My name is Kim Taeyeon. Age twenty-six and for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been picked last.

***

Today’s the day. I won’t be picked last for dodgeball this time. I’m almost grinning, but I keep it in check by biting down on my lower lip. My legs, however, are bouncing up and down because I’m not very good at multitasking.

“Tiffany, it’s your turn to choose.”

Hearing my best friend’s name, my mouth has burst with excitement and glee, making me smile so damn hard that my face starts to feel numb. Oh, geez, I look crazy. No wonder I’m always picked last when there are team games. Kindergarten is a cold, ruthless world.

“Um…” Tiffany places her tiny index finger against her lower lip, and my own lip starts to falter a bit.

Um…???

Unless she’s decided to give me a new nickname instead of Taengoo and that new nickname is ‘Um,’ she better not be debating whether she should have me in her team.

“I choose Yuri.”

Yah!

Tiffany turns to me apologetically with a pout that says ‘I want to win, and you so no hard feelings’, but I send back a death glare. Betrayal at its best.

Let’s just cut to the chase. I got picked last for dodgeball today. The heartache of being last was short-lived when I practically hurled the ball right at Tiffany’s . I at sports, especially dodgeball, but I made sure my aim was perfect because Tiffany Traitorous Hwang deserves a good pummel for not choosing her best friend to be in her team. It’s not like I’m asking for a lot—pick me second or third or fourth even, just not last!

***

“Um…” This time I’m saying it. I’m standing in front of the teacher with my cheeks slightly flushed in embarrassment as I say, “I don’t have a partner for the lab.”

“Oh, that’s right. There’s an odd number since Sunny’s absent today.” The teacher comments as she looks around the room to see everyone paired up. I refuse to turn around and face my peers, especially not in the left corner, where Tiffany is standing with her crush. Still Tiffany Traitorous Hwang.

“I can work alone.” I offer, wanting to get this over with. My mind goes back to elementary and middle school. Just when I thought high school would be different, the curse of being picked last strikes again.

“Fine. But only for this week.” The teacher gives in, and I turn back around to walk to my seat. My eyes automatically make contact with Tiffany’s, and any ounce of embarrassment, humiliation or sadness is drained from me. Who could be upset with their best friend ditching them when her eyes squint so adorably like that? Not me. I breeze through the lab with no one to distract me with conversations. Maybe I should do labs alone more often—No Tiffany Talk-A-Lot Hwang to keep me from concentrating on the lab.

***

“I can’t believe he waited til the last day to ask me to the dance.” Tiffany huffs and puffs like the wolf from the three little pigs. I cover my fragile project, using my body and arms as a shield in case the annoyed, complaining wolf accidentally blows it down with her loud voice. It’s made of popsicle sticks and glue, so clearly not foolproof for Tiffany the Wolf Hwang.

“At least you got asked.” I stick another popsicle stick on top before a weight is suddenly constricting my windpipe. Can’t breathe.

Tiffany’s arms have me in a chokehold, even though I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to hug me. “Oh, Taengoo.” Tiffany looks so hurt and sad for me, while I’m pretty indifferent about the situation. “Leeteuk didn’t ask you?”

Leeteuk is Siwon’s best friend. Somehow, Tiffany thinks I have a crush on Leeteuk and is all for it since she’s dating Siwon. But I don’t like him like that. I don’t actually know whom I like, but it’s not him.

“No, but I didn’t want to go anyways, so it’s okay.” All I need is my popsicle sticks.

“It’s not okay. Maybe he didn’t know you were available. I’ll tell Siwon to talk to him about asking you.” When Tiffany’s mind is set on something, you best believe nothing’s going to stop her.

“No, it’s fine.” I quickly try to snatch her cellphone, but she holds it higher up in the air. Curse these short legs of mine. You are dead to me, legs! “Gimme the phone, Fany!”

“Hi, Siwon. Listen, I need you to do me a favor.” Ignoring me, Tiffany starts in her sweet voice, which makes even me melt and I’m not even into girls. “Can you-“

“La la la la la!” I repeat over and over to drown out Tiffany’s words. Hopefully, Siwon can’t understand her with both of us speaking at the same time.

