Present time

Kibum watched Changmin rub his chest and wince every now and then. “Is it hurting?”

“No, I was just thinking about mom… it pricks a little…” Changmin says a little melancholically. He hasn’t seen her since the surgery and he feels guilty for not giving her time.

“You’ll meet her today right?” Kibum watches a small smile grace his lips answering her question.

Changmin halts his steps when they reach the cafeteria door. They’ve been gone till lunchtime. Kibum looks at the door and then at Changmin, “are you going to sit with us as usual?”

“I’ll take my lunch to the garden.”

Kibum doesn’t think that’s a good idea. The entire school is going to notice if Jung Changmin doesn’t sit at the Kyu-Line table for lunch. But she rather not stress him out.

“you head to the garden. I’ll bring our lunch.” Kibum offers but Changmin immediately shakes his head.

“You should sit with them. I want to be alone.” To Kibum, it sounded like he wanted space from her. and then she realised how Minho, Kyuhyun and the others might be feeling being distanced by Changmin. “Why do you have to be such a martyr? It hurts others more than you.” Kibum says with slight bitterness.

“Others are hurt?” Changmin frowns, “what do you know with your perfect little family! I can’t look at Minho’s face without remembering my father’s face every time he told me their story or how my mother kept saying sorry to Minho’s grandmother in her sleep. You only know my story Kibum. Otherwise, you don’t know anything.”

Kibum’s nose and eyes twitched a little because of tears she refused to let fall. But that was enough to make Changmin regret his words.

“Kibum I-”

“You know you get really acerbic when you're mother isn't around to reign you in.'' and Kibum stomped into the cafeteria angrily.

Changmin was about to go after but thought better off it. She could fling stuff when she's angry. He decided he'll apologize after she's calmed down. Changmin turns around and heads back to the classroom to get the lunch his father packed for him.

''hey...where's Changmin?'' Jonghyun asks the second Kibum is at their table. But Kibum loudly slams her lunch tray on the table that they are too afraid to expect an answer. Minho though, wanted to ease the bitter feelings he has. ''did I do something to him?'' he asks timidly but Kibum is frustrated to the point where she can't control her tongue anymore.

''all you did is exist.'' the gasps from the people at the table made Kibum bite her tongue. ''I...I meant...aish...'' Kibum groans loudly. She just snapped at Changmin for being mean and here she was doing the same thing. She looks at Minho who’s horribly hurt by her words especially being a new student where friend circles existed from 7th grade. She remembers his delighted expression when they, rather Changmin asked him to be their friend on his first day. ''its not what you did Minho. It’s between Changmin's parents and your family. I'm sorry for saying that. I was taking out someone else's anger on you.''

''that's ridiculous! Between their parents!? '' Kyuhyun slammed his hand on the table, ''he's acting this way because of some family feud!''

“it's not a family feud. You don't know anything!'' Kibum whispered harshly mindful that they've attracted attention from the rest of the student body.

''oh and you do? I've known him longer and I know he's not being the Changmin I know.'' Kyuhyun yells at Kibum despite Suho's hand on his shoulder silently telling him to calm down.

''are you yelling at me because I know something about him and you don't?'' Kibum shrieked in disbelief, ''well I have news for you Cho Kyuhyun, there's a part of Changmin you don't know and if you keep up with your 'I know him best' attitude he'll never tell you!''

''guys calm down.'' Jonghyun tries to interject. ''stop fighting guys." Minho says quickly moving towards the exit, ''I'll talk to Changmin and settle whatever issue is between us.''

 ''No.'' Kyuhyun pulls him back and walks ahead instead, ''I deserve an explanation first.''

''Kyuhyun wait!'' Kibum runs after him followed by Minho, Jonghyun and Suho. And somehow, the other students also follow them.

Changmin was just stepping out of the classroom when he was pushed back in by Kyuhyun. Changmin's eyes moved from a furious Kyuhyun to an anxious Minho and a worried Kibum. He glances at Jonghyun and Suho who shut the doors on the students that followed them to see more drama. ''what's going on?'' Changmin asked Kibum which irritated Kyuhyun further.

