Best friends. Me and you were best friends. Childhood friends. Friends. But I wanted to be more. I was lying in bed, just thinking about my feelings for you. Goddammit. Why? Why was I so into you? I had no idea. Maybe because you doodled on my book when I lent it to you, which had weird hearts and fonts of your name. Maybe when I gave you my sweater and you returned it with your smell. Wow, I am a creep. Or maybe because you had a stupid, stubborn personality and just raging fire all the time.

    But I guess it only made me like you more.

    I was just laying in bed, thinking about our past. When we were younger, playing at the park until dinner time reached and we ended up eating by each other while our parents gossiped about people they hated. When I’d spend all day at school just talking to you until the teacher yelled at us. Well, me actually, because you never responded because you were a “good” girl.

    It was weird, knowing every memory I had with you like it was just yesterday. I guess it was because you were just forever on my mind.

When this winter is gone, if you are just the same, I’m going to tell you

I sat down at the table, dozing off as I stared at the empty spot across from me, too busy thinking about you. You, you, you. My whole day was always spent thinking about you, even when you were right in front of me. Your smile, your laugh, your everything. How could I pretend that what you do is nothing? Thank god that Jongdae was too busy talking to even notice me because I knew he’d tease me for being like this. 
   “So, who do you like? Like really, come on,” Jongdae said to you, raising his eyebrows up teasingly but a serious look on his face. We’ve tried too many times to make you tell, but you never gave us an answer.
    “Please, Jongdae. No, not telling you,” you responded, shaking your head. I snapped out of my stupid thoughts about you and scoffed.
    “Come on, Wendy. It’s obvious that it’s me,” I said, pretending to flip my hair. I only said it because it’s what I wanted. But there wasn’t any expression on your face, not the slightest bit that’d indicate that you liked me. You didn’t, did you?
    “Really, Baek? How many times are you going to say that it’s you when it’s obviously Kim Jongin?” Kim Jongin. that man. that hot, smokin’ bod boy. Kim Jongin was a well known dancer around the internet and he actually went to this college when he was in college. But he’s a 23 year old man who runs a dance company and he’s a very famous choreographer.
    You obviously didn’t like him because you’ve only seen him through the computer screen and you couldn’t be in love with someone like that. But it was obvious that you did admire him and did spend quite a fair amount of time looking at his videos posted up on social media.
   You were a dancer, but also a musician who sang. So, pretty talented. You did care about singing and composing more than dancing, so bless that fact.
   “Kim Jongin is so hot,” Seulgi intervened, groaning and throwing her head back.
    “Hey! I called dibs!” You called out. She shrugged. Personally, I thought Seulgi would look better with Jongin than you would. Mostly because I didn’t like you with him.
    “Whatever, ain’t even my type anyway,” I teasingly spat. You gasped and threw a napkin at me, offended, but at least I knew it wasn’t true.

You’re so unfair. Are your eyes and nose and lips going to be stunning no matter how many times I see them?

    “You should sing me to sleep,” you said over the phone. I was in bed, with my phone on speaker and laying next to me, you on the other side of the call. We used to do this often, but now they’re becoming less frequent. Mostly because we’ve grown up and we have different schedules. But these nights are the ones I cherish the most. The nights I can fall asleep to your voice and you being the only thing on my mind.
    “No,” I responded. You loved my voice. I kept saying you and I should have a duet but you’d always refuse. Even though we’re best friends and we’re so close you’re still not confident enough to sing for me. But you’d always be humming and singing with Seulgi and Jongdae. I asked why but you never answered.
    “Please?” You begged me with a hopeful voice. You were stressed out, I knew. So I decided to. I sang All of Me, secretly singing it to you. I knew you fell asleep when you didn’t say anything when I was done. You loved it when I sang you to sleep.

You were always beside me

I was on a movie date with you, and after the movie we went to a restaurant for dinner. I decided to do something a bit more expensive than usual, just because you deserved it. You always deserve it. I looked through the menu, deciding on having their steak and setting it down while waiting for you to look through. You looked so perfect tonight, even if you were just in jeans and a cute coat to cover your petite body.
    I oddly started to regret this decision, knowing that many people would be looking at you because of how you looked. I looked around, just to see if anyone was eyeing you because they couldn’t, you were mine too good for them. Luckily enough, no one was.
    I looked back at you only to see you looking at me in a weird way, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed.
    “What’s up with you?” You asked. Your menu was down and you were ready to order. You probably watched me the whole time. I didn’t realize that my hand was slightly trembling under the table and my heart was beating rapidly against my chest.
    “Nothing,” I said, even though I wanted to say something else.

I think my trembling will let you know more clearly than any words could.

If I could, I’d do anything, even if it’s awkward. You’re more to me than anything. But I couldn’t say those things. Goddammit. Why must you be like this? It’s unfair, having you be so perfect. Perfection. I always thought perfection wasn’t real, but now, growing up with you and being with you, I knew I was wrong. Because my definition for perfection would be you.
    You sat at your desk, notebook open and pencil in hand, tapping it on the book in hopes of that action giving you an idea. You were writing your songs again, but I wasn’t complaining. Even though you wouldn’t sing for me, you’d ask for my ideas of your songs and let me help. But today, I was just lazing around in your room and laying down on your bed, secretly enjoying the smell of your sheets because it smelled just like you. Vanilla and mint, I never knew it’d be such an addicting smell.
    “How do you feel about this?” You asked, throwing me your book. I looked through it and smiled. Love song, once again. But I didn’t mind. I read through it and nodded.
    “I’d like it even more if you sang it,” I responded, throwing it back. You caught it easily but shook your head.
    “Nope. You can hear Jongdae sing it when I give it to him and record him, though,” you replied. You loved giving your songs to other people to sing. I know you’ve recorded yourself before, but gave up and gave it to others. I’ve sung quite a few, but only if you think it’d sound good with my voice. Seulgi and Jongdae have also sung some, but not as many as me. Of course, I loved it when you asked me.
    “You know, you should sing it with Seulgi and the other girls, if you aren’t going to sing by yourself,” I commented. Irene, Joy, and Yeri were also close friends from her classes, but the others majored more in dancing rather than singing and composition. You stopped and thought about it.
    “It does sound better if a girl sings it,” you mumbled. I nodded, but it was to mask my excitement. I layed back down in your bed and snuggled up with your sheets and your scent.

I run over time the time and meet the morning with holding your hands

I hadn’t seen you all day, which was normal sometimes because I knew you were busy today, but all I could do was miss you and think about you. Goddammit. Goddammit, I was saying that too much. I saw you yesterday and yet you still aren’t off my mind. Why must you be like this to me? Dangerous, I tell you. You are dangerous.
    But at least I could take my time thinking about you to put it in something much more useful. I finished composing my songs which were all actually about you. Wow, I was crazy about you. , I was a creep. Not only were you into composing, but I was too. We were perfect for each other, why weren’t we together yet? Oh, yeah, because you didn’t like me. Goddammit. , stop saying that word you .
    Anyway, I finished it by the end of the day after messing around with the ending. I even recorded it and burned it onto three separate discs. Yep,