*~*~*~*~*

Three years has passed since he received his degree and went overseas to work and hopefully live without pretending to be Sungmin. However, he had been so good at being Sungmin for so many years that he ended up not discarding the whole image of Sungmin and just incorporated a little bit of Donghae.

He returned to Korea after hearing about his mother’s death. His friends were inviting him to one party to another, to celebrate his return but he only attended one since his arrival. Two weeks. That’s all the time he needs to stay in Korea. Attend his mother’s funeral, meet with his friends once, visit Sungmin’s grave and go back to the States… although there was one person he wanted to see before he leaves as well but he knew he was nothing but a disgusting impostor of the real Sungmin.

Donghae froze when he saw Kyuhyun standing in front of Sungmin’s gravestone. He wanted to run away but that wasn’t Sungmin would do so while he cursed at himself for still acting as Sungmin would, he moved forward.

“Did you come to visit my mother?” Donghae casually asked as he placed the bouquet in his hands beside the gravestone.

“Yeah.” Then there was silence. “You… have a brother?”

Donghae was taken aback but he nodded. “Let’s go back.”

They walk back to their cars silently.

“How was your brother like? And it’s weird since I’ve never learnt of him until now.”

That hurt Donghae but he already knows that. Who knew Donghae existed, did his parents ever remember that he is actually the twin who is alive?

“Donghae was my younger twin brother,” Donghae started, he felt weird addressing to himself as the third person. “We were so alike in many things and yet so different. He was always shy and barely comes out of the house. No matter how much I coax him to come play with me, he stubbornly stays indoors. Our parents don’t know it but he’s really smart, he actually tutors me in some of my subjects. He plays the guitar fairly well too, despite our young age long time ago. If only he’d smile often… then mama and papa would’ve showed him as much love as they give me…” Donghae finishes in a murmur.

If only Sungmin didn’t protect me it would’ve been better… if I was the one who died instead. Donghae thinks.

“Since you knew that, why do you still continue to pretend to be Sungmin?” Kyuhyun said bluntly without looking back at Donghae. “Do you think you can fool everyone, huh? You really disgust me!”

“Yeah, I can fool everyone! Did you see anyone doubt me, doubt my acting? Of course not! All these years… I’ve done nothing but be Sungmin and no one notices it, why would they notice something odd when no one actually knows Donghae existed?” Donghae talked back.

“Sungmin does. He cares for Donghae so much that’s why he risked his life for him.”

“Then Sungmin shouldn’t have done that! I wish Sungmin hadn’t done that… I know he loves me dearly but everyone else loves him, our parents and even you prefer him… it would’ve been better if I was the one who died instead.” And Donghae smiled a bitter smile. Kyuhyun gave him a hard slap on the face. Donghae touched the part that hurt and was averting his eyes to the ground as uncontrollable tears trek down his cheeks.

“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m disgusting. Don’t worry. This will be the last time you’ll see me.” Donghae said with a laugh. “But you know I’ve never really considered myself as a complete, perfect replica of Sungmin after all I couldn’t make you smile at me like you do towards him.”

Frustrated at how things were going, Kyuhyun grabbed Donghae’s hair and forced him to look up to him and crushed his lips against Donghae’s, making the shorter man stop crying abruptly.

“If you want me to smile at you then start being yourself. Be Donghae, not Sungmin. I’m sorry. I thought that the reason why you act like Sungmin was because you were mocking him, that you were glad that he died and that really angered me. For Sungmin, you were as important as life itself and you just mocked his death and even though he told me to look after you it still wasn’t enough for me to feel that way.”

“Then I guess I’ll never see that smile because I don’t even know how to be Donghae, but I’ll cherish that kiss. At least, now I know someone actually remembers Donghae.”

Kyuhyun pulls him into an embrace.

“Idiot! It’s not so hard to be yourself, Donghae! Just stop reacting to people calling you Sungmin and that’s that. You’ve been Donghae all the time. The one I was playing Starcraft with was Donghae, Sungmin never understands those kind of games. The one who entered the Dance competition and won was Donghae, Sungmin wasn’t that good. The one who took up Medicine is Donghae, Sungmin has always been afraid of blood. The one who cried during his mother’s funeral, even though he was neglected is Donghae, Sungmin never sheds a tear. The one I love is Donghae… I want to love Donghae. I want to tell that to Donghae that’s why it angers me that you’ve kept up this charade for too long.”

As Kyuhyun compared and pointed out the differences between him and Sungmin Donghae could not stop his tears from falling. It was only then that Donghae realized that he was still himself despite the changes he’s worked so hard to make. He was so happy to know that someone actually knows that much about him, when he himself has begun to forget those differences.

“Donghae, what do you say about us starting anew somewhere far?” Kyuhyun asked with a warm smile.

Donghae.Hearing that name again coming from someone else’s mouth gave him an unexpectedly warm feeling.

Donghae wiped his tears and smiled back at Kyuhyun. “I’d like that very much.”

Actually, all he ever wanted was for someone to acknowledge him. But he got more than that… he’s found someone whose love saved him from the lies and illusion of atonement he created for himself.