this chapter is unbeta'd <--- I apologize for my mistakes. I also apologize for changing (a little) the meaning of blue roses. but oh well, no one cares about this fanfic anyway ---> I'm still sorry though.

 

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Before Jungkook, Yoongi dreaded the dark. It always mocked him, laughing at how lonely and scared he used to be.

 

 

Yoongi remembered quite well of the night his father had given him his first lighter. It was cold and heavy against Yoongi's small palm.

"As long as this fire keeps burning, you'll be okay, Yoongie," his father had told him. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

 

And Yoongi had believed him, holding onto the gray lighter like it was the only source of light in the world. But it was no use. Every night was an endless nightmare that not even the brightest day could appease.

 

Now the dark was filled with Jungkook's warmth, Jungkook's soothing presence, Jungkook's scent. He smelled like candies and sea breeze, which made Yoongi feel safe every time he inhaled it.

 

Jungkook turned out to be as addictive as the most potent drug.

 

 

 

 

 

"Hyung can play the piano, right?" Jungkook asked, staring intently at the small desk in the corner of the room.

 

Yoongi followed his gaze, finding the only portrait he had of himself. It was an old image, in which he was sitting in front of the imposing instrument with a tense expression, his feet dangling in the air, and no more than seven years on his thin shoulders.

Yoongi treasured that portrait because after Basketball, music was his great passion.

 

"Yes," Yoongi grabbed his shoes from under the bed. "Well, I used to. It's been a long time."

 

"Eh?" Jungkook frowned, kicking away the blankets. "Why don't you play anymore?"

 

"Let's just say I ran out of inspiration," Yoongi said, forcing his trembling fingers to tie up the shoelaces. "Also, I don't have a piano."

 

Jungkook slowly crawled to the edge of the bed, putting a tentative hand on Yoongi's shoulder. He knew Yoongi didn't like talking about the past, which is why he was always so very careful when asking certain things.

Jungkook never went too deep, he just skimmed his hands through the surface of Yoongi's memories. But maybe today...

Maybe.

 

"Have you ever had one?" Jungkook whispered, almost as though he was asking Yoongi to tell him a secret.

 

Yoongi shook his head, seeming overwhelmed for a moment. "No, but my mom had. She loved it."

 

A spark of hope lit up inside Jungkook's chest, and he decided that today he was going to be a little daring.

 

"Did she teach you how to play it?" Before Jungkook could stop himself, both of his hands were on Yoongi's shoulders, silently encouraging him, wanting nothing more than to learn about him.

 

"Yes," Yoongi breathed out. "I was seven, and she looked like an angel."

 

Jungkook smiled, picturing a scrawny little Yoongi watching his mother play the piano. Jungkook felt dizzy with eagerness, he wanted more of this.

 

Suddenly, Yoongi stood up. It was his last chance.

 

"Hyung! I know a place where there's a huge piano," Jungkook dragged the word 'huge' until Yoongi turned around to look at him. "If I take you there, will you teach me how to play it?"

 

Yoongi crossed his arms, eyeing Jungkook curiously. "Don't you already know?"

 

"Not really," Jungkook said, reluctantly. It was really hard to admit that he didn't know how to do something, when he was usually good at everything. "But I've always wanted to learn."

 

A warm silence fell as they stared at each other for a long time. Yoongi used to stare a lot, and Jungkook couldn't help but wonder why. It was kind of crazy, but sometimes he had the feeling that Yoongi was trying to memorize him.

 

"Okay," Yoongi finally agreed, showing his rare gummy smile.

 

Jungkook vaguely thought that, if he had to pick a moment to describe what happiness was like, he would pick this moment.

 

 

 

 

 

The first time their lips met, none of them were surprised. The kiss didn't feel like fireworks exploding or pure fire. It was the softest touch, the lightest pressure, and yet...

And yet, it was the most reassuring gesture Yoongi had ever received. The kind that made flowers grow in the farthest corner of his mind.

 

Too bad flowers die too fast.

 

 

"Hyung," Jungkook rested his head on Yoongi's lap. "Can I move in with you?"

 

Yoongi stared at the ceiling, all too aware of Jungkook's index finger drawing little circles on his left knee. The smallest smile painted his lips as he answered. 

 

"You're going to do it even if I say no."

 

 

They both knew it was true.

 

 

 

 

 

Before Jungkook, Yoongi believed that promises were meant to be broken. Now he was sure of it.

 

 

 

 

 

"Hyung, do you like flowers?" Jungkook randomly asked one day, but that wasn't really strange. He was a curious boy, always asking the questions that most people ignored. Although Yoongi couldn't answer half of them, he loved Jungkook's eagerness to learn.

