Slowly opening my eyes, I see nothing but darkness. My left hand start to roam around my surrounding while my right hand rubbing my eyes, massaging it softly. The hand that wondering around finally come contact with some objects.

 

It’s a doll. Hmm a llama one, ..... and Mr. Bread. Ok, so I am in my apartment...

 

Good.

 

Feeling relieve upon recognize the familiar surrounding, I slowly sit up and yawn out loud while rubbing my head.

 

What time is it anyway?

 

With still half opened eyes, I look for my clock beside my bed. Finding nothing that looks like a clock anywhere, I give up and start to reach for my phone between the dolls in my bed. Unlocking my phone, I finally get to see what time is it now.

 

1 April 2016, 03:00 AM

 

I smiled.

 

It’s Jackie’s birthday, but its not yet at LA so I shouldn’t greet her Happy Birthday yet.

 

 

Soooo... What should I do now? Maybe I should fooling around with MeUs since it’s April Mop kekeke..  Let’s see what will I do now? Changing my pic to Donghae oppa? Or Jjong oppa?

 

With much excitement I open my twitter and ready to fooling around with MeUs, scrolling up and down around my twitter I found that I have more notifications than the usual

 

What happened?

 

I keep on scrolling through my twitter and found that.

 

Your dating news.

 

Eye widened, all the smiles and excitement I feel before suddenly vanish, stopping together with my heart that I swear I can feel it stopped for like one second there.

 

 

 

So it’s finally out.

 

I look at some articles about the dating news, theres some pics even video, and SM already confirm about it too. Then, I notice that I have a lot of notifications from our f(x) group chat and from my other social media’s account. Not feeling the need to open it now and having all my excitement gone, I decide to just lock my phone and throw it back to my doll’s section again. After that, I lay down again on my bed and try to sleep when I know I cant. No use in trying to sleep, I just stare at my ceiling. Then something caught my eyes so I turn my head to the right, facing my window.

 

Lights. The Lights from building outside.

 

Slowly, I get up from my bed and walk to my window. I look outside, so many lights with different colours lighting up the cold night. Guiding adults that need to work until late so they can find their way home, soothing the children so they will never be afraid of darkness, give young people a sign that the night is still long, giving final touch of romantic atmosphere for lovers, and give warms and hope for sad people.

 

 

Beautiful.

 

Yeah, it is.

 

Smiling bitterly, I found my way back to my bed. Laying down to feel the softness of my bed once again, I reach out for my phone and look for one specific song that suit me the most now. Set it on repeat, I lock my phone and throw it back where it belong. A beautiful low melody of cello come out slowly soon after.

 

Pentatonix.

 

I love them. Who won’t? Each one of them are like the best singer I ever seen. They got their own style, their own character, their own colour, and they combining that. They make great song and they do awesome covers. And among their covers this is one of my most favourite.

 

 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

 

Yeah, Say Something.

 

Smiling bitterly, I close my eyes and try to just listen to the song, trying to take all the feel and all the information inside.

 

I’ll be the one if you want me to

 

I was hurt.

 

I feel lost.

 

I AM hurt.

 

I AM lost.

 

Why?

 

Soojung.

 

Why can’t you be mine?

 

Anywhere I would’ve followed you

 

Damn.

 

I already know.

 

The company already told us that the news would come out today.

 

And Soojung dont want to deny it anymore so the company make a decision to confirm it.

 

And we all agree.

 

Except me? No. I was agree too.

 

But why didn’t you say something to me?

 

It hurts.

 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

 

Ha, Who are you kidding Amber Liu?

 

You want her.

 

She doesn’t want you.

 

Wake up.

 

And I ..... am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

 

Do you remember? What she said?

 

You both are best friend, giving sweet affection to each other that people would always think that you two are such a cute couple or if you really dating each other. But when the feeling of best friend growing up more, when you think you have some hope, when you think she wont judge you like people will because she’s born in America. She proved you that you’re wrong.

 

Dont tell me.. are you.... really lesbian Amber?

 

We can’t Am, you need to forget your feeling, or don’t talk to me anymore

 

And I .... will stumble and fall

I’m still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

 

Do you remember Amber? How you beg for her forgiveness, how you say you’re sorry but that’s really how you feel and beg her to at least dont judge and let you love her even if she isn’t. You told her to at least stay friends, that nothing about your friendship need to change. You told her to not thinking about your confession, to not affecting your bond, your friendship with her.

 

Say something I’m giving up on you

 

Do you remember how right after that confession and rejection you have a job to do and you need to be professional and set aside your personal problems. You need to keep on focus and smiling because its your job, and when breaks come you would excuse yourself to bathroom just to control your aching heart and your almost-fall tears while you keep texting with her to make sure your friendship wont break.

 

I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you

 

And when she agreed that you both would still be friends, you thought everything won’t change. That everything is alright and your friendship will back like before.

 

She proved you wrong once again.

