All i can remember now was my past. All the bullies yelling me the same word's : "look y/n. she's so fat worthless and ugly. do you know how disgusting you are?" I remember crying, passing out, screaming, feeling like want to kill myself, going to the hospital because i was too skinny yeah right, cutting. Anything hasn't almost changed. But one thing only. I am going to college in a different city. i quess it's better though. cause no one might bully me. right? i think. Finally when were front of my new college, i start to feel anxious. My heart jumps like a football. It feels like it. I take my bag and stuff out of the car. "D-dad. Do i have to go?" I ask scared. "Darling sweet, i love you. Everything is allright i promise." My dad looks me, touching my chest. I smile little bit. "y/n make sure to keep those boys away from you." My dad says laughing. "Daaad, stop it" I fake laughed because i know that there wouldn't be those "boys" that i have to keep away from me. "I'll call you everyday. I promise dad." i feel like crying. I feel my face turning red, and the heat of my head makes me feel wierd. " I promise too" My dad kiss me on to my cheek's and hugs me. I smile and almost start to cry. I have to go fast before i change my mind. I start to walk fast. And then i hear my dad yelling : "Bye mushroom. Remember to eat.. and study hard!." I stopped and yelled back. "Always dad. I love you!" 

I think a lot of stuff, like who's going to be my roommate? i hope it's a girl. oh actually i hope it's no one. but that's not a freaking choice in this school. and the roommate can be boy or a girl. it's just stupid. they don't care if you are a girl, with a boy in a same room. i hope karma isn't b*tch this time though. I see alot of peoples in the yard, doing something. All i could hear is talking. I don't know what everyone is talking about but, i don't care.  At least there isn't anyone here to yell me, how worthless and fat i am. I see people's being alone, hot boys, "cool girls", nerds. It's like a movie. But it's not..  

I have everything i need, in my suitcase. My razor which i have to hide somewhere, diary, computer, books ,ipad, earphones, money and all of that kind of stuff what person need's.

I put my hair behind my ear and gasp. well here i am. new school.. i see a lonely tree and walk under it. I sit under the tree and get my diary out of my suitcase. It was on my suitcase so it was easy to pick it up there. I have always pen, inside of the book. I open my diary and start to watch my last, update on my diary. Which was yesterday.

"Literally today is the baddes't day of my life. I have gained "some" weight. I hate myself!

urghhhh starve yourself fatty.

weight 54kg

goal 45kg

that's i need to do. i don't ask myself alot.

Cut's : 3 on legs

stomach : 2

hand's : 4

ps. remember tomorrow is your first day in your new collage. DONT GET CAUGHT, about your past, dont fall in love or anything just do your job here because it's what your mom wanted you to do, and after college maybe i just could go and kill myself. Does my mom want that? I think yes. because then i see her again."

54kg.. that's so much. d.i.s.g.u.s.t.i.n.g. i hate myself. well this collage give me some good help. no one isn't here caring about my eating. i think. I hear the bells ringing. I was shocked. So shocked. I wonder why my dad didn't come with me.. I put my diary back, in my suitcase and start to breath heavily. I walked inside in the school, and feel tingly on my stomach. I feel like throwing up. Ugh. Everyone was looking at me. " oh look. New student" i hear someone saying. I only look on the ground. Trying to ignore everyone's stares.

As i am trying to find the principal office. After 5 minute's shearcing i finally found it. I knocked on the door. I hear people walking next to the door, and open's it. I see a tall person with blond hair, smiling for me peculiarly. "Hello..My name is Sasha.. Oh new studen't welcome welcome, please come in and take a seat." "t-thank you" I say shyly. "Your name was?" She asks me. "Y/N" i say. "Nice name.. Well okay so everything is already in your and your roommattes room, because your dad transported your stuff already here, yesterday.. And im sorry but you have boy as your roommate. We don't have space here and, that boys roommate just, exchange school so it's only thing we can get availeble for you now. And he's really sweet boy when you get to know him more." She says, talking very fast. OF COURSE. just my luck. "Okay thank you so much." " And oh, this day is totally free for you to get relax, and unpacking your stuff and get little bit to know this school. And if you have any questions im always here for you." She says with warm eyes. " Thank you. And yes im a little bit scared, of this new school, but im sure ill get trough this feeling. And by the way what's the number of the room?" I said chancing the subject. " Room 490" She said laughing. "Thank you, for so much" I said fake smiling. "No problem. See you tommorrow!" I smiled as i hear her saying those words. "Yeah bye" I get up of the chair and closed the door front of me. I gasp and breath air in to my lungs. Deep. I walk, walk trying to find the rooms. I couldn't just find them. Some boy walked behind me and it felt like, he was trying to say something to me. I start to walk little faster but then I feel something touching my chest. I turned, and saw a cute boy. I looked freak'd out. " Umm, h-hi im sorry. I didn't mean to shock you or anything. But are you the new student?" He ask's me, shuttering. "y-yes i-i am.." I said trying to cover my face, looking on my legs. "Wow okay, cool. Nice to meet you. Im Sehun.." He said happily. "Yeah.. h-hi im y/n. D-do you know where's room 490?" I feel like turning red. "Yeah, i know. You are my roommate. Follow me.." He watched me, biting his bottom lip. Wow he's so cute. But i don't deserve him. I start to follow him, as we walk trough the room's.

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Okay here's part one. I hope u guys like. I did this like 2 hours haha, im so tired. And the first chapter's are always hardest to make.

Chapter 2 .. i think im going to make it tommorrow if i have 3 subscribers. ps. remember to give me a feeedback if,  you have time real quick :) Thankkss

Love you <3

-- Ashley