''your girlfriend here claims yours and Minho's family have a history that you never told me about.'' Kyuhyun grits out.

Changmin's brows knit together. While most of the tension is from Kibum telling his family's past, its Kyuhyun's phraseology that jumps out first. ''claims'? Why do you sound accusatory? You never referred to Kibum this way.'' Changmin questioned Kyuhyun.

The other male was slightly taken aback but then scowled, ''I deserve to know.'' '

'yes you do...'' Changmin says solemnly, ''but not to one-up Kibum.'' and Changmin grabbed his bag from his desk and walks to the door. His eyes meet Minho's, Changmin communicating a silent message to him briefly before looking to the front. ''tell the teacher I'm not well.'' he says, brushing past Suho and pushing through the crowd.

When he was gone Kibum looked at Minho apologetically, ''I think you need to talk to your parents... And remember, Changmin's parents are good people.''

To Minho, that didn’t help. He had mixed feelings about this situation and most of it was confusion. Hurriedly he took his bag and ran out of the class.

~~~

Changmin was already taking off his shoes before he closed the door. He hopes no one's home so he could pretend he was home as usual from school when his father returns later. But he spots his father's shoes by the door indicating he was already home earlier than expected. That could only mean one thing.

Walking towards the kitchen he sees his father working over three dishes, his back facing Changmin.

All the exhaustion from today vanished in the blink of an eye and instead he was like an excited child on his birthday. Unceremoniously, Changmin dropped his bag on the floor, on the very spot he was standing.

Yunho was startled by the sudden thump that his hands flung the tomato chunks he was about to throw in the pan. Yunho first looked at the tomato splatter on his ceiling, then at the MCM bag he had bought Changmin last Christmas before he cranes his neck to look at the staircase. The staircase is void of any long-legged teens but he can hear those long legs thumping on the upstairs hallway.

Without any feeling of anger over his son skipping school or worry about his health, Yunho picks up the kitchen landline to call Kibum. She’s the only who would tell him straight without spicing it up. Rare quality in females these days.

Changmin took off his jacket and waistcoat when he passed his room and threw them without even stepping in his room. he doesn’t care where they land though he knows his father will scold for dirtying or crumpling the white apparel. Damn! Changmin’s willing to do laundry for a month if his father says so.

At the end of the hallway, Changmin halts in front of the white door. He fixes his hair for some reason even though those pale bony hands are going to ruin them (and he loves it even if he says otherwise).

Changmin opens the door slowly and finds a figure on the canopy bed, sleeping on the side and blanket over the face body till only the black locks are seen. Changmin doesn’t bother taking slow steps knowing the fuzzy carpet covered floor make for noiseless footsteps.

He wished his parents had all the bedroom floors carpeted before. And while they’re at it, maybe the bathtub, kitchen island and stairs too. So he didn’t have to deal with the nightmarish ‘thump-thump-thump’ till he was 10- the time the floors got carpeted. But then again, compared to carpets, it was easier to clean….er…bodily fluids off wooden and tiled floors.

That thought had Changmin looked down at his bare feet. He’s regretting pulling off the socks at the stairs and leaving his slippers in the living room. He’s now imagining suspicious moisture under his left heel. And like his father is when he spots a cockroach, Changmin jumps on the bed with a shriek that sounds more like yodelling.

“WHAT! WHO! WHAT!” Jaejoong sits and looks around dazed then finds her son scrubbing his feet with the blanket. “You gave me a heart attack!” Jaejoong admonishes pulling the blanket.

“’nother attack?” Changmin asks with genuine panic and concern.

“figuratively.” Jaejoong waves it off. Can’t use phrases related to heart loosely in this house. Once their past the cringing and scaring, both have an excited smile. Jaejoong spreads her arms and Changmin throws himself in them, hugging her waist like when he was a five year old that couldn’t reach higher than that. “I missed you… how’s your heart?”

“good as new.” He says against her stomach. “only recovery is a .” Changmin doesn’t care for his choice of words. He gets his flowery vocabulary from his mother after all, “I think dad botched it up.” That earned him a smack on his head.

“don’t say that. It’s not easy for him… and me neither. I thought I was going to die when they were wheeling you into the OR.”

“You were going to die…” Changmin got another smack, “but you were. You stressed so much you got a !” Changmin turns to lie on his back. With his head on his mother’s lap now, he looks at her face upside down, “but at least you're okay.” He smiles up at her.

With the stress since yesterday, Changmin feels like he aged 20 years and now, with his mother back, he feels like a toddler all over again. Feeling his mother’s hand comb through his hair, he wishes they had more moments like this, a thought he mutters out loud just as he’s drifting into sleep.

