping his fingers around Baekhyun’s wrist. Baekhyun had expected it to hurt, but his hold was instead gentle and careful.

 

“I’m sorry I surprised you.” His voice was quiet, not like the Taekgu he knew.

 

“Uhm...” Baekhyun momentarily blanked. “It’s okay.”

 

They sat there in silent. Baekhyun didn’t dare to look up. But from his peripheral vision, he could see that Taekgu also didn’t move.

 

The chair where Taekgu sit creaked. He was fidgeting in his seat. “How are you?”

 

There was a beat before Baekhyun finally lifted his head. There was a hint of confusion on his face as he heard the sincerity in Taekgu’s words.

 

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun answered after a while. “You?”

 

“Nothing bad,” he murmured. “Thanks to you.”

 

The football player’s face was red, as if he was shy and wanted to run away, but he held it in.

 

“I’m really sorry, Baekhyun. For all this time.” His expression was clouded with guilt. “I’ve been a huge . I don’t even deserve your forgiveness, but you saved me.”

 

Baekhyun knew that his apology was nowhere near bull. The guy was sincere, and Baekhyun absent-mindedly dragged his hand over the football player’s own.

 

“I know you’re sorry. Besides, even if I didn’t save you, the others would’ve.”

 

“No, they wouldn’t.” Taekgu snickered, but it wasn’t mocking. He just briefly felt amused. “Not everyone is willing to save other people.”

 

Taekgu’s words slapped him, drilling into his skull and ringing all around his brain.

 

“I had also apologized to Kris, for endangering his cousin, and bullying you on top of that. I had expected at least a punch to the eye, but... I don’t know, he just looked proud. He’s proud of you, Baekhyun. He didn’t care about me at all.”

 

It took some times before Baekhyun could proceed that Taekgu had gotten up from his seat and patted his back, and said, “I’m sorry, Baekhyun. And thank you, really.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t move even until Taekgu left, and even when people slowly came back to the classroom. His bread left untouched. His head spinning because the weight pressing down his heart.

 

He had been wrong all this time. He had been thinking of himself all this time. Me, me, me. Myself, myself, myself. When this had not been about him at all. He was drowning in his own guilt, misery, and fear. He had been afraid to face everyone, scared of people’s judgments, people’s saying, and people’s stares. When the only thing he should focus on was Kyungsoo’s family.

 

He should’ve been saying his gratitude. He shouldn’t have been the one who was drowning in misery. Kyungsoo was his best friend. Taekgu was his sort-of enemy, and he hated Kris. But he mustered up courage to apologize and said his gratitude. Then why couldn’t Baekhyun?

 

He was the in this story. Not even near an angel like Chanyeol said.

 

As he took his bag with him and dashed out of the class, Baekhyun hoped that Kyungsoo and his family felt the same way as what Kris did.

 

 

*

 

 

Chanyeol was going crazy. He received the news from Kris that Baekhyun had gone home early, like really early. In the middle of afternoon. And apparently took Kris’ car to god knows where.

 

He hadn’t seen the petit male that day at school. He thought he would see him in the cafeteria but Baekhyun was nowhere in sight, and when he and Kris went to his classroom, his classmate said he had gone. That was when they found out.

 

Chanyeol had expected Aunty Wu panicking when they arrived, instead she seemed to be really calm and even patted the couch, asking them to sit down.

 

“We have no time to sit down,” Kris almost yelled at his mother. “He took my car, Mom. Why didn’t you stop him?”

 

Chanyeol tried his hard to not combust from how slow Kris was. He needed to find Baekhyun fast. And if Aunty Wu couldn’t give them any information, then...

 

“He said he really need to go,” Aunty Wu answered, not affected by her son’s anxious state. “Don’t worry. He’s gonna be okay.”

 

Right. He might be okay, but he might not. Chanyeol pressed his eyes shut as his legs started to feel weak. He weighed all the possibility where could Baekhyun go, using car on top of that. That was what make him worried the most. Where would he go, where would he go, where would he go…

 

A thought struck him and he gasped loudly as he opened his eyes in horror. It can’t be because of that, right...

