In the middle of this ocean, one lonely whale cries.

 

No matter how much it shouts, no one can hear it.

 

So lonely it just stays quiet..

 

No matter who I was back then, it’s whatever now I don’t care.

 

When loneliness is by my side, I become completely alone, sadness filling the lock.

 

- Min Yoongi, Whalien 52

 

Sometimes I wonder if people can actually see me, hurting.. in pain. Sure they may seem like they care, as if they know my situation, as though they can relate to the things that I am feeling. I don’t think they can. I don’t think that they can see mentally understand the things that I’m going through and still think it’s okay to tell me stories of what they did and make it seem like I understand what I’m doing in my life.

 

“Mom, I’m home.”    

 

“Can you pass me the baby bottle in the pot?”

 

I’m not.

 

“Mom, this bottle evaporated.”

 

“Listen, I am having a hard time right now, can you just pass me the ing bottle.”

 

“Alright, alright...” I handed her the bottle. Sometimes I didn’t like the hostility in her voice but I couldn’t blame her. She was a single mother, with me and my 2 year old baby brother Dongwoo, that had to work long nights while I took care of him and when she came home, I would work at a 7/11 until 6:30 in the morning and then I have afternoon classes at my university.  She normally wasn’t like this but then my father went off and cheated on her with a much prettier noona. And when they tried to make amends, she found out that he contracted an STD and months later, he passed away. I believe she hates herself for that. I would be too. It really kills a person’s self esteem. But that was when it was just me and my mother. My mother, then got herself a prison boyfriend. They were doing well.. until he stole everything we had, leaving us with nothing. On top of that, she was pregnant with Dongwoo. So whenever she called me a ing , I’m a little tolerant towards her.

 

“You can go ahead and rest, mom. I’ll watch Wooga.” I took him out of my hands. He looked at me and hugged my neck, making himself comfortable.

 

“Are you sure you want to do that?”  She got up and stretched. Though she may show concerned, I can tell how exhausted she was, she was only saying these things out of courtesy.  

 

“It’s alright mom, I had an espresso shot a while ago, I can still go until he goes to bed. I’ll just sleep when he does.” She nodded in agreement and groggily went into her room to sleep. I watched her leave before laying down in her spot with Dongwoo on top of me. She’s done enough already it was just to put him to sleep. I looked up to the troublesome 2 year old who was fighting sleep. I think we were all trying to fight sleep. I his soft baby head, his hair starting to becoming full nicely.

 

“Have you been giving mom trouble?” I said in my softest voice. He looked at me and shook his head and touched my face and smiled. His smile is probably the only genuine thing I have in this world. He turned his head and instantaneously he was out. I was somewhat glad but then a little saddened hoping he would talk to me more. As my eyes were starting to close, my phone vibrated. I decided to let it sit there and take a quick rest, however as one eye started to droop, my phone constantly went off. I sighed and put Dongwoo into his crib carefully and sat up answering my phone. My head hurt, I was about to crash, it was 7 in the morning and all I can think about is how can I skip class in order to take a rest day. It was my day off as well from work so every moment I had doing nothing was blissful. I looked at my phone.

 

Sehun- ah. Sehun-ah. Are you asleep?

                    Seen at 06:59

 

Sehun, you’re always sleeping

                    Seen at 06:59

 

You need to wake up it’s an emergency.

                    Seen at 06:59

 

We have a fashion due today which requires you to be at the MALL.

                    Seen at 06:59

 

IT’S like SERIOUS.

                    Seen at 06:59

 

SEHUN ANSWER YOUR PHONE YOU LAZY HOE. IT’S MANDATORY.

                    Seen at 07:00

 

Sigh, just meet me at the mall at 11 alright?

                    Seen at 07:00

 

A sigh left my lips as I scratched my head and picked up the phone. There’s never rest for my family. We never get a break in this household and I’m slowly getting fed up. I looked over at Dongwoo, making sure my brother was safely sleeping and laid back down. All I need was a couple minutes.. A couple minutes.. Or.. a couple hours..