01.

[December, 2016]

“Why you are here? Do you have something to tell me?” The man before Yifan asks, leaning forward in his sofa, trying to appear more approachable. Yifan sits still, with his cup of tea in hands. The cup is still full but the steam has been already gone a few minutes ago. The tea starts to cool down but the cup is still warm enough for him to wrap his hands around it.

Instead of answering, he glances around the room, noticing the familiar things to his eyes. Old cuckoo clock besides the windowsill, book shelves filled with dusty books that he can’t imagine reading, the other had always been the smart one out of the two of them. Rows of Star Wars merchandise hanging on one side of the wall, somehow unmatched with the whole professional ambience of the room.

Yifan smiles, even in this life he’s not different.

The man takes notice of his smile, “Excuse me, sir? Mr. Wu Yifan, right? Mind if I call you Yifan?”

At the sound of his name rolling from the man’s tongue, Yifan shuts his eyes. Breath in, breath out. Calm down, Yifan…

Yifan lets out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding, trying to compose himself from the sudden memories flooding through his mind. “No, I don’t mind.”

“And yes, maybe I have something to tell you.”

Seemingly glad with the answer, the man immediately jolts down some notes on the paper. Yifan takes a look at the man before him. Dressed in crisp white shirt tucked inside black pants. The navy blue blazer and brown coat are hanging on a hanger beside the door. His tie is slightly loose, and Yifan has to fight down the urge to reach out and fix it like he used to, reminding himself that he doesn’t know him personally in this life, that they merely have a psychiatrist-patient relationship. The man runs a hand through his styled hair, leaving it a little bit tousled but still looking acceptable for this formal setting.

“What is it?” the man asks. Yifan doesn’t know whether it is a pure curiosity or merely just a practiced act to appear more trustworthy since he would be obtaining information from Yifan that the he would be needing to heal you, just like how the advertisement stated.

Faint white smoke comes out from Yifan’s mouth as he breathes. The air is starting to get colder by the end of the year. The man moves to the heater, turning it a degree higher. “I don’t think you will believe me,” Yifan answers. Or you will be scared of me after this, he said to himself.

“You can try” he says, bright gummy smile paints his face. “I’m here for listening to you, not judging you by your story. Aren’t I?” he adds, putting away the clip board on the table.

“Should I?”

The man says nothing, just keeps smiling at him.

“The story started 12 months ago on January...”

[January, 2015]

A nudge in his hips. Yifan only hummed in response, but his eyes never leaving the book he is holding. Not receiving the response he expected, he felt another nudge on his ribs, finger digging in too deep to cause a little pain. Nonetheless, Yifan still didn’t budge.

“Yifaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn” A whine was heard, a sign that the person behind the nudging and poking gave up. Yifan chuckled as he took off his glasses, putting it aside at the bedside table along with his book. He loved teasing the other like this.

“May I help you,Your Majesty?”

Joonmyeon rolled over closer once Yifan’s attention was on him, smiling in victory. It was the usual lazy Sunday morning, the clock still shows that it was seven past thirty and they hadn’t made it out of bed ever since they woke up an hour ago. Moments like this is what Yifan always enjoys. When the sun comes streaming into the room and illuminating the golden dust flying on top of Joonmyeon’s head like a crown, making him looking like the little prince just like the movie they like to watch. When all he could feel is the feeling of skin with skin as they tangled their legs under the blanket, bare but warm. When Joonmyeon was playing with his fingers to get his attention and also because it was one of his favorite things in the world.

“I didn’t know you were the type who gets into some like slave/prince but well it’s worth a try sometimes. I think it’s pretty hot. But actually, I thought you were more into like…”

“Joonmyeon..” Yifan called warningly, putting a halt to Joonmyeon’s not so innocent rambling because it was still so early in the morning. And the fact that Yifan’s ears were turning red from embarrassment was also one of the reasons.

The other sat up, grinning sheepishly. At least he wasn’t making fun of Yifan’s embarrassment. Despite the people assumption that Yifan probably would be the one who was more forward in the bed department, Joonmyeon was way more imaginative and frank with his thoughts.

“I’m hungry,” Joonmyeon rubbed his stomach, “Let’s have breakfast.”

The sound of Yifan’s stomach rumble filled in before the man can even respond. Well, that was pretty much decided then. “Breakfast, it is.”

“How about having breakfast outside? It’s been a while and there’s this new place I want to try?” Joonmyeon suggested as they make their way to the bathroom to get ready. Not forgetting to slap Yifan’s as he walked past through him.

Sunday morning was always filled with a playful Joonmyeon.

“Anything that pleases you, Your Majesty.”

The sky was bright blue, sun wasn’t high up in the sky yet and the clouds made a perfect shade for people to hide. A perfect day to be outside, and Yifan thought there’s no better way to start a morning. Joonmyeon was happily singing along with the song playing on the radio and his happiness was affecting Yifan.

“You look so bright today, did you have a good sleep last night?” Yifan looked at Joonmyeon at his side, one hand reaching out to grab the latter’s hand to thread their fingers together. They still had sixty seconds before the traffic light changes from red to green, so Yifan leaned forward to land a peck on Joonmyeon’s lips.

“You look so cute this morning, I can’t help it.” He answered when Joonmyeon asked why did he kiss him out of nowhere. He only smiled to himself when he heard Joonmyeon muttering to himself that he’s not cute but the pink tint on his cheeks was clearly stating otherwise.

But the happiness didn’t last long.

It happened so fast, one second Yifan was stepping on the gas because the light was already changed to green, one second later he heard Joonmyeon screaming and before he could ask what happened, he felt something heavy pushing him harshly from his side. His head met the car window with a loud bang.

Everything turned black after that.

---

His head was pounding when he came into consciousness. Yifan tried to move his arm, but his movement was restrained by something that was pulling on his neck. His entire body was aching and he felt slightly nauseous. The room was in silence beside the constant beep sound from machine somewhere around him.

“Joonmyeon?” He croaked out, hoping that Joonmyeon was not far from him so the other can hear him calling. No answer.

“Joonmyeon? Are you okay?” Yifan tried again, eyes still closed because he was afraid the pain inside his head would intensify if he opened his eyes. Yifan could sense the smell of antiseptics wafting in the air. He opened his eyes slightly to see that he was indeed, wearing a hospital gown. There was a blanket with the hospital name printed in front on his lap. The thing that restrained his arms movement before turned out to be an arm sling for his bandaged arm.

Seeing that, suddenly the memories were all coming back to him. The Sunday morning. The plan to have a breakfast outside. The singing in the car. Joonmyeon’s scream.

Joonmyeon.

“Ah, Yifan. You’re awake?” A familiar voice registered to his brain and Yifan opened both of his eyes slightly, slowly getting used to the lights. The pain was bearable for now, at least. The voice’s owner was Kyungsoo, Junmyeon’s best friend, who was working as a neurosurgeon at the very hospital Yifan is staying and teaching at universities. The said man was now walking to the bedside, a plastic of 7/11 in his hold. “I just came back from the minimarket below to grab some food. Would you like some?”

“I..” Yifan tried to say something, but his throat was too dry. Kyungsoo sensed it immediately and retrieved a glass of water from the bedside table. The feeling of warm water dampened the scratchy feeling inside his throat and he thanked Kyungsoo for it.