 

Chanyeol needed to get out of the house, or else he would dirty Aunty Wu’s living room with his puke. He was so worried that it started to make him sick. So he dashed out of the house, and fumbled to find his phone in his pocket.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kris followed behind him.

 

Chanyeol ran his hand through his hair as he groaned. “I think I made him freak out.”

 

“What do you mean?” The captain asked, his thick eyebrows connected in the middle.

 

“I confessed to him the other night.”

 

Kris blinked, as if unable to believe what he just heard. “I’m sorry, repeat yourself.”

 

Chanyeol gritted his teeth. “I told him I love him.”

 

“You what?”

 

“I love him, okay? I ing love him.” Chanyeol bit out each word furiously. He knew it was wrong to lash out on Kris, but Chanyeol was really worried right now that the captain didn’t even have the heart to get mad at him.

 

“Geez, Chanyeol,” was all Kris said.

 

Chanyeol rubbed his face dejectedly. Fear waved over him. Baekhyun wasn’t in his greatest shape. God knows where he was or where he was heading to. What if something happened to him, what if he was hurt, what if...

 

This wasn’t the time to cry over this situation. He needed to calm down, but , he felt so scared. He reached his pocket again and took out his cellphone.

 

“I’m going to call him.”

 

“He’s not going to answer.”

 

“He will. He’ll pick up if he knew it’s me,” Chanyeol argued as he dialed the number.

 

Except it didn’t even reach Baekhyun. It went straight to voice mail. He called him again and again, until he gave up when he heard Baekhyun’s voice for the umpteenth time.

 

“Hi. Kindly left me a message.”

 

“Baekhyun, it’s Chanyeol.” He started off a little bit tense. But he thought it would only make Baekhyun freak out even more, so he softened his tone. “Where are you? Where are you going? Just...” He took a deep breath. “Please, call me back, Baekhyun.”

 

Chanyeol could only hope Baekhyun would talk to him, whatever his problem was, Chanyeol would listen, even if Chanyeol himself was the problem. He wanted Baekhyun to trust him.

 

“Do you really think he’ll talk to you?” Kris pulled him out of his thought.

 

Chanyeol sighed. “You could never predict Baekhyun.”

 

They didn’t have to wait long. As Chanyeol’s mind began to look for other alternatives, Baekhyun called him back. Chanyeol was surprised. He really didn’t expect the words he bragged to Kris earlier to actually come true.

 

“It’s him,” Chanyeol informed Kris and immediately answered the call. “Hello? Baekhyun?”

 

The line was filled with unfamiliar vehicle sound for a couple of seconds before Chanyeol finally heard the voice of his universe. “Yes,” Baekhyun answered.

 

Chanyeol legs wobbled, relief washing over him. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m on a bus.”

 

“Why on earth you’re on a bus? Didn’t you bring Kris’ car?”

 

“I’m going... somewhere. I left Kris’ car at the terminal. Please tell him I’m sorry, Chanyeol.”

 

Chanyeol pinched his temple, it started hurting pretty bad. “Just... just tell me where you’re going, Baekhyun, please.”

 

There was a beat. This was the moment where Chanyeol will come to know if Baekhyun really trusted him. In the background, Chanyeol heard Baekhyun clear his throat. “Is Kris with you?”

 

“Yes. But I won’t tell him if you don’t want me to,” Chanyeol assured him. He looked at Kris, expecting his best friend to be fuming at him. The captain smiled and turned around instead, entering his house again, but he didn’t close the door. “You can tell me, Baekhyun,” he reassured.

 

The hot sun had set and painted the sky with dark orange and a shade of black velvet. Chanyeol sat down on Kris’ porch, he didn’t have any energy left. Chanyeol almost forgot what he had asked to Baekhyun because the male on the other side of the line took his time long enough for Chanyeol to calm his nerve.

 

“I’m going to Gangwon-do Yanggu,” Baekhyun said softly.

 

Chanyeol closed his eyes. The tension gripping him eased only a friction. At least now he knew where Baekhyun was heading to.

