It was raining as though the sky needed to expend the earth, yet to me it felt abjectly languid. Time kept passing me by as I stood near the bus stop gazing at the asphalt replaying what had happened recurrently.

“It was a mistake!” It didn’t mean anything to me!”

“I don’t feel anything for you! Please just leave!”

And each time I replayed it the frustration surging inside me multiplied ten-fold. I clenched my fists in vehemence and after a long time broke my silence.

“Geojitmal jaeng-i. Noneun geojitmal jaeng-i ya…” (Liar. You’re a liar.)

Those words had come out staid. Like a whisper. But the magnitude of each word was intractable. I finally raised my head; the rain beads that were tumbling off the edge of my cap only made me realize that I had been out of it for too long. It was at that point, I turned and started running.

Only this time, I knew where I was going.

You were still stunned as you left your room while rubbing your head, strolling straight towards the living room entryway but came to a halt. The door to the balcony was still half open and as the rain continued to fall, tiny water droplets found their way in as they embraced the floor. It had started to rain again. There, just a few centimeters away from the door was the table atop which lay the coffee mug. You just kept staring at it until for a split second you imagined Junggoog with poorly dried hair, drowned in his musing, sipping his coffee staring out the door. But you snapped out of it immediately and started aggressively stalking towards it.

You grabbed the mug off the table and walked into the kitchen but stopped near the sink. There was still some coffee left inside the mug which forced you to remember the events that ensued not so long ago right there near the balcony that you had oh-so amazingly handled.

You were a girl who was pragmatic, stoic, bold and ambitious. It was not easy, being a girl alone in a city. It was hard work and because of the very reason that you had to fend for yourself, you gave your job everything. You had been giving it everything for so long. You always placed your career first. It was only after getting closer to Junggoog that you learned to loosen up and enjoy yourself. Love was a concept alien to you. Which is probably why it never jumped out at you that you were in actuality gradually falling for the very person you viewed as your "dongsaeng".

What's more, in the relatively recent past, the very sentiments you'd regarded about as you feeling "defensive of him" came to nibble you right in the . You sighed as you at long last had understood and accepted that you did in fact like him. He was a man and you were terribly attracted to him. Being suddenly so mindful of your emotions felt exceptionally confusing to you. You sighed a long sigh.

I kissed him. I wanted to kiss him.

“Michin nyeon.” You reviled yourself. It felt as though some void had opened up in your heart, there was a vacant feeling that obfuscated over you as you thought about why you did what you did.

You scratched the rim of the coffee mug as you attempted to solidify your resolve and said, “No, it was for the best…”

It’s not right. If this ever got out to the public what will happen to him? To BTS? I can’t destroy his image. I absolutely can’t take away the most important thing from him.

“It’s for the best.” you said again to prevail upon yourself and your emotions which you’d become recently aware of.

You had just started to turn the mug upside down to throw away the leftover coffee but were interrupted by the doorbell. You looked towards the doorway and placed the coffee mug besides the sink and dragged yourself to the front entryway.

It’s for the best. You chanted again and without even bothering to look through the peephole you swung the door open only to your shock.

It was Junggoog. A panting and absolutely drenched Junggoog stood at your door with eyes full of grit. You stiffened at that and impulsively tried to shut the door but it was in vain since he’d pretty much guessed that you’d do something like that and obstructed by putting his arm through the door in the nick of time.

“Urrrgh!” You growled as you tried to shut the door with all your might. You were thrown into a tempestuous state at the sight of him. Your head was in complete turmoil.

“____-ya! Stop pushing the door and just let me in.” he demanded.

To which you had an acerbic response at ready “Why are you here!? Arrgh!” and gave the door another futile shove.

“Move aside ____-ya, I don’t want you to get hurt.” He gave the door a final push which threw you off balance and with a jolt you backed away. Shutting the door behind him he continued “I want to talk to you.”

Oh god. What do I do? Feeling slightly defeated, you grudgingly decided to put on a front. “Gurae. Malhaebwa. Whatever you want to say and then leave.” And turned your face away.

But you could still feel his eyes burning on you. You looked at him for a split second and immediately averted your eyes again. Don’t look. Just don’t look at him.

“Why did you kiss me if you felt nothing?” He asked with calm tenacity and took at step forward.

Jittered, you looked up at him and languidly answered “Uh again? I told you I g