“Where’s Joonmyeon?”

Kyungsoo stiffened at the question, eyes avoiding Yifan in turn to just looking at his fingers. He’s doing that, Yifan noticed. The fingers pulling just like when he’s nervous. “Kyungsoo, what happened? I remember the crash. What happened to Joonmyeon?”

“KYUNGSOO!” Yifan shouted when Kyungsoo kept being silent and avoiding his gaze. His head kept playing the worst scenario but his heart doesnt want to believe it.

Kyungsoo finally looked up, his eyes watery. No, no, no, it’s not happening.

“He’s gone, Yifan.”

---

Yifan leaned his body on the leather seat, looking past the people outside. Young and old. Girls and boys. Husbands and wives. Lovers and friends. He could picture himself with Junmyeon, just like them, if you asked him a few days before. Strolling around the neighborhood, hand-in-hand, smiling at each other just because one of them gets ice cream on the face.

For now, he didn’t think he could imagine much. The only thing inside his mind these days was getting through each day without thinking about following Joonmyeon to the other side of the world.

“He was still alive when they brought you two in.” Kyungsoo started, eyeing Yifan for any response. “But he got the most impact because the truck was coming from his side, and he was leaning his head on the window. The hemorrhage inside his head turned out to be more severe than we expected it to be.”

He sighed as the scenery outside changed from the vast, buzzing city and skyscrapers to green fields, trees and low fences. The trees swayed as the wind brushed harshly past them, tipping them over.

Just in time, the sky was quickly turning from blue to grey, adding to the mourning of the two man inside the car. He heard Kyungsoo asking for an umbrella to borrow from the taxi driver, voice muffled because of the harsh pattering of raindrops slowly decorating the window. His black suit felt so constricting as he found himself struggling to breath as the second passed.

Is this rain your tears that you shed from heaven, Joonmyeon-ah?

Before knowing, he heard the distant sound of Kyungsoo telling the driver to stop, and Yifan knew they were there. Yifan simply tilted his head in acknowledgement when Kyungsoo called for him. “Wait a minute, I’ll get the umbrella.” Kyungsoo said before going out quickly to grab an umbrella on the trunk. Usually Yifan didn’t really like to be taken care like this, but he let himself, just this time.

As they made their way to the place on the cobblestone pathway, the rain had calmed down a bit. Yifan walked carefully beside Kyungsoo, eyes set on the group of people already not so far from them, dressed in the same all black attire as him. A black coffin is placed nicely right beside the group, with Joonmyeon’s favorite flowers adorning the sides. They look up when they heard steps getting closer, and Yifan nodded at them, as acknowledgement and also thank you. He wanted to say it directly, but he couldn’t trust his words right now.

He recognized Jongin, the teenager from the daycare Joonmyeon worked at before. Beside him was Sehun, Joonmyeon’s junior at work that he thought as his own son. He also spotted Baekhyun and Chanyeol too, they used to have routine get-together for dinner when they were still neighbors before, the four of them. But Baekhyun and Chanyeol had to move out of the city because Chanyeol got promoted. Yifan sent them a small smile for coming all the way here from Busan. There were some others too, Yifan recognizes them as work friends, mutual friends of them or some senior high school friends.

Yifan found it inside himself feeling slightly relieved. Joonmyeon’s departure was surrounded by all of the people who loved him, and Yifan could’t ask for more. He made his way to stand between Joonmyeon’s parents and his mother, he pulled his mom closer to him.

“Today, we are all gathered, for the funeral of our family, our best friend, and Yifan’s husband, Kim Junmyeon……”

[December, 2016]

“I’m so sorry for your loss…” The man says, trying to pass his empathy. Yifan offers him a small smile, “It’s okay, I’ve found a way to cope.”

“Really?” The man raises his eyebrows, eyes gleaming with interest. “How?”

[April, 2016]

Yifan turned around in the bed again for the umpteenth time that night. It was late and he had work tomorrow, but sleep wouldn’t come easily to him, just like how it was for the past two months. The slow ticking of the clock was the only one keeping him company at night. Facing Joonmyeon’s side of the bed, it felt cold to the touch. A reminder that it had been a while since it was occupied by someone. The smell of Joonmyeon’s fresh baby soap still lingered, even though it was getting more faint as the days pass. Yifan wished he could seal it in a can and cherish it for the rest of his life.

Recalling Joonmyeon was agonizing, remembering all of the things they did and talked at the very bed, and how they revealed their most selves on the very bed. Literally and figuratively. The same place where Yifan slipped that ring on Joonmyeon’s ring finger and asked him to be the love of his life, the rock of their little future family on that night. And the very same place where Joonmyeon said yes. His happiness was always contagious, his smile was always addicting. Nobody who saw him wouldn’t catch a smile on their faces too. Yifan remembered that he couldn’t keep his jealousy in check because of the growing fans of his boyfriend; both boys and girls.

A tear slipped out of the corner of his eyes, just when he thought that he couldn’t shed any more tears. The tears slid down past his cheek and seeped through the bedsheets below, joining the other dark patches that he formed before. He reached out a hand to Joonmyeon’s pillow, the place where his head usually lays. His hand hanged in the air, and he moved it. Up and down, up and down, caressing the invisible soft auburn hair beneath his fingers. The same gesture usually woke Joonmyeon up from his sleep, being the light sleeper that he was. He would always ask why Yifan is not asleep yet, chiding him softly about how unhealthy his sleeping pattern was.

Yifan choked down a sob, God, he misses him so much, it hurts. Yifan shut his eyes tightly, wishing inside his heart that these past two months were all just a dream. And when he opened his eyes he would see Joonmyeon’s worried eyes peering down at him, telling him it was just a nightmare and nothing else. That he’s here for him and not going anywhere. And then he would shift closer to Yifan and he would sing that Chinese children lullaby he learned from Yifan’s mom to lull Yifan off to sleep.

Life was not that kind to him, he figured out. Because when he opened his eyes, the side of the bed was still empty.

Sleep didn’t come to Yifan at all that night.

---

“When was the last time you ate, Yifan?” Luhan asked as he placed the take out boxes on Yifan’s lap. Along with his chopsticks. Yifan shrugged, “This morning? I can’t quite remember.” Kyungsoo came out from the kitchen, bringing a tray with three glasses filled with water. He placed one in front of Yifan, “Eat well, okay?”

The three of them were huddled in Yifan’s living room. The TV was playing a romantic movie that Yifan couldn’t figure out what the title was, not the usual re-run of Star Wars or Hannibal because those two were Joonmyeon’s favorite. And Yifan was still not ready to watch them without breaking down. They ate silently, with Kyungsoo and Luhan trying to strike a decent conversation with Yifan. They keep getting shut down every time. In the end, they gave up and just focused on the food.

“How about your project, Kyungsoo? Is it going well?” Luhan broke the silence when the movie was done and the credits started to roll.

“It goes well, I think. Just one more percent?”

“But how will you try it though? Have you found a volunteer?” Luhan questioned, as he gathered the take out boxes and chopsticks to put in the dumpster. Kyungsoo shook his head, “Not exactly easy to find someone for doing a dimension travel, though.” Yifan’s ears perked up at the mention of ‘dimension travel’, an idea forming inside his head. Yifan hoped Kyungsoo will elaborate, but he didn’t.