“Shut up, Taengoo.” Before I can mock her and dare her to try and shut me up, I suddenly find myself on my back, a hand is thrown across my mouth to cover my protests, but it’s the smooth milky legs around my waist that actually leaves me speechless. Stupidly and shockingly speechless and maybe kind of dazed.

. I think I like girls. No, I like Tiffany the Honey Thighs Hwang.

You can guess what happened when I went to the dance, unwillingly. I couldn’t stop glaring daggers at Siwon’s back. My inner kung-fu was ready to rip Siwon to shreds when he dared to kiss Tiffany. Thinking maybe I was just lusting after my best friend, I kissed Leeteuk just to calm down the dragon, but it only made me disgusted with myself.

So maybe it wasn’t just a physical attraction towards Tiffany.

After finding out I was in love with my best friend and ditching Leeteuk at the dance, I did what any normal person in this situation would—I denied it, then went to the magazines to find a cure. After many failed attempts, I came to the conclusion that there is no cure for being in love with your best friend. You just have to deal with it.

And deal with it, I did. Many, many years.

***

“Are you okay?” I put my hand over Tiffany’s, concerned with the sadness in her eyes.

Since my job as an architect required long hours, we rarely met up. Actually, ever since we went to different colleges, we haven’t seen each other as often.

“I’m great.” Tiffany puts on a show, forcing a smile out.

“Liar. What’s wrong?” I don’t beat around the bush as I respond seriously.

She lets out a sharp exhale, but doesn’t say anything as she twirls her straw around.

“Well, then how’s Nichkhun?” I ask in hopes of lightening the mood. I had to stop myself from gagging, which means two things: I still love Tiffany and I still hate any guy that Tiffany dates.

From the way she flinches over his name, I get all that I need. “Something happened between you two?”

“We broke up.” She finally admits, and I’m not gonna lie when I say I had to grip onto my lap to keep from jumping on the table and dancing around to celebrate this joyous news. Suddenly, it dawns on me that this break up is going to deeply affect Tiffany.

“But you guys are sharing an apartment and you work for his company. Wait, doesn’t that mean-“ I catch her looking down at her lap, shifting in her seat uncomfortably. “Where are you staying right now?”

“Hmmem.” Tiffany mumbles before answering clearly when I impatiently kick her foot underneath the table. “Hotel.”

“You’re living with me.” I throw a couple of bills on the table and start to walk out.

“No, I’m not.” Tiffany answers stubbornly. “I’m perfectly fine staying at a hotel. It’s only temporary until I find a new job. I’m perfectly fine.” She repeats to convince herself that her life doesn’t absolutely right now.

Ugh, it’s so cute when she tries to act all strong and tough. I look over my shoulder just to see her pout-frowning at the floor. When her eyes finally meet mine, big fat tears well up in her eyes because she can’t hold it together anymore. I hurry over to her and wrap my arms around her.

“You’re living with me, Fany.”

***

It’s been three weeks since she’s moved in with me. I’ve known her my entire life and I’m in love with her, but if she tries to burn the house with her terrible cooking skills one more time, I’m gonna murder her.

“Why don’t we go out to eat instead, Taengoo?” Tiffany rests her chin under her palm as she leans on the counter, watching me examine the dozens of pots and pans that are nearly melted in.

I manage to find a pan that has not been touched by Tiffany the Terror in the Kitchen Hwang.

“Please? Let’s go out for dinner.”

I turn to her and make the mistake of seeing those puppy eyes. The power of those eyes can bring world peace even, but I look away and turn on the gas to cook some kimchi fried rice.

“Nope, we’re not going. We have to save up money. You, especially, don’t you think?” I try to remind her in my motherly tone since she’s trying to save up money to move out, but I think I lost her.

Tiffany’s too busy mumbling to herself in annoyance. “How could you say no to me. You’re not allowed to do that when I use my signature puppy eyes. Who needs money anyways.”

“You do. Don’t you want to move out?”

And back to the mumbling she goes, “Who says I wanted to move out?” but I've already zoned her out as I stir the rice.

I swear I only left for two minutes to pick up a call, but by the time I come back to complete my dish, there’s a motherfudging fire trying to eat up the entire kitchen.

