Eternally

  “Kris, here is your lunch,” Tao muttered shyly, barely looking at his mate as he passed the clothe-wrapped metal container to him. Kris took the container and placed in his bag, not bothering to say thanks or to even look at him with at least a grateful smile or nod.

  Kris did up his hand-sewn leather shoes and with that, he walked out of the door, seemingly deaf to Tao’s soft “Goodbye”. Tao blinked back his tears, trying to calm himself from bursting into tears. Kris and Tao had been married for 5 months. But it was not a proper marriage of consent, after all it was arranged.

  Tao had remembered their wedding so vividly. Kris smiling softly at him, saying his vows so heartfelt-like and tenderly, deceiving Tao completely into thinking that Kris loved him. When the wedding had ended and they headed back to their house, Kris’s façade faded away almost immediately. He was impatient, harsh and overall just against his and Tao’s marriage. He would shout at Tao so much if Tao touched his things when cleaning his home office.

  Kris started bringing women home. Dolled-up, beautiful, slender and graceful they were, dressed in tight fitting skirts and had the whole package. Tao slid further into despair. How would Tao ever compare anyway? Those girls he brought home were always the epitome of beauty and Tao felt absolutely worthless along side them.

  Tao had long ago started to numb the heartache by pretending. Oh, how Tao loved pretending. He pretended that Kris hugged him lovingly and kissed his forehead when he woke up, instead of the empty space beside him where Kris should have been.

  Tao pretended that Kris spoiled him with chocolates and sweet, red wine to comfort himself, after cleaning up Kris’s bedroom to find the aftermath of Kris enjoyment. He pretended that Kris ate the lunch he had painstakingly prepared to mask the truth that the metal container always came back full and filled.

  Another day, another piece of Tao’s fragile heart chipped off. Tao loved Kris. Why do you still stick by him, because Tao loved him with all his heart.

Why do you give him all of your love if he is unfaithful, because Tao felt that Kris’s needs were more important than his own.

Aren’t you tired, Tao was, yes, he was so very tired, but nothing could stop him from loving Kris.

  Tao whistled as he cleaned up Kris’s bedroom. Used condoms go into one plastic bag, dirty toys to be washed into another. Tao tried to ignore the bleeding of his heart.

  Suddenly, Tao felt lightheaded and dizzy, the world spinning and