 

“I...” Baekhyun’s voice broke. “I need to see him, Chanyeol. Or else I could never live my life.”

 

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol swallowed. “Baby, listen to me. Everything’s going to be okay.”

 

“I’m scared.”

 

“There’s nothing to be scared of. Okay? You hear me, Baekhyun?” Tears started to pool at the corner of his eyes. Goddammit, why was he so easy to cry everytime he felt so helpless toward Baekhyun. “He’s your best friend. He’ll never hate you.”

 

“He has every reason to hate me.”

 

“He doesn’t hate you,” Chanyeol’s voice was firm as he spoke. “His family doesn’t hate you. No one hates you, Baekhyun, I promise.”

 

Baekhyun was crying again, he could tell. God, Chanyeol would trade anything in his possession if he could be with Baekhyun right now.

 

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun called him. “Do you really love me? I... I have a terrible past.”

 

Baekhyun’s voice was laced with uncertainty, like he was really afraid that Chanyeol would hate and leave him any second. But Chanyeol wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hide his feeling toward Baekhyun anymore. He would do anything to reassure him that leaving was never be his intention, in the past, in the moment, and in the future.

 

“Look, Baekhyun, don’t you ever think for even one second that I don’t want to be with you. I love you, and your past doesn’t change my feelings for you and who you are to me. I believe in you, Baekhyun, I trust you. And I need you to trust me, too.”

 

Chanyeol heard Baekhyun’s breath hitch, then there was a relief exhalation, like suddenly he could truly breathe, knowing that someone was never leaving his side. “Thank you, Chanyeol.”

 

The said boy shook his head, though he knew Baekhyun can’t see him. Baekhyun shouldn’t need to thank him.

 

“I just want you to know,” Baekhyun continued. He had stopped crying. “That I’m doing this for you, for my parents, Kris, all of you.”

 

“Do this for yourself, Baekhyun.”

 

“All of you are my life. So I’m doing this pretty much for myself.” Baekhyun choked with a little laugh. “I want to be better, Chanyeol. I want to forgive myself.”

 

Chanyeol looked down to his feet as he covered his eyes with his palm, letting out his tears as well as his joy. “Baekhyun, you deserve the world. Don’t ever forget that.”

 

“I won’t.” Chanyeol imagined Baekhyun leaning his head on the bus’ window. He sounded so relaxed right now. “Please wait for me, Chanyeol. I promise I’m worth it.”

 

Chanyeol’s breath shuddered from his lungs. “I know, Baekhyun. I have always known.”

 

 

*

 

 

Yanggu was still the same as the last time Baekhyun left, of course, he only left two months ago. He left the unfinished business here, in the most shameful way, thinking that he could at least live through hell with that burden on his back. He was stupid and ungrateful and shameless, and the list could go on.

 

Baekhyun arrived at dawn. There was only a little bit of hint of sun light from the distance. The air was something he missed the most, so wet and cool and damp, and his sweater hugged him thoroughly.

 

Right after he put his feet at the concrete soil of Yanggu, Baekhyun’s heartbeat quickened, his backpack suddenly felt a lot heavier. He didn’t know what he would say to Kyungsoo. He wanted to ask for his forgiveness and give his gratitude to Kyungsoo and his family, that he was sure of. Yet, how to deliver it? He had no idea.

 

He really wished Chanyeol was here, giving him extra kick of courage. But Baekhyun had relied on him too much, now he needed to stand on his own feet.

 

Baekhyun balled his palms into fists as the sight of Kyungsoo’s house was right in front of him. The place he knew like his own home. The place he visited almost everyday. But in the past three months, he didn’t even get near it, let alone enter it.

 

He wondered if Kyungsoo was still asleep. It was weekday, so surely he had school and would go out eventually. But would Baekhyun wait and risk the chance of being ditched away because his best friend needed to go to school, or he could just knock on Kyungsoo’s room window? Baekhyun chose the latter.

