For three days, Jongup did not seek out Himchan in the gardens. He would go down every morning to visit the cows in their pasture, avoiding Himchan as he tended to his crop and instead hiding away in their home with the same menial chores his mother always gave him. It was mid morning on the fourth day when his entire family left the house together. They were going to a neighbouring town on errands for Jonghwan and his Fiancée's upcoming wedding and left Jongup behind.

Almost as soon as the door closed behind them, he was heading into the garden, creeping his way around the canola and peeking from behind a tree at Himchan as he down Danggeun's back, holding a handful of hay to her which she munched happily. She was a beautiful animal, and it was obvious she had taken a liking to the man working in the field. Jongup swallowed as he watched, his hand raising to touch the healing bruise on his cheek. It had faded significantly since the evening of the feast, but he knew the cut across his lower lip would still be obvious.

Himchan knew he was being watched even though Jongup was silent as a mouse. He smirked as he stepped from beside the cow to lift a bale of silage over the fence, calling out, “What would your Papa say if he knew you were out here, Little Fawn?” Jongup flushed lightly, biting his lip before he stepped out from where he hid,

“My Mama and Papa aren't here, they went to another town for all of today.” he said, chuffing his foot against the ground. He moved to lean against the fence, watching as Himchan cut the string baling the silage, moving it into the trough for the cows to feed on while the grass browned too much for them to enjoy, “I'm.. I was gonna go to the waterhole.” he said. Himchan raised a brow,

“The waterhole?” he asked, turning to look at Sangchu as her nose nudged his hand, causing him to shake his head, “These two seem to think they are dogs rather than cows.” he said, watching as the old girl moved her head under his palm in an attempt to get affection from the man standing in their pasture.

“They just have a lot of love in their hearts.” Jongup smiled, “There is a waterhole in the forest, less than half a kilometre from the edge of the pasture.”

“Is it wise for you to go walking through the forest alone?” Himchan asked, his hand stilling on Sangchu's snout, causing her to groan and urge for more. He turned his head and finally looked at the younger man. What he saw caused him to pause, his eyes sliding slowly over the bruise, then lingering on the sliced flesh of such a soft, plush lower lip, “Jongup..”

“Come with me.” he said, climbing under the fence and moving to wrap his arms around Sangchu's neck, nuzzling just behind her ear. He didn't respond to the elder man.

“Is.. It wise for us to venture into the forest alone?” he asked, wiping the sweat from his brow. Jongup just nodded, starting across the field towards the line of trees,

“Yes! Now come on!” the younger called back. Himchan just looked to the cattle, before following the boy across the dry grass to the fence. He hopped over it with ease,

“Why do you have cows anyway? They aren't producing milk. Does your father intend to slaughter them for beef?” he asked, following Jongup's lead into the forest. It was obvious the younger didn't want to speak of his injuries, so he would not berrate him, even as he felt a dark heat swelling within him. He felt the need to protect twisting in his belly, his fingers curling into a fist at his side before he relaxed again.

“No!” Jongup said, his expression shocked and horrified at the thought of his beautiful girls being killed, “They were twins. One mother carried them both at once, a farmer from across town believed it a miracle, and so he gifted them to us as calves. I used to feed them from a bottle until they were old enough to eat the grass.” he grabbed a stick from the trail, using it to push branches from their way, “Jongho-hyung and Jonghwan-hyung are both much older than me. They didn't often play with me when I was a child. Instead I played with Sangchu and Danggeun, and the chickens. I thought up stories and games in my mind and I would run around the garden and dream all day. Papa said it was bad, but it made me very happy.” he said.

“How much older than you are your hyungs?” Himchan asked curiously, reaching out to push a branch from his eyes,

“Jonghwan-hyung is ten years older than me, he is already an established lawyer on the mainland. Jongho-hyung is seven years older, he lives in the bigger city on the island. I think he is searching for a wife, so that he can start a parish just like Papa did.” Jongup said, nodding.