Luhan nodded in agreement but then frowned as he saw Yifan’s still half-full take out box. “Yifan, eat some more, can you? You’re getting thinner, it’s unhealthy.” He pushed the box into Yifan’s hands again, which the latter pushed away. “I’m full, Luhan. It’s okay.” Luhan looked like he wanted to retort but the tell-tale of his pager stopped him.

“I have to go back, it’s my shift for the night.” He hugged Yifan and gave him supportive pats in the back, before scurrying to wear his shoes and out the door, leaving Kyungsoo and Yifan alone. Yifan decided to help Kyungsoo doing his dishes.

“So..” Yifan started, “What’s your research is about?”

The look in Kyungsoo’s face was almost funny, clearly he didn’t think Yifan will ask about his research. Yifan felt guilty eating him from the inside, seeing how his friends were taking care of him but he didn’t even pay attention to them that much.

“Just like I said, it’s some kind of dimension travel. To put it simple, I think. We believe that there is a thousand of parallel universes going at the same time as our universe right now. And for quite some time already, me and my team is doing this project to make a machine that will make us able to experience our parallel universe.”

“How do..this parallel universe works?”

Kyungsoo took some time to answer. “For example you have to choose between two things, yes or no. In this universe you choose yes, and you will fell the consequences of the decision you made. But another universe is made for the ‘you’ who chose no, and that ‘you’ will face the consequences of the decision he made. Or.. It can be a whole different universe entirely.”

Yifan placed the last plate at the drying rack, and tailed Kyungsoo back to the living room. “So… There is another universe out there, where Joonmyeon is still alive?”

The question seemed to catch Kyungsoo off-guard as he looksed at Yifan with careful eyes, wary. He might had sensed something already but not saying anything about it. “Yes…. Maybe you could say it like that.” Nobody said a word after that, as Yifan was busy with his own thought. Something akin with hope appeared inside him after hearing Kyungsoo’s answer.

“Kyungsoo, what do you say about me doing the dimension travel?”

[May, 2016]

“The answer is still no, Yifan.” Kyungsoo was about to slam the door on his face again but he was quick to prevent it. There was a battle of the one who wanted to close the door and the one who wanted to keep it open so he can explain himself. The sight probably was funny for outsiders, Kyungsoo being the stronger one despite having a smaller built, but Yifan had no time to think about that.

“Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, please! Hear me first!” Yifan pleaded. Thankfully it worked, because Yifan was sure his shoulder was going to fall off if they kept doing their ‘door battle’ any longer. Kyungsoo opened the door, but standing right in front of it so Yifan wouldn’t be able to enter. “What now?”

“I miss him, Soo…” Yifan heard Kyungsoo sighed, “Don’t we all, Yifan?”

“It’s been two months, I need, need, need, to see him again. Photos are not enough Kyungsoo. This gaping hole inside me needs him, needs his presence to heal.” Yifan searched for Kyungsoo’s eyes, the latter was avoiding his because of trying to hold back his tears. Yifan understood, Kyungsoo was also Joonmyeon’s best friend, been friends since they were in elementary school, way before Yifan and Joonmyeon met each other. The pain Kyungsoo was feeling because of the loss is the same, if not bigger.

“No, Yifan. My answer is still no. It is too dangerous and me and my team even considered on another way--”

“I’m ready to take any consequences, Soo. I don’t care what it will take, I’m ready.” Yifan pleaded some more, he himself was on the verge of crying. “It’s a win-win situation for me, huh? If something really goes wrong, and I… die…” Yifan had no chance to finish his sentence because a loud slap was given on his right cheek.

“HOW DARE YOU SAID THAT!” Kyungsoo shouted, his voice gruff and full with anger. His face was so red and looked much in pain, hurting. “Do you think Joonmyeon will forgive me if I let anything happens to you? Do you think I can live with that?!”

“We once joked we would take care of the other’s wife, or husband when one of us happens to pass away first” Kyungsoo looked up to look Yifan straight in the eyes, “And that happened. And I’m going to do just like how he asked.”

Yifan knew he should’ve stopped after hearing that and tried again later, but desperation and longing were blinding him right now. He lowered himself down on both of his knees, giving a complete mercy of himself to the man in front of him. Throwing his pride away to beg for Kyungsoo’s help. “Kyungsoo… Please.. This is my last resort… I feel like dying everyday, I need this, Soo.. I need this… I’ll take all the consequences. Heck, I’ll even sign a letter confirming that I’m doing this on my will and you won’t be held responsible if anything happens to me. Just think this as a way to prevent me from hurting myself, at least I will be under your watch in this, right?”

They stayed in silence for a while after that, “Give me a few days to think. I’ll get it back to you on the weekend.”

---

Saturday came too slow for Yifan’s liking. Kyungsoo didn’t even message or call him during the week, and opted to avoid him if they happened to cross pathways. Yifan was growing even more desperate, he didn’t know what he will do if Kyungsoo says no again this time. Yifan was about to go for a nap when his phone rang, signaling a text coming in.

Come to my house. Right now.- Kyungsoo

He appeared in front of Kyungsoo’s door in record time, 10 minutes faster than how it usually was. Kyungsoo opened the door even before he knocked, “We’re doing it. But you have to follow the rules.”

Kyungsoo let him in, closing the door tightly and making sure all the lock was on their place. He looked rather nervous today, Yifan noticed. But he didn’t say anything and just followed Kyungsoo to his basement. Kyungsoo typed some numbers into the panel beside the door, a sound of confirmation followed and the door opened.The said basement was no longer the basement Yifan remembered it to be, with boxes and old things here and there. There was a big chair in the middle of the room, wires with different colors hanging around it. Kyungsoo led them to the panel right beside the chair, only higher in position but facing directly to the chair.

“You don’t have to do anything other than sit down, there.” Kyungsoo pointed at the chair. “It won’t be painful, but there will be a lot of wires that I will put on you. For your vital signs, for your ECG, for your EEG and soon.”

To make it easy to explain, Kyungsoo grabbed for a paper and put in on the table where they both can see. He drew two stick figures. “Here,” he pointed at the stick figures on the right, “Is you. You in March 2016. The now you. And this one,” he pointed to another stick figures on the left, “Is the other universe “you”. You see that on the other universe, they have a body but with a different mind as yours. Thus, we won’t transport your March 2016 body there, but only your soul.”

“Here is the dangerous part. I’ll be putting you on a REM-stage. And then transfer your soul to the other universe. I can’t promise you would find Joonmyeon immediately, but I’m sure he’s somewhere there. During this, you have to be aware that your mind is not on it’s own universe, not in it’s own place. You can’t be there for too long, so I’ll have to wake you up. To wake you up, I have to pull you out of the REM stage, it’s easy. But, if you let yourself in too deep, if you let your sleep into the stage, 3 or 4, or in other words, deep sleep, it’ll be hard for me to pull you back.”

“And if that happens and I couldn’t pull you back..” Kyungsoo’s words hung in the air, hesitancy is clear in his form. Yifan nudges him, “What?”

“Both of yourself will die. In this universe, and in that universe. Your soul will be suspended in the 4th dimension, because you are deemed to not fit in both of the universes. Your soul won’t be able to descend to the heaven either because of it.”

Yifan was silent after the explanation, letting all the information get into his brain and process themselves. He felt himself almost back up after Kyungsoo said that he could die in this experiment, but Kyungsoo already stated before that there will be consequences in this and he himself said that he’s willing to go through it.