 

With a heavy heart, Baekhyun walked toward the house. His shoes met the grass, giving him the familiar sound of when he usually played tossing baseball here with his best friend. The memories made his eyes sting.

 

If Kyungsoo wouldn’t forgive him... Hell, if Kyungsoo wouldn’t want to listen to him, what would he do? He’ll jump on the lake behind Kyungsoo’s house and drown himself there. Except it was probably a stupid idea because it would make Kyungsoo hate him even more for making his house dirty by his shameless soul.

 

Baekhyun’s mind was all over the place, especially now he was standing in front of Kyungsoo’s window. He just needed to knock. Kyungsoo was a light sleeper, he’ll definitely hear and wake up in a second.

 

You’re strong, Baekhyun. Chanyeol’s voice resonated in his ears.

 

Baekhyun closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, then he raised his hand and knocked on the concrete glass. His breathing came out shallow as a second later he could hear someone shuffling from inside. Before Baekhyun could even blink. The curtain was yanked open, and his eyes immediately met the round eyes of Kyungsoo.

 

Defeaning silence. Baekhyun couldn’t even hear the sound of his own blood flow in his ears. But his eyes followed Kyungsoo’s every move. Kyungsoo’s round eyes became rounder, they were filled with surprise at first, then confusion replaced it. Baekhyun had expected those eyes to be filled with anger, but they were just confused.

 

After a while, Kyungsoo finally blinked and actually moved, reaching out his hand toward the window and sliding it open. Baekhyun could tell the wave of cold dawn air startled him for a second, but his face quickly got back to being confused.

 

“Am I dreaming?” Kyungsoo asked.

 

Baekhyun should had been the one who asked that question. He never dreamed of Kyungsoo talking to him again.

 

“Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo said, his eye brows colliding. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Seoul?”

 

Baekhyun’s mind went blank for a moment. The only thing running in his mind was the thought that Kyungsoo looked much better than the last time he saw him before he went to Seoul. Maybe his decision to go to Seoul was indeed right.

 

“I’m…” Baekhyun trailed, words just couldn’t come out of his mouth. He took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m here to talk to you.”

 

Kyungsoo looked surprised once more. His chest rose up and down rather rapidly, but his eyes gradually warmed, and if Baekhyun’s eyes weren’t playing trick on him, he also could see a hint of smile at the edge of his best friend’s lips.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything as he moved his limbs to climb over his window, surprising Baekhyun and making him take a step back to make room for him to jump out of the window. They stood over the same grass now, after all this time.

 

Kyungsoo met Baekhyun’s gaze, his warm eyes searched for something on Baekhyun’s face, as if he can’t believe that baekhyun was really here.

 

“I’ve been longing for this day to come,” Kyungsoo said, taking his hand and silently bringing him to the back of his house, to the lake.

 

The lake was as beautiful as Baekhyun remembered. It was the most peaceful and serene place on earth, Baekhyun had always thought. Moreover, it was their special place. And Kyungsoo bringing him here was making him hopeful.

 

Without neither of them say anything, Baekhyun discarded his bag, and they sat side by side on the edge of the wooden deck, their feet tangling right above the clear water. They watched the sun rise in silent, letting the light and warmness soaked them.

 

There was just so much to say and it was hard to even begin.

 

“How’s Seoul?” Kyungsoo started, his voice was neutral.

 

Baekhyun jerked his head toward him. “It’s… It’s hot.” Baekhyun smiled at the thought it was the answer that he also gave to Chanyeol when he asked about Yanggu. He always answered with the weather.

 

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Did Seoul make you so boring like this?”

 

“I’m…” Baekhyun stopped, thinking of how true that was. He used to be so easy going, especially around Kyungsoo. Now he can’t even shared more than five words with him. Baekhyun took a deep breath and asked, “How are you, Kyungsoo?”

 

“It’s weird to hear you asking that,” Kyungsoo replied. “You just left. And I don’t mean only leaving Yanggu. You left… me.”

