You know what they say about alcohol and wounds?
Rock BottomNobody noticed the bags under Moonbyul's eyes. Nobody noticed that she's been crying for the past week. Nobody noticed how she was basically a walking dead these days. Nobody noticed when she would clumsily clutch her chest because it felt so hollow and heavy at the same time, like the hole in her chest is growing, eating her up--consuming her. No one but Wheein and her ever observant eyes.
"Life been bad to you?" Wheein asked as she sat down beside Moonbyul on the bar, a band playing at the background.
Moonbyul shrugged, downing a glass of whiskey. "Life's always been bad," she said, cracking a smile that somehow looked so forced Wheein can't help but frown.
"I just noticed," she started. "You've been drinking a lot lately." She didn't want to be privy, but she couldn't help asking. This is definitely different from the Moonbyul she has known. Or maybe this was Moonbyul all along, Wheein thought, since she doesn't really know Moonbyul that well.
"You know what they say about alcohol and wounds?" Moonbyul asked, not taking her watery eyes from the empty glass.
Wheein didn't answer, but Moonbyul continued. "They said alcohol disinfects wounds, so I tried drowning mine with liquor," she said, shaking her head. "It's funny coz nothing has been happening, I could still feel the wound growing."
Wheein looked at Moonbyul from the side quizzically, trying to understand Moonbyul's words.
"I'm so ing hurt," Moonbyul finally blurted out, tears slowly trailing down her smooth cheeks. "I thought we were finally okay, you know?" She pounded a fist on the surface. "We were practically living together for days and everything was so perfect but I woke up one day and she was gone, only leaving me a note telling me to take care of myself and never skip meals and to be ing happy."
Wheein cautiously put her hand on Moonbyul's back before rubbing it. She doesn't know what Moonbyul was talking about, but she has a hunch. "I don't know what to say," she said honestly. "But I'm pretty sure whoever that person was, they love you enough to ask you to be happy."
"How can I even be happy?" Moonbyul said, sobbing now. "She was everything that made me happy. She was my only happiness."
"I understand that," Wheein said. "And really, I don't know what to say to make you feel better."
Moonbyul turned to look at Wheein through her tear-filled vision. "Can you please," she said, voice cracking. "Please stay?"
Wheein smiled, nodding her head. "Of course," she said. "And I'll listen."
Moonbyul shook her head before she started talking. She told Wheein about Solar, about how she fell in love with Solar the first time she saw her, about how she had been so happy in Solar's company, about how she didn't hate Solar when she knew that she was supposed to marry someone else, about how Solar made her feel like she was the luckiest and most unfortunate person at the same time, about how Solar left - never to come back again.
Wheein sat there for hours, never once complaining. She's been there, too, and she knows how painful it was.
At the end, when Moonbyul stopped talking and went back to staring at her glass, Wheein stood up from her stool. "I think it's time to rest," she said, offering a hand at Moonbyul. "I could tell you haven't been sleeping and eating properly."
Moonbyul hesitated for a beat before taking Wheein's hand.
"You'd love my couch," Wheein said as she lead them out of the bar. "It's very comfy."
Moonbyul shrugged.
"I was trying to make you laugh, by the way."
Moonbyul shrugged once more, following Wheein's steps. "Anywhere but my place would be comfy right now," she said, slightly slurring her words. "I think."
Wheein's laughter rang in the cold night. "You think," she said, shaking her head with a smile.
"It will get better," Wheein said seriously. "Not soon, but it will."
"Have you been hurt before?" Moonbyul asked.
Wheein waited for a beat before answering. "Yes, I have been."
Moonbyul nod her head. "Did you try disinfecting the wound with alcohol, too?"
Wheein laughed again before they round a corner. "No," she said. "I tried rejuvenating my heart."
"How?"
"I tried to love myself a little more."
"That's hard."
"It is," Wheein said. "But I had to do it. If I didn't do it I would have gone nuts."
"Are you better now?"
"It's been two years," Wheein said as they slowed down their steps. "I'm not going to lie, it still hurts when I get reminded about it."
"Sorry."
Wheein shook her head. "But I could say I've been better. This me that you know? This has been the best version of me. So I thank them for the pain."
"Do you think I'll be better, too?"
"Of course, Byul, of course. You have to. For yourself."
Moonbyul drew in a long breath. "Do you have ramen?" she said. "I've been craving for ramen these days."
Wheein huffed. "If I didn't knew better, I would think that you have been lurking in my cupboard."
"I don't even know where you live."
Wheein chuckled, practically dragging her new friend, Moonbyul, towards her apartment.
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