Request: WHAT IS THE SHIPNAME FOR JOSHxSEUNGKWAN?? Joshkwan?? Kwansoo? ANYWAY THAT AND ANGST IF THATS OK

Title: You’re the Brightest Star in my Universe, but I’m not one in yours (Joshua x Seungkwan)

Summary: To Seungkwan nothing shines brighter than the smile on Joshua hyung’s face, especially when it’s aimed at him. But there’s one smile that will never be aimed his way.

Warnings: Angst, Unrequited love (onesided from Seungkwan’s side), Jihan…(I write too much Jihan…I can’t seem to get away from this pairing even in the Joshua love fest fic) I'm so sorry Kwannie :(  I mention seungkwans weight here not as a mean thing but as a thing he's insecure in since I've seen him mention it a lot in broadcasts and stuff. I like him the way he is but it fit in the story  

If there was one thing Seungkwan loved, it was singing. His school boasted a rather well known music program, which is why he worked his little off to get here. The fact that the school also had some of the best looking people around didn’t hurt either. It was literal eye candy everywhere. And he had his eyes on one of them.

Joshua Hong, American born and raised, soft spoken, nice, handsome, pretty, tall. The guy had a lot going for him. Seungkwan would’ve dismissed the other guy as just another pretty face, but to Seungkwan’s shame he arrived late to the first day of school and couldn’t find his way to where they were having the opening ceremony. Lucky for him though Joshua hyung happened to be walking around. The older boy helped Seungkwan sneak in without anyone saying a thing.

“Perks of being a student council member,” Joshua said with a smile.

That one smile took Seungkwan’s breath away, which is something that didn’t happen often as he was a talkative kid. One who couldn’t really keep his mouth shut since it was next best redeeming quality, second to his singing. But that sweet, slight teeth being shown, smile that curved the older boy’s lips just so, made him speechless. All he remembered was that he nodded his thanks and took to his seat.

Seungkwan in his smile induced haze forgot to ask the guy his name. But lucky for him the principal had introduced the whole of the student council and the guy with the breath taking smile did say he was on it. Joshua Hong, third year, in the music program emphasis on guitar and musical arrangements. He gave the whole of the school that sweet smile. If Seungkwan developed a crush that day, well it was no one’s business but his own.

Unfortunately for Seungkwan as he found out. Joshua hyung was rather busy and no third year frequented the first year hallways often. So the only times he ever caught a glimpse of the older boy was through windows or school sanctioned events. The days where the third years spent outside for gym was the best days for Seungkwan. He could sneak glances out the window, since he sat right by it, to find Joshua. The other boy would be smiling or laughing with his classmates, giving him heart palpitations. When he actually did some exercising, that sent something else pounding. Seeing Joshua sweat and then bring up his shirt, showing slivers of skin, to wipe away at the dripping wetness, was rather hot. Or watching the sweat drip down his neck into his loose t-shirt, yea Seungkwan had it bad.

Every three months though the school held a competition, more like an exhibition, amongst the music students. In some cases, people would randomly be put together as a way to foster relationships between classes or different years. On occasion the school would request, a polite way to say demand, certain students pair up to show off to donators and parents alike. Thanks to his rather great voice, he liked to toot his own horn it never hurt anyone, Seungkwan was paired up with Joshua. He might have squealed a bit after the teacher left. Shaking Seokmin he nearly screamed in delight.

“Joshua hyung. I get to be partners with Joshua hyung.”

Seokmin just laughed at him. “Yay. You get to be with your crush.” He paused, “Won’t it be kind of hard to sing well then? Because you’re distracted by him?”

With a haughty look on his face, Seungkwan huffed, “No. I’m going to do my best to impress him so he can fall in love with me.”

In that braying laughter of his Seokmin nodded. “That’s right. Use your voice and seduce him.”

Seungkwan let out a little hmph and walked away, leaving Seokmin laughing on the music room floor. He went to find Joshua. The other boy was in another music room with one of his friends it seemed. Seungkwan knocked on the door politely and said, “Joshua hyung?” Sticking his head in he saw Joshua and one of the basketball players, Yoon Jeonghan, another popular upperclassman.

Jeonghan lifted his head from its position on Joshua’s shoulder at the interruption. Smiling he said, “Oh look Shua. An underclassman. Did you two get paired up for the music exhibition?” He turned his head to Joshua with a smirk on his lips.

Pushing Jeonghan lightly, Joshua nodded. “Yes we did. Now get going to practice you lazy brat. Unless you want your coach to give you more warm up exercises as punishment.”