“How? You still have time to back out from this. Which I strongly suggest you too.”

He was already here. He knew he just has to sit down on that chair and he will meet Joonmyeon. Well, there was no guarantee but he was sure he can do something to make it possible. Just the thought of seeing that smile in Joonmyeon again one more time…. Yifan smiled at the thought.

See you soon, Kim Joonmyeon.

“Sorry to disappoint you Soo, but I’m not backing out.”

[December, 2016]

“That...machine. Really exists in this world?” The man looks up from his note to look at Yifan. Yifan can feel that he’s curious, but also sense a bit of unsureness and doubt. He can’t blame the man if he’s questioning his story right now.

“I guess Kyungsoo is that genius afterall.”

[May, 2016]

It felt just like falling asleep, like getting into a deep sleep. Yifan almost thought that Kyungsoo was lying about this whole experiment but it was highly unlikely. He dismissed the thought before it even resurfaced quickly. He didn’t feel anything, not even those dizzy sensation or anything like those in sci-fi movie shows.

Did this mean the experiment fail?

There was a sudden loud noise of a door being opened and it startled Yifan. He opened his eyes to see what it was and wanting to ask Kyungsoo what’s wrong, but instead of the sight of Kyungsoo’s underground laboratory, he’s met with the sight of unfamiliar bedroom. He looked around the room and noticed that there was another bed not far from him, and judging from the mess he could tell the occupant is a male. The room was not big but enough to fit in two beds, tables and also some drawers.

Is it some kind of dorm? Yifan guessed. But clearly not college dorms, because he couldn’t see any books inside the room besides some magazines and Korean Learning books. Deep in his thoughts, he didn’t realize someone coming out from the bathroom.

“Oh, Kris! You woke up already?” A familiar voice greeted him and when he looked to the voice direction, it’s Luhan standing in front of the door, busy getting in arms inside a jacket. He looked ready to go out.

“Luhan? What are you doing here?”

Luhan looked at him with a funny expresion on his face, “I’m...here because this is also my room? What are you talking about, you must’ve been drinking again last night. Don’t let the manager hyung knows or you’ll be dead.” Luhan threw a shirt and a jacket in his direction, Yifan’s hands moved in reflex to catch it. “Now, dress yourself. We have practice in a 1 hour.”

“Practice?”

“God, Yifan! How much did you drink last night? Come on! Get your body moving because I want to grab some breakfast on the way to the SM building. Let’s hope your mind will be sober enough when we get there.”

---

Luhan couldn’t stop talking on the way to the restaurant, pointing out things here and there. He might had said something about ‘EXO’ and also ‘Leader’ and also upcoming schedule he and some others will have to attend tonight. Yifan was starting to get a grasp about what kind of universe he was in, and what was him in this universe but to make sure, he borrowed Luhan’s phone (he made up reasons about his phone being left in the dorm when he actually had no idea where his phone was) and went into Naver to search for ‘EXO’.

The article at the top pretty much confirmed his guess. He was Kris, a part of a South Korean-Chinese boy group EXO. He also figured out that he’s the leader of the group’s subgroup, EXO-M. There were another three Chinese members in the group, and apparently Luhan was also one of them. His fingers stopped scrolling when he saw one name on the list of band members..

“Kim Junmyeon?” He didn’t notice he said it out loud until Luhan nudged him with his foot, “Why? Junmyeon, why? Is he calling?”

“What? No, no.” Yifan quickly answered before Luhan snatched his phone back. He still needed it to find out about this Kim Joonmyeon. His heart starting to beat faster. Is it him, is it him? After three months? Three months of not seeing Joonmyeon’s face, three months of not hearing his voice, three months without any kind of physical contact with him.

It’s like seeing a light on the end of the tunnel.

“Are you done yet? Let’s go!”

---

Nothing had prepared Yifan for this. After getting inside the room, his eyes landed on the boy dressed in printed animation t-shirt sitting not far from the mirror across him. Nothing prepared him from the smile that he received when the boy looked up that smile that makes Yifan fell head over heels when they met for the first time five years ago, and greeted him. Nothing prepared him when the boy stood up and walked towards him, touching his arms gently and telling him that they would have to talk about upcoming schedule in China.

Yifan’s body reacted by itself and nobody can stop him when he wrapped his arms around the boy’s body, burying his head on the crook of the boy’s neck to inhale his scent because the scent on his pillow was starting to fade. To run his fingers between the locks of the boy’s hair because he was starting to forget how soft it felt under his fingertips. He didn’t even realize he cried and only did when Joonmyeon started to ask about it because he felt his shirt getting damp.

He pulled himself back to take a look at Joonmyeon’s face, palms on both side of the smaller’s face just because Yifan can’t believe it. Joonmyeon, in all flesh and blood, standing in front of him. Standing in front of him in his hold.

“Yifan, are you okay?” Joonmyeon asked, eyebrows taut together in concern. And Yifan wanted to lean down and kiss the wrinkle forming in Joonmyeon’s forehead away.

“Okay? I’m beyond okay, Joonmyeon.” Yifan answered, voice thin because of crying. He couldn’t care less about the fact that Joonmyeon (and also the other guys) had no idea why he was like this and they might be confused as hell, he could explain it later. He was just.. happy. He wanted to enjoy this as much as he can.

”I just--”

Yifan didn’t get to finish his sentence when there were two man coming inside the room, looking around to find Yifan hugging Joonmyeon and the other ten members frozen in their place because of the scene they just witnessed. “What happened here? Come on! Let’s get into practice!” The choreographer’s voice boomed inside the room, waking all of the members from their trance. Not wanting to make the choreographer mad, they quickly went into their positions.

“Yifan, are you okay?” Joonmyeon repeated himself, urgency behind his words because they have to start their practice soon. Yifan was silent, still staring at Joonmyeon.

He can’t believe it…

“YIFAN! JOONMYEON! If you guys keep doing this then I’ll be giving you guys four more hours of practice!!” It was the manager’s turn to shout from the other side of the room. Hearing the threat, Joonmyeon quickly detached himself from Yifan. Yifan frowned at the action. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? I don’t want both of us to get into trouble.” Yifan wanted to stop him, but a look from Joonmyeon stopped him and he quickly adjusted. Just like Joonmyeon said, he himself didn’t want them to get int trouble.

It turned out the four more hours of practice was clearly needed for Yifan because he couldn’t stop messing up with the choreography, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Joonmyeon all the time. So the manager told him to stay behind while the others go home and get some rest. It was actually a bit dissapointing to Yifan to see Joonmyeon going out of the room with the others and left him alone, not even giving him a pat in the back like the others for encouragement.

Yifan laid down on the hardwood floor, starring at the ceiling. His breath were coming out in pants, and he could feel his t-shirt sticks to his back. Out of all the universe out there, how could be this is where he ended up at? He was clearly happy, no scratch that, he’s beyond happy he got to see Joonmyeon again. But the dancing part was exhausting him. Yifan decided to start giving those boybands more appreciation after this.

“You won’t get any choreography done if you keep being lazy like that.” Someone said suddenly before followed by a light chuckle. Yifan looked around to see Joonmyeon standing on the door, leaning his body on the door frame with a mini-market plastic bag on one hand. “I brought food.”