Jaejoong’s eyes widened slightly before they become downcast. It’s true after all. There’s not much mother and son time when he was born premature with a weak constitution and heart disease and she was tired out just walking from the bedroom to the living room.

She looks at the wall opposite the bed through a loosely hanging drape. The housekeeper is on holiday today and Yunho tried to make the bed.

She stifled a giggle looking at the crumpled yellow paper turning brownish, framed in a black box and a glass front. Being lady-like had flown out the window and she had guffawed loudly when Yunho had pushed her in on the wheelchair that day with an infant Changmin wriggling in her arms. She preserved her bucket list, yes, but she never thought Yunho would frame it and hang it on their bedroom wall.    

Next to the list is a square patch where the painting looks relatively newer than the rest of the wall. That used to be where the painting she got in Florence used to hang. Five year old Changmin had one day pushed a chair on the wall, yanked the painting off taking the hook and some plaster in the process, and put it in his room above his bed.

“it’s Umma and Appa bird protecting Minnie bird. So it should be in Minnie’s room.”

The parents couldn’t argue about that. There was an argument though, when Yunho patched the hole in the wall and painted over it with eggshell on the ivory wall. Contrary to what Yunho believes, the wall is not white.

Now there was a patch of mismatched paint to remind her how unlike the painting they were. Yunho had been both parents to Changmin while she could only talk to him while supine.

Still she couldn't complain. That day she woke up a week after Changmin was born, she wasn't upset Yunho didn't perform the surgery. She was just glad to be alive so she could see her son.

Like Yunho said, her quality of life is bad. She can't go too far without a wheelchair. Earlier a wiz in the kitchen, she now sits on a stool and only makes herself a salad. There are times she has to be hospitalised, like when she collapsed from the stress of Changmin's surgery-a good one month in and out of the hospital that she didn't get ten minutes to see Changmin after he was discharged.

But at least she can be part of her son's life. She has thrown the best birthday parties in the house. She has only attended Changmin’s recitals a few times but she’s there to help him practice. She tried to help him study only to end up getting algebra and physics lessons from her very smart son. she’s not doing as bad as it may seem, after all Changmin keeps complaining of his parents’ noisy bedroom activities.  

She didn’t realise how much time had passed till she heard footsteps. Looking to the side, she saw her husband enter with drooped shoulders. Yunho looked so adorable that Jaejoong wanted to . “Why sho shad?” she crooned jutting her bottom lip in mock-pity.

“your son dropped his bag so hard on the floor, the lunch he didn’t eat spilled on his English textbook. Then he threw his coat on his bedroom floor which for some reason had cranberry juice and now the sleeve of his white is pink. And now I burnt the dinner because I was on the phone.”

“Aw! I can wash the coat.”

“you do that. And I ordered pizza.” Yunho looks at Changmin sleeping soundly. it’s good he did because Yunho knows he didn’t get any sleep last night after knowing about Minho’s family. “I was talking to Kibum… Min and Kyuhyun had a fight today… over Minho…”

“that boy’s name is Minho?”

“didn’t I tell you he’s Heechul’s son?”

“You didn’t tell me his name…” Jaejoong looks down at Changmin brushing his hair a little, “I never wanted him to bear my burden.”

“He’s young. He doesn’t understand our purpose… then again, we should’ve been clear we don’t want to give him a legacy of hurt.” Yunho pinched the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know about Heechul and Junsu’s families… after our last meeting all those years ago I don’t think they like us very much. I’d rather not put Min through that. We may have hurt them but I’m not willing to have my son or you die over it.”

Jaejoong reached for Yunho’s hand and the back of it, “I know… you’ve been nothing but great taking care of us…. Yunho…I’ve been thinking….” Jaejoong’s cheek redden slightly due to embarrassment, “I don’t like living like this.” Yunho was about to pull his hand away in shock but Jaejoong held onto it. she knew he thinks she’s talking about dying again, “It’s been more than 10 years… I don’t think like that anymore… I’m tired of thinking like a sinner… I never told my father to leave his family for me… I was a baby. And what my parents did was an accident too… and because karma is a , they both died, I struggled and Changmin is carrying a burden that’s not his. And sure you broke off a marriage one day before the wedding but at least you didn’t marry her and then leave her.” Jaejoong looks at Yunho with a pout and Yunho tries not to laugh, “I think we’ve been repentant long enough. I’m bored.”

“I think so too…we need a break… remember what Mom once said?”

“that we’re so hell bent on punishing ourselves for people who don’t want to have anything to do with us, that we don’t get better…. I think it’s true…”