“That explains a lot.” Himchan said, jumping down from a rock with a chuckle, allowing Jongup to lead him deeper into the woods, “Just where are you taking me, Little Fawn?” he asked, Jongup smiling,

“Hyung you will see it soon” he said, reaching out and taking Himchan's hand, tugging him to move faster. Soon, their ears were filled with the sound of trickling water and they stepped into a clearing. A small stream flowed ahead, the water dancing and evanescing in the glittering sunlight as it rolled into a small pool. The water was crystal clear and looked deep as it lazily soaked up the warmth of the summer sun. Jongup turned to look at Himchan and smiled, moving to step over the mossy rocks until he made it to a large boulder with a flat surface that sloped gently towards the pool. Slowly, he lowered himself to sit, undoing his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head,

“Come on, Himchannie-hyung!” he said with a smile, standing to undo his pants. Himchan was pulling his shirt over his head as he crossed the stream to follow Jongup, kicking off his shoes just as he dropped his shirt down beside the younger's. Jongup dropped his pants and slipped easily from them, standing in the sunlight.

It was then that Himchan paused, his eyes slowly gliding down the fair skin of Jongup's back. A bruise marked his upper arm, and another on the centre of his otherwise flawless back. The notches of his spine were elegant, and his skin was dotted with fading scars, and light freckles. He averted his gaze as it began to drop too low, instead busying himself in removing his remaining clothing as Jongup leapt into the water, the splashes flying onto the rocks. His head rose again to the surface and hands lifted above the water to push his raven hair from his face.

Himchan followed not a moment later, diving into the beautiful pool. It was warm from the sun, and the pebbles that gathered below their feet were smooth and rounded from the flow of the stream around them. His head lifted back into the air and his eyes opened, a sense of peace overcoming him as the two of them swam together in the serenity of the sun bathed forest.

Time passed at a different rate in that pond. The warmth of the sun bathing their soft flesh as the water gently lapped at their bodies, bare as the day they were born. Responsibility dissolved around them until nothing was left but the hammering of their entwined hearts. Feet left wet footprints on rock as they leapt time and time again into the water, releasing cries of excitement and carefree joy.

The sun was high in the sky when they finally pulled themselves from the water and collapsed back onto the boulder by the chuckling brook. Himchan laughed as he closed his eyes, his chest heaving with every breath, turning his head to look at Jongup beside him, his wet skin glowing in the radiant light and leaving the rest of the world breathtakingly unimportant. Leaves rustled in the trees as a soft breeze brushed over their cool skin, sending a shiver through the younger of the two, but he did not make a move to cover his bare body, instead turning his head, dark eyes meeting Himchan's, and a genuine smile spreading over his lips,

“I feel so happy here, Hyung..” he breathed softly, “I feel so free.”

“Do you often not feel free?” Himchan asked, his voice soft, as though anything louder would break the crystal surface of their time together. Jongup's head gave a minuscule shake, his eyes closing and his arms rising to stretch out above his head.

“I know what my life ahead holds, Hyung... Sometimes I know I have no freedom. I've never had freedom. Jonghwan will marry, then Jongho will follow. Both of them will marry for duty, and out of obedience, not out of love.”

Himchan had never heard Jongup speak like this before. He carefully rolled onto his side, feeling no shame for his state, “You don't know that, little fawn. I am sure Jonghwan loves his fiancée.” he said, but Jongup just released a short exhale of amusement,

“He doesn't. Not truly. He loves her because he should. He loves her because he wants to.. Not because it came naturally.” he said, turning his head again to look at Himchan, “We are sons, and sons are had to be married off. My mother and father will find me a girl from the town, and they will organise everything to suit themselves. I won't love her.”

“Maybe you will find someone before then.. Someone you want to marry.” Himchan said softly, his eyes rising to follow the movements of a butterfly as it fluttered slowly over the water.

“Have you ever been in love, Himchannie-hyung?” Jongup asked. His voice had taken on an airy tone, as though filled with wonder. The farm boy looked to his friend, the young man who he knew held so much promise for a life ahead. A part of his heart ached at the question, but he wouldn't lie. Never to Jongup.