“Do you want to talk about…” Joonmyeon started as he poured the seasoning inside his ramyeon cup, “..about what happened? Why were you…”

“Have you ever missed someone so much, Joonmyeon?” Yifan asked back, his ramyeon cup untouched because he didn’t bother with it. His eyes had been on Joonmyeon all the time Joonmyeon was in the room. He noticed the slight blushes Joonmyeon was sporting because of his intense stare, but he didn’t point it that out. He didn’t want Joonmyeon to hide it because of embarrassment, that’s something that clearly Joonmyeon liked to do.

“I think.. I have.” Joonmyeon answered in between his intake of hot noodles. Some of the broth made stain on the corner of his lips, and Yifan took it upon himself to clean it himself with his thumb before Joonmyeon started searching for a tissue. “You’re still the same, getting food all over yourself when you’re hungry.” Yifan said, smiling fondly.

If his face was pink before, it was flaming red right now because of Yifan’s action. Yifan found it so endearingly cute. His soft white skin blends together well with the red flushes. “So, what if I’ve missed someone too much, before? Are you, now?”

Yifan nodded, sighing happily as he placed his head on his arm that was perched on one knee. “I am, now. But I’m happy, I finally get to meet the person I miss the most. Right now, sitting in front of me.”

“Eng?” Joonmyeon looked up from the rim of his ramyeon cup, “Did we just meet jahbfiubefinsiomfoibg?”

“What, Joonmyeon? I can’t hear you well.”

“Did we jenfiojh hjwebfwjn ebfiwjnfenw?”

Yifan leaned forward, hoping to hear Joonmyeon better. “What, Joonmyeon?”

Just then, his sight was starting to get blurry. And he could hear Joonmyeon saying something again, but Yifan couldn’t quite catch it because the voice sounded so distant right now. Before he could question anything, this sight went black entirely.

---

When he woke up, he was met by the the sight of Kyungsoo’s worried face. His eyes were still adjusting to the lights and his mind was still kind of fuzzy, but he could hear Kyungsoo sighing in relief, muttering “Thank God he wakes up” under his breath.

“How’s Joonmyeon?” Kyungsoo asked when Yifan was awake enough to sit down.

Yifan didn’t say anything, but the smile on his face was an answer enough.

[June, 2016]

The next time he woke up, the first thing he noticed was the pain on his lower back. It was the kind of pain that appears when you sleep in a wrong position for a long time. Wrong position in this one means sitting with your upper body slumping forward, Yifan remembered this kind of pain happened a lot when he was still in Junior High, with his rate of sleeping in class was two classes out of five classes in a day. The room was silent other than the light giggles from his left and right but he wasn’t quite sure about why, or at what.

“Have a nice nap, Mr. Wu?” someone asked but Yifan couldn’t see his face from his position on the table. He straightened his body slowly, groaning when he felt his spine getting back into their place one by one again. There was someone poking him at the ribs and when he turned his head, he saw Sehun looking at him.

“Sehun? What?” Yifan yawned. Instead of answering, Sehun only fidgeted more on his seat, his eyes moving to one side, trying to give Yifan signals. Look at the front, he mouthed. Not knowing what happened, Yifan obeyed Sehun and looked at the front.

“I asked, did you have a nice nap, Mr. Wu?” an old man, who seemed to be a math teacher (Yifan peeks at the white board full with numbers and y, x.. in front) was now standing in front of his table, smiling oh so sweetly at him.

Oh .

“Uh, no I didn-- I’m sorry sir, I--” Yifan’s mind was racing to find something to say, some excuse or, or, or.. just anything!

“You might need some refreshment. How about…. 30 laps around the school field?”

---

Yifan felt his legs started to give up at the 15th lap, but he kept on going. He used to be strong at keeping his performance on two hours basketball practice but he really felt like he was going to die this time. It was 15 minutes to the end of the school hours, basically. If he’s lucky, he could go slow and flee to find Joonmyeon (he didn’t forget his purpose here, of course) when no one noticed once the school bell rings. Probaby Joonmyeon was in this school too, a teacher, or maybe a student.

It was his 19th lap when the school bell rang and Yifan couldn’t take it anymore. Why did he keep ending up in a universe where he needs to use his body? He threw himself on the top of green bed of grass, not caring about his white button-up uniform and tried to catch his breath. The sun was high up in the sky, which was no help in Yifan’s situation, only making it even worse. He heard the tell-tale sound of shoes, a sign that classes were already dismissed. But Yifan didn’t even had the energy to sit down right now, let alone walking up three set of stairs to his class and grabs his bag.

He was starting to get dizzy, but not the kind of dizzy he felt before he out in his last dimension travel. The dizzy that someone felt when he’s about to pass out. Or dies? How funny it would be if he dies right there right then out of dehydration when he hadn’t even met Joonmyeon.

“You’ll get dehydration if you keep laying there.” A familiar voice greeted him and as if there was an energy shot given to him, Yifan quickly sat up and looked up to the voice’s owner, face partly hidden because he has his back to the sun. But Yifan coukd see the name tag on his school blazer clearly. Just the name he wanted to see. The owner of the voice had his bag in one hand, and his free hand was holding a book that just screamed knowledge all over. “Mr. Lee asked me to tutor you for the lesson you missed because, you know..” He tsk’d, “..Sleeping in class. Which is irresponsible.”

Heaven was clearly on his side, he didn’t even need to search and yet here he is. The love of his life standing right in front of him once again.

“Well, it’s not my fault they set the math lesson as the last subject of the day.” Yifan stood up, grinning at Junmyeon who was making an annoyed face. Gosh, it felt like going back to high school all over again. Messing up with someone just because you like them and when teasing is the way to show affection for sappy delinquent like Yifan.

Junmyeon tsk’d again, and threw his backpack at him. “Can we start the tutoring now?”

“Hmmm…” Yifan pretended to think hard, just to see Junmyeon rolling his eyes at him. “I can! I’ll spare all of my time for you, Mr. Kim. Please teach me well.”

---

“And then, you’ll have to add this side with this… Yifan, are you even listening right now?” Joonmyeon stopped his tutoring and looked at Yifan, who hadn’t done anything for the past 30 minutes other than staring at Joonmyeon and smiling at him. “I don’t have time for you to slack off, I even moved the council meeting just because Mr. Lee asked me to!”

Yifan raised both of his hands, as if surrendering. “Don’t blame me you look so good I could stare at you for the whole day.” Joonmyeon’s expression was borderline shy and disgusted at the same time after hearing Yifan’s words, if that expression even existed at the first place. An idea popped out inside Yifan’s head.

“How about we take the tutoring to a restaurant?” Yifan suggested, “I’m hungry so I can’t focus well.”

“We just ate our lunch two and a half hours ago, Yifan.” Joonmyeon reasoned out, trying to get himself out of the suggestion.

Yifan shrugged, “Guess I have a fast metabolism. And I just ran 30 laps!! I have every right to be hungry.” Joonmyeon was still not answering his idea to grab some lunch together, but Yifan was not the type to give up fast. “You weren’t even done 20 laps, don’t lie I could see you running from the class window and I counted. Only 17 laps.”

“Awww, you care so much for me, don't you?”

“No.” Joonmyeon deadpanned, “Just because probably I will have something to report you on to Mr. Lee. So maybe he will make you clean all of the bathrooms. One of the school’s janitor is sick so we could use some help.”