Jeonghan laughed. “I’ll see you later right?”

Joshua sighed, but he still smiled at Jeonghan. A smile that was tinged with affection beyond politeness. Seungkwan wondered if he could get Joshua hyung to smile at him like that. “Of course. You owe me dinner.”

With a laugh as he walked away, Jeonghan waved goodbye.

Turning to Seungkwan he held out his hand. Seungkwan stared at his hand, confused for a few seconds until he remembered that Joshua came from the States, handshakes were how they introduced themselves. Grabbing onto Joshua’s hand, he shook it, noting the callouses from guitar playing no doubt.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Joshua Hong. And you?”

“Boo Seungkwan. Or Seungkwan Boo if we’re doing western style greeting,” he thought out loud.

Joshua laughed. Shaking his head, he said, “It’s all right. I just like handshakes. My mom always said you could tell what a person did in their life by shaking their hands.”

“What did my hands tell you hyung?”

Crinkling his eyes, a smile flirted on his lips he replied, “You have soft hands and haven’t seen much labor.” He put down his guitar in a stand, “So let’s get talking on what song we should sing.”

One would think that it would be impossible to fall even more for a person but somehow with all the practice they had to do and time they spent together, Seungkwan even managed to snag Joshua’s number because they had to talk to meet up, he fell a little harder each day. He would be disgusted with himself if the older boy didn’t make it so easy.

The way he laughed at Seungkwan’s jokes and antics. The way he calmed Seungkwan down. The times he comforted Seungkwan when he felt insecure about his voice, or his looks, or just everything that weighed him down. Joshua made it super easy to fall for him. He was the prince that Seungkwan dreamed of. If only he could capture that prince.

Even with all the extra time they spent in each other’s presence Seungkwan couldn’t pin point if Joshua was single or not. Not to mention if he was ok with guys as a love interest. He racked his brains for days until Seokmin all but dared him into confessing after the exhibition was over at the after party. In a moment of stupidity, he agreed.

But all of that could wait. Because they were going to be up next and all he could feel was jitters and the shaking of his hands.

Joshua looked over to him. “Are you ok?” He hit himself on the forehead. “Stupid question. You’re obviously not.” He moved his guitar to his back, grabbing onto Seungkwan’s hands he said gently, “Breathe with me ok?”

Seungkwan nodded quickly.

“In,” Joshua said breathing, “Out,” letting the air out. “In. Out.” He nodded encouragingly as Seungkwan breathed in time with him.

After what seemed to be like five minutes of it, in reality it was only like two minutes, Joshua stopped. Giving Seungkwan a smile, that was clearly magical, he asked, “Better?”

“Yes,” he answered. God this was embarrassing, being nervous like this. He had all the confidence in his voice, but some days the pressure got to him and right now it was something big. People would be watching, people who donated to the school had to be impressed. Seungkwan couldn’t mess this up. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Hey. It’s ok.” Joshua said. “I got super nervous the first time I did this too. My friend had to talk me down via phone call.” Clapping Seungkwan on the shoulders he grinned and said, “We got this. We practiced hard and we sound great. Let’s go kick some .”

Seungkwan laughed. “Right. Let’s go hyung.”

And they killed it. They sang well. Seungkwan hit his high notes. Joshua didn’t get a single chord wrong nor did he crack his voice like in practice. It was great. The audience loved it and so did the donators it seemed.

Seungkwan got bombarded with compliments for a good half of the party. But he was in the center of attention and he ate it up. He used his gift of gab and he charmed the pants off of most of them. Now all he had to do was find the guy he wanted to confess to and hopefully it would go off without a hitch and he’d snag himself a prince.

Nearly letting out a yelp, he turned to see who tapped him on the shoulder. “Seokmin. Geez. Don’t scare me like that.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Did you do it yet? Confess?”

“No,” he said crossing his arms. “I can’t find him. We got separated when all the adults wanted to talk to us.”

“Ah. I think I saw him earlier, creeping out of the ballroom.” Seokmin pointed to the right. “I’m pretty sure he went that way but best ask someone near the door.” Pushing Seungkwan towards the huge doors he said, “Go get him. I’ll be here if it goes south.”

“Gee,” Seungkwan said, making sure to add in the sass, “Thanks hyung.”

“You’re welcome. I’m selfless. Now get going.”