“we’re done with our sentence. And we need some family time. I want to take his mind off these things for a while.” Yunho walks to the door, “wake him up, have a good talk. I’m going to call his school. tell them we’ll be back only for next week’s bake sale. You have to teach me baking like you taught me how to make bulgogi.”

“Will do hubby.” Jaejoong makes shooing motions at him telling get going. Yunho leaves, but keeps the bedroom door open so he can eavesdrop. Jaejoong shakes her head and then turns her attention to her son. “Changdola… wake up Minnie…”

“mmm… foo…hungry…” came the sleepy demand. “Yah!” Jaejoong smacked his hip so hard that he woke up with a start.

“Mooom~!” Changmin rubs his hip.

“Don’t mom me! What’s this I hear about you fighting with Kyuhyun?”

“I wasn’t fighting with him. he was the one picking a fight.” Changmin huffs and mumbles, “He thinks he’s coming second to Kibum.”

“that’s not a big deal. You all haven’t matured that much for balancing relationships and it’s completely normal. You're all still young… too young to be thinking of your parents’ problems.” Jaejoong looks at Changmin meaningfully.

Changmin stares back, trying to gauge his mother’s thoughts, formulating the right speech in his head and trying not to cry out in stress. “Dad told you about Minho…”

“the first time your dad told me he only said you became friends with the transfer student. I was quite happy… proud actually… It’s the first time you took the first step. Kibum was the one who confessed to you first after all. Minho must’ve been happy to find friends so quickly… I can only imagine how he must be feeling with your change in behaviour.” Changmin fidgeted uneasily under Jaejoong’s gaze.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him… but I don’t know what to do either… so far avoiding him has only made things worse.”

“why do you need to avoid him at all? isn’t he your friend?”

“How can I be his friend?” Changmin looks at his mother incredulously, “His family hates us. We hurt them.”

“You’re not in this ‘We’ Changmin. You did nothing.” Jaejoong said sternly, “Never have I wanted you to think you have a legacy of wrongdoings and punishment. All you have is a hereditary heart disease… and maybe your dad’s dorkiness… that’s worse if you ask me.” Changmin laughs a little at the small joke and Jaejoong’s face softens, “my baby Minnie. I never meant for you to live this way… when you were born, I knew my health wouldn’t allow me to be a full-time mother. That’s why I told your father to make up for what I couldn’t give.”

Changmin scoots closer and hugs his mother, “You gave me a lot more than you think.”

“I did, didn’t I? I gave you a burden unintentionally.” Changmin shook his head against Jaejoong’s shoulder but she continued nonetheless. “but I did… we should’ve been clear to you when you told about our history. I wanted you to know about your family and we could never lie to you. Our family is not ideal. My parents never married, I was illegitimate, your dad’s father was some scumbag who ditched your grandmother and your father ditched another girl to marry me…. We never hid all this from you because we wanted you to learn and grow knowing about this and to your credit, you grew up to be a nice human being despite all that. Until the whole Minho episode.”

Changmin pulled away and looked at his mother with a frown. “if you didn’t want me to be a part of this why did you say our hearts are weak because of we hurt those people?”

Jaejoong tilted her head cutely, “did I say that?” it sounded innocent but there was an implication behind it that Changmin understood. The teen stuttered a little before looking away sheepishly, “You read my mother’s letter didn’t you? Those were her exact words in them.” Changmin nodded impishly, “I should be upset you went through my personal stuff but how can I blame you. For a long time I let her letter drive my motives just like you. My father said it was nonsense but he died right after that to convince me otherwise. It has taken me many years to realise I’ve punished myself too long.”

“But…but… dad said he’d let me transfer schools away from Minho! Why would he say that then?”

“Because he’s worried. Look at yourself. You just had heart surgery and you’ve had so much stress in two days, we’d do anything to keep you safe.”

Changmin manages a small smile, “like the birds?” a small sound of surprise came from Jaejoong’s throat. Maybe that painting did apply to them after all. “yes, and your dad and I think you need some time off. We all do. No school, no work, no Kyuhyun, Kibum, Minho or his family. Just us.”

Changmin gave a teeth-baring smile eliciting one from Jaejoong too. “I like that.”

Jaejoong nods and her nose wrinkles cutely in agreement, “we have to teach your father baking and I want to paint again so let’s shop for materials. And you and I need haircuts too.”

“You should colour your hair.” Changmin pipes up, “I want to try too. Can I? and I’ve so much stuff to buy! My watch is broken, there’s a hole in my shoe, my shirts are too tight and my phone makes a funny sound.”

“You people are already planning our holiday?” mother and sun look at Yunho who strolls in as if hurt being left out, “and it looks like my wallet will suffer.”

“Oh honey~” Jaejoong coos, “a husband’s money is his wife’s money.”    

 “and your food is my food.” Changmin grins cheekily hugging his mother.

“nice family I have here…” Yunho sneers sardonically.