Yifan pouted, “Why are you so against it? It’s not like it’s a date or something. Though I won’t mind if we call it a date.”

“I didn’t think like that!!” Joonmyeon quickly retorted and from the pink on his cheeks Yifan knew that Joonmyeon probably thought just like what he guessed. Yifan felt himself giddy at the possibility. He missed his playful banter with Joonmyeon like this.

“So… why then? I’m trying here. I want to focus, then I need to eat something first.”

Feeling cornered, Joonmyeon finally gave up. He closed down the books and put them inside his bag. He sighed before asking Yifan, “Where do you want to eat?”

Yifan’s eyes lighted up at the question, already screaming in joy inside. “How about Samgyetang? That’s your favorite, right? I know a good place near here. Come on!” Yifan reached out for Joonmyeon’s hand to pull him in step with him, ignoring the soft mutter of Joonmyeon about how did Yifan even know his favorite food at the first place?!

[July, 2016]

This journey around, Yifan woke up to his mother calling him. When he opened his eyes, his mother was smiling softly at him. Yifan sat up, one hand rubbing his eye. "Good morning, Ma" he greeted in chinese.

"It's almost the breakfast time for the Royal Family. Let's go to the kitchen and see what we can do." Not knowing for sure what his mother meant, Yifan followed his mother to the kitchen. There were people greeting them as they made their way there, some in Korean and some in Chinese.

Nearing the breakfast time, the kitchen was busy. Chefs and maids walking around the kitchen, chopping vegetables, adding more salts or sugar, preparing the plates and glasses. Yifan's mother handed him an apron and a piece of sandwich, "Wear this, honey. And eat first. You'll be serving The Young Prince's food for today."

The clock near the door showed that it was 7:30 in the morning when the double door opened, a man with black suit came in. "The Royal Family are all ready for their breakfast. For those who will serve their food, please line up this way."

Yifan walked forward to line up with the others. He recognized Baekhyun's and Chanyeol's face in this universe, lining up a few rows in front of him. He didn’t have the time to look for the other when he was given a tray filled with today's breakfast menu.

They walked out of the double door together and to the dining room. Yifan let himself be awed at the interior of the palace. They were nicely decorated with attention even into the smallest details. It kinds of remind Yifan to Joonmyeon, who liked to drag Yifan to countries that has palaces, or even museums. It was also for educational purpose, Joonmyeon had added.

Now Yifan remembered that he haven't seen Joonmyeon in this universe. He didn't see him in the kitchen. Well, he would explore the palace better later.

The dining room was no less decorated, with long tables that can hold more than fifteen people in one sitting. The person sitting on the end of the table was The King, to his right was a beautiful woman, The Queen and to his left was...

"Joonmyeon?" Yifan didn’t realize he's saying it until there was someone poking his side. When he looks around, some servants are looking at him with panic in their eyes.

"Wha--" before he finished his question, the tray was taken from him and the man in black suit was pulling him out of the dining room. Yifan could see the sorry eyes of the others as they watched him.

When they were outside, the man released him. "You must be new in here. But new or not, you should've known not to call The Young Prince with his name. It's downright rude and disrespectful."

The Young Prince Joonmyeon, Yifan smiled at the thought. Prince always fitted Joonmyeon's image. He's good looking, he's so down to earth, and also so nice and caring to the people around him.

"You should be thankful The King didn't hear you." The man said again, "But you will have a punishment for this. Go trim the plant and grass on the garden. You can only get your lunch if you're done."

---

Yifan was t the plant just below the east balcony when the door to the balcony opened , revealing The Young Prince Joonmyeon with a troubled expression on his face.

The Young Prince stood on the edge, eyes looking afar. He looks so... Beautiful. So ethereal with the morning sun bathing his fair white skin. The only bad thing was the frown on his face. Yifan was willing to do anything to make it disappear.

"I had a dream in time gone by.."

Yifan clearly didn't expect The Young Prince to start singing. He stopped doing what he was doing right now entirely and dedicated his attention to The Young Prince.

"When hope was high.. And life worth living.."

The singing brings Yifan back to a few years ago when he discovered Joonmyeon's skill in singing. They were out on an usual date night and Yifan suggested they hit the karaoke before going back home. Yifan made sure that he's the leader of Kim Jumnyeon's fanbase if the other decided to be a singer someday.

"I dreamed that love would never die.. I dreamed that God would be forgiving..."

His mother used to sing too, with Junmyeon. She would teach the smaller songs from her younger days, and they would belt it out with the karaoke machine they installed together in Yifan and Joonmyeon’s apartment. Speaking of his Ma... Ma must be missing Junmyeon so much, Yifan thought. His mother cried so hard on the day of Junmyeon's funeral.

The singing stopped suddenly, and Yifan saw The Young Prince talking to someone behind him. Yifan couldn’'t see the figure of that someone from where he stood. They seemed to talk for a while before Yifan heard the Prince saying, "Yes, I'll meet him in a minute."

When The Young Prince looked at the garden, their eyes accidentally met. Yifan, not wanting to offend The Young Prince, bows down.

"You sing really well, Young Prince."

The Prince looked a bit taken aback, clearly not thinking that he had an audience. But, not long after, a smile was creeping into his face. Yifan was happy he managed to turn that frown before into a smile.

"Thank you, it's my first time hearing that."

---

Yifan couldn't sleep that night, so he decided to go for a walk around the palace until he’s sleepy. After checking that his mom was sleeping deeply, he quietly made his way out of the room. He didn’t know about the palace, so he let his feet decide for him.

He was in the back of the palace near the pond when he saw a figure sitting on one of the benches placed there. His mind went alert, is that a thief? But if the figure is really a thief then what does he do there, just sitting?

Is it possible that it's......... A ghost?

Yifan felt the hair on his nape rising at the thought. He contemplated whether to go look or just leave the place and go back. But something inside him urged him to go for a closer look. So, Yifan walked closer, trying to walk quietly. Closely, the figure looked like The Young Prince.

But, what is The Young Prince doing this late at night?

As if sensing Yifan, the figure turned around suddenly, surprising Yifan. It turned out his guess was right, because it was really The Young Prince who was sitting on the bench. "Good night, Young Prince. I didn't mean to interrupt your time, just wanting to check. I'll go--"

"It's okay," The Young Prince smiled, “ I could actually use some company."

Yifan was dumbfounded, did the Young Prince just ask him to accompany him? Yifan was hesitating but the Young Prince already made place for him on the bench, patting it as a signal for Yifan to sit.

"I can just stand here, You--"

"Joonmyeon, you can call me Junmyeon. Tonight I'm just Junmyeon. I want to forget all the responsibilities that comes with the title Young Prince, just for tonight." Junmyeon offered him a small smile, "Now sit here, it's okay. I'm not going to bite."

Yifan smiled at the playful tone, and made himself comfortable next to Joonmyeon on the bench. Still keeping a safe distance, "You were the one who I met in the garden just this morning, weren't you?"

"Yes, that was me. Your voice is really beautiful, Joonmyeon. I really like hearing you sing." Yifan answered honestly. Under the beam of from the moon and stars above them, Yifan saw the blush creeping onto Junmyeon's cheeks.