 

Numbness was taking over his body as Baekhyun didn’t realize that his nails have started to dig into his skin. “I’m sorry. God, Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. Your father... Your father saved me... He gave his life to me, and I never got a chance to thank you and your family because I was too scared. I was so scared that you’ll hate me, resent me, for taking your father away. I’m just... I’m just...”

 

“You’re babbling,” Kyungsoo stared at him, his expression undreadable.

 

“I know, sorry.”

 

“And you’re crying.”

 

Baekhyun stayed still. He just realized that he was crying, a sobbing mess, curled into himself. He had been such a terrible friend to Kyungsoo. Baekhyun raised his head to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze. He bit his lip to stop him from crying.

 

“I never see you cry,” Kyungsoo said, and Baekhyun saw tears in his eyes too. “Not even when people judged you.”

 

Baekhyun realized that too. The first time he cried after all the accident was in the hospital, with Chanyeol.

 

“I’ve never been mad at you, Baekhyun. If anything, I was pissed because you avoided me. The last time I saw you was when you testimonied at the court. You didn’t talk to me or see me. Hell, you didn’t even come to my father’s funeral.”

 

“That’s what I regret the most.” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “I just... I’m sorry.”

 

“I was having a hard time and I ing needed my best friend, but you didn’t even want to spare a glance at me.”

 

Then Kyungsoo was bawling too. They both wailed like crazy persons on the edge of the deck with ripples of calm water around them. In between all the tears, they somehow met in the middle, putting their arms around each other as they cried onto each other’s shoulders. They sat at the very spot for unumbered minutes, letting out their pain, their yearning, their suffering, they let it all out.

 

“You stupid Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo whispered on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I never hate you. I’ll never ever hate you, you idiot.”

 

Baekhyun nodded and buried his face deeper on Kyungsoo’s pajamas. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

 

*

 

 

They spent the early morning with catching up. Baekhyun told Kyungsoo his story of how he coped the first month after the accident and how he finally came into decision to run away to Seoul. Then the story continued of how his life rolled along in Seoul for the past two months. It was three months in total they lived without each other, but unawared that they actually held onto each other all this time.

 

His parents, the Wus, and Chanyeol were right. Kyungsoo and his family never hated him or even put the blame on him. Kyungsoo revealed that his family and himself were really sorry for him to experience unnecessary hate from the town people who knew nothing. Kyungsoo wanted to help him, shield him, but Baekhyun didn’t let him in, so he can’t do anything.

 

They were in a great deal of pain all this time, but only now they could let themselves to let it go.

 

It was already past nine, and the younger male decided he’ll skip class today. When Baekhyun told him to go to school, Kyungsoo gave him a glare that pretty much said Are you kidding me? We need to talk. But Baekhyun was glad Kyungsoo didn’t go. He missed his best friend so much. Talking to him felt so natural as breathing.

 

“Who knows that the big city would heal you, right?” Kyungsoo had his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Or should I say the people there who healed you?”

 

Baekhyun could see from the corner of his eyes that Kyungsoo was grinning. Baekhyun had told him about Chanyeol and the others, of course. And if he squinted enough, Baekhyun could see that his best friend was really glad that he had found someone who cared for him in Seoul.

 

“Or should I say one particular person?”

 

Baekhyun groaned. Here come the teasing. He knew it would come. He was irritated yet happy that the tension between them had completely gone, but he didn’t think he could talk about his love life now. He had enough roller coaster of emotion for the day.

 

Kyungsoo chuckled and raised his head from Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Come on, tell me more about him. Is he handsome?”

 

Baekhyun sighed. “You sound like a gossip old woman.”

 

“You like him, don’t you?” Kyungsoo’s eyes glinted.

 

“He’s a good friend, like, a really good friend of mine. That’s it.”

 

“I feel like you didn’t tell me the whole story about him.”

 

Baekhyun smiled. “I miss you so much, Kyungsoo.”

 

Kyungsoo just looked at him with his tender eyes, smiling softly. There was a sudden tug in his heart, realizing that he somehow had traded all of this just because of his cowardice.

 

Kyungsoo reached his hand out, and patted Baekhyun’s head. “You’re an idiot. But you did good, Baekhyun. You did wrong for avoiding me, but you’re strong.”