“I was. Once.” he said, rolling onto his back once again. “It was a long time ago. I was nineteen.. not that much older than you are now.”

“What happened? If you loved her.. and you were an adult. Why didn't you marry?” Jongup asked. It was his turn to watch the elder's expression, his eyes curious. Himchan simply closed his eyes and smiled a sad smile,

“People like us could not marry.” he said, voice soft, “Our love.. Our love was a secret. A coveted, precious secret.” a lump swelled in his throat, “But we were found out and forced to break apart. They were forced to marry another, and I withdrew and entered the army.”

Jongup pushed himself to sit, his eyes sad as he looked down to Himchan, “What happened?”

“I was in the army for two years.” Himchan spoke, turning to look away, “By the time I returned, my parents had sold our farm and had moved into the city. My love... Two years married with a beautiful child, they wouldn't speak to me, neither would my parents.”

“Himchannie..” Jongup breathed, his eyes tracing over every angle of the elder's face,

“It has been five years since I was discharged. Wounds have healed.” Himchan said, sending Jongup a gentle smile,

“Do you still love them?” Jongup asked, his voice soft,

“No.” Himchan said, eyes sad, “No. I don't. I hold our memories dear, but I no longer love them.”

Silence overcame them again, Jongup's elbows resting on his knees, his feet flat against the steep edge of the boulder they perched on as he settled deep in thought. A sparrow landed on the other side of the water, dipping down to drink sweetly, his crimson red stomach bright and beautiful in the early afternoon light. It felt like an age later when Jongup spoke once more,

“Is it true.. that on the mainland there are men who love men?” Jongup asked, not turning his head.

“Yes.” Himchan responded from where he lay, eyes focused on the drying hair of his forest companion, “What do you think of such a thing?” he asked.

Jongup's shoulders stiffened and he looked down at his feet, “The Bible says God punishes people who indulge in sins like that. Papa says that men who love men are destined to burn in hell for their sins, just as the sodomites burned for their debauched consumption.” He spoke as though he was reciting from a script, as though these had been words fed to him, drilled into his mind.

Himchan was calm as he pushed himself to sit, a hand holding himself up. His voice was gentle as he spoke, “I know what the Bible says, Little Fawn.” he said, “What do you believe.”

The silence between them was pregnant with tension and Himchan watched the muscles in Jongup's shoulders tense and relax, before tensing again as the boy undoubtedly battled with himself. His eyes closed tightly and his teeth grit together, before his head turned and he looked to the elder man, “I-I believe... I believe..” he began, taking a deep breath as his eyes looked down into the crystal water, “My whole life... I have learned that there is nothing as right as love. I have read the Bible that describes a God that loves, a God that has mercy. Th-that.. That..” he trailed off before he turned his head and looked at Himchan, softly quoting, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, it always trusts, it always hopes, it always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Himchan was silent as Jongup spoke from the Bible, watching as his soft, innocent eyes filled with an internal conflict the boy had never released to the world, “Little Fawn..” he spoke softly,

“There is nothing in the world as right as love. A man loving a man could never be wrong. Any love could never be wrong.” he said softly. Himchan's hand rose, brushing soft, black strands from Jongup's forehead to tuck behind his ear,

“The love a man has for another is often thought of as being exempt from such rules, Jongup-ah..” he said in a tender voice.

“I don't want to worship a God who would punish love.” the words were little more than a whisper. Slowly, his bare body shifted across the stone, his side pressing against Himchan's, the elder man leaning into him, his forehead pressing against Jongup's temple, his eyes closed, as his hand rose to brush the pad of a thumb across the soft and injured lip. “You love men, don't you, Himchan?”

“I do.” Himchan spoke with a steady voice, being so very gentle as he touched the injuries on such a beautiful face,

“That is why you did not pray at the table, and why you do not come to Church with us.” he stated softly, a hand bracing just above Himchan's knee as their bodies slowly entwined,

“It is.” the elder affirmed, his hand slipping into soft, black strands.

