“Well I need to know what the hell happened!” Myungsoo snapped.

“I said nothing!” Hyemi answered.

He crossed the room and and grabbed Hyemi the back of the neck. His eyes studied her carefully, quietly inspecting her carefully. His eyes stayed on every bruise, every scratch she wore. She was one breath away from pushing him away, but instead stood still. Meeting his gaze without a single flinch. After a few moments his grip eased, his hand simply resting on the back of her neck.

“Did he do something to you? Something to hurt you?” He asked.

Hyemi watched him, eyeing the thinly veiled hate in coming him.

“That man you were supposed to catch. That Seungsoo, he’s the one that hurt me” Hyemi explained.

Myungsoo felt his vision shift slightly. That damn bastard had gone after Hyemi? He’ll kill him. As soon as he got his hands on him, he’d kill him.

“I’ll find him” He growled.

Hyemi fixed him with calm stare, “Jongin took care of it”

Myungsoo said nothing, “And you’re sure Jongin did nothing to you?”

“I don’t know how many times I have to say it. He didn’t do anything to me” And as much as she knew it was going to be a bad idea, she decided to trust the man who had been by her side for so long, “It’s me”

“What?”

“I’m losing clear judgement” She whispered.

She said nothing, feeling his fingers contract against her skin before he pulled his hand back hurriedly. The look on his face was as close to horror as she had ever seen it.

“How so?” He said, his voice hushed and carefully void of whatever he was feeling.

“I don’t know” She said, lies, she knew very well, “I’m just realizing that the world is not as black and white as I thought. Jongin isn’t as bad, as terrible a person as I thought he was. He risked his life for me”

The grip on her arm was sharp, but Hyemi knew better than to say anything, only opening with a silent gasp.

“He’s just as bad as you have always thought. Don’t let yourself get manipulated” He said firmly.

Hyemi didn’t say a word. It was useless to argue with him. He released her.

“It’ll take a week at least since it’s non-emergent. I’ll have to convince the director to approve this and we’ll have to set up a drop where we’ll catch them in the act. Check that phone often, let me know of a good day and we’ll see what works”

“I have this too” Hyemi whispered, handing over a flash drive of information.

“Is this everything?” Myungsoo asked, “What about that laptop I had sent to you?”

As usually Myungsoo knew her very well. The laptop was sitting in the back of her closet, tucked underneath the gun along with the rest of the information that should have been on that flash drive.

“I gave you everything I have. It should be enough” She said simply.

She wasn’t lying. Main networks, suppliers, everything needed to dismantle everything Jongin had was in that flash drive. What was missing was a few transactions, a few contracts, bits of information uselessly removed so that he would still get a conviction, but not one that would results in decades of jail time. It was a small thing, insignificant, but it was the only thing she could do for him.  

He didn’t seem to believe her completely, but thankfully he left it at that. He pocketed the flash drive and stepped back.

