Crossroads

That night three people once again spend a sleepless night. Yunho paces the night away in his room. Jinki smokes it away in the hotel’s garden, uncaring of the night chill. Jaejoong reads and listens to Yunho’s recorded thoughts, while the ring around his neck. Hours before the day break find him walking out into the hotel garden, with a cigarette pack and a comforter in his hands. He seeks out the remotest bench, only to find Jinki sitting there blowing smoke hearts at the moon. Something in Jinki’s still posture alerts the parent in Jaejoong that the boy had been on that bench all night long.

Jaejoong takes off his warm jacket and wraps it around Jinki who wakes up from his thoughts and looks at the older man in surprise. Jaejoong smiles at him and sits beside him, wrapping the comforter around both of them, hoping to warm up the boy much more quickly. When his actions meet with silence, Jaejoong quietly probes, “Jinki, what are you thinking out here, all alone?” He moves his arm to make the young boy lean into his shoulder.

Jinki stops puffing on his cigarette and lets it fall into the little pile near his feet. He unconsciously moves into the warmth offered by Jaejoong and his cheek rests on the older man’s shoulder. When Jaejoong waits patiently for an answer, Jinki remains silent for few long minutes before sighing into the chilled pre-dawn air, “Japan.”

“Why?” Jaejoong lets his question hang in the air, offering unconditional comfort to the boy in his arms. He can feel the pain radiating from the chilled young body. It reminds him too much of himself when he was Jinki’s age.

Jinki again lets silence hang between them for some time before asking his own question, “Dad really loves you. We always thought he never remarried in memory of our mother. But, after meeting you, we know it was because he never stopped loving you. You will accept him, right?”

“And it hurts you to think of us together?” Jaejoong tries to understand why Jinki’s words are so different from what his body is saying.

Jinki remains immobile in Jaejoong’s arms, “Tae and I are happy that Dad has found his love again. We are rooting for him and want you to accept him back in your life. We want you to marry Dad and become our stepfather.” He goes silent for a few moments before whispering again, “Look after Tae please. Don’t let him get bullied in school. You will need to lend him your strength when I am not around anymore.”

“Where are you going, Jinki?” Jaejoong’s soft question barely moves the air around them.

“Japan,” Jinki answers simply.

“Why?” Jaejoong asks again. And once more waits patiently for Jinki to open up to him. But he waits in vain. Jinki remains silent. Jaejoong puts his cheek on the young boy’s cold hair and rubs his face in them to warm them up. “What about Minjung?”

Jinki closes his eyes but maintains his silence. However, he is unable hide the involuntary shudder that runs through his body. He rubs a palm over his aching heart.

Jaejoong probes softly, “Gwiboon gave me the impression that you loved Minjung. You reinforced it the first day we were here. Then why are you moving away?”

Jinki again answers his question with a question, “You will accept my father, right?”

Jaejoong carefully thinks over his words before whispering, “Yunho was my first love.” He does not speak again for some time. They sit together, with Jinki’s body slowly warming up. Jaejoong tries again, “My only love.” Taking a deep breath, Jaejoong explains more, “Yunho did not have the strength to accept our love before. Nothing has changed now. He has even more responsibilities now than before. His company provides livelihood to many families. If we marry, it will spell doom for his business. Society will ostracize you kids. We cannot be selfish.”

“You have lived half your life with society. Can’t you spend the rest of your life with my father? You can live together in New York. Please accept him.” Jinki’s plea touches Jaejoong deeply and tears down all the walls that he had painstakingly built around his heart and with difficulty kept in place through Yunho’s diaries. Jinki continues to implore, “If you accept him, I will take Tae with me to Japan and take over the business in Asia. Please, I will never ask you for anything else.”

“Not even Minjung’s hand?” Jaejoong’s gentle question makes Jinki go quiet again. Jaejoong covers Jinki’s hand as it unconsciously rubs over the boy’s heart. “I have taken care of Minjung from the time she was still in her mother’s womb. After she was born, she did not leave my side. Not even when I was working. She was always a quiet child. When she began school and having a life which I couldn’t witness for myself, I still knew her mind better than her. You are the only boy she has ever mentioned. She may not say it aloud, but she loves you.” When Jinki still does not speak, Jaejoong adds, “I will accept Yunho, only if you continue to love Minjung.”

Jinki can’t help responding to that, “I never said I will stop loving her. Now you will accept my father?”

Jaejoong has by now understood how to deal with Jinki, “If you will continue to love her, why go away from her? How can you take care of her from Japan? How can you break her heart?”

Jinki stops breathing. His hand rubs his chest faster, “I have to go. She will find a better man than me.”

Jaejoong thinks for a moment and frowns, “Explain to me why?”

Jinki exhales the breath he has been holding, “When you become my stepfather, Minjung will be my stepsister.”

Jaejoong is puzzled only for a few moments before understanding what is troubling the boy in his arms. He squeezes Jinki tight for a second before letting him go and moving so they face each other. He holds Jinki’s chin and makes him look into his eyes. When Jinki’s sad eyes meet Jaejoong’s hopeful eyes, the older man smiles warmly, “So, this is what’s worrying you. You don’t need to go anywhere away from her. Minjung is not related to you by blood, you have all the right to love each other.”

Jinki proves to be very stubborn. He shakes his head slightly, with Jaejoong still holding his chin, “No, we cannot be together as anything more than brother and sister.”

“Silly boy,” Jaejoong wraps Jinki in his comforting arms again. “No law anywhere prohibits your love for her. But if it worries you so much, then fine. I will not marry Yunho. If we don’t marry, Minjung will not become your stepsister.”

Jinki wrenches himself out of Jaejoong’s embrace and holds the older man’s shoulders imploringly, “You cannot refuse my father. You have to accept his love. He cares more for you than anything else in this world.”

Jaejoong smiles at the urgency in Jinki’s plea, “I never said I will not accept his love. We just won’t marry. I think that will solve every problem facing us.”

“No, no, it will not solve anything. You can’t not be together. Dad will be heartbroken if you refuse him. Please,” Jinki shakes Jaejoong by his shoulders.

Jaejoong chuckles, confusing Jinki even more. He gently flicks Jinki’s forehead and explains, “My dear boy, we will be together. You kids will have to tolerate our living in sin, without marriage.” He laughs loudly with his next words, “What made you think I will let Yunho go, now that I know he loves me as much I love him? I was only giving him a taste of his own medicine to make him see how much his cold shoulder hurt me all this time. I will just let him chase me for some time more. I don’t want to show him how desperate I am for his love. Don’t you think I deserve to be courted properly?”

Jinki mutely nods, his mind reeling with happiness at the thought of not having to live without his Minjung.

Jaejoong grins at the faraway look in Jinki’s eyes and pinches his cheeks to make him focus, “Then promise you will not breathe a word about our conversation to anyone.” Jinki smiles displaying his full set of teeth and nods in agreement. Jaejoong stands up and bundles up the comforter to tuck it under his arm. “Then come, let us get some shut eye before your father loses all his patience and starts banging on my door again.”

Jinki walks behind the older man who continues to scheme, “Remember to take lots of pictures of him grovelling to me. I will show them to him whenever he gets too cocky with me.”

Both chuckle as they enter the hotel.