“I just wanted to help!” Tiffany defends herself while she’s panicking over the stove with her hands flapping away in an attempt to calm down the fire.

It only took ten minutes for the fire to be put out. The firefighters came, the police came, the entire neighborhood came, but all I can do is scowl at the innocent smile on my best friend’s face.

“So… about that dinner.”

***

I’m driving us to the restaurant a couple of streets away. Tiffany’s humming makes me wonder if the fire really was an accident. It’s hard to decide. When she senses me staring at her, she smiles back and her eyes smile along, making my stomach flutter. Ugh… burn the entire house if you want just don’t smile at me like that!

When we enter the restaurant, I’m suddenly hit with a delicious aroma. The environment feels friendly and homey too.

Everything seems so perfect. Until it isn’t.

“Why aren’t you saying anything to him?” Tiffany narrows her eyes at me like she wants to fight me or something. I turn around as our waiter is walking back into the kitchen.

“Say what? Did you want something else?” I’m at a loss when Tiffany draws her eyebrows together and squishes up her bread like clay.

“I want you to tell him to stop making those stupid googly eyes at you and standing so close to you when you’re trying to order our food.” Tiffany huffs and tears a piece of bread like she is imagining it’s the waiter’s head, or mine.

Oh, she’s jealous. I’m not stupid—I know jealousy when I see it since I’ve had first hand experience with it. “Do you want me to be a wingman tonight so you can get his attention?” I ask for confirmation, even though I already know what Tiffany wants. And what she wants is our hot waiter. Duh.

“No.” Tiffany seethes, “That’s not what I want.”

“It’s not?”

A piece of bread comes flying to my forehead before Tiffany storms out. The element of surprise is on her side, because it takes me a while to react. I must have taken too long to respond because I’m now watching as Tiffany drives my car away.

Huh. Well, I guess I’m walking home.

By the time I get home, I notice the lights in the house are on. My tired legs drag me up the steps—all the way to my bedroom where I plop exhaustedly on my bed. It’s dark and cool in my room, making me almost drift myself to sleep. Almost.

A foot kicks my foot, sending tingles up to the top of my head. I can’t see the figure, but I know who it is when she speaks.
 

“I’m moving out.”

Her words make me jolt up in a sitting position. “Why?”

“I’ve saved enough money to.”

It’s only been two weeks since she found herself a job, but it makes sense that she’s already raked in so much cash since she’s a model now.

“You don’t have to leave, Fany.” Please, I want to add, but that would be too desperate. I shouldn’t stop her from going. If she wants to, then she should. But it still hurts knowing that we won’t be spending as much time together.

“I don’t want to inconvenience you any further.”

Before I can tell her it isn’t, she continues, “N-No, I don’t mean that.” The bed starts to dip and suddenly, her entire weight is on me—in the same position as when I found out I was in love with her.

My body tenses up as my throat turns dry. Tiffany the Honey Thighs Hwang is back, and so is my stupid lovesick high school self.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” I hear the frustration in her voice and what appear to be tears hitting my cheeks.  “I get jealous easily, and I’m always wanting your attention, and I hate that I’m needy—” Her breath shakes, and so does mine. I don’t know what it is that I’m expecting but my toes curl in anticipation. “I—I’m not like my old self anymore, especially when you’re around.”

She’s right. She’s so much more adorable and dorky and funny, and I think I love her more than I ever did.

“Do you get what I’m trying to say, Taengoo?” She asks desperately, and I don’t know if it’s just my eyes that are adapting to the dark, but she looks like she’s glowing right now, even if her face is dripping with tears and snot.

She takes my silence as a bad sign because she’s getting off of me. Before she can run off hurting, I grab her wrist and tug her down until she’s on top of me.

“I get it.” I do this time. I really do. The dumb and dense Taeyeon has left the building, because even an idiot can tell what Tiffany is saying since her heart is racing against my own. “You love me.”

Instead of answering, Tiffany buries her face in my hair, snot and everything, and I can’t help but smile up at the ceiling. She whispers so softly that I almost miss it. “U-Um… Be my last, Taengoo.”

Knowing my never-ending streak of always being chosen last, I can proudly say, “You had me at ‘Um…’”

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