“Don’t be stupid, you’ve only got a few more days to go” He said and left without another word.

~~~~~~~

Don’t be stupid.

She stayed in her apartment for 5 days, knowing that Jongin would be looking for her, but trying to buy herself time away from him. She hoped it would bring her clarity, but as soon as she closed her eyes she imagined herself back at his side. Looking into those dark eyes that spoke volumes about what he felt. She had known he loved her before he even said it she decided, as soon as he had shown up at the door alone she had known it. She almost wished he hadn’t.

It was hard to tell herself part of her wasn’t happy to be back at his house. The gates swung open for her and she walked in quietly. No one approached her, but she knew she was being watched.

She went inside quietly.

“Where were you?” Kyungsoo asked, voice careful to sound calm.

“Ah, the first person I wanted to see” She said sarcastically.

“I asked you a question”

“I needed a breather from all this” She said truthfully.

“Where were you was the question”

“I don’t have to answer that” Hyemi snapped.

“Yes, you do” He warned.

“Or what? You’re going to kick me out like at the hotel room?” Hyemi said smugly, “Going to hand deliver me to the next bad guy willing to kill me? Did you share that part with Jongin yet?” She asked.

A hesitation as small as a fraction of a second and Hyemi smirked, “He doesn’t know, does he?”

He said nothing, staring at her calmly.

“I’m not afraid. Tell him, you have nothing to hold over my head. He’ll understand”

“I don’t think he’ll understand almost getting me killed, but I’m too tired. He needs you, you saved his and you’ll do it again. I won’t say anything”

He watched her suspiciously, “Why?”

She shrugged, “I don’t care that much about destroying your friendship. I’m gonna go see him if that’s it” She said and before he could hold her back she went upstairs.

Contrary to what she said, she didn’t go see Jongin. She couldn’t look at him in the eyes. She went into her bedroom and closed the door behind her quietly. She hadn’t been here in a long time, having been shipped to that stupid hotel. Time wasted when she could have been here, with him. The thought was unwanted, but honest as she quickly banished it from her mind. She barely came out for the next 4 days. It was 9 days and counting and all Myungsoo had given her was to keep waiting. She couldn’t stand it, avoiding Jongin in his very home.

He hadn’t come to her door though. In all that time, he had stayed clear from her and she wondered if somehow her cover wasn’t blown. Maybe he was plotting her demise.

The thought was not as frightening as it should have been.

It was about 4 in the morning when she snuck downstairs for food. She ate quickly, anxious that she might meet him in the halls even though she somehow knew that he knew what she did regardless. She was at her door when the echo of his voice carried up from the bottom of the stairs. She hesitated, her heart begging to stay in place and at least see him walk up. His voice grew closer and like the coward she was she stepped into her room and shut the door silently behind her. She stayed close to it, listening as he said good night to the other male voice with him and walked past her door. His steps passed by and faded. She shut her eyes, he hadn’t even stopped at her door.

Myungsoo would call soon. Maybe even tomorrow. She had thought the smart thing would be to avoid him, avoid getting more compromised than she already was, but she had never imagined he would let her avoid him. She hadn’t planned for being left alone, she had shamelessly planned on giving in when he came looking for her. He hadn’t and it had resulted in wasted time. Her heart constricted. What if Myungsoo did call tomorrow though?

She found herself walking down the hall and knocking on his door before she could stop herself.

“Hyemi” He said in surprise.

“Can I come in?” She asked quietly.

He stepped aside for her, closing the door behind her.

“I hide out in my room and you don’t think to come looking? You say you love someone, but if that was true wouldn’t you have come?” She asked, surprised at the small tirade of words that apparently she had been dying to say.

He looked as surprised as she felt, “Sorry. It’s been busy”

Something must’ve shown on her face, “I thought you might need time away from me” He added truthfully.

She frowned, “What?”

“Everything that happened with Seungsoo, including what you had to do. It’s not something you encounter with normal people. I thought maybe you regretted everything. I figured you needed the time to think about it” He explained.

“Nothing will ever change the fact that for some reason I fell in love with you” She said honestly.

Relief crossed his eyes, “I was worried. Not many people would stick around”

“You still should’ve come” She said, “What were you busy with though?”

He hesitated before smiling tentatively. He waved her over to the bedside table and pulled out a photograph as she took a seat on the edge of his bed. She took it from his hands and studied it, the boy who looked like Jongin.

“My brother” And looking at her surprise he grinned, “Well, half brother. He doesn’t know about me, I didn’t know about him until a couple of years ago. My father’s genes run strong, don’t they?” He asked.

“He looks just like you”