“Himchan..” Jongup whispered, his breath fanning out against the elder man's shoulder,

“My sweet, Little Fawn..” Himchan spoke, inhaling the warm scent of his younger companion,

“H-Himchan... What if.. What if I love men, too?” The tone of fear in Jongup's voice sent an ache through Himchan's very being,

“Then I will protect you, Little Fawn. From God himself, if I have to.” he whispered. Foreheads pressed together and noses brushed, hands grasping for purchase on soft skin. Jongup looked down at how his fair, delicate hands contrasted to the warm bronze of Himchan's tanned skin, the support of a body against his own, strong arms wrapped around him tight. He could hear the blood pounding in his ears.

Himchan's chapped lips found Jongup's soft ones. The kiss was sweet, gentle. It was not a kiss of lust or desire, but one of trust and promise, and as Himchan's tongue pressed forward he found that he had never before tasted something so sweet.

*

The press of lips to lips was something Jongup had never expected to love as much as he did. Himchan tasted like something he couldn't quite describe. It was a flavour of spice and sweat and the earth, it was something that held a maturity and knowledge that the boy himself had yet to understand, but he was learning. Himchan had kissed Jongup by the waterhole until the sun was close to setting. He had pressed his lips to Jongup's injured cheek, whispering promises of apology and protection, because whether or not the boy was willing to speak, Himchan knew. He knew where that had come from, he knew who was hurting such a kind, gentle boy.

He knew, also, that it was because of him.

When they had parted by the edge of the pasture it was with a promise of meeting again where they could be together, even if such promises were a risk of danger. Himchan never wanted a hand to mark Jongup's skin again.

It was nearing the middle of July that saw them together in the clearing they had long since made theirs. They met between the canola stems, the golden flowers masking their bodies and concealing them from view as they lay together upon the ground, Himchan's form pressed close against Jongup's side, his hand sliding over soft skin, his hot mouth claiming Jongup's own in a way it only had few times before.

“H-Hyung..” Jongup murmured, pulling back for a moment. He swallowed and looked up at the man above him. His lip had healed, as had his cheek, leaving his skin once again soft and beautifully untainted, “I promised my Mama I would go into town with her.”

“Mmm.. You should get going then.” Himchan murmured as he brushed his lips down the elegant slope of Jongup's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of sweat and grass that lingered on the boy's skin. Jongup laughed breathlessly, his cheeks flushing and his fingers splaying across Himchan's back,

“You don't mean that, Hyung..” he said, swallowing hard.

“Little Fawn, if I had it my way, you would never be away from my arms.” He said, pulling back and pushing himself to sit. He looked at the way Jongup's cheeks were tinted in a flush, his lips rosy from being kissed and his black hair having tumbled into his eyes, “But the day is not on our side, you're being stolen away from me.” he said, leaning in once again and kissing the boy's mouth. He hummed, before releasing a groan, “You're tongue is like a drug, I think I am addicted.”

Jongup's laugh was like music as he pushed himself up, as well, straightening his shirt, “You are the one who should be working, Himchannie-hyung.” he said, biting into his lip, but the farm boy simply smiled,

“How could I work, when something so beautiful is on my mind, hm?” He hummed, his nose nuzzling against Jongup's own, feeling the warmth radiating from the younger's skin. Something in Himchan's tone had Jongup laying back on the stone once again, his lips curving into a small smile,

“I never want this summer to end.” he murmured, his fingers sliding down Himchan's neck and curling into his shirt. His grip wasn't tight, but he felt as though he needed to hold on. As though Himchan would disappear if he didn't hold on. A pit was in Himchan's stomach as he heard the words, looking to his younger love.

He looked beautiful laying there. His skin was a fair contrast against the gold and green of the canola that surrounded them, with the early afternoon sun washing over him both, “I don't want it to end, either.” He admitted, a hand moving to pull Jongup's shirt down, covering the inch of exposed skin of his stomach. The boy opened his eyes, looking to the man before him and smiling sadly,

“What is winter like on the mainland, Himchannie-hyung?” he asked. His fingers were feather light as they traced the veins slowly up Himchan's forearm to his elbow, then over his bicep until they reached the rolled sleeves of his dirty shirt.