 

Baekhyun bit his lip to prevent his lips from trembling. “I’m sorry.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed. “Stop saying sorry. I’ve forgiven you.”

 

“You do?” Baekhyun wiped his eyes, tears starting pooling again on the corner of his eyes.

 

Kyungsoo pulled him into a hug. He was younger than Baekhyun, but he often acted like he was older, or Baekhyun probably acted like he was younger. “I forgave you, okay? Don’t blame yourself anymore. It was never your fault.”

 

Baekhyun let Kyungsoo comfort him, which kind of dumb because he should had been the one to comfort him. He savored it, knowing that this wouldn’t last. Reality awaited him at Seoul.

 

He heard Kyungsoo gasp, his hold tightening. “Oh my God.”

 

Baekhyun blinked back his tears. “What? Why?”

 

“Is that who I think he is?”

 

Baekhyun discarded himself from Kyungsoo and quickly turned around to see where his best friend was looking at, or specifically whom he was looking at. As soon as he saw the person standing on the drive way, leaning onto a familiar car, Baekhyun a deep breath.

 

“He’s Chanyeol, isn’t he?” Kyungsoo’s voice was excited.

 

Baekhyun’s mouth gaped. He was sure Kyungsoo knew by how he reacted. “What is he doing here?”

 

“He didn’t come with you? I thought…” Kyungsoo trailed, then he moved his stare to Baekhyun. “Damn you. How dare you find someone earlier than me?”

 

Baekhyun couldn’t form any word to defend himself. It wasn’t fair how Chanyeol’s being could make him turn dysfunctional like this. “What do you mean?”

 

Kyungsoo groaned. “Oh, come on. You look at him like he hung the moon. And he looks at you like you’re a ing sun.”

 

Baekhyun blinked, and there was a foreign feeling that was somehow felt familiar in his chest.

 

“What I mean is that you love each other, so quit being sulky and get going to your boyfriend right now.” Kyungsoo bumped his shoulder into Baekhyun’s.

 

Baekhyun watched Kyungsoo’s expression gradually change. He was still smiling but it faded a little bit. He knew that this was the time to say goodbye, for now.

 

“Are you coming back here after you graduate?” Kyungsoo asked, his voice was sad.

 

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun shook his head. “There are so many things to think of.”

 

“Then let’s study in college together at Seoul, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo gave him a smile. “Let’s be together again.”

 

Baekhyun took Kyungsoo’s hand, giving him squeeze. “We’ll talk about this.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand.

 

His best friend nodded. “You go back to Seoul today?”

 

“I’m going to my parents’ house first. Maybe I’ll go back tonight.”

 

“Let’s meet tonight before you go back, okay? I need to talk to Chanyeol, too.”

 

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows as Kyungsoo smirked. Oh, Chanyeol needed to prepare his ears.

 

“I’m going,” Baekhyun stood up reluctantly, slinging his bag onto his back. “I’ll call you.”

 

“You’ll be dead if you don’t.”

 

No word exchanged between them as they hugged, giving each other gentle, assuring squeezes. Both of them exhaled a breath of relief as they knew that this was definitely not the end of them.

 

When they broke apart, they looked at each other with knowing smiles. Then Kyungsoo took his wrist and they walked together for a while before his best friend let go of his hand and walked over to the window of his room.

 

“Don’t forget to come tonight, okay? You haven’t met my family,” Kyungsoo said.

 

Baekhyun nodded. “See you tonight.”

 

“See you tonight,” Kyungsoo repeated before he turned around and climbed up his window.

 

Baekhyun waited until his best friend drew the curtain close before he turned around and his vision zeroed in on the tall guy across the yard. Baekhyun inhaled deeply.

 

Chanyeol was waiting for him. A warm smile adorned his face. As Baekhyun walked toward him, Chanyeol stood straight from his previous position, his hand still inside his pocket pants.

 

Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile at him, and without him knowing, he fastened his steps. When he was finally in front of the tall male, he took off his backpack and let it fall to the ground.