 

Anywhere I would’ve followed you

 

She’s different since then. She used to search your hand for her to hold, now? She would make a distance around you. She used to text you everyday, now? She would really slow in replying your text and said that she’s busy. She used to greet you a good night, now? She won’t even reply your good night greet, when you say ‘good night’ she will reply it with ‘yeah, bye’. She used to talk about everything to you about her problems and all, now? When you know she have something on her mind and you ask her about it she would told you ‘no, i dont want to talk about it’. Then, how she looks at you, she used to look at you with so much care and affection, now? I swear she looks like she have a small hint of disgust in her eyes when she looks at you.

 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

 

But you just won’t give up. You don’t want to give up. Seriously Amber, how stupid can you be? You still have that hope that she’s rejecting you because she’s still young. You always thought that she likes you too and just too scared of her own feeling. Then, you decide to just wait for her to accept her feeling for you. You are in some kind of denial. You would keep on texting her, you would keep on giving her your care, your affection. You would act silly and all just to gain her attention.

 

And I .... will swallow my pride

 

And somehow it works. She’s started to relax more around you. Still not like good old times, but its better. You’re really happy about it and you thought that maybe, maybe you will have your chance, that maybe you still have some hope.

 

Once again, you’re wrong.

 

You never have that hope.

 

She started to have this silent project of ‘make Amber straight or guide Amber to the right path’. She started to annoy you with constant nag about how you need to get a boyfriend, implying how you close with Henry, Erick, James, Scott, Rome, Peniel, and all, and how about you should act and dress more feminine not just in stage but outside too, that you’re too boyish and all. She even told you to pray, reflect on yourself, and change. And you, being the one who dont want to ruin your friendship, would just play along and pretending that every boys is your bae.

 

It hurts.

 

It feel like you never accept me as I am.

 

But you said you did. You accept me as I am. But you just want to be a good friend and want to give a good advice on how I supposed to be.

 

Well, at least the good thing is our friendship is getting better. As long as I avoid talking about those ‘ual orientation’ topic, I think we are a good friend. Not a best friend anymore, but yeah at least we are a good friend, I can say that much.

 

Even if everything gets better. It still hurts because I still love you so much.

 

So I have been thinking about finally letting you go and let myself to moving on

 

You’re the one that I love

And I’m saying goodbye

 

But in fact?

 

I can’t.

 

I want to.

 

But I can’t

 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

 

I am too in love with you

 

And I’m sorry that couldn’t get to you

 

Then I decide to keep those feeling with me

 

And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-Ooh)

 

But then one day you told us that you’re in love with Kai and he’s confessed to you and you said yes.

 

And you’re dating him now.

 

Do you know how my world crumbled that day? How my heart breaking and I cant find the pieces anymore?

 

Oh no, you wont. You wont care anyway. You wont say anything.

 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

 

I’m confused..

 

I dont want to get hurt anymore.

 

But I cant let you go.

 

I decide that I will let this feeling stay and let it go when Im ready.

 

But I’m confused.

 

Can you tell me what should i do?

 

Jung Soojung.

 

Say Something...

 

 

 

So thats how I fell asleep while debating with myself and thinking about us, I remember when I about to fell asleep I can see your face smiling sweetly at me and I sleep with a bitter smile and a single tear down my face. The next day Im not coming out from my room at all, I ignore people that call me, text me, I ignore my social media’s accounts. I ignore everything else and just staring at my ceiling all day. April fool is such a joke I thought.

 

Well, half true half not. April fools is the day where my best sister born. I remember Jackie and get up for a while to text her happy birthday. She call me and ask if everything alright but I just say ‘yeah’ and hang up saying i was busy. Letting myself fall back to my depressed world.

 

Around 7 PM i hear my doorbell ring. Looking like a crap I am, I open the door to find my friends standing there grinning and asking me to hang out. They didn’t say anything, well no one knows actually, not even Jackie but I can feel that she is somehow know, so maybe my friends just tought that i look like crap because I sleep all day. Dont want to back to my depressed world, I decide to join them tonight, and starting to get ready.

 

 

Looking at my apartment one last time before locking it, I thought to myself.

 

I dont know whats right or wrong.

 

Heck, I’m pretty sure when we meet tomorrow at company I would smiling so brightly and congratulating you for your relationship. I would even said that I’m happy for you.

 

Thats professionalism.

 

Even if  I dont mean it at all.

 

But just let me Soojung...

 

Let me keep this feeling with me, just with me.

 

Until im ready to let go.

 

Until its gone on its own..

 

Until i can say that..

 

I dont love you anymore.

 

 

 

---

 

I just want to say something. It’s not just about Amber, Krystal, Kai, Kryber, or Kaistal.

This is actually for me as well, and for you. You know who you are...... or not.

I know you won’t read this since I believe you dont even know that asianfanfic or kryber exist. But, if maybe by any chance you stumble to this story someday, I just want to say I’m sorry for ruining our perfect friendship and for hurting you or making you uncomfortable, believe me I know. But i’m not sorry for loving you. I hope you can understand someday that I cant choose with who i would fall in love. I hope the best for you.

 

As for my readers, Soojung seems really bad at this, but in reality I believe she's a kind-hearted and an open-minded person. Anyway, this is Amber's part of "Say Something" and you will get Krystal's point of view next.