*Thanks for staying with me up until now, ily - hope u like how this end, and pls tell me your opinions in the comment hehe thank you!*

Dear Jiyong,

I need you to know one thing that I am willing to have an extention of our lives together. I want to start breakfast and had midnight snacks with you. Being with you was kind of a blessing that I never deserve but if you still have the heart of it, if there is still me - even just a little, I want you to know that  I am here. 

Someday, when our timing collides, I will meet you there, and I'll be braver and tougher and I won't let you go, not anymore. 

*

So That's what Seunghyun had been writing on this paper

His hands covered in little dots of ink

Heart on his sleeves

Mind messy of thoughts and pictures of Jiyong as if it's showing him a slideshow of those happy moments with Jiyong

He had been feeling down in this past weeks, maybe it's because of the weather but he feels as if it just kept getting bad. He doesn't know how long he had been feeling lost - partly started the second after Jiyong exited his place that night years ago.

Maybe after all it was my fault, Seunghyun thinks. 

So he end up closing the lid of his ink bottle, straighten his back, and went to his bed

He wasn't sure if his letter was complete but as for now if the only way to see Jiyong is by projecting memories into his view while closing his eyes, then he let it be.

He can't helped but feel and remember a lot of things

Good times, bad times

He remembers those million moments they have shared

Those cigs and bottle of wines

Those nicotine filled kisses - 

*

Jiyong was an understanding partner, he knew Seunghyun very well - and when Seunghyun hit rock bottom, Jiyong would stay and hold his hand, wisphering sweet nothings said that things would get better.

That one night, when they were in the rooftop as every other night.

Engulfed by the beauty of the stars and blinking street lights, as they both inhale and exhaling from their cigs - Seunghyun sensed that Jiyong was incredibly close and he felt like he was on fire. Jiyong had been looking at him like he was the best thing that he ever laid his eyes on.

And then he saw Jiyong took one last drag of his cig and threw it to the ground and suddenly there was lips on him. Jiyong kissed him. And there was no urgency in that just full of adore and admiration. 

Seunghyun was clumsy at first and he was panicking and he didn't know what to do and then he felt a pang on his heart - it kept buzzing and it went in a mad speed. So he close the distance, hold Jiyong's hand, tilted his jaw and kissed him back, slowly.

And then they stared at each other's face and smile. There was no words needed cos they both knew that they are head over heels with each other already.

Seunghyun always found living with Jiyong as a kind of miracle cos his existence just make everything better. Not only about romance et al but having Jiyong around it's like having a best friend to sleepover in your place - and you both could have fun over wine and chicken wings but also can have deep conversations when the dark hits the day away.

And he thinks that Jiyong brought peace to his mind and his wellbeing. Despite the heated arguments that sometimes they had, Seunghyun was truly happy when he was with Jiyong. And he wonders whether Jiyong felt the same way too, now.

He wonders whether for once, had Jiyong ever thinking about him? Cos for Seunghyun at the end of the day, his last thought before sleep was always Jiyong - even after these years after they separate ways.

*

It's sunday in the evening now and Seunghyun had been writing his diary as always and he figured - go out for a cup of coffee would be a nice way to end this weekend before hitting monday tomorrow beside ,  he's been spending too much time inside. So he grabbed his wallet, wear his coats and venture his way out to where his feet are taking him.

I'll be honest I was devastaded,

but you could've held my hands,

through this baby.

Frank Ocean's Close To You was playing in this cafe. This was he and Jiyong's regular since they sell a cup of lukewarm black coffee at a low price so or maybe it wasn't really about the price - they were really into the fact that this cafe this very cafe was lovely. It always tune good and calming music, had a little library and reading corner with cords. It was a fair play here - Seunghyun would go and sit at the far end of the reading corned to read art book there and Jiyong would sit near him by the window, while doing his assignment on his laptop. It was a win-win solution for both of them.

When Seunghyun got inside of their usual cafe, it wasn't really crowded over the fact that it was a sunday and he was feeling a bit down after writing and remembering their past moments so he decided to ask for something strong. He then order a caramel espresso and sit by the window - the same place where Jiyong would sit if he was here right now. If Jiyong was here, he would scoffed on Seunghyun cos who the add caramel on their espresso?? 

The street was packed since it was still weekends, he saw family, lovers and friends all within company and suddenly he feels out of place and solemn cos everyone seems to have a good time with their own company in this beautiful sunday and then as if his mind playing tricks on him , he hears someone passed by him and sit by the end of the reading corner. From the corner of his eyes, he could see a young man sitting at the reading corner, reading an Edgar Degas while playing with a stick of cig in his left hand.

It might be just anyone but curiosity kills the cat and when Seunghyun turns his eyes to the reading corner, he saw him whose eyes he had been wanting to see after all this separate times - it's Jiyong. His Jiyong looking back at him with a welcoming smile.

And before he know it, his body are moving to said boy and he took his hands - pulled out a cig from his pack and put it in his smiling mouth - and said "Would you like to have it lit,..Jiyong?"

(He hear no answer from the boy in front of him but then he feels Jiyong held his hands - and suddenly, suddenly he feels okay again. Faintly, he feels a hot breath close to his ears - Jiyong said "You know, I would always says yes, don't you Seunghyun?")