~~~

“EEEE! My hair’s going to land in the cake!” Changmin hurriedly pulls his mother’s hair behind and clips it.

“I told you to tie your hair.” Yunho says coming closer to the upside down apple cake he made. He’s a tad snippy since it’s his creation.

“What’s the point of dyeing my hair if no one can see it!” and Jaejoong punctuates it by flipping her now honey blonde hair. Yunho saves the cake from getting assaulted by her hair again. “You should carry the cookies instead of the cake. At least they are in a box.” Yunho says and Changmin promptly exchanges the box he is holding with the cake that only had a cellophane layer for protection.

Being the only one with free hands, Yunho pushes Jaejoong’s wheelchair while Changmin walks beside them trying not to obviously drool over the cake.

“Jaejoongie~” a woman came squealing with her husband in tow.

“Jihyo unnie!” Jaejoong squealed and passed the box to Yunho so she could stand up. Jihyo and her husband, Jihoon assist Jaejoong up and the women hug.

“You look so great!” Jihyo cups Jaejoong’s face, “is it the new hair or did your cheeks really fill out.”

“Hahaha! My weight increased eating Yunho’s failed baking attempts.” Jaejoong teased while Yunho scoffed. He has a perfect upside down apple cake which nullifies all his previous failures.

“I would think this foodie here would eat them up.” Jihoon says, throwing his arm over Changmin’s shoulders.

“Even I wouldn’t eat three layers of burnt cake… or more like biscuit. I’m surprised Mom didn’t get food poisoning.” That had Jihoon guffawing so loudly, he smacked poor Changmin’s back in laughter.

“Dad you're hurting him.” Kibum comes over and pulls her father away from Changmin then stands between them protectively. Jihoon tries to control his laughter this time at how protective his daughter is of Changmin, even from her own father.

“Honey, why don’t you kids get their cakes to the stall.” Jihyo takes the box from Yunho and gives it to Kibum.

The teens nod and walk towards the ground where tables were lined for the bake sale. They had fine clothes draped over them and some even had umbrella shades beside them. the baked goodies were the only food from the parents while there was a small buffet with other foods on the side of the ground. It was no fundraiser for the prestigious school, but the school had a custom of having such events for the parents to socialise and be apprised about their children’s academic life.

When the children