"Thank you again. How I wish my father and mother would say the same..." Joonmyeon sighed. "It's just that.. The burden is too big sometimes, you know? People expect me to be as good as my dad. I know that I'll be in my Dad's position one day, I accept that. But..."

"I just really want to sing, it's my way to destress and have fun. I rarely get to do it because of the lessons my father keeps getting me. It's like he's doing it in purpose.

"He said singing won't help me rule a country." Joonmyeon's voice broke by the end of the sentence, breaking Yifan's heart altogether. He really wanted to reach out for Joonmyeon and pull him into a hug but he didn't want to appear rude. But, Joonmyeon's cries didn’t stop after a few minutes, and Yifan saw his shoulder was shaking more harshly.

In the end, Yifan braved himself. "Can I?"

Unexpectedly, Joonmyeon nodded his head and he made the move to get closer to Yifan and let Yifan wrapped his arms around his body. "Can we stay here for the night? I don't feel like going inside."

Yifan knew he should decline, Yifan knew there would be many consequences if they're caught the next morning. But....

"Yes, we can. Anything for you, Joonmyeon."

[August, 2016]

Yifan woke up to the sound of chattering outside. He unconsciously reached out to the other side of the bed only to find it empty. He rolled around in the bed and pulled the comforter up to his chin, because the temperature just happened to be a bit low that morning and the bed was really comfy and warm.

He was between asleep and awake when the door opened. Followed by soft taps of socked feet on the carpeted floor and it was not long until the bed dipped slightly and there was a weight on top of his stomach.

"Baba! Wake up!!" The cheery voice of a little girl filled in the room, and he felt little fingers poking into his cheeks. He popped one eye open, and saw a little girl smiling brightly at him. "Baba, wake up!"

The door clicked open again, revealing Joonmyeon in a white shirt and black slacks, looking ready to go out. "You woke up Baba already? Bring Baba out for breakfast, will you Sofia?" Joonmyeon landed a light peck on the girl’s forehead as he made his way to the curtains to open it.

The little girl nodded excitedly, her ponytails bouncing up and down with her movements. "Baba, up! Let's have breakfast before we go shopping!"

Yifan walked out of the room with Sofia in his arms, busy playing with his blonde locks. Joonmyeon turned around from his place in front of the stove when he sensed both of them. Joonmyeon moved forward to give a peck on Yifan's lips, not caring about his morning breath. "Good morning, handsome."

"Maaa, can I get a kiss too?" Sofia pouted at Joonmyeon, making the other laugh. He quickly gave a peck on their daughter's lips. “Now, happy?”

Their daughter, Yifan liked the sound of it.

As they sat down together in the dining table for breakfast, Yifan let the concept of this universe he was at sink in. He managed to glance at Joonmyeon's hand when the younger put his plate of breakfast in front of him, catching the sight of a shiny silver band around one of his fingers. He realized that there was one too on his own ring finger.

They're married

The hall from the bedroom to the dining room was filled with photos. From the photo of the both of them in tuxedo, seemed to be the photo taken on their wedding day. To the photo of them bundled up in jacket with the view of Northern Lights behind them, seemed to be a photo of their vacation, if not their honeymoon. The photo of them together with a baby, Sofia, in Joonmyeon's hold was spotted beside it.

They adopted a baby, and raised her together.

It's just like what he planned together with Joonmyeon before Joonmyeon passed away. How they planned to get married. How they plan to adopt a baby, for them to raise and cherish. How they plan to go to Brazil to see the festival. How they plan to build a vacation house in Jeju and live there when they’re old. How they plan to work hard so their future children will get the best from both of them.

This universe is like his dream come true.

"Yifan? You look… zoned out." Joonmyeon's worried tone pulled him back from his thoughts. Joonmyeon stopped munching on his breakfast to look at him, "Are you okay?"

"I am, I'm just...."

"Just....?"

"I'm just happy, that's all."

Joonmyeon reached out for his hand and intertwined their fingers together. There was no need for words, Yifan knew Joonmyeon was feeling the same way.

For the first time since Joonmyeon's death, Yifan finally could feel himself being genuinely happy.

---

They decided to spend their day at the department store to buy daily necessities and also catch a children’s movie that Sophia wanted to see in the cinema. As expected for weekend, the department store was crowded so Joonmyeon's tightened his hold on Yifan’s hand. Sofia was being carried by Yifan so she wouldn't be missing in the middle of the crowd.

Yifan was pushing the cart, following Joonmyeon who was in the front looking back to back from his long list and the rows of canned foods. Sofia was sitting on the cart, busy making faces in turn with his Appa to make each other laugh.

"Baba?" He heard Sofia called, so he pulls his eyes from the rows of cereal boxes to his daughter. His sight suddenly got blurry. He blinked his eyes a few times, trying to focus. But, instead of getting better, he felt it was getting worse.

No, no, no. Don't tell me it's Kyungsoo pulling him out right now.

But now the world around him started spinning too, and it was getting faster and faster Yifan lost his grip on the cart. He tried his best to grip onto another thing to steady himself, but his sight had gone to completely blank in a matter of second.

He recognized Joonmyeon's voice calling him, alternating with Sofia's muffled sobs.

No, no, no his daughter is crying. He has to calm her down. He can't make Joonmyeon worried.

No, no, no. I don’t want to leave this universe.

Kyungsoo, stop, Kyungsoo! Please.

There was a sharp pain inside his skull that mades Yifan loses his balance altogether and feels himself falling down to the floor. The world was still spinning for God knows how long before everything stopped, and he fell into unconsciousness.

---

He woke up to Kyungsoo's laboratory with a dull pain inside his head. As the memories of the recent universe coming back at him, he felt the tears are threatening to spill out.

"Oh my, Yifan, Yifan, can you hear me? I thought I lost you. You slipped in too deep into the stage 4 I almost couldn't pull you out but thankfully--"

"Kyungsoo.. Why?" Yifan croaked out, "Why did you pull me out Kyungsoo!"

"Yifan I had to because you slipped in too deep into the--"

"I don't care about your scientific s!" Yifan screamed, rage bubbling inside him. "You know what kind of universe I was in Kyungsoo? Do you know?"

Not waiting for Kyungsoo’s answer, he continued, "I am married to Joonmyeon. We have a daughter, named Sofia. She's adopted, but she has a fair skin just like Joonmyeon's and her laugh can light up the room better than anything."

"We just has our breakfast. I saw our wedding bands shine under the morning sun. We decided to go out, for groceries. And also for a movie. It's just like how it was before he died Joonmyeon, minus Sofia. But we planned on adopting too, actually.”

"Ever since Joonmyeon died, it was probably the first time I felt genuinely happy. Like I finally had a purpose in life, on living." Yifan ran his fingers through his hair, desperate. "Then you just had to pull me out!"

"Yifan, you know the rules we set up--"

"I don't care about the rules, Kyungsoo!" Yifan shouted, making Kyungsoo flinched. "Now how could I live in this reality, knowing that there's a universe out there where everything is going just like how I and Joonmyeon always dreamed?"

"Yifan, you know from the first time they are all not real. You do not belong there, you belong here. As much as you hate that fact. I've already told you about the consequences if you slipped in too deep." Kyungsoo reasoned out, trying hard to keep his voice clear and steady.

Yifan, blinded by anger, just scoffed. "I couldn’t care less about dying, Joonmyeon died. What do I have in this world right now?”