“Cold.” The response was soft, “Lonely.”

“Is there snow?” Jongup asked. His fingers now lay on Himchan's upper arm, loving the warmth of the skin.

“There is. Lots of it.” Calloused fingers curled around Jongup's own and pulled them from skin. Jongup just watched as Himchan lifted his hand and slowly kissed the tips of each one of his digits, then his palm.

“Maybe one day I will have to visit you there..” the boy murmured, his hand moving to brush over Himchan's cheek.

“I would like that, my little fawn.” Himchan spoke, leaning down and sealing their lips together once again. Jongup pushed himself to carefully sit, deepening the kiss in a tender manner, before he whispered,

“I have to go..” both of them knew they were drawing out their time together, and that it was a risk if the others on the property began to ask questions.

Wind rustled through the crop as the pair divided. Himchan stood back and allowed the younger to straighten his clothes and fix his hair, sharing a single kiss before Jongup was disappearing between the canola stems, and leaving his sight. He watched him go until nothing was visible but an endless field of gold and it was then that he pushed himself from where he sat to return to the labour he was employed to do.

It was early evening when the Pastor found him. Himchan was standing between Danggeun and Sangchu, bent at the middle. He was using the end of his hammer to carefully clean drying soil from between the creature's cloven toes. Rusted-black hair was falling into his eyes but he didn't mind. The gentleness of the animals gave him a feeling of care and contentment, and he worked harder for them than he usually would for livestock that did not need his constant care. He had convinced himself long ago that it wasn't just because he had seen the unconditional love Jongup had for the two kind beasts, but with every passing moment beside them, he was starting to disbelieve his own reasoning.

The sight of the boy's face when Himchan had first washed them down, cleaning the mud and dirt from their hides had been priceless. The boy had gasped and jumped the fence, praising both his beautiful girls' beauty, before kissing them both on the nose and laughing as both had released happy groans and nuzzled into him in search for more.

The memory had a smile lingering on Himchan's lips as his employer came to lean against the fence, “Harvest is approaching.” he said, causing Himchan's head to raise. The man carefully lowered Danggeun's foot to the dirt, straightening himself up and hooking his hammer back onto the tool belt he wore,

“It is, Sir.” he stated simply, patting the cow's side as she started to make a sound of annoyance. He had quickly learned that if there was one thing the cows loved as much as they loved Jongup – it was attention.

“Himchan...” the man said, watching as the man turned his head to down the cow's back, scatching behind her ear gently a moment later and causing her to groan again happily and inch closer to him. “Your time on the island is brief, and it is nearing a close.”

“Every summer must end, Sir.” Himchan responded briefly. His stance was rigid and he felt on edge, uncertainty filling him.

“When my sons were born, Himchan, they were born into a plan. A plan I have designed for them, a plan that God has designed for them.” he stated, his hands folding at his front, “Earlier in the Summer, I saw that Jongup looked to you with affection. Some excitement, something new from the Mainland.” The man took pause to think over his words for a moment, “I have seen how he looks at you. I know that you linger on his mind. A simple farm boy, causing my son to be so distracted, unfocused.”

Himchan's jaw clenched, his hand still on Danggun's back as she urged him to continue giving her affection. However his gaze did not break from his employer,

“Jongup will be the man we planned for him to be, Himchan.” his tone had a certainty to it that had Himchan's skin crawling, “Your days here are limited. Every sunset means we are closer to ridding ourselves of you and your disgusting nature. You are destined for a very deep ring of hell, Himchan, and you will not take my son with you. If I see you speaking to him once again, there will be consequence.”