 

“You didn’t bring sweater or jacket?” Baekhyun asked, looking up at him.

 

Chanyeol closed the distance between them, their chests practically colliding. “I was out of my head worrying over you that I didn’t think of anything else than get my over here.”

 

Baekhyun could see Chanyeol’s puffy eyes. He looked really exhausted. The thought of Chanyeol drive from Seoul alone for hours all night long gave him an uncomfortable feeling. “You didn’t have to come here though.”

 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.”

 

Baekhyun stifled his smile. “How did you find me?”

 

Chanyeol reached for Baekhyun’s hands, collecting them into his. “Just like you said. Gangwon-do Yanggu isn’t exactly a big town. I only asked where Kyungsoo house is.”

 

Baekhyun chuckled. His body relaxed as Chanyeol’s hands moved to wrap themselves around his waist.

 

“Based on your expression, I guess it went smoothly?” Chanyeol tilted his head.

 

Nodding, Baekhyun exhaled all the bad things inside him. “He never mad at me in the first place.” He lowered his head, hiding his face so Chanyeol wouldn’t see his pooling tears. But before Baekhyun could blink the tears away, Chanyeol had tipped his head up, making their faces only inches apart.

 

“You’re crying again,” Chanyeol stated, his expression concerned. Both of his hands crawled onto Baekhyun’s cheeks, cupping them gently.

 

“I’m not crying.” Baekhyun whined.

 

“Then what is this liquid I’m wiping away from your face right now?”

 

Baekhyun choked out a laugh, shaking his head. “These are tears of happiness.”

 

Chanyeol eased the tension in his body. “Yeah? Because I really, really hate seeing you cry, Baekhyun. It hurt me so much.”

 

“I’m the happiest man on earth right now.” Baekhyun heard himself saying the words that he thought he’ll never say again, feeling the emotion he thought he’ll never experience again.

 

Happy. He was happy.

 

Chanyeol’s arms wrapped around him once again, squeezing him. Baekhyun could practically feel the thud of his heartbeat, letting himself drown in the tall male’s embrace. He took a deep breath and shuddered as he felt the tension slowly leaving his body.

 

“Would I ruin this moment if I said your best friend is now looking at us—or more likely, looking at me, with a murderous expression?” Chanyeol’s voice rumbled in his ears.

 

Baekhyun popped his eyes open. And getting out of Chanyeol’s hug proved to be such a hard task for him. So, he turned his head around, but refused to let himself go from Chanyeol’s hold. It took a moment before he could spot Kyungsoo behind one of the window of his house, his hands folded on his chest. Murderous was a little bit of overstatement. It was more like... judgmental.

 

“Don’t worry,” Baekhyun chuckled, turning to face Chanyeol again. “I had filled him in briefly about you earlier.”

 

“Really? What did you say?”

 

Baekhyun hummed, tilting his head to the side. “I said that you’re my friend from Seoul.” He stopped to look at Chanyeol’s expectant face. “I also said that you’re a friend that helped me a lot, cared for me a lot. That without you, I’m probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

 

Chanyeol smiled. “That’s it?”

 

Heat crept into Baekhyun’s face. He shook his head to calm his nerves. “Sometimes I can’t think straight when you look at me like that.”

 

Drawing Baekhyun even more closer, Chanyeol giggled. “Good, it means you experience the same misery every time I’m with you. Continue.”

 

Baekhyun gulped. He knew he need to say it. Chanyeol had done so much for him, and now it was his turn to do something for him, for them. “Kyungsoo said...” He inhaled deeply. “I looked at you like you hung the moon. And I guess that’s true. I love you, Chanyeol. And if you still want me—“

 

“I always want you.”

 

“No, let me say this. Chanyeol, I’m bad for you. If you’re with me, there’s a chance I’m going to ruin you. I want to be the selfless Baekhyun and ignore my feeling and let you live happily. But I love you. I’m just an ordinary selfish human being that wants you. I can’t promise you anything, Chanyeol. But I’ll give my all for your happiness.”

