00 Prologue- Memories Of Life

Soundtrack: "The Kill"-cover by Sascha Miscovic.

You where sitting on your bed, watching the moon showing it's perfect round form to everyone. Your eyes hadn't left this beautiful thing since it started showing up at the sky. You had ignored your brother's calls, your best friend's text messages, the loud knocking at your door. The moon was always fascinating you, no matter how old you were. It was so huge and far away at the same time, it was watching you while sleeping, it was guiding you through countless forests while playing games like “hide and seek” during long-forgotten nights. It was your friend, your guide, your bodyguard. It gave you safety during the first years of your life, when you couldn't sleep because of imagining all those scary monsters stepping out of your mirror, crawling up to your bed

But today, you looked at it in a different way. The moon was beautiful, it was fascinating, it was the night's king. But on the other side, it seemed to be lonely, left out. All alone, as you were. You smiled at this thought, chuckling while taking one sip out of your bottle. Since when did you drink whiskey? There was a time, when you were disgusted by people drinking such hard liquor. But this was a long time ago, and now you knew what unrequited love and a broken heart could do to people and their drinking habits. While taking another sip, you slowly grabbed something from under your pillow and opened the lilac-colored book. The silver letters which formed the word “diary” once, were long gone. No one would have ever thought, that you wrote down all your feelings, thoughts and problems, using a diary. Since middle school.

A loud laugh left your mouth as you skipped a few pages, reading one or two passages of your middle school-time. How could you have a crush on idiots like Onew, one of your newly won best friends, or Jaejoong, the always loved kingka of each school he attended? After getting to know them better in college, you started to love them again- in a different, more platonic way.

The moment you thought back to Jaejoong's "Goodbye, High School!"-party, you heared someone knocking against the door heavily, "Yah, ____! How about watching a movie and eating some cake with me? I just finished baking! I'm sure about it beeing much more tasty than the last one, so... just join me if you'd like to, okay? I'll wait for you."

Of course you knew who it was- you were pretty sure about your love beeing with his girlfriend, looking at the artworks your class had finished for this year's gallery. Your dear and holy brother was still studying abroad... and your other friends were enjoying that stupid college party your love would attend also soon enough.

Only one person would stay at home just to worry about you, who didn't even open up the door for him. Only one person would be caring enough to try baking a simple chocolate cake for you, failing six times in a row. And only one person would be blind enough to not notice you drinking such an amount of alcohol while sitting on your bed. You were pretty sure about him not even noticing the fact that you smelled like a bottle of cheap wine all day long. On the other side, you never realized why he was so nice to you. Maybe he was just an idiot from the bottom of his brain and heart.

You decided to take another mouthful of alcohol instead of answering him, waiting for his footsteps to signal you, that he had given up on getting an answer, but your wish wasn't granted. This idiot had decided to wait for you until you opened that door.

Beeing the careless girl you had become when things came to him, you looked back at your diary and snickered at the memories of Taemin and you drinking alcohol while attending a karaoke night or Onew and you cooking for the kindergarten's children you visited during your free days around Christmas. You and Key bathing in the swimming pool your grand parents used to own made you laugh out loud. The stomach of yours was filled up with smashing butterflies as you remembered the moment Minho agreed to your idea of finally beeing friends and the smile he showed to you for the first time back then...

As your eyes switched to an entry that contained you and Jonghyun sitting together on one pony that was part of a merry-go-round, they started to burn, which made you bite your lips and forced you to take another sip of whiskey. You searched for the next empty side, thinking of what to write today before going to sleep. After finding a nice position for writing, you took out your lilac-colored pen and started writing...

“Dear you,

If you will cry while thinking of me, I want you to put the memories of your time with me to sleep.

Instead of keeping a sad picture of mine in your heart, I want you to remember me while laughing, smiling, having fun...

I want you to know that my heart is filled up with a mixture of gratitude and remorse. I'm sorry for falling in love with him, I'm sorry for hurting the person who loves me the most. I would love to take one, two, maybe three steps back in time, so that I could change the way my life and heart took. I simply want to change the past, my dear.

But I know that changing the past isn't possible. I'm not almighty, I'm not smart or rich enough to get me a time machine and travel back in time. You can turn your clock back to a time or date you'd like- the real amount of days, hours, minutes still runs forward like a waterfall and won't shrink.

You can't even take one step back in time. And what was lost, destroyed or forgotten once, never finds the way back to the present.

Dear you, whoever you may be-

I thank you for reading my diary.”

You started laughing softly as you reread this cheesy entry of yours. Somehow you felt, that this would be the last entry you'd ever write. So why not? Why shouldn't it be filled up with all of the emotions, regrets and thoughts you kept inside for a long time? With a tiny noise you closed your diary and put it back under your pillow before lying down and closing your eyes, getting hold of your bottle unconsciously. You snuggled into your blanket and got dizzy, not even noticing your urge to throw up. Before you knew it, the glassy item slipped threw your fingers and hit the floor, breaking into hundreds of tiny splinters. You coughed, choked, your lungs slowly ran out of oxygen. But still... you were way to drunk and drowsy to even move a finger, never mind sitting up or getting up on your knees.

You heard a last heavy knock on your door, someone called out for you.

And then everything turned black.

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Hello everyone!

Thank you so much for reading the prologue... I know that it might be confusing, but you will get to know more about the characters and especially what happened to the main a.k.a. YOU during the next chapters.

I just wanted to thank you and say good night, because I'm definetely going to bed now... *yawns*.

Goodbye, everyone. See you soon! <3 Please comment and subscribe!