 

"Not sure," Yoongi said, pensively. "I've never thought about it. Why do you ask?"

 

"Because I love them!" Jungkook beamed at him. "They're like secret messages. How cool is that?"

 

"Secret messages?" Yoongi echoed, confused. "What do you mean?"

 

Jungkook moved closer to him on the sofa. They were used to invading each other's personal space, but it still amazed Yoongi how easily Jungkook could do it, as though he had been doing that since the beginning of time.

 

It frightened Yoongi to death.

 

"Look," Jungkook held out a small book. "Flowers have meanings, hyung. They can say a lot about your thoughts and feelings toward someone."

 

Yoongi took the book, scrutinizing it for a moment. The cover was white, but the pages were yellow and fragile. It seemed quite old.

 

"Where did you get this?"

 

Jungkook averted his eyes, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

 

"It's mine ever since I can remember," that was all he said about it. "But the meanings, hyung!"

 

"What about them?" Yoongi frowned.

 

Jungkook sighed heavily, taking the book from Yoongi's hand and flipping through some pages.

 

"Did you know that blue roses mean unattainable love? It's quite a meaning flower!"

 

Yoongi watched Jungkook for a moment. The way he blinked fast while reading, his long eyelashes shadowing his bright eyes, his mouth was small, but his smiles were as big as his heart. The same heart he willingly gave to Yoongi, without asking too much in return.

 

How could someone be so beautiful and so oblivious?

 

"You can have all the love you want, Jungkookie," Yoongi shrugged. "That flower is kind of useless to you."

 

Jungkook's head shot up, and when his eyes met Yoongi's, they were begging for answers.

Answers that Yoongi didn't know if he could give. He wasn't good at voicing his own feelings. Hell, he wasn't even good at naming them, but Jungkook...

 

Jungkook was a true miracle, and Yoongi didn't believe in miracles.

Or so he thought.

 

"Then," Jungkook started, hesitantly. "Can I have your love, please?"

 

Time seemed to slow down for a second, or maybe it was just Yoongi's heart that was about to burst from his chest, like a supernova of feelings.

 

"How can you possibly ask for something that you already have?" Yoongi asked, incredulous. "You really are so beautiful, and so oblivious."

 

Because Yoongi loved Jungkook, even though the world screamed that it was wrong. Yoongi loved Jungkook, even though part of him knew that depending on someone this much wasn't a healthy form of love.

Oh, no. Yoongi's love was anything but pure and healthy, but he loved Jungkook anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Yoongi always smelled like alcohol and cigarettes. Jungkook wasn't particularly fond of those habits of his hyung, but he never complained. He knew that Yoongi's inner battles were too intense to cope, even though he usually had a stoic expression on his face.

 

Looking from the outside, Yoongi was quite cold, indifferent even. Jungkook had heard more than once questions like, 'Why do you like Yoongi so much? He's too cocky.'

But Jungkook never answered them. It just didn't seem worth it, because those people didn't know the first thing about Min Yoongi.

 

Jungkook himself took a long time to pass through Yoongi's walls, and even longer to learn and understand most things about him. He absolutely could not tolerate people who judged Yoongi after five minutes of conversation. First of all, because it was really hard to even start a conversation with Yoongi, let alone maintain one. But once you did capture his attention, it was a whole new level of connection.

 

Yoongi was the most considerate person Jungkook had ever met. He would starve in order to make sure you wouldn't, and then he would just brush it off, saying something like, 'I wasn't hungry anyway.'

 

Yoongi never forgot his friends' birthdays, especially Jungkook's. He would always prepare something, simple but precious, much like Yoongi himself. However, on his own birthday, Yoongi wouldn't ask for anything, just company.

 

In general, Yoongi's actions were quite subtle. So subtle that most people wouldn't even notice, but that had never stopped him. Yoongi didn't seek approval or attention, he didn't expect golden medals or money for his good deeds.

Yoongi simply was what he was, like the sunrise, like the wings of a bird. Like all the beautiful things in this universe that keep being beautiful regardless of who can see them.

 

Jungkook was truly touched by this side of his hyung, but sadly, it also had a downside: Yoongi was so used to being kind, that he didn't even recognize it as kindness anymore.

 

As time went by, Jungkook realized that Yoongi couldn't see past his own flaws, but he did. Jungkook always did.

 

 

 

Yoongi claimed to be a selfish person, but he had never hesitated to put Jungkook's welfare above him own.

 

Yoongi was violent at times, but he'd rather destroy himself than anyone else.

 

If only any of this could make a difference. If only love was enough to save lives.

 

 

Truth be told, happy endings were nothing but lies.