 

Chanyeol’s eyes drilled into Baekhyun’s. And Baekhyun’s lungs miserably weakened under those intense eyes.

 

“Damn right you’re an ordinary human being, Baekhyun, and so am I,” Chanyeol said, sweeping Baekhyun’s mussy bangs away from his eyes. “God knows how much you had ruined me. Being around you makes me crazy. But not being around you makes me even crazier.”

 

Baekhyun was aware of how his breathing became rapid and shallow now.

 

“The intensity of my feeling for you scared the out of me. But I won’t try to fight it.” Chanyeol smiled. “Just like you said, you’re worth it. ing worth it.”

 

His heart exploded, and for the first time ever, Baekhyun took the initiative and his arms move to cling around Chanyeol’s neck, bringing the taller male down. And just like that, their lips met. He immediately felt belonging wash all over his being, losing himself into the touch of Chanyeol’s hands on his cheek and at the back of his head and the taste of his lips.

 

Baekhyun never expected this. He never expected Chanyeol, and the life he brought along with him. Baekhyun honestly didn’t know how he could manage to live without him all this time before he met Chanyeol.

 

He the calming fragrance of Chanyeol’s cologne, mixed with a little bit of sweat, and he let it fill his lungs and immediately felt light headed. When he felt his knees started to feel weak and strained from standing on his tiptoes, Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist, steadying him first before he pulled away.

 

This wasn’t the first time they kissed, but it felt somehow more magical. Baekhyun wanted to scream for help because he thought he might die from happiness.

 

“Goddammit, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol put his forehead on Baekhyun’s, his breath was ragged. “You ruin me with your kiss. That’s the closest thing you could do to ruin me.”

 

Baekhyun gave him a smile. How much smiling he had done since he arrived here? “So, it’s bad, then? Should I stop kissing you?”

 

“No.” Chanyeol nuzzled into his neck. “Never. Now that I have experienced it I don’t think I could ever live without it.”

 

Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol too, pressing their body even closer. The day started to get warm and Baekhyun was sure that people might see them, but he’ll just pretend that it was perfectly normal for them to hug in front of somebody else’s house.

 

“So, what now?” Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s breath on his neck. “Are you... are you going back here because you made up with Kyungsoo?”

 

Chanyeol’s heart was beating so fast, Baekhyun could hear it. There was an immediate burn in his stomach as soon as he imagined himself being away from Chanyeol. It was always like that, his body always threatened to stop working every time he thought about leaving Chanyeol.

 

“No. Not now at least.” Baekhyun whispered onto Chanyeol’s shirt. “Today, I need to see my parents, and I’ll go back to Seoul with you, and graduate high school there. It’s impossible to move back here. It’s the last semester after all.”

 

Chanyeol let out a relief sigh. “Okay, that sounds pretty good. After that?”

 

“I’ll think about it later.” Baekhyun tightened his hold. “Which reminds me that I need to fix my bike so I could stop depend on Kris and his car.”

 

There was a beat of silence. Then suddenly Chanyeol released him and gave him a confused look. “You ride bike to school?”

 

Baekhyun paused. It took a moment for him to notice that Chanyeol was asking him a question. He forgot that Chanyeol didn’t know. “I was supposed to ride Uncle Wu’s bike to school. But someone broke its pedal on my first day and I never have the time to fix it. So—“

 

“Did...” Chanyeol cut him off. “Did that person who broke it gave you a ticket for my band’s concert in Moonstone?”

 

“Yeah, how did you...” Baekhyun widened his eyes. “Wait, was that you?”

 

“That was your bike?”

 

They didn’t say anything after that as they stared into each other’s deep eyes. They understood what was in each other’s mind. Fate. It was unbelievable how fate played its role in their life.

 

Chanyeol watched him, his eyes traveling all the features in his face, savoring it. “I love you, Byun Baekhyun.” He squeezed Baekhyun’s hand and leaned down, kissing his forehead as Baekhyun could feel his broad smile prickling on his skin. “And thank God I broke your bike.”

 

 

 

 

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