The memory of cuts and bruises marring Jongup's skin were at the forefront of Himchan's mind. He knew what this man was willing to do, whether it were out of discipline or hatred, “As you have said, sir. My time on the island is drawing to an end. When the harvest ends, I will be returning to the mainland, and whatever choice your son will have to make is his own.” Himchan refused to confirm the relationship he had with the son of the Pastor,

“You misunderstand me, Himchan.” the man's voice was chillingly calm as he rose his hands to grip the fence that kept him apart from Himchan, his eyes stony and cold, “Jongup will be who I decide he shall be, he will live how I decide he shall live. I will make sure that every moment of thought he has of you is translated into a bruise on his skin, that every wish he has of leaving here is forced out of him until he obeys everything I say.” the man spoke, “He is my son, Himchan, and if I see you speaking to him, touching him, then the discipline he shall face will make him never want to lay eyes upon you again, do you understand?”

Himchan swallowed thickly, his heart thumping so loud he could swear the Pastor would be able to hear it from where he stood, “I understand.” Such a threat did not fall on deaf ears, and Himchan was left to stare after the man who promised to bring such agony onto the one thing he wished so desperately to protect. Father Moon dipped his head, turned, and left.

It took almost an hour for Himchan to remember how to breathe.

*

He was by the barn when he knew he had to do it. Himchan had managed to avoid Jongup for the following day. His throat was tight, and his heart ached but the thought of a single bruise blossoming under Jongup's flawless skin made him feel sick. He remembered when his love had been discovered all those years ago, when one of the letters he had written the man he loved was discovered. He remembered when his beautiful lover had seen him on the street with a black eye and a broken arm had avoided his eye and pass quickly, he remembered the agony he felt at the knowledge that it was his love that had brought such suffering on a kind and gentle person. He would not allow it to happen again, not to Jongup.

The Pastor's son was heading down to visit the cows when he spotted Himchan filling a bucket of feed for the hungry chooks. He felt his lips curve into a cheerful smile as he stepped closer to the farm hand, seeing how he needed to tilt his head to keep his hair from his eyes as he went about his tasks, “Maybe one day you should let me cut your hair, Himchan-hyung.”

Himchan tensed at the voice, his grip tightening on the bucket in his hand and his eyes closing. His mind flashed with images of Jongup's bruised skin that saturday soon after they met, then again of his injured body by the waterhole, “My hair is fine, Jongup-ssi.” he responded, straightening up.

“It looks like it really bothers you, Hyung.” The boy said with a grin, reaching out to touch the strands, but Himchan flinched away. The movement caused Jongup to pause, his happy expression faltering for a moment, “Himchan-hyung..?” he asked,

“I said it's fine, Jongup-ssi.” his tone was gruff and even a little rude. Jongup could feel his stomach drop, his heart starting to hurt in his chest as he looked to the elder man who just days before had been touching him with such love, kissing him.

“H-Hyung I don't.. Are you okay?” he asked, his voice meek as his hands curled into the hem of his own shirt. He felt as though his throat was tightening as he watched Himchan turn away from him, speaking in such a dismissive tone,

“I'm busy, Jongup-ssi. I would appreciate it if I wasn't distracted.” he said, setting the feed aside and starting to fill a metal pale with water.

“B-But.. I don't understand. You said.. You said to me-” Jongup tried, but he was cut off,

“I am busy. Harvest starts soon and I don't have time to be entertaining you while I work.” Himchan all but snapped, his head turning slightly, “I think it would be best if you stopped visiting me.”

Jongup swallowed and took a step back. He felt the first hot tears rolling down over the tops of his cheeks, his lower lip trembling and he nodded slowly, “I...” he tried, his brows furrowing for just a moment before he in a trembling breath, “I'm sorry.”

Himchan stood still as he listened to the foot steps carrying over the gravel path back towards the house. It wasn't until he heard the shutting of the back door that he relaxed and allowed the ache in his chest to overcome him.

----

A/N:

I am currently so exhausted, and even though I have read over this chapter many times I am so tired right now that I have probably missed something, so forgive me for any mistakes! I was very excited all today to post this chapter, as it's a personal favourite of mine.

This chapter is long, but it is one I have been very excited for, and I hope you enjoyed reading it! 

The song for this chapter is The Guilty Ones from the musical Spring Awakening.

Thank you so much for reading, please drop me a lil comment to let me know what you think! xx