Word count: 619

One thing you will learn, is that love is only a concept that cannot be defined. It's everything you want it to be. Yet it's everything you pray it's not. 

You'll find yourself and learn to see who you can trust and who you can't in the process. 

You'll suffer, a lot probably. But in the end, you'll find someone who's heart will match with yours. But until then, you'll suffer, and learn along the way. Weather you want it or not.

***

Jessica knows a lot about suffering. She's done it a lot. A whole lot. 

First with Hyoyeon, her first girlfriend who actually did awake some sort of feelings within her.

Second there was Yoona. A friend of a friend. Or something of that sort anyways. That developed and grew like a tumor. That eventually exploded and left a huge discusting scar. 

Third was Seo Juhyun or Seohyun as she prefered to be called. A health freak. That eventually choose her buisness degree before Jessica.

Fourth, Yuri, also some sort of health enthusiast that liked to drag the lazy princess out on jogging dates and miles upon miles of walking. When they broke up Jessica didn't go out or breathe fresh air for a whole month because she didn't like the familiar feeling it brought out within her.

Fifth, Sunkyu: the niece of a famous buisness man. Sunny as she liked to be called was definitely a ace of all trades. There wasn't anything she couldn't do. Life felt so much easier with her around. 

Sixth, that would be Taeyeon, a short woman standing at only 156 cms. Creative but somewhat of a rock. Not one for reactions or expressions but there was something passionete and genuine about her. When they parted ways life seemed a little more tasteless and dull.

Seventh was a woman who was too tall and too skinny. But god was she amazing. Charming, charismatic, generous. If kindness could be a person it would be Sooyoung.

The last and most heartbreaking of all. Hwang Miyoung aka Stephanie or as she preferred' Tiffany. She was so perfect yet inperfect. So different yet so alike those others Jessica given her heart to. As if one had taken one good and one bad trait from each and every one of Jessica's previous girlfriends. 

***

Maybe love wasn't for everyone. Maybe there was no real soulmate who's soul fit like a piece of a puzzle with hers.

Maybe Jessica was too unique.

Or maybe she was such a terrible person that her lonliness and solitude was her punishmet. For her past life's crimes and sins. 

Or perhaps she suffered too well. The aching of her heart and crushing of soul was so fun to watch. That they made sure it never had a end to it.

Suffering is just a concept, the feeling of pain and pain related feelings. Such as anxiety.

In the way time and feelings are concepts. Love might just as well.

Something we are taught to know and feel. But never truly recognise.

So stranger yet familiar.

***

Jessica doesn't like her late night thoughts and deep ponders. She doesn't like to question everything she done and every move she made. 

She doesn't want to know how many mistakes she made and how many hearts shes hurt.

She doesn't like the fact that no matter how hard she tries, she's never enough. 

Even to those who's supposed to think she is. 

That's how the concept should work. She should be enough and together there's supposed to be a happy ending. 

Yet as Jessica finds herself laying in the same hospital bed for the fourth time this year.

Even the concept of death seems to fail her.