That same day that I gave Donghae Kyuhyuns letter, I couldn’t sleep at all.

Want to know why? The answer is that I kept thinking about him all the freaking day, it was really painful. I already love him, but it’s hard you know? Realizing that you love someone who is already gone..

I know he’s already gone because today is his birthday. Today the promise he made, will be completed.

I lost him. And it hurts.

But no, I can’t let things end up like this, I have to go visit again, even if he’s not there anymore I need to be in that place. I hope he is still there of course, since I haven’t said goodbye, not that I want to..

So I went there, and surprisingly he was indeed there

He was there, and he was waiting for me. I have to do things right this time, since, I won’t have a second chance.

But when I stood there, behind his back, I couldn’t help it, the tears started streaming down my face.

“H-Hey” I said trembling while walking towards him

“Seohyun? What are you doing here?”

“I-I wanted to tell you that I gave Donghae your letter a-and that I was a bit worried since it’s almost night a-and it’s raining so I bring an umbrella..”

“Hahahaha, Seohyun I’m see through remember? I don’t have to worry about getting wet”  

“Ah, well yeah I know that b-but, I was thinking you know.. That It’d be such a waste, thinking that even though you’re d.. You know, that, I can’t just forget about it and not talk to you, since I want to say some-“

“Thank you.” He interrupted me, while resting his head on my shoulder.

“Huh?”

“Ever since the moment I saw my body turned down into ashes, my head’s been kind of a mess you know? But I feel a lot better now that you’re here.”

And that’s when it hit me, as if I just got a whole bucket of cold water poured on me.  I wish I could’ve realized this sooner you know, life is only one, and most of the time, you don’t get second chances. I wish I could’ve been braver and talked to him before. I wish I had felt the warmth of his body even just once, I wish that I could’ve met him in another situation.
But I didn’t.

And there’s no turning back now.

“K-kyu.. Can I tell you something?” I asked him while crying my heart out.

“Of course you can.” He said smiling down at me, which broke me even more, if that was even possible.

“I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you.” There, I said it. I made sure that all of my feelings were clear in my voice.

“Well, we’re almost the same. I’ve liked you since I first saw all of your pictures at the photo club. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a minute of this last 5 days I spent with you. Not even in the situation we’re in.”

I wish I could touch him more than anything.

Even more now, that I can see him fading away..

“Kyuhyun wait! Please don’t go! Please don’t leave me!” I said crying

“Seohyun, I’ll never leave you. I’ll be here with you forever. In our own transparent world.”

And that’s it.

It’s been 2 months since Kyuhyun left.

Almost everybody has forgotten him already, but I haven’t.

Every single one of those 5 days are still fresh in my memory, they are so fresh it hurts. I can still see him in the pictures I took of him. He's not there, but his memory is.. 

But he taught me something. I have to be more reckless, not be ashamed of who I am. I feel a lot of more confident now, since hey, life is only one. I can’t let it escape away from me, I must make the most of it, and live everyday as if it’ll be the last.

Next time I like someone, I swear to god I will tell him.

Next time I want to do something, I’ll do it.

Next time I want to say something, I’ll say it.

Next time, I’ll be myself and I won’t care about what others would think.

Now, this is a new me who’s talking.

And let me tell you, dear future me, that I promise, I won’t make you regret anything. I won’t fail you again.

THIS IS THE PICTURE SEOHYUN TOOK OF KYUHYUN.