Unedited.

IN HER HEART

But it's not what she wanted.

Three hours after, she found herself tossing and turning on her bed as she listened to him breathing just outside of her room. She has been having an internal battle with her conscience.

She really wanted to talk to him, just as she said, and the urge to talk to him was stronger than ever, having him save her from her pitiful plight just a few hours ago. But her conscience was telling her that enough is enough and she would just be pacifying the hurt he has been nursing if she goes out and tell him everything she was bottling up inside her.

But it was worth a try, she muttered to herself as she finally let her heart win over her conscience.

Getting up from the bed was easy but going out and talking to him…

was another story.

***

"Why are you still up?" Hae asked groggily when he heard things rustling around him. When he opened his eyes, he saw Dara holding a blanket to her chest whilst looking down at him. He didn't turn the lights off just in case something out of the ordinary happens and yes, it is actually happening right about now.

"I can't sleep." She whispered but when she saw him nodding and going back to sleep, she shyly asked him, "Do you have some space for me? Can I sleep beside you?"

He opened his eyes again and pondered for about a minute or two and had begrudgingly turned to his side, his back on the back of the couch, as he made space for her. She slinked beside him after turning the lamp on the side table off and he grunted, complaining she was taking all the space that was meant for him but she also felt him hitch a breath as soon as her back connected to his chest.

"Thank you." She whispered but he didn't reply so she assumed he didn't want to talk to her again. It was fine, really. Maybe it was just the perfect way to end the night.

It was such a turn of events, actually.

She had planned out talking to him, finally, and 'fessing up about her true feelings for him but they had ended up in a lip lock that had turned into something more in his studio. Afterwards when she wanted to talk, he was furious and had wanted her to leave right away because probably, if she had read their actions correctly, he was seeing Yoona again. And then, she left and forgot to bring her valuables with her so with her stubborn pride, she found herself lost in an imaginary island she had built herself in.

But who had imagined him finding her there?

No one. She was sure she'd be stuck there all frozen and cold until the morning if no soul had seen her but no, he found her. Just like all those other times she was out in the rain, crying for god-knows-what reasons. She had not seen him approach her all those other times. But he did wipe her tears tonight.

And now, she is here and he was beside her.

They weren't in good terms yet, but this was a start.

Maybe.

****

"Are you sleeping?" She whispered beside him but he was immobile and he didn't say anything so she figured out she could finally say her piece without him having to interrupt her.

Even if it meant pouring her heart out without him knowing it because he was asleep.

She adjusted her position, turning over so that they were facing each other. His breath was fanning his face and it was enough to tell her it was time to start.

"I'm sorry for what had happened tonight, Hae. It was stupid and I was irresponsible. I shouldn't have walked alone and I shouldn't have wasted your time. And I'm sorry to have jumped on you like I did.

I actually have a whole list of what I should apologize for tonight and for all those other times I should apologize for. And that was why I went to your studio. I know you'd scoff if you're hearing me right now. I practically jumped on you when you opened the door." She whispered in the dark, her fingers slowly reaching out to him, tracing his face as if she'll need it for when he'll be gone in her life.
 

"You'd probably say you were just scratching my itch. Oh wait, I guess you said that already. But the truth is, I do not really know why I jumped on you like that. I do not know what happened but when I saw you open that door, I suddenly just wanted to kiss you because I was so glad I finally got to see you after months of you avoiding me.

I knew it shouldn't have gone far but we were too far gone…and I was afraid if that kiss would stop, you'd push me away once again.

But I want you to know that I really went there to apologize.

For making it seem I used you because we slept with each other even if I knew what you felt for me. I knew I shouldn't have played you like that. I certainly didn't mean to but you were just there and it's not because I thought you were convenient but whenever I was with you I felt that I actually mattered, Hae.

You were there for everything else. I knew it was wrong for me to keep seeing you that way and I should have said something but I really didn't know what to do with it. I am particularly not good at handling things like this.

So I figured to just let it happen. But I didn't see it was more than what I wanted until it was too late. I became greedy. I wanted you so much to myself that I started to become demanding. I demanded too much from you. Your presence. Your affection. Your time.

I didn't see what it was doing to you. I didn't see what it was doing to me. It made me selfish and it blinded me to think I was doing all those for the benefit of your love. I didn't know that you were too far in and I was too far lost in this game I thought we were both playing.

I trampled on your feelings that first night when you confessed because I was in denial.

I wasn't expecting you to bring up that topic while we were playing two truths and a lie. So naturally I denied it. I had no clue as to how I would act because I wasn't used to men coming on to me like you did.

They usually push me away after a couple of dates saying I demanded too much from them. They told me I had impossible standards. All of those words they said would hurt me but at least I knew how to handle all of those. I had you to comfort me when those failed.

It took me some time to admit to myself that I denied you the first time and I disappeared on you the second time you confessed because I was afraid if I acted on it without even being sure of what I had felt for you, it would have failed.

I couldn't risk that. If it