“He’s better. He’s an honor student. Very bright, a big future ahead with the help of the trust fund I’ve been putting money into under the guise of a nonexistence inheritance my father should’ve left for him”

She stared at the boy and back at Jongin, he took a seat besides her, “I like to live through him sometimes. Imagine that I would’ve been that bright if I hadn’t ended up here” He said, his eyes holding a sadness she hadn’t seen before.

Instinctively, Hyemi took his hand in hers. It was almost funny, how his large hands still somehow fit in her grip. How her fingers somehow just fit when he interlaced his fingers with hers.

“But there’s nothing to do, that’s life” He said, taking the photograph from her, “You’re the third person to know about this including Kyungsoo and I. He’s coming to visit Korea soon for a semester abroad and I wanted to meet him, but I don’t think it’s wise anymore. Imagine people finding out his older brother is some thug. His future would be ruined, the police themselves would harass him non stop” He said with a shake of his head.

Hyemi took the photograph from him and carefully placed it on the top of the bedside table.

“Regardless of your flaws, I truly believe you’re a good person Kim Jongin” She whispered, leaning in so that her lips were only inches for his, “Your brother would see that too”

“I doubt that” He said knowingly, a smile on his face as his hand rested on the small of her back.

She close the distance between them, kissing him earnestly. When had this ended up feeling so right? When had it lost the hushed whisper of a conscience telling her this was wrong? She unlocked her hand from his only to bring it up so that she could hold his face in her hands. His lips tasted sweeter than they usually did, sugar coated by the knowledge that it could be the last kiss she could ever get from him. His arms wrapped themselves around her waist and a hand slid up to hold her by the back of her neck. The touch was tender, his thumb lightly brushing along the curve of her neck, sending shudders down her spine.

Pulling back just barely enough to get a breath in, she held his gaze.

“I missed you” She said very honestly.

“I did too, Baekhyun laughed at me when he noticed, he said it was silly to miss someone who was in the same house” Jongin admitted with a soft laugh.

Hyemi wish she could stay here, in this moment, forever. She placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, meaning to say good night afterwards. Instead, she lingered, running a hand up along his arm. It was a split moment decision. To stay in this moment. To make sure it didn’t end quite so quickly.

“I love you” She said under her breath, the words causing a fluttering in her stomach. Words she had never before said to a man. Words she had never meant in a romantic sense until he came along. Boyfriends came and went, none worthy of those three words until Jongin came into her life.

In a different time, in a different life, she would like to meet him again.

She kissed him again, letting him lay them both back onto the bed. It was nothing but kisses and wandering hands, but Hyemi felt as if she was being consumed by his presence. She wanted to lose herself in him.

“You wasted time not coming to see me” She breathed, tangling fingers into his hair, pressing herself against him, feeling the fabric of his shirt slowly ride up against her skin.

“There’s always more time. I promise I won’t do that again in the future” He said, leaving a trail of kisses along her neck, down to her collarbones, pausing at the collar of her blouse.

The future…

“I’d like to sleep here tonight” She managed to say, something not unlike electricity coursing through her veins, sending sparks flying wherever he touched. How she managed to string together a sentence was beyond her as she managed to slip his shirt over his head hurriedly.

He grinned, “Who on earth would ever say no to that?” Jongin asked, grabbing her by the hips and moving her to the center of the bed, wincing suddenly.

“I’m so stupid” Hyemi whispered, trying to sit up even as he straddled her, “You’re still hurt”

“I’m fine” Jongin promised.

Hyemi shook her head, carefully trying to sit as she caught her breath, “I’m an idiot. You got stabbed”

“I said—“ Jongin said, grabbing her wrists and pinning her down onto the bed, “I’m fine”

He leaned down so that he obscured her vision. All she could see was Jongin.

“If you think I’d let a little cut get in the way of something I’ve been looking forward to for far too long, you’ve got another thing coming” He said.

Doubts and worries disappeared, quite possibly burned to flames by the rise in temperature Hyemi was suddenly experiencing.

She shouldn’t…

She couldn’t…

Myungsoo had said don’t do anything stupid…

“I don't want you to get hurt” She whispered.

“I'll be careful enough” Jongin promised, hands already at the buttons on her blouse.

Even as he undressed her, using a combination of mouth and hands, she realized she should have come to him sooner. There was nothing in her mind except for the feel of his hands on her bare skin. Worries were gone, fears disappeared. All she knew was him and she realized there were definitely better ways of counting down her last days. Because even if she was making things worse for the both of them, she couldn’t walk away without giving him all of her.

Even if he would never understand.