“I want to hold your hand, I want to see your smile. I want to watch you fall asleep or just hear the beat of your heart. I want to know what face you’d make when I say how much ‘I love you’. I want to know a lot of things you don’t normally show to those people around you. grabbed some pen and papers but they aren’t even able to contain how much I feel for you. I even tried to write the things I wanted to do with you but somehow, halfway through the sheets and leaves, my hands would stop scribbling and drops of water would fall.

I tried. Believe me, I tried to forget the look on your face when I saw you for the last time. I never realized how much I love how it lits up when you saw a puppy on the street. the way those playful hues would dance against the dimness of the night. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not noticing it myself. I’m sorry for everything.

at night, I’d have to grab the bottle of pills and swallow those bitter pieces. sometimes, I had to walk away, I had to go somewhere. somewhere with no memories of you left. but then I realized that no matter how far, no matter how soon I could go to the end of the world, the essence of you would stay with me. your love. the very same love that saved me from an endless hole. the love that have those gentle hands and soft eyes. the love that once had a beautiful, steady wings, lifting me up until I saw the skies again.

so I’m sorry, again, my love. for breaking those wings and letting you fall instead. if only I could get you back. if only I could see the smile on your face and not those tears with a shade of red. the blood from the wound that I have caused you. I never meant to hurt you.

but I hope you also don’t mean the last words you said.

“I love you so I’m letting go of you.”

please hold on to me. just a little more. just like the first time. just like you always do.

please come back to me, my angel.

please wake up from that endless sleep and let me see your smile again, Kim Taehyung.”

this isn't even a proper drabble just me pouring my angsty feelings into this

i miss u guys