Seungkwan waylaid another student asking about Joshua. She pointed to the left saying he went that way. Following the instructions, scoffing at Seokmin’s bad eyesight he crept down the empty hallways of the school until he saw a sliver of light in one of the door ways. As he walked up to it, he noticed how it was left open with a sizeable gap. Looking inside, he clamped his hands down on a gasp.

Inside the classroom was Joshua and his friend Jeonghan. It sounded innocent enough, but the two were kissing. Jeonghan had one hand on Joshua’s hip and another on the back of his neck. Joshua curved into Jeonghan, hands on around his shoulders, head titled as the two kissed. Seungkwan took a step back as Joshua let out a little moan and Jeonghan’s hand tightened his hold.

A few moments later Jeonghan looked up and saw Seungkwan. Narrowing his eyes, Jeonghan pulled his lips away from Joshua’s. His hand moved to curl around his waist as he bent down to whisper into his ear. Whatever he said, Joshua whipped his head around his mouth in a small o shape. Jeonghan whispered some more before kissing Joshua on the side of the temple, letting go of him.

“I’ll be waiting ok Shua?” Jeonghan said, with a devious smile playing on his lips.

Joshua nodded, a blush making its way onto his cheeks.

As Jeonghan walked past Seungkwan he whispered, “It’s best if you don’t confess. Joshua will never be yours but at least he’ll still be your friend.”

Seungkwan’s heart dropped to his stomach. He didn’t know that Joshua was taken. He wouldn’t have crushed on him so hard. Wait, what was he saying. He would’ve anyhow but he wouldn’t have bothered with wanting to confess. What to do now?

“Hey Seungkwan,” Joshua said, voice a little nervous. “Were you looking for me? Sorry you had to see that. We didn’t think anyone would be looking for me.”

“Is he your boyfriend hyung?” How he sounded so calm he would never know.

Biting his lip a bit, Joshua answered, “Yea. We’ve been together for almost two years now. We’ve been keeping it on a need to know basis. Can’t ruin Jeonghan’s chances at a basketball scholarship. And I can’t have my parents finding out.”

“Oh.” He said lightly, when all he wanted to do was cry it out and scream at the unfairness of this. His first year here and he thought he found a prince but he was taken way before Seungkwan even got here. If he knew Joshua was unavailable it might’ve made things easier.

“So what did you want see me for?” Joshua interrupted.

“I just wanted to say congratulations and thank you for the help earlier.” The lies he was spouting was amazing. God. He came here to tell Joshua that he liked him and ask him if they could go out on a date. Instead he found Joshua making out with his boyfriend, who wasn’t a nice guy at all.

Smiling that sweet smile and captivated Seungkwan, Joshua replied, “Thank you Seungkwan. And it’s no problem at all. I’ll be here to help if you need me. What are friends for after all.”

And didn’t that hurt like hell. Friends. Seungkwan wanted to be more than friends. But not every dream came true.

“Yea. What are friends for hyung.”

Joshua nodded, still smiling. “I should go. Jeonghan hates waiting. I’ll see you around school yea?”

Seungkwan felt a knife stab itself into his heart at the love filled smile that graced Joshua’s face as he said Jeonghan hated waiting, like someone so intertwined in another person they were one. He had never seen such a smile on Joshua’s face until now.

“Yea hyung.” Seungkwan said, keeping his voice as upbeat as possible. Joshua nodded and walked past him, patting him on the shoulder.

As he heard Joshua’s footsteps get further away he dropped, knees giving way. Burying his face into his hands, he felt some tears fall. All this time he was crushing on a taken guy. A guy who had a hot, handsome boyfriend, someone who wouldn’t be interested in a slightly chubby first year, not when his boyfriend was a basketball star.

Hearing footsteps come this way, he started to wipe away his tears fiercely. He wouldn’t show anyone Boo Seungkwan in tears.

“Hey Kwannie,” Seokmin said softly. “Things didn’t go well?”

Wasn’t that an understatement? He shook his head, more tears falling. Sniffling, he let out brokenly, “He’s,” more tears fell, “Taken.” Wiping his running nose on his handkerchief he added, “Yoon Jeonghan, hyung. How can I compete?”

The steps got closer and he felt Seokmin hover over him. “Oh Kwannie. If I knew I wouldn’t have pushed. I'm so sorry.”

Seokmin bent down on his knees and hugged him, holding him as he cried. Seungkwan couldn’t hold a candle to a guy like Yoon Jeonghan. Tears kept falling from his eyes as he thought that Joshua was one of the brightest stars in Seungkwan’s world, but he was nothing but a burnt out star in Joshua’s.

I'm so sorry Kwannie ;-;