Entry 10, November 2013

A few weeks have passed since the start of school, and so far I have lived well through it. There are days where Jong Suk terrorizes me with no end and then there are days where he doesn’t even look at me. Also there are days where he does one simple thing, like bumping my shoulder and that’s it for the day. Isn’t that weird? I just can’t seem to understand him.

Lately I have been feeling a little down. That is because my mom is currently getting on my nerves. She wants me to bring some friends home with me, but how do I tell her that I don’t have anyone to bring? After so much time has passed now, I don’t have a friend to visit me at home. I feel somehow empty and my heart is aching.

I feel lonely.

Somone please be my friend. Just one person, one person is enough. For more I don’t ask.

I sat at the far end of the classroom while Jong Suk was throwing paper balls at me. How can he be so childish? Does he not have anything better to do? Like, I don’t know, paying attention in class?

I looked up and glared at him, hoping he’d get the message. But of course, he didn’t and another paper ball hit me right in the face.

“Strike!” Jong Suk cheered, while bumping his fist in the air.

“Jong Suk, is there anything you would like to share with your classmates?” Mrs. Choi our history teacher asked him. She is actually really nice. I like her, unlike Mr. Kim, whom honestly everyone dislikes. But the whole school ships them, because they’d make a good match. So they say. I personally don’t think so. I think someone nicer would fit her more.

“No, everything is fine.” He answered as he smiled and looked at me. “Isn’t that right, in Ha?” He mouthed towards me.

I didn’t react and only turned my head back to the front board. Ignoring him.

Finally the bell rang and I was heading towards the door, passing Jong Suk without a glance.

Him, being himself stretched his foot out and I tripped over it, landing on my hands and knees, meanwhile the things I was carrying, scatered on the floor in front of me.

He hovered beside me and was cracking himself up with his so called friends.

I tried to ignore it and was about to pick up my books, when he spoke to me.

“Want me to help ya, In Ha?”

“Yeah, help her.” A friend of him said, who was standing beside him.

With a mischievious smirk on his face, Jong Suk kicked my belongings further away from me.

I sighed and looked up.

“Are you serious?” I asked in a low town. I now stood in front of him, facing him.

“Pick it up-“ I growled at him. “-you head.” Looking him in the eye.

At first he looked dumbfounded at me, before his expression turned dark and he asked me. “What did you just say?”

Without thinking over what I was about to say. The words just left my mouth and I couldn’t stop them.

“I said, pick it up, you damn head.” I repeated myself, emphazising on the word head.

The male in front of me exhaled the breath he was holding, before he grabbed me by my hair and slammed me against the wall.

This coming totally unexpected, I screamed in pain.

“Don’t you dare call me that again! Pick it up your damn self!” Jong Suk yelled at me. He grabbed me by my hair again and pushed me to the floor.

“That’s what you get for opening your mouth.” That was the last thing he spat and then he left the classroom, heading towards the cafeteria, with his friends following him.

I sat there on the floor wincing in pain, as I watched the blood dripping from my forehead onto my essay beneath me. The piece of paper soaking in my dark red blood.

“Damn.” I cursed. “I have to turn this in tomorrow.”

I didn’t have the nerves to encounter Jong Suk again. So I ate my lunch, I had brought with me, in the backyard of the school building. So no one could disturb me.

For the wound on my forehead, I had to go to the nurse office. I explained to her that this had happened in P.E.

I have P.E now, but that she doesn’t know. The wound needed a few stitches and she told me to be careful in the future.

I always change my clothes in the bathroom, since my P.E lessons in Middle School. Let’s just say that I have learned my lesson.

Slowly I made my way outside, where the lesson should start. I felt somehow anxious and wanted this school day to end fast.

Strolling towards the field with my head hung low, I bumped into someone. I didn’t even have to look up. I recognized him, just by his scent. Without saying anything, I walked passed him. At the same time I felt someone grab my arm and the person yanked me backwards, making me face him.

I didn’t dare to look up.

“Woah, woah, woah where do you think you’re going?” Jong Suk asked me. He was still holding my arm.

I didn’t speak. Silence hit us, until he cupped my cheek with his hand, forcing me to look up. I didn’t want to see him. I tried my best to avoid his gaze. But he pulled my head to look straight at him.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” He only said. Silence, I didn’t answer. He averted his eyes, landing on the wound on the right side of my forehead. His hand reached up from my cheek to the wound, slightly touching it with his thumb. Silence, no one said anything, until he sighed, letting air slip through his cherry-red plump lips.

“Does it hurt? Was that from a while ago? Did I do that?” He slowly asked, looking sternly into my eyes.

I turned my head away from his hand, leading for the skin contact to break. I didn’t answer as I turned to walk away from him. Jong Suk didn’t react, he also didn’t say anything, and the rest of the lesson went by with nothing much happening.

He didn’t bully me, nor harass me or talk to me. But I caught him a few times staring at me and every time we locked eyes for a few seconds, he would immediately look away.

That day my mom took good care of me. Cutting fruit for me, making me hot chocolate and letting me play video games as long, as I wanted. Naturally I didn’t tell her what had really happened. I just made something up. But I know my mom and I know, that I wasn’t telling the truth.

I’m thankful to her, that she just dropped the topic and believed me for the moment. Someday I’ll tell her, what really happened and what Jong Suk has done all this time. As kids he was so nice and we always played together.

We spent so much time together, but in Middle School everything started and till today I don’t know why.

Entry 10, November 2013 End.