“Would you want someone to do the same if you were in my position Kyungsoo? If you were in a position where you finally remembers what happiness is all about. Would you do want someone to do the same, Kyungsoo? Would you? You don't know how it feels to lose someone you love, Kyungsoo. You don't know anything." After saying that, Yifan stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Kyungsoo by himself.

After Yifan left, Kyungsoo felt his legs turning weak. He chose to sit down before his legs failed him, "Oh Yifan, trust me, I know how that feels..."

"That's the reason I started this project at the first place.."

[September, 2016]

A month passed since Yifan’s last journey. Half of him was missing Joonmyeon already, the pictures of him and Sofia kept flashing inside Yifan’s mind like a painful reminder. He also still felt a bit mad at Kyungsoo, that’s half of the reason why he didn’t contact the smaller man at all after he left him in his laboratory last month.

The other half was because he was feeling like an . To Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo only did what he was supposed to do, and yet Yifan lashed out at him even if the smaller already helped Yifan a lot in the past. Even more after Joonmyeon’s death. He was trying to avoid Kyungsoo at friends gathering, opting to lie he’s busy with work in order to not meet the other. He was still embarrassed at his childish antics to face the younger.

Yifan knew he should’ve man up and apologize, but his inner self was still hesitating. Will Kyungsoo forgive him?

[October, 2016]

“I’m sorry.” Yifan blurted out as soon as the door opened, revealing Kyungsoo in his comfortable clothes. Kyungsoo sighed, but not closing the door immediately on Yifan’s face. A good sign, Yifan hopes. The other opened the door wider and stepped aside, giving permission for Yifan to step in.

“I’m sorry, again. I hope you forgive me.” Yifan apologized again after Kyungsoo closed the door and faced him. Now that Yifan was looking at Kyungsoo more closely, he could see the black eye bag clear under his eyes. It was there before, but what he saw right now was worse. There were faint evidence of dried tears on his cheeks also, his eyes were red and he looked like he hadn’t taken a proper care of himself lately.

“Finally done avoiding me?” It was Kyungsoo’s turn to speak after they settled on the sofa, “Finally apologizing to me because you miss Joonmyeon too much? So I’ll let you use my machine again?”

Kyungsoo’s words hurt, but Yifan knew Kyungsoo had every right to think like that. Some of them were true. The part of Yifan missing Joonmyeon too much and of course he would be glad if Kyungsoo let him use the machine again. But, most importantly, he wanted to apologize to Kyungsoo, sincerely.

“I want to apologize to you, sincerely. Without any motives.” Yifan took a deep breath, “At that time, I was really angry, because the universe I was--”

“Still not a reason for lashing out at me” Kyungsoo cut in, voice cold.

“I know, and for these past months, I’ve been telling myself how much of an I was. And that you deserve an apology from me.”

They were both silent after that. Yifan was looking expectantly at Kyungsoo for any response, but the younger was staring ahead and also deep in thought.

“Just so you know, I know how it feels to lose someone you love the most.” Kyungsoo finally spoke out, “But he’s not dead. You might want to argue that I’m lucky. He’s not dead, but he is now married with another woman. Has one son and one daughter. Another baby on the way.”

Yifan kept silent as he listened to Kyungsoo. He felt even worse right now. He knew he was blinded with rage when he said that Kyungsoo didn’t know anything about losing someone he loves before, he didn’t know Kyungsoo’s story was also tragic on its own way. Yifan himself couldn’t imagine if he should watch Joonmyeon being happy with somebody else. He will be happy for him, of course. But the loneliness and longing….

“He is the reason why I started the project at the first place.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Yifan ducked his head down, afraid to look at Kyungsoo in the eyes. To the broken soul hidden underneath.

“And yes, I don’t want anyone to pull me out out of that universe if I’m in your position. And yes, I’m sure I will be angry just like you did if that happens. So that’s why, I forgive you.”

“Really?”

Kyungsoo nodded, “It’s not like I can bear seeing you miserable. You’re one of my best friend. And Joonmyeon will be angry at me for that. I promised him, and I will hold onto my promise.”

[November, 2016]

Yifan woke up to an empty room this time. Dark and quiet. The only source of light was the occasional blinking red from the alarm clock on his right. He blindly felt around, until he found what he guessed as the bedside table and pressed the first button he finds.

Thankfully he was lucky. Because the room was now better lit by one of the bedside lamp. He sat up, covers sliding down his bare torso. The cold air hitting his bare skin making him shiver.

He took a glance at the bedside clock, 6 a.m in the morning. Enough time to prepare for work, he thought. But first thing first, he had to figure out his identity and what he should do in this world first.

After washing up and getting dressed, he made his way out of the room. Just like he suspected, he lived alone. Well, it would be a bit tricky to find his identity with no one to help him.

There was a post it pasted on the fridge door that cathed his attention when he opened it to search for milk.

Breakfast meeting at Exology Cafe, 8 a.m.

Good, so he didn't have to search every drawer to find his work address. He could find Exology Cafe just fine with GPS. He sipped on his coffee milk, and after making sure it fitted his taste, he poured it inside a tumblr and headed downstairs to the parking lot. Not forgetting to look around just in case Joonmyeon in this universe, was one of his neighbor.

Meeting went well, the topic was not very far from his real job so he could carry himself just fine. They enjoyed the breakfast while talking about the weather, the newest technology and also the latest stock prices.

Joonmyeon was also not one of his bussiness partners. Nor his colleagues from where he works. Nor anyone in Exology Cafe.

There was an unsettling feeling forming in Yifan's gut, because it was the first time he didn't find Joonmyeon as fast as the other times. But he tried to shake that feeling away, focusing on the task being briefed by his boss in the office.

As he spent the day, he tried to look around more. In his department, there was no one with the name Joonmyeon. He tried to look at the employee list but his request was denied because it's the company privacy. After walking aimlessly for three floors like a lost child, Yifan walked back to his cubicle with a defeated sigh.

It was 2 o'clock in the afternoon and he still hadn’t met Joonmyeon yet.

"Hey, whats making you so gloomy?" his friend from the cubicle beside him peered up from behind the divider. "We still has...like three hours here."

"I'm..." Yifan ran his fingers through his hair, pushing back his sweat soaked bangs. "I'm searching for someone. Do you know an employee here named Kim Joonmyeon?"

His friend went silent, racking his brain to find an answer. After a while, he shook his head. "I don't think we have an employee here with the name Kim Joonmyeon. But I can be wrong though, maybe there is, but a new employee or someone in another department that I don't know."

Yes, I wish so too. Yifan said to himself bitterly, growing restless as the second passes.

---

Yifan was back at his apartment before the sky gets dark. He threw his blazer and bag to the armchair before plopping himself on the sofa. He still hadn't seen Joonmyeon all day, but he planned to go around the neighborhood after this, hoping to find him.

He raised himself to grab some drink in the fridge, after turning on the TV to fill in the silence. The TV was showing the evening news.

Something catched his attention as he walked back to the sofa, the news on the TV. The announcer was talking about a recent accident that happened on the highway.

"..The accident occured around five in the evening, just in time with the rush hour of people going back home from work. One of the victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene.."

The rest of the sentence blurred out on Yifan's ears. He lost his grab on the glass bottle and it shattered on the floor along with his heart. The anchor's sentence rang in his ears..